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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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351
351
Review of Prigioniera  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review as part of the WDC Power Reviewers Package you have:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

When I was browsing through your folderthe title of this piece made me want to read!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a woman who, annoyed at the artist who hasn't paid back her money, goes in search of it anyway. Only she finds more than she bargained for. The idea of this piece is interesting and it certainly provides an answer to the old Mona Lisa question!

As I read it I noticed that a lot of the lines are quite short and tell the reader what is going on. This means it doesn't grab the reader as it should. I would suggest changing this a little so you show the reader things through the eyes and emotions of the characters. This will bring the characters to life and enhance the story too.

*People*Characters: Lisa is the main character in this piece. She is the wife of Nicci and it seems she has a particularly grudge that she hasn't been paid back the money yet. Apart from that, we don't really know anything else about her. I know it's a short piece but you could drop in a few things along the way that shows the reader what kind of person she is.

*Home*Setting: This piece changes scenes but I would say it needs more background descriptio so we know where it happens and what it looks and feels like.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“What?” I asked, thrown off of my very convincing speech.

Whenever I see 'off of' written down in text it doesn't seem to look right. I would suggest changing this for something else.

*BulletG*“What?” I asked, thrown off my very convincing speech.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
352
352
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I came to offer you a review as I saw you were highlighted in "Invalid Item" ! This piece is displayed at the top of your port and it instantly caught my attention. I like both the title and the description and I find that it intrigues me as to what the story is, so here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: This follows the story of a demon who steals of human as a host in an attempt to begin following the orders he has been given from Hell, but as he progresses and tracks his prey, an Angel shows up and he knows the game is over. I think this is a really interesting plot idea. I particularly liked the way you started it as a bodiless voice looking for a host. It's interesting that we're seeing it from the point of view of the demon and we get to consider the realities of good v. evil and what we know and what could be the reality.

*Bulletv* You mention the 'Agreement' several time but don't go into detail about what it is. If you plan to describe it later on then this would be fine but otherwise I might suggest adding a little more into this to show the reader what the agreement is, who is affects and what it does.

*Bulletv* when you write: 'As I walk into the bar everything stops; the laughter, the music, and the talking. All that greets me is staring eyes.' It left me wondering why everything stopped. Maybe this needs a little more explanation.

*People*Characters: The main character is the demon who tells the story who inhabits Lillian's body. It would be good if the demon had a name so the reader knows who they are referring too. I would also suggest that he needs a bit of work. I understood he was recalled from Hell to do something but that didn't become apparent for a while and perhaps explaining what his 'job role' is or why he has been brought back would help the reader follow the story a little easier.

*Home*Setting: This takes place on earth in 2005. That's quite specific and I'm glad you set it out at the beginning. I'm wondering why y ou chose 2005 though? Just curious.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: So far this has a strong supernatural feel to it, keep it up!




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The legs shake at first as I learn to walk again, but I learn to do it.

Here I would say it's a little repetitive having the word 'learn' twice so I would try to change one to something else. I would write something like:

*BulletG*The legs shake at first as I try to walk again, but I learn to do it.

*BulletB*He has sunglasses on, which is wise. If he were to violate this body, I could not describe his face.

I wasn't too clear on what was meant by this. I assume because the demon is possessing the body the man wouldn't have a chance to violate it.


*BulletR* If this demon where above me in the Hierarchy,

This should be 'were'

*BulletR* If this demon were above me in the Hierarchy,

*BulletV*The Angel is well over 6 feet in height.

Numbers under 100 tend to be written out in full.

*BulletV*The Angel is well over six feet in height.

*Bullet*My heart skips a beat at his smile and before I even blink the Angel disappears. He disappears taking my Prey along with him.

Here you use the word 'disappear' really closely together. I would swap one for something else to avoid the repetition.

*Bullet*My heart skips a beat at his smile and before I even blink the Angel is gone; he disappears taking my Prey along with him.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
353
353
Review of Corpses  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I came to offer you a review as I saw you were highlighted in "Invalid Item" ! I don't read much poetry so please bear with me on this one! I think it was the title that drew me into this piece.


