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3,284 Public Reviews Given
3,323 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sonali! Lucky me, I landed here via read and review. *Smile*



*Baretree3*
The Hook
The title of this poem made me feel light. There's really no spring in Florida, just cooler and hot.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked

Whenever I read your entries, I find words that don't appear in my vocabulary. It gives everything you write an exotic feeling that takes me away from my computer and lake view, imagining what you're seeing.

The words are unusual, far from what one might normally read about this topic. Words like vernal equinox, and active verbs like caress, comb and ruffle. That's quite an assortment that arouses the senses. Although the the sentence lengths were unequal (a quibble of mine) the first and longest line began my journey with something you must see every day. Olive trees. I wonder what they look like? Other than the images on google, that is. Do they have a particular smell? Can you pick them? Olives are the best, and I have many varieties in my 'fridge'.

And to be even more picky, I prefer stanzas, rather than a block of text.

*Baretree3*
Lasting impression
You must know that last line was a zinger. The entire poem was delicate, and that's what made those last words so perfect for this piece.

Beautiful write.

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

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152
152
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Kenword. How has your anniversary month been?
(I count months, not days, because I'm so often late.) *Facepalm* Anyway~

HAPPY 11th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Ugh. You wrote a story about one of the worst happenings of where I live. One little dog begins yapping, followed by another, and answered by a third with a deep growl. Most likely a monster dog. I don't understand how people can be so unkind and not take neighbors into their considerations.

Lucky for me, you wrote a humorous story which made me laugh.

The details in the beginning may have been dry with passive sentences, but your writing voice is strong, so you captured me. Early on, I liked the thought of a 'blank canvas' for the wife to demonstrate her artistry and satisfy her needs.

From there, the story expanded and gently unfolded the flowing plot. The story had an air of authenticity. I was able to draw a picture in my mind. Too many moves in and out though--there was bound to be trouble on the horizon. I think lots of people wouldn't fess up to their dog being the culprit. Great Danes, yikes! They are beautiful creatures, though.

~You need some more spacing in the paragraph beginning with "The new next door neighbor..."

And the story completed with quite the kicker. Ugh. Do I sense a pattern forming? Will that neighborhood always be plagued with barking?

Martin solved it all with one sentence. Superb conclusion. I enjoyed the humor throughout. *Smile*




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153
153
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Sonali. Apologies for missing your anniversary day.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Reaction at the last line? *Laugh* Good one.

You chose an interesting conflict for this entry. Who'd ever think about a confrontation over a newborn and a blanket. My grandmother used to make afghans for every grandchild. She was 'old school' and never bothered to make the colors match. Whatever was in her basket was knitted into the blanket for some (sometimes) hideous combinations.

I really like Grandma Kay. She's a lady with a strong backbone who doesn't give up. Her conversation with the new nurses showed this. I smiled at her tenacity. Excellent dialogue remained consistent all the way through. Her character felt authentic, and I was so sad when they turned her away. But I did wonder if a wool blanket would irritate a newborn's skin. I'm allergic.

The family here sounded like a close-knit group. And they all loved each other. Even if it wasn't specifically stated, the overall effect of the words created this sense of unity.

I didn't expect the grandmother to come up with that zinger of a last line, though. The unexpected surprised me, again, as so often happens in your stories. I was hoping to find another cultural story I hadn't read. Those are my favorite. They all deserved a quill, and I'm sorry the chance to nominate slipped by. Maybe this year?

~Nixie



Glitter horse image and me

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154
154
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Queen. *Crown* Nixie here, popping in with a celebratory review.

HAPPY 9th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



It took some amount of time to peruse your port and find a story that jumped out at me, apart from all the others. You're a prolific writer. *Thumbsup*

I chose this story because of the title. (the unique word solace tells me in advance this walk is soothing.) I don't know. I simply liked the sound of it. I too, find peace wandering in the woods. Unless there's other people making noise.

I wondered how hard it would be for me to read this essay. I'm sorry for all your losses. The inherent question is one I've never been able to answer. Which is easier to deal with? An anticipated death or an unexpected death. My dad died in his 80's. An expected death. I profoundly miss him. My sister died in her 30's, leaving behind three children. My dad left a void. My sister's death still impacts me. I'm lost without her.

I agree with you. Simply because a person has lost touch with a friend doesn't make the death easier to reconcile. If my best friend from the 1990's died, I'd be sad, exactly for the reasons you stated.

