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3,159 Public Reviews Given
3,207 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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551
551
Review of We Need to Talk  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Raine,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting story, one I'd love to see a bit longer. But being right at 1000 words, I'm betting you were under a word limit. It is written well, but didn't quite go the direction I thought it would. Of course, I didn't write it either. *Smile*

         I thought this might be a 'break-up' story, or one that ended happily (the route you chose), or even a thriller. I say thriller because his comment early on about not letting her ever break up with him could have led down that path. I have the say, I saw a lot of me in David. If you tell me you have something to tell me, then tell immediately, don't say you'll wait til a little later to spill the beans. Funny how we always jump to the idea that by waiting it has to be bad, huh! Yep, me exactly. Well done in writing this, enjoy your 10th Anniversary!



Sum1

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552
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Fire* Congrats! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item"  ! The Lightning Package has been ordered for you from: Anonymous and includes the reviews of three fiction stories! Enjoy! *Fire*

Dear Rendellgrisen,
         Welcome to Writing.com, or WDC as most of us call it. It's a great place for people who love to write, even if you have trouble relating to people around you. It is my pleasure to review this for you. *Smile*

         I knew that English was not your native tongue by some of your wording. However, since I can't speak anything but English, how can I fault you for something so minor? If I may offer a little advice based on what I read in this essay. Relax and be yourself. The two girls you described in this essay are what I'd call 'typical people who think that what they leave in the toilet doesn't stink'. They think the world owes them, why the world owes them they can't tell you, but they sure feel that way. So relax, meet people with your interests, people you can relate to. You are bound to find someone who has similar interests to you. *Smile*

         I found this to be well written, you kept my interest throughout the essay. I thought for sure that at the end, someone would walk up to you and say, "Hi!", and start a conversation. I see that didn't happen, but hopefully it has, or will soon.

         There are a few very minor wording issues that I won't point out, because they are due to the language difference for you. Over time, you will learn some of the nuances of our language, I've heard it's the hardest language in the world to learn. If it is, that wouldn't surprise me. I did see a few things I do want to comment on to help you out though.


1. Like normal, they had a curious look on this unexpected stranger. This is one of those 'English wordings' I mentioned. It could be worded a little better, maybe this will help. Like normal, they had a curious look on their faces as this unexpected stranger spoke to them.

2. I said, alternating eye between both of them. You might want to add the word 'contact' after eye.

3. "Well, I do know my places," I lied, putting a confident expression on my rigid face. Then I smiled and nodded as each of the girls told

me the names of the places. They could have been from Greece or the middle of the Indian Ocean as far as I know. You have an unnecessary hard return as you can see here, after told. If you put the cursor after told, and press delete, you'll get the lines to line up correctly.

4. And both of them burst laughing. You should add out after burst.


         Overall, this is well written as I've said. It's very informative, and helps a reader get to know a shy Indian girl a little better.



Sum1

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553
553
Review of A Fish Tale  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Satch,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         It's not too often that I read something, and smile from the get-go. Your sense of humor here shined brightly in every word. Your characters, the plot, all of it hit my funny bone. I loved the fishing expedition, and the one poor girl catching a shoe. But the best part was the last line, when she 'examined her sole'. I almost lost it then. Well done!


Sum1

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554
554
Review of Natasha Doomsday  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Stu,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is one I've long believed in, that we are part of an atom in a much larger universe, and that the atoms we see are part of a much smaller universe. I loved the idea of time in your story, it fits, at least for me. You seem to love long, rambling sentences, you write as if you're sitting by a campfire talking to a bunch of children. That's not a bad thing, it's just how you write. Try as I might, I could only spot one small thing you might want to look at in this, should you choose to edit it.

1. Little five year old Natasha Kimiski, who liked to play on swings and ride her tri-cycle, who liked to pull on her daddy’s beard until he screeched with that funny face, would cringe in horror and sadness had she known that she would soon become a monster of destruction, wiping out, without a moment's pause, the whole long and proud history of a civilization which had thrived for millions and millions of years... ever since, in fact, she’d waken up that morning and picked cookies from her eyes. Wow! You do love long, wordy sentences! They do tend to run on, but the way you write seems to encourage them, and not be a problem. However, in this sentence, waken should be woken.


Sum1

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555
555
Review of Jacked!  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear G. B.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, I agree with most everything you've written here. I am quickly becoming very obstinate, and very doubting in everything I see or read. I was trying to think of something you might not have mentioned here, did a quick re-read, but have to say I can't think of anything. I'm sure it's there, and as soon as I press send, it'll hit me. Always does.