*Checkg*What I liked:

It seems you have two different versions of this piece posted here, one word different. When I read through them I think I immediately took a liking to the second one. I think the word cradling offers a little something extra and I think it seems quite eerie in this context.

I've never written or read a poem like this where everything starts with the same letter. I think it's an interesting thing to do and think you've done really well to get this far and still have it make sense. However, I'm not convinced it is called an internal rhyme but like I say I don't read much poetry so feel free to ignore me if you know different! Maybe you could add a little something to the description to tell the reader a bit more of what it's about *Smile* Just a thought!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
354
354
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is an RAOK Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read and when I spotted this, I couldn't resist. I can't imagine what it would be like trying to ride out a storm (I'm from the UK and we very rarely get such disastrous weather).


*Checkg*What I liked:

Wow what a story. You told this with the most honest sincerity I think I've read in a long time. Your experience had me hooked from beginning to end as I followed the journey of the tornado with you and the destruction it left in its wake. You let the reader into your inner thought and emotions and in doing so have really opened up the piece to allow them to experience what you did. I had goosebumps as I read this. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a bad storm and that your home received as much damage as it did. I saw that you wrote this in 2004 and I really hope you've managed to patch it all back up and that no more storms have come your way.

Thank you for sharing such a personal account *Heart*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the RAOK Group:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
355
355
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here as part of the Spring Raid *Smile* I chose this piece because of the title!

*Pencil*Storyline: This looks like the start to a story during which the narrator is doing something he doesn't necessarily agree with but feels he has to. We get the beginning jist of this and it seems quite interestig. I'll be interested in seeing how the title corresponds with the story.

*People*Characters: So far we have met the narrator but we don't really know much about him. Some more character development as this progresses would be good.

*Home*Setting:b This takes place in a bank, but I think the scene might change.


*BurstR*Dialogue: With dialogue, with each new person that speaks a new line should be started to help with the flow of the piece.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As I walked over to the queue my heart jumped into my mouth, this was the moment I had been building to for the last month and I could feel my pulse hammering around my body like a jackhammer.

I think this sentence could do with being a little more broken up. I'd suggest:

*BulletG*As I walked over to the queue my heart jumped into my mouth. This was the moment I had been building to for the last month. My pulse hammered around my body like a jackhammer.

*BulletB*‘Sir?’ She repeated, slightly more demanding.

Generally dialogue should have the double quotation marks. Also, because the words after the speech are a speech tag, it should begin with a lower case letter.

*BulletB*"Sir?" she repeated, slightly more demanding.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
356
356
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* I chose to read this piece because I think I'm in the mood for a little romance!

*Pencil*Storyline: It looks like you've made a start on this and it's yet to be continued. So far we meet someone who appears to be infatuated with a man who picks her up every third Thursday of the month.

*People*Characters: We meet the narrator in this piece but don't learn a lot about her yet, though it seems she's infatuated with this man I feel like she's quite a weak willed person.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set. I think you need to add in more description about the background and the settting.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: So far, judging by the reactions of the character and the story, this piece is more about lust than love. Perhaps the love and romance comes a little bit later on.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
357
357
Review of Mom  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* When I spotted this piece I wanted to come and read it. I think it was the description that drew me in.



*Checkg*What I liked:

Julia, I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. I don't think we can ever truly forget the pain of losing someone so close or how much we miss them. I really hope you're doing okay and my thoughts are with you *Heart* I think writing a letter like this can sometimes help us with dealing with a loss. It's a way to vent emotions and it seems that's what you've done here. You've expressed yourself without holding back and I really like that *Smile*

I truly hope that you're okay.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I need you now than you could ever imagine.

I think this it just missing a word.