Overall, the read was easier than I expected. I wasn't devastated because your approach was matter-of-fact, rather than overly emotional. Nice wording about your mom's death. (end of her struggles.) We can find a slice of peace, knowing that even though a loved one has left us...ok, I can't write about this anymore. *HeartBroken*

*Star* What really stood out and will remain in my mind is the last sentence. Such profound thinking matches up with my feelings. I try to make memories for the ones who survive my death, because, as you stated, that's how we go on. In our memories.

The last paragraph made up the bulk of your essay. Maybe since both your parents had somewhat expected deaths, an unexpected one hurt more. Anyhow, I still don't have an answer.

Here's to more solace in the woods. *Trees*

~Nixie *Heart*

Kicking down the walls of normalcy

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155
155
Review of Down in the Dumps  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Percy. Nixie here, bearing a small gift.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Wow, you really hooked me with this story. It's a shame you didn't continue it. I'm already drawn to your main character and wondering about his backstory. In fact, I like him so much, him doing something awful seems incomprehensible.

Seriously, a detailed and highly visual opening scene demonstrated his character in only a few words. The inner dialogue added a personal touch. The only problem is the sentence beginning with the gerund [slapping]. He can't both be slapping his hands and throwing the bag in the trash. It's an easy mistake to make, but once aware of it, the impossibility shines through. You could try something like this. [He slapped the salt dust from his hands and then tossed the empty bag...] you'd have a sensical sentence. Still, those gerunds can be difficult niggles to work with.

Twice, you described Manny as looking like he came from Florida. Oops. Also, when Manny sets his bike aside, there's a lot of [it] floating around in there. I like the way the sentence began with [10 speed] but somewhere along the way you might want to consider throwing [bike] in one more time, rather than [it].

The word [awkward] was used twice to demonstrate the situation.

Otherwise, this story is amazing. It doesn't sound as if things will be great for Steuzi, rather it sounds ominous. But a man with his back against the wall...he'll probably take the job. So the reader is left guessing and wishing for another chapter. It's difficult to imagine no one has read or reviewed this piece. Maybe someone will read my review and check out the story.

*Star* Highly recommended read!




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156
156
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angelica!

HAPPY 15th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I waffled over the decision to review this blip of a story. The beginning discouraged me because it's so vague. She 'went over' where? What is the character's name?

Verb tense. That first sentence is present tense, the next is past.

She chose a house just off the interstate?

You chose several distancing words. (decided, 'seemed like a very long time) [just] [I heard] [managed to find the college]
One example: ]I hopped into my red Honda and drove to the college.] It's a good idea to specify a time, rather than saying it was very long. Many more details are needed to flesh out the story. It's a little confusing.

What I really liked was the message, as hinted at in the brief description. I've resigned myself to living alone for the rest of my life, but do wonder about chance encounters. When I leave the house I dress nicely, specifically for an opportunity.

So it makes perfect sense for these two characters to meet in line. A bit of tension and curiousity let my mind wander. Hmm. He's headed for the dorm, she's bought a house. Will they have classes together? The concept of a chance meeting blossoming into something more intimate pleased me. There was no specificity here, something I enjoyed. I was able to speculate on my own.

Anyhow, this seems to be the beginning of a project, and they can be messy. I sometimes use 'work in progress' if what I'm writing doesn't seem complete, but I'd like feedback on what I've already written. Of course, I have to start writing again for that to happen. *Laugh*

Here's to happy accidents and account anniversaries. *Confettip* *Partyhatp*


Nixie signature

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157
157
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Elizabeth!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



First and foremost, I'd like to thank you for the presentation. I wish everyone would write in a larger font with more spacing. The overall appearance was aesthetically pleasing, making this plot flow smoothly.

Truth be told, I've never entered this activity. I didn't know what to expect, so the reading seemed a little dry. Towards the end I caught on and understood the intent. Great job establishing your characters.

How true the last line. Money goes so fast, and it's almost impossible to resist the latest 'bright and shiny.' Aside from necessities, my money stretches to buy crystals. I have to be careful. Once I start looking, it's impossible not to purchase one. However, I'm aware of my limited income and proceed with caution. What a shame the kids blew their inheritance. I imagine the rest of their lives won't be easy. They must have indulged themselves due to growing up with little money to spare.

Since this is merely an introduction to characters, the advice I usually give doesn't really apply here. But something to think about. Try to open with a catchy first sentence of paragraph and avoid sentences with the word [was] for a more interesting reader experience. *Wink*

I see you were also limited by a word count, which can be challenging. Hopefully, I drew the correct conclusion about this being an introduction to characters. I have a solid feeling for the kids, bolstered by a back story. Ha, if really believe in the last sentence. They're in for a harsh reality.

Other than the excess [was] occurrences, I didn't note any other squeaky doors that distracted.



New identity for SPR

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158
158
Review of Fat Squirrels  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi BeHereBook. Nixie delivery a message for you.