         When I first started reading this, I thought, "Oh no, Jacked at the start of every $#@%^^& line." But as I read through it, I realized it was necessary, otherwise you might not have gotten your point across as strongly. I think my favorite one would be, Jacked by a body that seems bent on breaking down. Boy can I relate to that! Just hit sixty, and doing fine overall. Just a pinched nerve right now, but man, it can hurt. Thanks for the enjoyable, thoughtful read.



Sum1

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556
556
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Bella,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         You have quite a story here, a life few have lived and still be as cheerful as you are. I'm glad you are getting along as well as you are, just wish things were better. A few things have helped you in life, among them your belief in God, and your constant animal companions. Like I frequently say, "Thank God for small favors! (And the big ones too.)

         In reading this, I saw a couple of minor things you might want to look at. First, you have a tendency (as I do) to overuse commas. You also place them in spots they are not needed, or fail to place them in areas they are needed. This may be due to your eyesight, but this comment here is very minor. A second thing though, is the overuse of the word 'me' in the first part of this. I didn't try counting them, but I bet you use me, my, or I around 20 times in the first three paragraphs alone. Here's an example: It's time to tell and explain more about me and my history, me and my world, and me and my family in the present.

I'm big and bold with the "group' and the benefits of the "group", however, this is all me and about me. After reading that part, I almost felt like you were one foot from me, screaming, "Me!, Me!, Me!" I know you didn't intend it that way, but that's how it seemed. You could have said the same thing in a slightly different way. It's time to tell and explain more about me and my history, my world, my present family.

I'm big and bold with the "group' and the benefits of the "group", however, this is all me and about me. Just that little bit really changes how it comes across, but still leaves no doubt that this is all about you.

         I know you say this is a work in progress, but you might want to see if you can give it some kind of ending, at least for now. Right now, it just ends, drops the reader off like falling off a cliff. I did a couple of other very minor things you might want to look at in this.


1. Tiz' not to be, so I'm creative and organized as much as possible so that when the opportunity for me to go somewhere is available, I have a plan, tell the driver what I want and need, and we set a time and then we're off cursing to our destinations. I think you meant cruising, not cursing.

2. In retrospect, I now realize that I should have gone to the hospital to be checked out, but When I was growing up, you toughed it our unless you were seriously sick or hurt. When does not need to be capitalized.


         Overall, I enjoyed the read, it helps me know you better, understand you, and feel as if we've met. *Smile*



Sum1

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557
557
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Blushingrose,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         I found this story to be both interesting, and very sad. I wanted to know more about this person you miss. I wanted to know what happened, details, details, details. You tell this well, with a few very minor things needing editing, but the flow caught me, held me. I got the impression you served in the military with this person; at the same time, you could have been burglars together, you never told us what was going on. Oh wait, burglars don't sleep in trees. *Smile* I would love to see this lengthened a little, so we know what happened to your friend. It's fine as it is, I'm just curious, that's all!



Sum1

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558
Review of Monsters  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Last Cicada
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         You write an interesting take on a small child being buried alive in this story. You initially gave us her point of view, lying in her coffin, but hearing help draw near. The sound of the shovels had to be music to her ears as her rescuers worked to save her. The twist at the end was excellent, and brings home the thought that idea of what a monster is can vary, depending on your point of view. I love stories with a twist, this one didn't disappoint at all. *Smile*



Sum1

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559
559
Review of Boys Will Be Boys  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Jace,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty cute story you've written here. I've raised two young boys, I know what you mean about being careful what you say around you. At that age, your actions aren't too surprising; after all, you were only trying to help her out! *Smile* I was reminded of Tom Sawyer when I read this, and if you had said you stood aside while your friends completed pulling up the flowers, I'd have added Huck Finn to the mix. I'd love to see other mischief you got into as a child. *Smile* I did see one small thing that caught my attention, see what you think.



1. Few things achieve immortality in the family collective than the honest eagerness of a rambunctious, though helpful, young boy. It seems you are missing the word 'more', or 'faster' in this sentence.



Sum1

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560
560
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Flora,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         My main comment on this is just one word. Bravo! So many Americans don't know enough about our history, and this would be a good start for them to learn about it. I won't comment very much on the writing, since most of it is quoted from actual documents relating to the American Revolution. What I will say is you might want to look at some of your early comments on this. There are a couple of places where you might want to re-word things. Here's one example for you. The fights begun in 1775, one year later, the American colonies declared their independence from Britain. Perhaps a alternate wording could be, The fighting began in 1775, one year later, the American colonies declared their independence from Britain. It is very minor in nature, but I did see a couple of things like that. I did learn a few things in reading this, especially since I'd never read the complete Declaration of Independence. Well done here!


