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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 10 11 12 13 -14- 15 16 17 18 19 ... Next
326
326
Review of Voice Lessons  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I wanted to stop by with some reviews as part of the Spa Package you were gifted! I noticed a lot of items in your port are poetry and I'm not so confident with them so I wanted to stop by your blog.


*Checkg*What I liked:

It looks like you use your blog to vent when something is on your mind. I use mine for the same reason really and I think it's a greay way to let out how you're feeling and even get an opinion. I noticed a few of your entries are about writing and your relationship with it. I think we all doubt our abilities sometimes and I know what you mean about losing your friend for a while, but it's always there and always will be. I'm really glad you managed to find it again *Smile* And I am so glad that you found this site and a way to express yourself. I'm going to add your blog to my blog links and I hope that you update now and again *Heart*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
327
327
Review of Orbs of Misnomer  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you di for me *Smile* This piece interested me because of the description.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who is bringing an army together in the hopes of overcoming the thief and retrieving his name back. It's a really interesting piece and I think this would serve well as a prologue to a longer piece.

*People*Characters: The nameless one is the main character. We don't really get to see inside of his head and understand what he's feeling or where he's coming from. I think that's okay for a short story but if you were to expand it, I would work on letting the reader into his personality more.

*Home*Setting: I'm not really sure where this takes place but I don't think the reader has to know. You set the scene well.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
328
328
Review of The Stare  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile* Poetry isn't my strongest point but I'm going to give it a go!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really thought provoking poem. It tells the reader of a man who decides he wants to go to war and serve for his country, following in his father's footsteps. He's a young man, fresh and eager though when he comes back he is changed after everything he's seen. It really made me feel for him. I think the last line is really well done too, it's really haunting.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
329
329
Review of Fifty things  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I saw that somebody had reviewed this piece and I had to stop by and read it for myself *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say, I really love this list! It's really inventive and creative and lists physical things you want to do as well as emotional and mental achievements too. When I read it I found myself smiling, nodding and shaking my head as I agreed or not with the things you wanted to do. I think the extra list at the end is great too because it shows your limits and the fact that you're not scared to admit that, I like it.

I have to admit that you've inspired me to write my own! Let's see how far I get *Smile*

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Subscribe to all the magazine I want.

This should just have an 's' on the end.

*BulletG*Subscribe to all the magazines I want.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
330
330
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Jeannie! I'm here to return the review you did for me *Smile* I chose this piece because it's an adventure tale about going hiking and I think it's just what I could use right now!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a neat adventure story about Karen and Diane who go on a trip out before they start college. Diane is convinced it'll be an easy ride while Karen isn't so sure and sure enough in the dense undergrowth and deep water, they soon get lost and bombaraded with different types of wildlife. It's certainly an adventure and one they're both glad to see the back of. This had me hooked throughout as I wished along with the girls that they both got out unscathed!

*People*Characters: Karen and Diane are the main characters here. They're best friends and it seems they have been for a long time and know each other inside and out. I really like that. Diane is an outdoor girl, a leader and confident. Karen is less so but she trusts her friend enough to go along anyway and I think that says a lot about their friendship. I like it.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in the Everglades Trail. I'm assuming this is a real place and it sounds pretty amazing, maybe I'll hike there one day eventually but I certainly won't go alone (I'd definitely get lost!)

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a strong sense of adventure throughout this piece!




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Celebrating their nineteenth birthday together

In the paragraph just before this you tell the reader that they're both eighteen. If they've just both had their birthdays it might be worth making that a little clearer.

*BulletB*both girls decided a trip was essential before the hard work begins.

This is written in the past tense but the word 'begins' brings it into the present.

*BulletB*both girls decided a trip was essential before the hard work began.

*BulletR*"That's what I love about you, so sure of yourself." Karen said,

This is a speech tag so it should have a comma.

*BulletR*"That's what I love about you, so sure of yourself," Karen said,

*BulletV*Dianne parked alongside the road. got out her iPod,

I think this should be a comma.

*BulletV*Dianne parked alongside the road, got out her iPod,

*Bullet*the path disappeared entirely once more into knee-high deep water.

I don't think you need the word 'high' here.

*Bullet*the path disappeared entirely once more into knee-deep water.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
331
331
Review of The Journey  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm just here with a little review of this piece from LHEOG *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who, looking for a little inspiration, takes a long ride out, only to find his car runs out of gas and he ends up stranded in the middle of nowhere. It's a race against time to get back to civilisation before his strength runs out...

I think this is a really good piece and is written well. It really drew me into the story and had me on the edge of my seat wondering if he was going to make it back.