HAPPY 13th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I enjoyed reading this story, it showed both the squirrels and a bit of scenery to fill the mind. You've made several good points here, blended into what seemed to be innocent words.

When you mentioned health issues humans worry about, but not squirrels, it reminded me of my own thoughts. We think squirrels chasing each other looks like fun. What if our human perspective is wrong?

Excellent description of the squirrels, showing their many tricks and finding different ways to hide their fat. My favorite was mentioning the greys and browns that obscure their bellies.

You completed the arc of the prose in the last stanza. Well done! My only suggestion would be eliminating exclamation points. Your choice, of course, but they looked out of place to me.


Feeding wild animals is dangerous. They forget how to forage for food. It's squirrel play to snatch from people. One time I stopped at at rest area in NYS. I've never seen such bold squirrels. They creep me out anyway, with their bulging eyes. Within minutes, they had me completely surrounded, some even perched on the table, Then one walked right up to me and stared me in the eyes, coveting my candy bar. It frightened me to the point where I willingly gave it to him and then worried about it ingesting the plastic.

Thanks for the fun I had reading the various observations and picturing the giant boulders in my mind. *Bigsmile* However, I would have liked to read more about The trail mentioned in the brief description. It sounds fascinating. Nice write.



So many images!

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159
159
Review of The Well  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lazy writer,

HAPPY 13th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I like to write positive anniversary reviews, because we're celebrating. I sense the potential in this story, but it sort of falls flat. I asked myself what the conflict was. Brother against sister. The resolution, the brother telling the truth.

Maybe if kids were following continuous stories about the pickle kids, this would be more exciting. Or maybe if it had illustrations. As it reads now, there's way too many passive sentences. Writers want to show emotion, not explain that someone felt one way or another.

Also, try to work in descriptions of the characters, possibly by one observing the other. That's not to say appearances should be listed. For example, Derek can toss his unruly brown hair and look at Penny with widened, innocent blue eyes, like Mom's. Dialogue could continue, Derek to Penny. You have the right idea when Derek comments on Penny's long hair getting tangled. *Star*

The other siblings definitely don't need their appearances specifically listed. Again, turn these into observations, as you did in the example above. You know how to do this! For example, don't tell the reader the dad had calluses. Show us. Maybe Penny puts her hand in his and feels the bumps and ridges. Just a thought.

Neckless should be spelled necklace. The mistake is repeated to the point of distraction. A quick spell check would have caught this error.

From reading the brief description, more of a scene was built. Good job. The only problem was the listing of the description and the many passive sentences.

The ending was a little odd. Why didn't the dad fix the house they lived in? Were the tasks beyond his skill level?

I'm averse to pointing out many other errors, because, as I said, this is a celebration. I came from a family of 5 siblings, and something was always going wrong. Once, one of my brothers rewired the intercom system and recorded all of our silly dinner conversation that drove my poor dad to distraction. He often said "Can't we have any normal conversation at dinner?" That just made us laugh even more. It gives me a lot to work with when I write stories.

This is me bowing out, with an anniversary wish on her lips. Congrats on graduating to a teenager!

~Nixie Overwatch Guardian

image for word search puzzle

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160
160
Review of I am Sham  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Kalai

HAPPY 13th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



In answer to your question, no one can tell you who you are. One first feels the joy within and then it shines out for others to see. If another person can't see that, it's their loss. No one has the right to judge others.

I tended to accept other people's assessments of me and considered myself a failure. Now I've learned self-affirmation and live alone. I don't need outside influences to maintain self-esteem. Although I'll take a compliment any day.

From this prose, I hear deeper issues at hand. No one should blow out someone else's candle so theirs shines brighter. At the conclusion, it seemed you'd worked this all out by recognizing the duplicity of that person.

Both my marriages failed because neither husband could deal with a woman with a strong personality like mine. They dragged me down and I allowed it. Maybe it's a personality flaw. I only see what I want to and then fifteen years down the road the truth shows through.

I liked the progression of each verse showing the transition of age and the differences. The flow wasn't smooth, but in this case I think the message was more important than the mechanics. Excellent idea to set the last phrases apart from the other stanzas.

I hope you were the one who chose how this relationship ended. And I hope that stinging pain abated. *Heart* You are definitely not a sham.


Kicking down the walls of normalcy

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161
161
Review of Thinking Spring  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi James. Nixie here bringing a review.

HAPPY 19th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



What a wonderful experience you brought as I read your bright and 'springy' observations. The poem, how can I explain this? Reading it was almost like looking out a window, or watching a show on television. (yes, really weird comment) Why? Because I saw a scene unfolding, following a rolling rhythm and simple rhymes.