*BulletG*I need you now, more than you could ever imagine.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
358
358
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* I don't read much poetry so please bear with me! I couldn't resist the title of this piece though!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really neat piece that looks at the Legend of the Bite. The poem has quite a dark feel to it and I think it really suits the subject of it. It reminds me of tales of yore and I like that. It flows really well and it feels natural. I felt that the repetition worked really well too and brought it all together.



*Cut**Paste* I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
359
359
Review of Procrastination  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* When I saw the title of this piece I knew I had to stop by!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I like this piece because for me, everybody procrastinates. I really like the way you write this. I think that the author voice is quite negative and comes across really clearly. It's quite an ironic piece about procrastination in which the writer procrastinates! I hope that you managed to reach those goals!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*60 seconds

Numbers under 100 tend to be written out in full.

*BulletG*sixty seconds








Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
360
360
Review of a thought  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviews Spring Raid! *Smile* I don't often read poetry so please bear with me!



*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece was about thoughts of a thought and how they enter your mind and twist and turn. It was a really interesting piece and you really expressed yourself well. This piece is a free form poem which has allowed you to be completely free when speaking which I like. I might suggest adding a little more in terms of punctuation as it seems to be quite inconsistent. I would also capitalise the start of each new sentences.

My other suggestion would be to add something more to the description, perhaps something about what the poem is about and what it means. That way you might be more likely to get a few more readers.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
361
361
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile* The title of this piece made me stop and look again and the description of it made me open!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really thought provoking and informative article. I think you started out with a pinpointed way and an event that will be remembered across the world forever but it was very poignant to the article. You wrote this piece with a constant clarity that allows the reader to follow your thoughts and opinion. I have to say I agree with you too, that racism still exists in a particularly heavy way in some places and towards certain groups. In my work I find that someimtes I battle those biased opinions daily but I am of the belief that everyone is equal and should have a chance.

Thank you for sharing this with the community. I found it to be a good read and something that I will think about for a while *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
362
362
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting flash fiction piece. It tells of a woman (interesting that I assume she was a woman, I think it's because of the kids) and her worry about the people she lives around. I think that it can be a justified worry and she would be right to be cautious, but because of the way she talks and her strong narrative voice, she comes over as paranoid and someone who has the potential to make a bad decision. While I agree that your neighbours can be dangerous people without you knowing, it also seems she may be too trusting of those people on the internet she talks to.

Like I said this piece has a really strong narrative voice and it comes across really well. Thank you for sharing this with us!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
363
363
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile* I don't read a lot of poetry but when I spotted this piece I couldn't resist stopping by to read.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece explores the inner turmoil you're feeling at the minute when you think about how you're feeling inside. I think the mind is a powerful thing and it's hard for someone on the outside to see how you feel or understand, but I think this piece goes a long way to looking at just how you feel and the emotions that are running so high. Well done on being able to express yourself so well. I also really like that you signed it, almost like a letter from your chaotic mind to yourself. It was a good touch.

Thank you for sharing this piece and I hope that you feel some rest soon *Heart*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
364
364
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I see that you've just started this piece and that it's a work in progress. Well, so far so good! You have introduced the narrator and the reason for his travelling and leave it open for so much more.

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character in this piece. So far we know he is a man in his late 50s and he's visiting his brother. I think you've done well to let the reader know all that in such a short space.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Tokyo, specifically in a park. You have set the scene well!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: So far there isn't much of an atmosphere but there is plenty of time for that.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

My only comment would be to add a rating to this piece otherwise it won't show up on many listing and you may not get as many reviews as you'd like.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
365
365
Review of Practice  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I see that you listed the description of this piece as just as a piece of practice writing so I just thought I'd stop by and let you know you're on the right tracks. So far this has introduced the characters and the conflict and leads the reader on. I found myself wanting to know what happened.

*People*Characters: So far there are two main characters, the narrator and Brenda. Brenda is given a lot of description so the reader knows who she is and what she looks like. The narrator is telling the story but it might be useful if you could drop some hints in about who he is etc.