*People*Characters: David is the main character in this piece. I get the impression he's in a big sort of business and he has a big deal coming up, hence the proposal. As the story continues I began to realise that he's a work a holic and he's neglected his family to the extreme, only to regret it towards the end.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in the middle of nowhere and you set the scene well to help the reader understand how bad this situation is for him.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Desperation, David's desperation shines through in this piece.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
332
332
Review of Loving Grief (4)  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm just stopping in with a review for you!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece in which the reader realises that Katy is grieving but instead of pushing it away, she embraces grief.

*People*Characters: In this I would say it's more a character-driven story and it focuses on Grief. Grief is personified and given really human qualities which I think is unique and it works to make the reader really consider what grief is and why,

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Katy's home. Maybe a little bit of extra background description would be useful.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* "Thank you".

The punctuation should be inside the quotation marks.

*BulletG* "Thank you."

*BulletB*Lovingly Grief remembered how many times she had said "he's in a better place"

I think this bit could use a few commas.

*BulletB*Lovingly, Grief remembered how many times she had said, "He's in a better place."


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
333
333
Review of Anna  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece. As the reader, I instantly found myself drawn into Anna and her plight as she tried to reach a place of safety for her and the boy she was carrying, only to find that she wasn't quite who she said she was and the police man who put his trust in her is betrayed and his life is ended. This is certainly a very intriguing piece and it had me gripped till the end! It did leave me a with a couple of questions, for example, I wanted to know who she was, who the boy was and why she was running from the men but attacking the police officer. You may have had a word count but I just thought I'd point this out!

*People*Characters: Anna is a really interesting character. I immediately assumed that because she was in a school and looking after a boy, that she was a teacher. How wrong I was. It just goes to show how we make assumptions about things though! I really liked her as a character and thought she was kind and compassionate, right up until the end! What a turn of personality!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a school. It's really well set using the atmosphere, background and weather even.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece is really tense. I found myself on the edge of my seat as she tried to escape!

*BurstR*Dialogue: With dialogue, you tend to need to start each new person's speech on a new paragraph to help with the flow of the piece.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
334
334
Review of The Story  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review from Let's Help Each Other Grow! *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say, this was a really unusual and original piece but I really liked it! You tell this piece from the point of view of a story, written and edited several times by it's beloved author. Then we see as it's passed off for an award and then again and again for publication, reducing, feeling weaker with changed feelings from the author. I think this is a really clever piece in this way and really made me think about the way I think about my stories (if that made sense!) I have a piece that will always by my 'baby' and I hope I never do this to it! Thank you *Smile*

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
335
335
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece from Let's Help Each Other Grow! *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really sweet piece. It tells the story of Harold, a store owner who notices a woman who comes in and helps herself to breakfast every morning. It has a really sweet ending.

*People*Characters: Harold seems like a really nice, genuine guy. He knows exactly what's going on from the minute he sees it but is willing to let it pass by because he realises that the woman must be in a real cinch. I really like him for that. It shows a lot of compassion and empathy. I don't think a lot of people would do what he does.

*Home*Setting: This piece takes place in Harold's store. You set the scene well which allows the reader to be there with Harold.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece was quite tender and emotional at times with a theme of compassion.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
336
336
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read and I hit the random review button so here I am! When I read what this poem is about I felt glad to have hit that button. Alzheimers is something that affected my family too.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry so please bear with me! I'm really glad that I got a chance to read this. I think the poem itself is abstract in the way it picks up themes but it works as I think I imagine a deteriorating mind to continue in such a way too. It captures the chaos that must go on within including those muddled memories, the closed doors, the shattered boundaries. I think this piece works to capture the reality of alzheimers including how hard and how painful it can be for those going through it, as well as confusing. To not know y our own mind must be a hard thing to go through.

Thank you for taking the time to create and share this piece andI hope things are okay *Heart*



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
337
337
Review of Vicarious Living  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I don't often read poetry but when I spotted what this was about, I couldn't resist!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting piece about the way that people live vicariously through others. I think it's something that's probably already happened for a long time but I think now, with this recent (or is that not so recent) phase of reality TV, it seems to be that we're doing it more and more. I think you captured the mood of this really well and the repetition at the end of each stanza works to pull it all together and draw the message home.

It's funny as for me when someone says reality TV I think of things like Big Brother (which I detest) but I didn't so much think of these beasty programs etc, which I do quite like watching when I have the time. Perhaps I live vicaciously through them too... *Smile* Thanks for sharing quite a thought provoking piece!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
338
338
Review of Nothing  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Angus! I wanted to stop by and return the review you did for me *Smile* When I saw this piece it sounded dark indeed and I couldn't resist!


*Checkg*What I liked:

Oooh what a dark and creepy piece indeed! I felt shivers! I really like that you manage to describe this nothing in such a desolate and dark way, as it it's going to end everything without being anything. I think it's really well done and the atmosphere is dark and intense!