I read what was written on your portfolio tab. Wow, you must be a bright and accomplished writer. Sometimes, words stated simply (as in your poem) create a larger impact than expected. Every word counts. I appreciated the expression of your observational talents. I doubt anyone can read your poem and close a review without a smiling face.

Covid-weary as most, you lifted my spirits, if only for a bit. So, thanks for the gentle nudge that brought me back to what really counts in life. Nature. Using the same line as opening and closing completed the circle. The first time I read it as an introduction. When I read it as the last it impacted me more. And there's where I found my smile. *Smile*

Interesting we've never met. We must travel along different paths here in WdC land. Maybe I'll see you around.

~Nixie



Kicking down the walls of normalcy

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162
162
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Peter. I'm Nixie, here with a review gift. (a bit late.)

HAPPY 6th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



What an unusual topic. I enjoyed reading something unique.

The first line is almost rhythmic, a pleasure to read. The magic continues.

You completely entranced me with the first four lines. In the fourth line, I had never heard of the words [panel beater]. I googled the definition and I'm still not sure how it adds up to faulty a/c in cars.

Usually, when I'm this confused, I hop over to another story, to avoid insulting the author. But those first lines were so vivid and engaging. Your words made the experience and the desperation nearly palpable. It was like seeing for myself the death and tragedy unfolding.

So here's my big questions, and I apologize for having to ask them. I've read this over several times and know something obvious won't click in my brain.
In Aston's yard, he has a lawn with daisies and dandelions. Bumblebees, almost extinct in real life, (which are a sign of a planet dying) keep the rhododendrons blossoming.

Trudy comes along with a camera, documenting her apathetic neighbor. That confuses me. If Aston paces toward his shed, and has all the foliage mentioned above, how is he apathetic? Is she clicking pictures of another neighbor?

There's an out-of-pace comma between [unraveling and [connection] confusing the issue even more. A comma can be replaced with [and]. That's how we know if we can use a comma.

Intermittent clicks capture the unraveling, connection and unlawful hosing.

Now, let's replace that comma with [and]

Intermittent clicks capture the unraveling and connection and unlawful hosing.

Makes no sense, right?

What is unlawful hosing? He's watering his lawn when there is no water? In Florida, it's not common to have to turn off sprinklers during dry spells.

So my only conclusion is Aston has a leaky hose that's watering his lawn of sprouting weeds. But, again, where is the water coming from?

I've seen sprinklers watering sidewalks, due to improper alignment. The last line resonated with me. What a waste of water. But there is scant water. The [cobblestone pathway] could have been mentioned earlier, because I didn't at first realize that particular pathway led to Aston's 'garden'. I'm confused.

Otherwise, this reads similar to prose, without the formatting present. I truly am drawn to this piece and wish the gears in my head would click. Help?


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163
163
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi IE. Nixie here, with a celebratory review.

HAPPY 2nd WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



As I was perusing the list of this month's anniversary members, I chose to read your story because I've never 'seen you around' WdC. Tripping through your portfolio, I discovered you're a romantic, and I'm not. Reviewing one of your poems felt 'wrong'. Since this was the only story, here I am.

The title wasn't as strong as the story. I think it deserves a better one. And please consider showing off this piece a bit more with a tantalizing brief description. Usually, writers make a note at the bottom of the story, sometimes with a link to the contest, or sometimes merely the requirements. I prefer a link just in case I want a shot at writing for the contest.

Anyhow, finally I'm approaching the story. What a marvelous find! Even though I had to squint all the way through due to the small font, I kept reading as you brought me further and further into your plot. You divulge a lot of information about the characters, not by sticking in awkward details, but actually incorporating the back story naturally.

Right now, I'm thinking about the wonderful job you did allowing us to see Justin's challenges. More precisely, the missing dad. My heart broke with Justin's remembered last conversation. So touching. I'm guessing he left due to a divorce, but that was never revealed. And the mom was sad, too. Since that's not here nor there in the plot, I like how you gave the reader enough info, without going deeper. Good job.

Bang-up job showing the relationship between Justin and his mom. Very creative, letting Justin's thoughts (italics) show who his mom was. Now Justin seemed awfully naive for an 11-year-old, and he seemed overly attached to the mom, for a boy his age. The mom comes off as a little too strict. I guess all that can be chalked up to the trauma of losing the dad.

I encountered a few run-on sentences that can be broken up. They weren't horribly confusing. They all made sense, but it was a lot to be taken in.

I've lost the place where Justin screeches to a stop. [Screeches] doesn't work for me. It's a sound that can be heard, such as a bus or car screeches to a stop. A sound for a thing, maybe a skateboard, not a person. Just a thought.