*Home*Setting: I think this must take place in their home. I would suggest adding a little bit of background information so the reader can see the place they're in

*BurstR*Dialogue: Just a little note to remember with dialogue. It should always start on a new line to make the text a little clearer. For example:

"Sorry mom, I'm busy this weekend!" I told her.

"With what?" she asked.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped and good luck with finishing it!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
366
366
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this item saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by and read it *Smile* I love coffee so hope it doesn't put me off!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is an interesting piece about the pros and cons of drinking coffee. I think most people consume some level of caffeine and I certainly prefer mine in hot drinks *Smile* Although I love to induge in a coffee (especially since I work nightshift!) I tend to drink more tea in general. I think that's my English heritage (I'm from the UK and was just about brought up on tea hehe).

This was a really informative piece that taught me a few things I didn't know! So thank you for sharing and I'm just sorry it took me a while to get to reading this piece!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*although no one every “taught” me that and,

Just a little typo here.

*BulletG*although no one ever “taught” me that and,





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
367
367
Review of Dark Undead  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've had this saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by and here I finally am!

*Pencil*Storyline: I think this is a good start to the story. It introduces the main charactesr, the three siblings, and gives the reader a hint at the story and of what is to come. It certainly had me hooked.

*People*Characters: Reagan is the main character. She's the middle sibling but the one that the others look up to. She's mature and level headed and seems to be the leader of the group. Lincoln is her brother, three years older it seems he still likes to be looked after! And Kennedy is the little sister, the one to be protected. She's the one who does most of the talking when Reagan hits the thing in the road.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a dark road on their way home from the cinema. You set the scene well and allow the readers to see it as the characters do.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This is sefinitely a tense piece that left me wanting to know what happened next!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Both jumped at her. “No!” “You can’t go out there!” “Let’s just leave, please?”


If this is both Kennedy and Lincoln speaking, it need to be on separate paragraphs and have speech tags. For example:

*BulletG*Both jumped at her. “No!” Kennedy shrieked.
“You can’t go out there!” Lincoln pleaded, voice whiny.
“Let’s just leave, please?” Kennedy cut in again.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
368
368
Review of Promptly Inspired  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw this posted in the LHEOG Forum and I wanted to stop by and say hi and offer you a little review!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really fab idea! It's bourne out of the want to give something back which is really sweet. I think it's a really good idea though. I think a lot of people really struggle because they may want to write but be stuck with ideas, and sometimes even just the littlest thing can prompt us to get moving again! *Smile* I'm saving this in my favourites and I can't wait to see what will be in store to inspire me!

The forum itself is set out in a really neat and clear way, it's easy to undertand and it's welcoming too.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
369
369
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of day 24 of the 30 day image prompt contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I know I haven't been doing a lot of reviewing for this contest because of time constraints but when I read this, I couldn't resist! This is a really fab short story. I think you managed to capture everything and it's a terrific display of show not tell *Smile* You capture his emotions and thoughts just as if they were happening and it drew me into the story, hanging on every word, wanting to know what was happening and why and if it was going to be okay. The description you use is really brilliant too, it paints a picture for the reader.

I just had to stop in and let you know!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
370
370
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by, and now I'm finally here!

*Pencil*Storyline: I think this is a really good first chapter. You introduce the main character and hint at the preface to the story. In this chapter we spend a lot of time getting to know Celeste.

*People*Characters: You have characterised her really well even form here and I think I'm beginning to know how quite well. From the beginning she strikes me as someone who's particularly grounded and earthly, strongly connected to her feelings and emotions. It doesn't strike me as odd to learn that she has sometimes seen other creatures and spirits and has talked with them as a child. I think you did a really good job of portraying her to the reader here and I think that she's a very likable character.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Celeste's home which is described really well. You really set the scene here and show the reader what it looks like.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece is very emotionally attached to celeste and quite creepy in places.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Celeste knew it was old fashion,

I wonder if this should be 'fashioned'. It seems to sound better.

*BulletG*Celeste knew it was old fashioned,

*BulletB*She was whipping her mouth when a bang at the front door startled her.