Thanks for sharing! The only thing I was wondering (and it's just a thought) is that maybe this should be classed as a poem rather than other? Again though, it's just a thought!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
339
339
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to stop by and return the review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece in which a man tries to come to terms with his wife's death. He isn't taking it well (but who would) and doesn't want to return to his former life or the society there.

*People*Characters: The man in this piece is trying to get on and forget. He wants to continue living in simplicity and he realises that doing these dot paintings is something that allows him to do this.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this takes place. It's quite an abstract piece and focuses more on his thoughts, that's not to say it's bad though! I like the way you wrote it.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This was quite a sad piece following the man's feelings.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
340
340
Review of Do You Think  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Ida, I was looking for something to read and when I hit the random review button this popped up!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't read much poetry as I tend to find it hard to analyse but there was a strong theme in this that shone all the way through. It comes from the voice of the narrator who I assume is you and this piece speaks of strength and courage. I love how well that comes through *Smile* I also really like that it's almost like you're addressing this person and telling him that you're not scared. I think it's a really poweful piece.

Thank you for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*You strong voice

There's just a little typo here.

*BulletG*Your strong voice



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
341
341
Review of The Gift of Love  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read and hit the random review button, coming up with this! *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Ted, a nine year old boy who one day, receives a parcel he has been waiting his whole life for. He disobeys his parents and opens it in his room, loving the huge clown shoes that he finds inside! He realises they are from his father and even though his mother won't agree, he knows she knows.

This was an interesting story with the climax happening when he receives the shoes.

*People*Characters: I don't quite understand the relationship between the parents and the kids. It felt to be that the parents were a little cold towards Ted. I wonder if there is a conversation behind the scenes between Ted and his mum about his dad. OR maybe he just knows.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in their home.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I think for me the tone of this piece was about knowing his past/background/parentage.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*His feet felt heavy as he marched up the stairs. His heart pounded in his chest as his feet rose and fell on the steps. His mother and his step-father had been smiling at each other and at him and waiting for him to open the package, nodding at him, “Come on,” they said, standing over him holding their wine glasses expecting him to sit down and comply with their wishes. And Ted was more than a little aware that instead of doing that—he was walking up-stairs.

I think for me this paragraph feels a little redundant. You've already told the reader that the parcel came, his parents were drinking red wine and asking him to open it but he walked away. I think I would just delete this part.
*BulletG*



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
342
342
for entry "Day 30: Broken Heart" 
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I like the way you took the prompt for the contest and made it relate to you personally completing the contest, I thought that was clever *Smile* The 55 word story style seems to fit in well here. I think at the end it should be 'c'est la vie'


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
343
343
Review of Press Conference  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I hit the random review button and this popped up, so here I am. Already it's looking like it's going to be a fun piece!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really fun and lighthearted piece. I think it would go well as a children's tale *Smile* In a way! I really like that you've imagined such a world between cats and dogs and had them trying so futilely to come together but having their differences being a big distance between them. I think it could work really well as an analogy too. I liked seeing how the president reacted under pressure but also knowing he was still a kitty at heart and couldn't resist that ball of yarn!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
344
344
Review of Uppity  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi Mike! I'm here with a review of this piece after you sent me a request *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This piece is a short story which follows Brian who is working on writing something. All of a sudden a young girl appears in his apartment and after she disappears, a man. Everything that follows gets curiouser and Brian gets no answers. I really like the ending for this piece. It's a twist that I didn't see coming and I think it worked really well for that reason.

*People*Characters: Brian appears to be a man, perhaps middle aged, who is working hard on his writing. I like that he is a writer hehe. Only, towards the end of the piece the reader discovers that Brian isn't all that he seems to be. I really like that you've been able to characterise him but not let the secret out until the end.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Brian's home where he is writing. You set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: The tone of this piece struck me as confusion as Brian's confusion permeated most of it. I think that helped carry the story forward.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“Where did you come from?” He asked.

This should be a lower case letter as it's a speech tag.

*BulletG*“Where did you come from?” he asked.

*BulletB*Making it to the front door, he grabbed the door knob and it refused to turn.

It's just a thought but I think the word 'but' would work better here.

*BulletB*Making it to the front door, he grabbed the door knob but it refused to turn.

*BulletR*The man poked Brian in the temple, “Full stop.”

There should be a full stop here before the speech.

*BulletR*The man poked Brian in the temple. “Full stop.”



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
345
345
Review of Plunged  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return the review you did for me!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I ended up choosing this piece because the title and genre combined made me think it was a dark piece, and indeed it was. It's a very short story that has a beginning, middle and end and is told in as few words as possible. It has quite an impact considering that and I think it works well.