After all this time reviewing the story, the impression of Justin not seeming like an 11-year-old and the mom treating him like a child, lingers.

The story wrapped up with a fitting conclusion. Honesty rewarded. *Star*

Oh, here's your favorite flower. *Tulipr* *Smile*


My vulnerable side

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164
164
Review of The Twinkle  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Stimpy. Nixie here with a celebration review for you.

HAPPY 14th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



The honest clarity of this poem brought me both wonderment and pain. What a marvelous job capturing the process of life, from an innocent babe continuing on to whatever waits ahead.

Nothing about my childhood resonated with this poem. It was pretty awful. I'm sure it was wondrous until the age of four, but I wouldn't remember what transpired before then.

I chose to accept the positive aura of your write. *Sun*

I did experience an overwhelming connection. Honestly, I think you must have known my son at one time, because the poem engulfs his entire life. (He's in his 30's now.) I have this picture of him (at age two) riding on a bouncy toy horse, and my-oh-my, as you mentioned, that twinkle in his eye showed me what kind of kid he'd be. Wild and free. Careless with his life.

Sometimes I think he was born with a dark cloud over his head, and it will never pass by. He didn't see what was coming, but I knew by the time he was two what trouble he would bring to himself. (and me.)

It's so funny to remember how fast we wanted to grow up. So much so, we counted 1/2 years when someone asked how old we were. We rushed towards that moment when we'd be unfettered from parents. Then, the discovery of life and it's turmoils catches up with us.

The last line of the poem summed up the parts. Although I enjoyed every line and verse, that line impacted me the most. The write was bright, but also realistic, drowning the reader in depression and futility. Nicely done.


My vulnerable side

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165
165
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Draco. *Smile* Nixie here with an anniversary review, celebrating 19 years!

HAPPY 19th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I chose this poem to read because I too feel the impact of the weather. Storms excite the air. The smell is unmistakable, although how to explain that smell evades me.

In the first stanza, the last line ending with [there] felt awkward. The poem sounds as if the observations are first person POV. In my mind, [here] makes more sense, but that costs the rhyme.

*Lightning2*
In the second stanza, I can't imagine lightning flying. [Flashing] sounds more likely. But same as the first stanza, you'd lose the rhyme. And with an oncoming storm, why would bees be about? Are you trying to say the wind sounds like bees? whispering? I was thinking about [seeing lightning flash and hearing thunder crash.] or something similar. Just a thought...

Same stanza, why is [Bustling] capitalized?

*Leaf2R*
If leaves are in the eaves, they're more or less trapped, not moving. And how can one see so high as the eves? Maybe a hurricane would have enough force to whip around the leaves, but that phenomenon is not what's being expressed here.

*Checkg*
I like the lack of punctuation because this feels like a continuous flow of observations.

I can sense what you're trying to say. I understand the feelings in this poem. The poem has incredible potential, with some editing. As is, this reader is confused.

After poking around in your portfolio, I noticed nothing has been written since 2002. Why did the poems die? Where have they gone? Not with the wind, I hope. Write more!

Kicking down the walls of normalcy

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166
166
Review of Carolina's Curls  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Maggie. Nixie here, with a present for you.

HAPPY 18th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



What a fantastic story, filled with bright visions and the opposite of what one would expect, the endless teasing of Carolina. I gobbled up all the words, each sentence seamlessly leading to the next.

One thought. What if you changed the brief description for the story? You'd keep the secret, and keep readers guessing until the last line.

In the beginning, I was remembering when my mom first took me for a haircut. The stylist simply cut off my hair from the braids down. No warning, just snip, snip, and I had a pixie cut. It was such a traumatic event for me, I wish now I had Carolina's attitude. Spunky.

I bit of a clunky phrase. What about [dotted with large multi-colored gems]?

... and there were many very large multi-colored gems all over it

Would you like to consider removing the full caps when the teacher directs the students to the art room? Most likely not, as most don't edit pieces written years ago. *Laugh*

What a wonderful and inspirational story. Oops. almost forgot to say how delightful the alliteration was. Well done!


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Nixie, Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Fire Hands  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Raven. Nixie here with a present for you. Ta-da!

HAPPY 1st! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Well, thanks to television, the theme of the story is one often told. But the title was so compelling!

I wish you'd filled out your bio or portfolio tab. You may be new to the community but an accomplished writer, or vice-versa.

The general plot, fire and ice from teens who must find safe haven, as I said, is common. Due to that your story has to be dynamite if you want it to stand out.

I'd begin with keeping to the same verb tense. It switches from sentence to sentence, or paragraph to paragraph.

