Hi, Rebecca - expiring, I have been mentoring your aunt, ShadowMouse I saw her link to your portfolio in her Bio. So here I am. I write mostly poetry so I checked your poetry folder. I like your poem at the top. It has one spelling error. The word 'reherse' should be 'rehearse'.
Hello Maria Mize I found this on the Review Request Page. You were asking if this made sense. Yes it does. I can understand what you are writing about; A worthwhile life burned out too soon by erroneous living, so to speak.
You also mentioned that you used onomatopoeia. That is one of my favorite words to define. 'Exaggeration for sake of explanation.' (The definition is poetic sounding, don't you think) That literary device was used with the phrase 'a life worth more than a million dollars.'
The inclusion of the explanation for the Villanelle at the end is helpful to the reader.
Giving us a link to the poetry challenge this was written for is a good idea. It is supportive of the forum as well as giving readers a chance to avail themselves of an opportunity to learn new forms.
Hey, Legerdemain This is a review for the Sr. Mod Review weekend.
I like to read 'older stuff' sometimes, so I checked out this item from 2004.
This is a vivid piece. I feel I am watching a program on the Nature Chsnnel as I read the description of a hawk sitting on branch and swooping down to capture dinner.
And, I also want to thank you for all you do for WDC.
Hello Alexors- Is in hospital Welcome to Writing.Com. Good to have an addition to the family.
I found your poem on the 'Shameless Plug Page'. You said you were new to this. Well, you did a good job. The rhythm flows nicely and the rhyme is pretty good. The only things I see that need work are, in the first stanza you need a space after some of the commas. And in the second stanza the word 'sole' should be 'soul'. Also the comma after the word 'destroyed' needs to be slid over, and the space needs to go on the other side of it.
Hey Dave, this poem flowed nicely and rhymed very well.
But you left me wanting more.
It started out with the promise of vivid descriptions. We got that in the first two verses. But then there was only one more 4-line verse and a two-line verse at the end; and they didn't contain the pictures I was hoping for. I was ready to be transported as if in a dream to the place where the pixies danced.
This is a good start. Maybe you could expand some. If you do, let me know. I am ready to travel to a 'land far away.'
Hi, Write-fully Loti I'm checking out a few of your limericks. I have a hard time coming up with limericks that don't sound 'stupid'. This is a good one. I like your rhymes of 'gardens' and 'pardons'.
This is the beginning of a port raid for the Angel Army. I'm off to read another limerick.
Hey there Kate - Writing & Reading I have been reading poety tonight. I happened on this piece. It has the 'classical' feel to it. The imagery is good.
I like your transition from tall ships plying the ocean waves to ships plying the ocean floor.
You followed the parameters of the form you included at the end of the poem perfectly.
Hello the dreamer, welcome to our extended family!
This piece of poetry about hope for perfection is creative in the use of a box to keep it in.
The use of the word 'one' in the first few lines is a little confusing to the reader. I think the first two lines would sound okay, and not lose your intent, if they read "Nobody can be perfect
and yet I wanted to be."
The next two lines could be changed also and not lose intent;
"Now that I lost hope
of being perfect,"
Hey there Jack Bradley. This is a good idea. Putting the original and the revised version on the same page. You can get input on both.
For me, the revision is the better of the two. In the last line of the revision the use of the words 'Your shooting star' makes it seem more personal. And the words 'fading to memory' are very poetic.
Either way it is a good poem. I just prefer the second version.
Hi [suser:madhulika}, what a wonderful short story. You take us through Nancy's character development from bitterness to loving and caring. Good job.
You throw in a moral or lesson at the end without harping on it. I like that the other character's didn't harp at Nancy either. They let her bloom in the same manner as her garden.
Hello writehanded~on hiatus. I can tell by your handle that you have a creative mind. It shows in this poem version of 'The Three Little Pigs'. It is the same old story told in a new and fresh manner.
The last three verses add a different ending than the original, but have a good moral for kids, which is expressed in the last verse.
Hey there catwoman I was looking through your folder of images and was just going to comment on the folder as a whole, but this picture of your sunbathing cats with a bikini top covering each female part cracked me up. I laughed right out loud. I can't imagine how you got the tops on them, or that they would stay on their backs in the lounge chairs long enough to take the picture.
I think I am going to put it in My Favorites so I can check it out when I need a good chuckle to brighten my day.
Nancy, No I don't look like the picture in my sig, but I used too. LOL
Hello, I have been reading 'old stuff' today. I came across this article. Written in 2002 and modified in 2004. This is quite a list of free services provided by Writing.Com.
It might be a good idea to provide a link to it somewhere, as a reminder to people of what this excellent site has to offer.
Thank you for creating and maintaining this site. I, along with three members of my family greatly appreciate it.
Hi there, iddycatwalks I found this on the Review Request Page. You asked for help with rhyming. Well, it doesn't rhyme, but doesn't need to. I love the lines,
'She had loved and lost
She had loved and won,'
In the last verse you need to change the word 'advice' to 'advise'. Other than that, this is very good.
Hello photoboy_76 Welcome to Writing.Com It's good to have new members added to our family.
The subject matter of this poem makes it difficult for me to comment on. I have had the exact opposite relationship with my father (I'm an older lady). So I am not faulting you for your feelings. I'm sorry there is reason to feel the way you do. It is good you have a way to express those feelings.
The mechanics of the poem is good. You express the feelings in a logical manner. You are not ranting and raving, just expressing your opinion.
Hello Grandma Catwoman. I checked this folder of pictures from your Butterfly Garden. I see that the last modification was in 2005. Do you still enjoy your garden?
You are so lucky to be able to have a place to maintain such a peacful sanctuary. I want one too!!
Hey Kelso I thought I had already sent a review of this piece, but as I was going back through 'stuff' it seems I read this, but never sent the review. I'm sorry the review is so late in coming.
I like this follow-up piece in your series. Are you going to write more? If you do, this one should be last because he dies in this one. Or maybe not. He could meet all kinds of different demises. That would make an interesting series of short stories.
Well now, this is another good doodle. You are very creative. The use of the words 'Peace Is' at the beginning and 'Pieces' at the end is inspired. Even though this is very short, you say a lot and say it well.
I see these pieces are around three years old. I like to read 'older stuff' to see how the writer has developed.
I like this. It is a good comparison of clouds moving across the sky to watching gowns of those dancing waltzing around the ballroom. (Sorry about the wierd compound sentence) I am assuming the words typed in bold letters were from a promp. If so, you did a good job.
I am sure I am going to enjoy my time spent here in your folder of 'doodles'. I like doodling myself.
Hello peacflezfeeling I see you have been a member of Writing.Com for a month. Welcome aboard!!
I found this short story in the Writer's Cramp. Good luck with the contest. This is a good recounting of a sad day that had a good ending.
I think there is one grammatical error to edit.
Where you say '...me with my mother.', I think it should read, '...I with my mother.' If you put in the implied word (lived) and read the sentence it makes sense. Knowing where to use 'I' and 'me' has always been hard for me to figure out. Adding the implied word and listening to how it sounds has been the only way I know which one to use. And even that may throw me off.
If you edit that part, makesure to wait until after the judging at noon. It is only a minor spot.
Good job with this short story.I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
Nancy
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