My only suggestion would be to add something in the description. You have quite a few short pieces with this same descripton that you're writing the shortest story possible, but it doesn't tell the reader about the piece. Just a thought!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
346
346
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece in return for the review you did for me! At first glance it looks like this text is quite heavy and it can be a little daunting for the reader. I would suggest trying to break it up into a few more paragraphs to make it easier on the eye and to read.

*Pencil*Storyline: This looks like it's the start of a story that looks at Jalyssa, her life and her achievements so far. As far as the piece goes it's a good start, it introduces the main character and her goals for the future. It does feel a little slow to me. Often stories start with conflict or something big to draw the reader in and I think that's what this piece is missing.

*People*Characters: Jalyssa is the main character in this piece. Through the narration, we learn that she's a single mum of two, that's she's always been mentally compressed by her family but that she's finally coming to the realisation that she wants more than that. I'm really glad that she's had this big look at her life. We learn about her character through the narration and I think it would be good if we could see it more from her point of view, her direct thoughts etc.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but it 's largely character driven and so that's what's important to far.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Wondering what her life is going to look in in ten years

I think this should be 'like'

*BulletG*Wondering what her life is going to look like in ten years

*BulletB*Wondering what her life could be like if she was to step out & take a huge risk,

Usually when written in a story 'and' should be used.

*BulletB*Wondering what her life could be like if she was to step out and take a huge risk,

*BulletR*who has always discouraged her,
*BulletR*who have always discouraged her,

*BulletV*she needs to work a 9 to 5 job,

Usually numbers below 100 are written out in full.

*BulletV*she needs to work a nine to five job,

*Bullet*Jalyssa wanted to cry, but she couldn’t in front of her children.

You have writtne this in the present tense but this brings it into the past. I would write:

*Bullet*Jalyssa wants to cry, but she can't in front of her children.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
347
347
Review of A Yellow Scarf  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I chose this piece because I wanted to find out why the yellow scarf was so intriguing *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This piece is really original. I liked the way it unravelled, allowing the reader to see how much she loved the scarf and how much it meant before allowing them to see where it really came from.

*People*Characters: Casey was the main character in this piece. It becomes clear how naive and innocent she is and I think that makes her really likeable.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes and you set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece left me with a feeling of sadness for Casey.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Where did that come from?" Her mom asked.

As this is a speech tag it should begin with a lower case letter.

*BulletG*"Where did that come from?" her mom asked.

*BulletB*"Something like that." he answered.

This should have a comma rather than a full stop as a speech tag follows.

*BulletB*"Something like that," he answered.

*BulletR*She loved it because she lived the feeling

Just a small typo here.

*BulletR*She loved it because she loved the feeling

*BulletV*"He said he found it." She answered.

This should be a comma then a lower case letter.

*BulletV*"He said he found it," she answered.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
348
348
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Rising Star Member to Member Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: It was the description of this piece that hooked me in and made me want to read.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is quite a dark piece about a young boy who appears to be intelligent at school and is bullied for this but it seems he has the potential for a lot more than people think.

This is a really interesting piece with an original narrative.

*People*Characters: Jimmy is the main character here. He is a young boy, one who seems to be highly intelligent and very different from his classmates.

*Home*Setting: This takes place mostly at school but as the scene changes you allow the the reader to move along with the story.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: quite dark!




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Rising Stars:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
349
349
Review of The Red Ball  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Rising Star Member to Member Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I chose to read this piece because the description of it drew me in! *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece about a discovery made in the back yard of her home. The red sphere that she finds is appealing and seems to have a very unique gift. This was a really original piece and I liked it *Smile*

I know the writer's cramp has a word limit but I think with this piece I felt there were a couple of bits missing in the middle. For example, we went from her wanting more to it rushing out the window and I felt like I missed something in the middle.

*People*Characters: Jill is the main character in this piece. We don't really get to know what sort of person she is because this piece is more plot driven.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Jill's home. You describe the red sphere very well but not Jill's surrounding. I would say that might be something to consider.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Rising Stars:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
350
350
Review of My Fall for You  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to stop by and read something and when I hit the random review button this popped up! I don't read much poetry but this piece, which is about falling in love, really appeals *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece is a free verse poem about the uncertainty of falling in love. It can be quite a scary thing, especially as it seems you wanted to keep yourself guarded, but that one person slipped past the defences and you were unable to resist. The free style of this poem allows you to be freely expressive so that works well, although I would suggest adding some punctuation in there at the end of sentences etc.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*To keep myself isolat

I think this should be 'isolated'

*BulletG*To keep myself isolated

*BulletB*Now I dont know what to do

This needs an apostrophe as it's an abbreviation.

*BulletB*Now I don't know what to do

*BulletR*I guess what I dont understand

This needs an apostrophe as it's an abbreviation.

*BulletR*I guess what I don't understand

*BulletV*But im afraid when I do
*BulletV*But I'm afraid when I do

*Bullet*You wont be there
*Bullet*You won't be there




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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