She screamed until her throat becomes sore.
She screams until her throat becomes sore, or she screamed until her throat became sore.

Also, try to avoid using the same words.
In the first sentence, she's turned around and around, so why say she burned everything [around] her.

Try to remember that in fiction less is more.

She yelled at them clasping her hands to her chest tightly.
I'd ditch [tightly] since you've created that image without tacking on an adverb at the end.

The conclusion makes sense, mostly because that's how it's written for TV. Emotions control powers, especially teens.

Among these words, I sense a strong story. With a bit of work, you could make this shine. *Star*


~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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for entry "Beginning Again" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Carly Blue. Nixie here with an anniversary review. Ha! I made a rhyme. lol

HAPPY 8th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Good grief, woman. You joined "I Write" for how many years? I chose 2020 and that was enough for me. It's a demanding activity, but well worth the effort. Your portfolio twinkles with all the years of writing displayed vibrantly. I looked at it and thought, 'Carly's rocking this.'

I liked all the different forms of rhyming. Some, catching me off guard, some making me wander back through the words, looking for the rhyme. They don't all rhyme, do they? Perish the thought I show ignorance, or misread something. Probably stanzas would have helped a poor soul like me.

*Heartv*
My favorite line had one misstep. Or maybe not.
It's lushness brimming, full of winnings.
At first I thought the line was referring to [future fine], which would be [Its]. But it could also read as a stand-alone. It is lushness brimming. Please forgive me for questioning.

*Tulipr*
I'm so dragged down and worn out, the poem should have been an inspiration. And I'm sure to many, that's true. Maybe on a different day, when I wasn't feeling gloomy, the words would have uplifted me. The entire poem shouts with joy, no hesitation, completely confident in success.

Oh, I just found myself. I'm the [faint of heart]. It's that old cliche. Cliches serve a purpose. They immediately connect with the reader. In a poem, I would have liked to see something original, but all the other lines were inspired and jubilant. So, even if the poem left me flat, it's not your fault, at all. I'm hoping for a sunny day. Not a real sunny day, because in Florida the sunshine punishes.

Did this review fall to darkness? Gosh, I hope not. Anniversaries are for celebrations. *Partyhatr*

~Nixie




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Review of My Mary  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Bikerider. Nixie dropping by with a belated anniversary review. I say it's an anniversary month, not just one day. Therefore, by my logic, this review is timely. *Laugh*

HAPPY 11th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



*Giftr*
Anniversary reviews are so cool. I hop over to someone's port, and end up struggling to find something I've never reviewed before. Figures, I chose one already reviewed by me. But 'My Mary' had a whimsical note that invited me in.

I don't know you, but if I did, I'd say 'you old softy'. lol. Such wondrous romance was captured in the rose's petals. The repetition of 'My Mary' brought the story closer to my heart. Those words repeated throughout the story demonstrated the husband's feelings.

The story was a sensory delight, maybe a little sappy. However, you prepared the reader by providing the correct genres. We were alerted from the beginning how this would all end in tragedy. At times, I wondered if your write was non-fiction, but I checked your bio and resolved that question.

I don't like nitpicking anniversary reviews. You know, spoiling the joyous celebration and all that. A few tiny errors caught my eye. It's not worth saying more. I like to explain my rating, that's all.

And, in answer to the final question? Of course it's possible. *Heartv*

~Nixie




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best reviewing

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Just A Puppet  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn. Nixie here with a you-know-what, wrapped up for you.

HAPPY 16th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I chose to read this because the title struck a chord. When I begin my meditation, the first image is of cutting puppet strings from my shoulder blades, thereby freeing me from earthly demands. It makes perfect sense to transfuse a muse with puppeteer powers. It keeps us at sixes and sevens, twisting, torturing, eliciting no words.

Ha! The strings vibrate and we begin. Except there's still a bit tangled up. I escape from the strings, but you, as a writer, react in response to the tug. I guess we're both doing the same thing with a slightly different purpose.

*Shock* *Star*
You caught me with the word Jette. I had to google it, because I knew it wasn't a mistake on your part. Very clever, Fyn, sneaking in some French.

I liked the second stanza the best. The illusion of computer keys with the letters worn off captured me. Of course, you said it with more eloquence. I'm only giving a reader's reaction. It made me think about a writer who works without needing any keys at all. Either the fingers move from muscle memory, or the imagination takes over, and letters no longer have meaning. They're merely a vehicle for the state of mindful expression.

That last line packed a punch. A soft sort of playful punch, and also a gut punch. The words are both sentimental and forceful at the same time. I hope that makes sense to you. I'm not much of a poet. *Wink*

Signing off and still wearing my *PartyHatR* to continue the anniversary celebration.