I think this should be 'wiping'

*BulletB*She was wiping her mouth when a bang at the front door startled her.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
371
371
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile* I chose this piece as I'm judging for this contest anyway and I haven't managed to stop by with a review yet *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a 55 word story and I love these! I think it can be so hard to manage to write a story in this many words and for it to make sense. As it is this piece is a little abstract but I like it *Smile* You have written about a person who wants to paint the town red but then who finds himself in a white room dripping with red. It's quite ominous and I think the atmosphere of that comes across really clearly throughout. It leaves the reader asking: what? But I think it's meant to do that and therefore I think it's well done!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
372
372
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. When I saw this piece and that it was about books and libraries, I couldn't resist! The fact that it's horror only increased my smile!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of our narrator who overhears a conversation by two men, Bill and Jim, about the other world in the library. It's a really interesting concept and the way you chose to write it is really interesting, it shows how things can be heard and interpreted.

*People*Characters: Bill and Jim are two of the characters but we don't physically see them, only hear them through the shelves. The narrator we don't really get to know as the story is about the conversation he overhears.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a library and you have set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This hit me as something fantasy like with it being another world.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The only qualm I had with the dialogue is that I sometimes found it difficult to keep up with who was saying what. I'm wondering if you should have quotation marks and speech tags maybe.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
373
373
Review of What is normal?  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return a review you did for me, I'm just sorry it's taken me a while to get here. I chose to read this piece because I think so many people strive to find that thing called 'normal' that I wanted to see your take on it too.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting piece that considers the word normal and what that means as well as the fact that it can mean completely different things to different people. I like that. It is also quite a raw piece that details reality and thoughts just as you see it and feel it. I thought it was a good read. It flows well and keep me hooked throughout.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*People full and crap and pissy take me for a ride.

I'm wondering if this should be...

*BulletG*People full of crap and pissy take me for a ride.

*BulletB*Did anyone ever consider I might be normal and upright.

This is a question so I'd use a question mark.

*BulletB*Did anyone ever consider I might be normal and upright?



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

The only other thoguht I had was that this struck me as a poem yet it's listed as 'other'. I'm wondering why?


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
374
374
Review of The Watercourse  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return a review you did for me *Smile* I chose this piece because it was in your highlighted items.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is just a short exerpt of a published novel you have but it's already a really gripping piece. The characters feel real, the dialogue is natural and flows well and there's a strong sense of tension throughout.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
375
375
for entry "Chapter Two - Fairies" 
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Well I enjoyed Jayden's first chapter so much I couldn't resist stopping in for the next to find out what happens! (Perhaps it's not just for children after all!)

*Pencil*Storyline: This is another really great chapter. In this one the pair go on quite a different adventure to meet creatures of a very different kind and though this one seems to be about conversation and finding out things about the fairies, it still works really well.

*People*Characters: I think this piece shows what a great brother Jayden is. He wants to let his sister have some fun too and wants to try something new which is nice. But I think the ending really shows his true interests and it made me smile!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a gorgeous field under the glorious sun shine and you have set the scene well.

*BurstR*Dialogue: I think the dialogue feels good and natural and just right for their ages. I noticed in some places you've missed a few commas at the end of speech or before beginning it. I've noted a few below.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“The deep indigo of a starlit night” suggested a deep but quiet voice from very close to Jayden’s ear.

This just needs a comma in the quotation marks.

*BulletG*“The deep indigo of a starlit night,” suggested a deep but quiet voice from very close to Jayden’s ear.

*BulletB*“This is my brother Jayden! Jayden, this is Ee-oh-land” she said,

This just needs a comma too.

*BulletB*“This is my brother Jayden! Jayden, this is Ee-oh-land,” she said,

*BulletR*Eolande smiled and added “It has been so wonderful to meet you two, you must come back and visit us again someday.”

Just a comma needed before the speech here.

*BulletR*Eolande smiled and added, “It has been so wonderful to meet you two, you must come back and visit us again someday.”





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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