Sum1

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561
561
Review of Rundown  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Diane,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I think I've lead a pretty sheltered life, despite my life travels. By that, I mean I've never been exposed to someone in this kind of trouble. You wrote this well, the plot flowed smoothly and I could feel for Tish immediately. To me, Flash Fiction is very hard to write, you have such limited space to get your point across, yet you did this fine in the space allowed. I did see one small thing you might want to look at.

1. Do you nee a lift somewhere?" I know you can see the missing 'd' in need.



Sum1

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562
562
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Dr. Gupta,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         What can I say here? I think you've done a really good job in this essay. You've identified several areas of my country that could stand a lot of improvement and innovation. Your thoughts on the medical care here are correct, I loved what you had to say about lawyers and how they take advantage of some people. I was surprised by your comments on driving in America. I think that too many people are starting to ignore simple road rules, and rush to get some place. It's become an 'all about me' type of thinking in many cases, where the person must get ahead of you in traffic, be the first through the light, etc. But when I read how it would be in India, I guess we're not that bad at all. I do have to say that in my opinion, you still haven't seen the true America. The average person in a small town who works hard, the not so average person who works just as hard, but can't get ahead. What I see a lot of, is that the rich are getting richer, and the poor getting poorer. They use this to their advantage of course, especially when confronting each other in court. The average person gets a court appointed lawyer, often young and not very experienced. The wealthy person can hire a defense team that the average person's lawyer can't possibly confront well. But as you say, it's a country of opportunity, and a great country. So is India, England, France, Italy, and many other countries I won't try to name. It's the leaders who allow themselves to become corrupt, who lose sight of their goals, their values, who forget what/who they are supposed to represent that make this country not so great. Excellent article here, you've seen far more than most people have during their visits.



Sum1

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563
563
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear NanaPockets,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty cute story you tell here, I've met a few women who can't cook. The thing is, anyone can cook, all they have to do is have faith, and be able to follow directions. The thing is, it's like anything you learn, you don't let a novice work by themselves at first. You work with them, give you directions, help them, get them to be confident.

         This is well written though, you relate it well. I really liked the way you described her making spaghetti. You know what she did wrong that night, right? *Smile* But you really made me smile with your descriptions of her using food coloring.

         I do have a little feedback on this for you. Not a lot, it's written well as I said, but I did see a couple of things for you.


1. She read the directions one more time then she mixing first one thing and then another. Mixing should be mixed. You should also add a comma after time.

2. When my mom is feeling creative in the kitchen sometimes it is better if you do not ask to many questions about what kind of stuff mom has fixed. You need a comma after kitchen. The to before many should be too.

3. We could go broke if we had to throw out the food every night the mom fixes. This sentence needs a little re-wording, very little. We could go broke if we had to throw out the food every night mom fixes dinner.

         I really liked this story, nice job! Tell us more about your family...


Sum1

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564
564
Review of Motherhood  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Sarah Rae,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         As the saying goes, A mother's job is never done. Unfortunately, this goes on all too often, a mother crying from exhaustion, unsure where she will get the energy to get through the next day. We had six children together, I was there for the birth of each one. I was also there helping each night, feeding when needed, we took turns taking care of the children. I have never understood why men don't get up more often. I know we work the day away, but so does the new mother. If everyone helped out, overall, both would be enough rest, and neither would have to sob in a pillow. I know it worked for us, but I also know that what works for one, may not work for another. I wish you'd had more help when your children were babies.


Sum1

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565
565
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Dropping by with a review for you. I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .

Dear Ken,
         I thought I'd drop by and repay the nice review you sent me this afternoon. As I expected, and is always the case with you, I found something very entertaining, and in a way unexpected. Unexpected in its format, a story instead of a poem! I have read several things in your port, but all were poems, none which were a disappointment to read.

         I liked your approach to this story, to me it was unique to think about a young man being mentored in space by a veteran gambler. But when one thinks of it, that's only natural. Not many would have taken the prompt from this contest and written it in this setting. To me, this speaks volumes of your talent for writing in general. In a way, it reminded me of the stories I read as a teen, written by Andre Norton. (I really hope you don't take offense being compared to her). I know you may have been under a word limit for this contest, but I'd love to see this a little longer. Not sure where you'd take it, but I'm sure you would figure it out.



Why I chose to read this:  The title drew me in, as well as the description. I know that having written this for the 'What A Character' contest that it would be good. It exceeded my expectations in that regard.