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Review of The Detective  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi. Nixie here with a March Mayhem review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . *Shamrock* We're spelling out MARCH. I chose your piece to represent the letter [M] for men.

*Rainbowl**Rainbowr*
Overall Impression
I think confusion overcame me due to handle you're presently using. I mistakenly thought the story (a character study) was submitted to a publisher. I know you have other works that have been submitted.

*Shamrock*
Personal connection
So, not terribly difficult to relate while I read the first part of the character study. Music is magic, but when babies aren't screaming, they give music magic a head to head race.

I like the idea blossoming here. It's a little trite, a broken man healed by a baby, but you drew a convincing character and scenario. His 'healing' was hesitant, and not at all assured. Although, I was positive he would feel better and move on.

What a painful scene when he entered the baby's room. I wanted to hold his shoulder and comfort him. I admired him for taking such huge steps. He was actually able to carry out the action, and not hand the baby over to the mom.

I've never written a character sketch, so this must be how it goes. The reader more or less relates to Trevor and then the story flips to his professional career. I'm guessing he's a detective.

The slew of names and information made little sense to me, but I can sense a story in the making. The punctuation was off in a few places. I imagine, had you chosen to continuing working on this, scene two would have been fully shown.

I never know quite how to show this in a scene. Nicely done! We just need a bob and a weave.

He gave Jake a mock right-hook to the chin, as he walked by.


I hope I didn't make an idiot out of myself. I'm thinking, 'good grief, what if she's based a publication on this character, and I'm here going, um..?'
*Laugh*

*Rainbowl**Rainbowr*
Questions/Suggestions
In that first part, I'm not always certain who is speaking to whom when the characters are introduced. And I'm not sure what the picture of the man at the top means in relation to the story.

*Gold*
And at the end of the rainbow?
Please be honored. I flipped through at least 10 stories before I chose yours. *Wink* You have some material here to work with. Maybe this will be an inspiration for another story?

Good luck with the publishing. *Shamrock*

march signature

Image #2222769 over display limit. -?- Best Reviewing


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Teresa. Nixie here. Just dropping by with a review. *Smile*

*Candy4*
Overall Impression
What made this piece special was the tidbit note at the end. Not that the poem in and of itself wasn't enjoyable. It was an added bonus to watch through a boy's eyes at the wonders he sees.

*Candy1*

Personal connection
Okay, very quick reference here. I made the mistake of buying a 'Thomas the Train' toy for my grandson. In the long run, both he and his brother played daily with the actual monstrous train tracks we engineered. The worst part was my grandson hitting the button that played an obnoxious message, rather loudly, and I had to apologize to everyone before we got out of the store.

*Candy1*
The in between
There's something intrinsically pleasing about free verse, and it was the perfect format for this work. I can't imagine another way to fit both concepts (love of puppies and trains) into another format. As a short story, it could have taken a long time to show what you've opened our eyes to. With this free verse, all kinds of little moments could be tucked in to create such a wondrous gift.

Trains don't run so much anymore. I've ridden the train from NY to Georgia, which was a nightmare. It's so exciting at first, but the inevitable delays are exhausting. We waited two hours for the FBI to show up because the train conductor saw a huge carton he'd never seen before just to the side of the tracks.

Taking the scenic Adirondack train ride is fun, but nothing compares to the beauty expressed here. (I appreciated the alliteration in the third stanza, first line. It was a surprising treat.)

*Candy4*
And in the end?
We got a peek into a small boy's imagination, or what you imagined for him. It's a lovely, scenic dream world that I'm sure delighted Brandon. Nicely done, and a super-sweet gesture.


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Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi. Nixie here. Just dropping by with a review. *Smile*

*Candy4*
Overall Impression
Did you write this with a plan in mind to break someone's heart? You broke mine. *HeartBroken* The imagery of wet and flames in the same line created something different than one might normally read. The poem increased in intensity and gained a forward driving, all powerful force.

Then the second stanza showed up, and the reader knows they're in for heartbreak. However, it seems a gradual change, as so eloquently described in the last two lines of the second stanza. I have to guess that this couple has been together for a long time, because what you've written is not uncommon to reality.

Stanza four turned me about. In the last line I hear regret, as in opportunity lost. Why else would she mention remembering his name?

*Candy4*
Generally speaking
I'm no poet, but I did notice the guiding punctuation and lack of capitalization of each word beginning a new phrase. Thank goodness! What can I call it? Like writing sentences in poetic form? The thoughts run on a straight railroad track, while leading the reader further in to the dream/scene.