First Impression:  Gambling in the stars? I guess I am naive, and figured that would fade as the human race explored the stars. But when you think about it, we're not going to change that much, so it's only natural that people will gamble in the future.


What I liked in the story:  The setting. You mentioned a couple of stars in this, ones I'd read about as a youngster in the juvenile (and adult) Science Fiction genre. Brought back some fond memories, which is always good.

Suggest Improvements/Comments:  In reading something you've written, I find it very hard to look for areas of improvement. I'm not an English major (Just as Patrick!}, and I often get lost in the telling of the tale. In reading this story, I saw very little that I could offer in way of improvement, except one small suggestion.

1. Standing there, he thought back to when he had first met his friend and his mentor. It seems to me that you only need one usage of 'his' in this line


Overall Impression/Thoughts:  Keep up the excellent work! Always a pleasure to read something you've written. I enjoyed this one a lot.


Sum1

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566
566
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Maryann
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         Twelve years already? Wow, when did you join the site, when you were a young teen? *Smile* This is a great activity, I love the idea behind it. Imagine how much one could improve their vocabulary if they looked at this once in a while. Simple layout, excellent instructions, not too fancy, but perfect for this activity. I love the idea that it encourages people to think. The world always needs more thinkers! Love it!



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear James,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to admit, I've never written flash fiction, but your article here has encouraged me to give it a try soon. I guess one reason I've written anything like this yet, is that I didn't understand what flash fiction truly is. Another is that I knew it has to be short, and anyone who knows me, knows that I am not one to mince words. So, short doesn't work well with me, most of the time. *Smile* I think you have some excellent pointers here, and some very good ideas on what makes 'good flash fiction'. Anyone with a 65% win rate has to be doing something right after all!

         A couple of your pointers are things I do in almost everything I write. The first is the twist at the end. Many times I'll start writing something, and have no real idea what this poem or story is saying until I'm half way through it. Then a twist will appear, and I'm as stunned as anyone by it. My poem, "The Jester" was written like that, twist and all. I completely agree with your thoughts about not reading other entries until you've written yours. It does discourage you (me), or can at least, and makes it doubly hard to come up with an original story of your own. Grammar is something that needs to be looked at in everything we write of course, especially a short story or poem. I wish everyone would heed your note on that one. (I'm not too bad at it, but I know I make my fair share of mistakes.)

         Thank you for the informative, and very helpful article! I hope to enter/write something like this in the near future.


Sum1

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568
568
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Laurie,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, this one lost me some. I realize it's a letter from a 'guardian' angel, but as your description says, the angel seems a bit of a lunatic. I smiled at some of it, but being male, I found I was limited on how much humor I could see in it. (Just not into the shopping, accessories stuff, etc, that's all). At the same time, I did see the humor in it, mainly because of how you wrote it. The comedy is in it throughout, I could see that by the tone you wrote this in. (Who the heck is Donald Pliner or Marcella Borghese? See what I mean about not getting some of this?)

         Seriously, this is well written, the flow is good, even for a man to read. *Smile* You did crack me up with the line about the angel garroting her if she fell behind in her studies. And like you, I wonder who would be open to guidance from an angel like this. Well done!


Sum1

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569
Review of No Time To Scream  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Dear Angus,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         I thought that since you are the featured Anniversary Reviewer this month, that it would be only right if my first review for April was for you.

         Very interesting story, a bit typical for a werewolf story, but very good. I liked the way you presented it with different scenes, Cory and the first body, plus the police officers. The Beast and his second victim, the woman on the bike. And lastly, the third feeding. I think the only thing that threw it off (and just a little really) was the ending. The story is told from a third person POV, yet in the last line, it shifts to first person. Nothing bad about that, but it was a sudden shift is all. Well done in meeting the prompt in less than 1000 words.




Sum1

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570
570
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Dear Davy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, this is one of the most unique things I've ever read. *Bigsmile* Not only that, your sense of humor is evident in almost every word. The scary thing is, if I relax enough, I can see me writing something along these lines. I wouldn't be able to pull it off as well as you did, but wow, I love it! Do we both think that much alike? That's a scary thought! Excellent job of showing and telling here, I could plagiarize a movie line, and say, "You had me at Hello." But I think that would be a lie, because you had me when you said, "I don't speak with a lithp." *Laugh* That's what caused me to read this. Thanks for brightening my morning.



Sum1

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571
571
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Yellowrose
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         Your free verse poem brings home a lot to me for a couple of reasons. Being a 20 year veteran, anything to do with our military always attracts me. However, I also worked in a tire plant for 6 years, and would never put a tire in front of our veterans. Not even in front of a civilian! I can't believe this would happen, but then again, I know how politicians can be, so yes I can believe it. How very sad. Nicely related here, thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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572
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Rebecca,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!


         You paint quite the picture of life in Western Australia with your essay here. I loved how you described the countryside, the way it changes as you drive along. I would love the chance to visit that part of your country. I've been to Australia, but I've not really SEEN the country. Spent a whopping week in Melbourne one time, that's all. While I travel a lot, I don't get to Australia much, and doubt I'll get back there at all, sad to say. I live in the Chicago suburbs, and it's quite crowded. I prefer the countryside, and life a little less fast paced. So I know I'd love to visit your area of the world, and experience the things you write about here. *Smile*

         While you did a good job describing the area you live in, this essay does need a little editing if you want to improve it.


What I liked in this:  Your descriptions of the countryside near Armadale.



The Essay's Strongest Point:  The vivid images you painted in my mind of Western Australia.


Things you might want to look at:  

1. You use the word 'then' several times early on in the essay. On one occasion, it should have been than, not then. Tasmania is an island, separate from the rest of the country and secluded in the sense that their separation keeps the community tighter knit then the swiftly expanding metropolises of the other states.

2. In a couple of cases, you seemed to fall in love with comma's. Here's an example of one line that has quite a few. The parkland rides over the hill with splendid views looking across the city, skyscrapers blending with deep, blue, river, boats, and bridges, the green hills disappearing into the horizon. This sentence runs on and on, and on, and, on, and, on, and,,, get the point? *Smile*

3. It was in that part of the essay where you used then several times in quick succession. A little later after that part you have another sentence loaded with comma's.

4. A few of your sentences are not complete sentences. Here's a couple of examples.
   a. Seeing the countryside pass in farmlands, fruit groves, vineyards, caves of precious gemstones, forest, bushland, and splendid coast.

   b. I’ve seen the whales come so close to the shore during their yearly migration.

   c. I’ve seen our historical landmarks. This by itself is not that bad of a sentence, but you have a chance here to tell us, and show us through your descriptive ability, what those historical landmarks are!

My Favorite Part:  I'd have to say, it's the pride you have in living in your part of the world. It was shining like a star throughout the essay.


Overall impressions:  A nice essay about life in Western Australia. The descriptions of the countryside make this a very interesting read.


Sum1

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573
573
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Sophy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         Titled as it was, I was wondering where you would take this poem. I thought that perhaps you would speak to her, and she'd tell you how she looked just like you when she was younger. But your idea is better, seeing yourself reflected in a mirror on the street. Not that it's the same thing, but I remember a time 30 years ago or so, when I saw a woman walking in the mall with 6 young children, and I thought to myself, "That poor woman with all those kids!" I was shocked when I realized it was my family! Seeing that made me realize how odd it is to have that many children. I think you might have felt the same way in this poem, you feel for the woman, and as you said, amazed that she's let herself go. All the while, you think of yourself as young and in shape. You turn to speak, and realize you are looking at yourself. Sometimes it take a small shift in looking at ourselves to realize how others really see us. Well done in accomplishing that in this poem!



Sum1

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574
574
Review of Color Me Human  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Dear D.L.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         You know, this isn't the best thing in writing, but it's written well. But I never saw any potential flaws that may exist, I was engrossed in the story. Well told, well written, and entertaining. I'm not a huge believer in mixing races, at the same time I don't believe in segregation either. What I'm trying to say is that I'm in the middle; when it comes to race, my pendulum is in the middle. What I believe in is this; if you can get together, talk, find a bit of camaraderie, enjoy your time together, then skin color should never matter, huh. Like you said in your story early on, get past the color of skin, and we're all the same inside. We're all humans. Love this story, love it's message. I just wish more people in the world would look beyond skin color (or where the person comes from), and see the human inside. Well done! *Smile*



Sum1

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575
Review of I'm Okay  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Dear Vivian,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say this; I think everyone, and I do mean everyone on God's Green Earth should live a day in your shoes. Only then will many appreciate what life we have, the health we have, the ability to get things done. I would share the energy I have with you if that was possible. Fill your units and put some in reserve. Saying that reminds me of a favorite movie, "Resurrection", with Ellen Burstyn. In it, a near death experience changed her, allowed her to heal others. I've always thought that would be an awesome ability. <Sigh> Such is fantasy. I truly hope you manage each day, feel as well as you can, and live life long, to its fullest. Wonderful article here, I hope many others read it, and learn.



Sum1

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