*Candy4*
And in the end?
I cherished the closing stanza, the repeated pitter-patter bringing the reader closer and closer to the tragic truth. I think we should go back to arranged marriages, and forget all this quixotic love. (half-kidding from a full time cynic).

Seriously, though. Excellent, almost punishing write. All that hailstone, hell, lashing rain, stoking flames. The evocative words created a stormy mood, concluding with the mundane aspects of life, a endless drip, drip.

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Review of Fitting In  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi. Nixie here. Just dropping by with a review. *Smile*

*Candy4*
The first glance
The cover art captivated me. The girl looked so precious and innocent. A real cutie. And I had to know what the brief description meant.

*Candy4*
Overall Impression
I know poetry is where your skills shine, but you also write short stories with flair. The conflict was established without specifying, which bumped up my curiousity. How Samantha's mom words of encouragement had little impact on Samantha drove home the point. The advice was generic, but there really isn't anything else to say when your kid has to adjust.

Samantha's plight remained a mystery.


*Candy4*
Personal connection
I wish I had no personal connection to this story. *Laugh* I had to move from NYS to Florida, due to circumstances. Talk about culture shock! I was listening to the radio on Mother's Day, and the DJ said "Don't forget to call you mama and say hey." Right there, I knew how difficult it would be for me. My mom would faint if I spoke to her like that. I was brought up as a proper young lady *RollEyes* which sounds really boring. All I could think was, please don't let this be a permanent move. Florida was ranked like third worst in the country. And that's the education they received. A nightmare.

One the [her]s in this sentence needs to go. lol
her Mom reassured her.

*Candy4*
And in the end?
OK, so Samantha's situation will be a lifetime burden. She'll be ostracized everywhere. I like how you kept the big reveal until the end. Clues were dropped, and why didn't I see this coming? On the hand, how did those kids figure out who Sam was on the first day of school. Probably because it's easy for kids to see differences in people. I want to slap all those girls upside the head. And that mother? I hope she had a dam good reason for uprooting her daughter.

A good short story, Ken. Thanks for the read.

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Winchester. Nixie here again, fulfilling your request to read over the changes you made. I was so happy to give you a higher rating! Great edits.


Ah, and this time you included what the proper response was supposed to be. *chekcg*

*Starg* And you added so many details—I especially liked the way the hypodermic felt in his hand. I wasn't so sure about 'greasy' (was his hair slicked back?) Slippery would be enough. Or, you have the option of him sweeping back his slicked hair, if you want that description to stay.

*Star* Not'Natasha became more real with the adjustments you made. And the ending was just precious, left with her wondering if she'd missed a chance at dating a great guy. (I'm thinking she was lucky to escape.) Who knows what Martin's mission was? It sounded nefarious, at the least.

*Questiong* I wanted it to be perfectly clear who boarded the bus. It was the one he was flirting with, right? So he still has a shot with the woman he was supposed to meet.

Sorry I'm skipping around a bit.

*Starg* I forgot to tell you last time how I laughed over him talking out the side of this mouth. *Laugh* Someone didn't train this spy very well. And as the mission nose-dived, he became bolder and bolder. The escalation was a good way to show his emotions.

Bang-up job editing the dialogue. The scene comes alive now.

A few bumps
amused giggle
Since giggles are considered amusing, I don't think you need [amused]. Remember, more equals less. The reader fills in the blanks.

Down with [was]!

You're still stuck on those passive sentences. Here's an example of rewrite, using only your words. I'll demonstrate the easy way, the best would be to show her fun, maybe using facial expressions, or tossing her hair over her shoulder. That's a sure sign that a woman is interested.


“Yes it izz,” the girl enunciated her words carefully, matching his accent. [She was having fun.]*Down*

“Yes it izz,” the girl enunciated her words carefully, matching his accent and enjoying herself.

*Starr* One way I check for an overabundance is to copy my work over to a word program and search for that sneaky [was]. It's a sure sign a rewrite is required. Or, when you do a w/c here, check how many three and four letter words you have. I've never tried that, though.

I'm seriously trying to wrap this up. *Pthb*
BTW: I'm not sure the [izz] was enough to demonstrate his accent. Are you dead set on keeping that part of the story? Did it influence the plot? If you want to show him as a foreigner (if that's germane to the plot) can you find another way?

Okay, so this is a solid four now, but I threw so many more editing comments at you, and you did some amazing editing, you deserve the 4.5. *Bigsmile*

Last thought, promise.

Keep on writing! You've improved this story so much. If you're tired of working with it, go forward and write something else from what you've conquered. And there won't be any [was] or passive sentences, right? *Laugh* Outstanding effort! *Checkg*




Me with another persona. Am I a spy?

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