This allegory would be better understood if you would include what it is an allegory about in the description. You put the words together quite well, but as I said, an explanation would help the reader to understans it better.
There are also some spelling errors to be edited. Check the words: consistant, akward, and malnurished.
If you edit this and add the explanation, you can let me know and I will change my rating accordingly.
I'm glad you are a part of our community! If you have other classmates who are joining WDC, let me know and I will review them also.
Hello again, This is a wonderful tribute to 'Pop'.
I have read the tributes written by the rest of the family who are members of WDC. Yours is just as glowing as the rest.
The rhyming and rhythm are good. I like what you say and how you say it. I feel peace even though the loss is a part of your lives.
Hello Georgina, I found out today that Meg is your mother-in-law. So, I came to your portfolio to say hello and found this tribute to her. It emphasizes what I have observed through her writing and her emails. It also echoes what I have read in items her children have written.
You have expressed your thoughts well. There is one place where you left out a letter. You need the letter 'd' at the end of the word 'exclaime(d)'. And maybe you could write the word (Cos) with a mark in front of it ('Cos). It is not the complete word. The (') mark indicates that and would polish off the look of the poem.
I am glad to meet you! I will look forward to reading more of your work.
This poem makes me a little sad; wanting to be close to the one you love, even if it means being there without having the feelings returned to you. What devotion!
You misspelled 'Juliet' but other than that I saw no errors.
Hello, I am so delighted to be the first to review and rate this. It is wonderful.
It has an ethereal feel to it. I hesitate to use the word lofty, because that so often has a negative connotation. But that is also how this feels to me, (not in the negative sense.)
Hey Hooks232, this is pretty good. And yes, you are correct, it has a surprise ending. It's not what I expected. I was looking for a drinking or smoking problem. Very creative!
There are a couple places to fix up punctuation, and a spelling error to fix.
The spelling error is in the line '...closer examination there just..' 'There' should be 'they're' the contraction for they are.
Punctuation: The first full paragraph, a comma after '..to be sure..'.
There should probably be a semi-colon after '..Lords of the night.' The phrases that come next are not complete sentences, but rather a listed continuation of the preceding sentence. Don't capitalize them.
For the sentence that begins 'Really I never have recovered..' There should be a comma after 'really'. It is an interjection.
This is a good piece, it just needs a little grammatical work.
Hi there, welcome to Writing.Com I hope you are finding your way around okay.
I am reviewing the article you wrote about your questioning what to believe in religious areas.
You bring up some good questions to ponder. I hope you find the answers.
I am going to point out a few places to edit. I am not tearing the article apart, just making grammatical and spelling suggestions.
Paragraph 1. You need to edit this phrase ',and it this is still..'
Paragraph 2. I think you could remove the comma after the words 'killing thousands'.
Also there should probably be a question mark at the end of the question, 'Is this really the right way to raise our children.'
Paragraph 3. In the first line I think the word 'that' would look better as 'who'. You are talking about a person, not a thing.
A comma should be placed after, '...for me, but...'
Your quote "everyone else is doing it" should start with a capital letter.
The word 'its' should have an apostrophe because it is a contraction for 'it is.'
The word 'your' should be 'you're'
You need a question mark after the word 'children'.
Paragraph 4 In the fourth line, I would move the comma after the first time you used the word 'kids' to the second time you used it.
You mentioned that the church can give people hope for the future. Maybe you could mention how. You also state that hope can be a bad thing. Mention why.
In the line with the words 'I believe in most cases it's good...' you could place commas before and after the words 'in most cases'.
Pargraph 5 In the first line you could put a colon after the word 'religions'. The next phrases are the list of rules you mention. If you do this, the word 'Don't' would not need the capital letter.
After the words '..which religion is wrong.' you need a question mark.
Paragraph 6. "These differences is..' The 'is' should be 'are'.
"..no matter what are beliefs are." The first 'are' should be 'our'.
I know this looks like a lot of editing. It really isn't. It just takes a lot of words to say it.
Well Ta, Thanks for sharing your pending name change with us. It is always nice to have your 'family' help you with decision making.
Now here is my opinion. I think you should combine some of the old with what you want your new to be. So I think you should go ahead with Demi for the first part, but should revamp your families name 'Destructo' to go with it. If I were making up your name it would be "Demi Lition".
This was the devotional start to my day. What a good reminder to let Jesus in on the ground floor plans we make instead of waiting until we've made a mess and then asking Him to help us fix it up!
Thanks for once agai sharing your experiences with us.
Kenzie, this is wonderful! You got the plan of Salvation, and how to live it, out to the people in a well written, concise manner. And it doesn't drag on or make you wish it would hurry up and get over with.
It doesn't accuse or point fingers. It just says it the way it is.
I found the link to this in the Spiritual Newsletter I recived today.
Hello, Welcome to Writing.Com It's good to have new faces around.
How frightening to have these nightmares. Isn't it good to know we have a God who can handle those demons.
He is stronger than they are. He is our shield.
Hello, Good thoughts about what God is to you. He is all of those things to me also. I especially like your description of Him as an 'Unmovable defender'. This shows nothing can make Him step away from us.
In the last verse I don't think you need the comma after the word 'His'.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts of our Heavenly Father.
Hello, Welcome to Writing.Com I hope you will find your way around okay.
I'm sorry your first item had to be one to answer harsh words from someone. Hopefully, this won't have to be your only reason for writing.
There is some editing that would improve the look of the piece. You said what was on your mind. Now that there has been time to let that cool a little, editing can be done.
For example, the words 'I, I'll, I've and I'm' all need to be capitalized. Th word 'I've' should have an apostropohe
'You're' needs to be used for the contraction 'you are'.
You don't need the apostophe in the word 'stones'. The word 'Ice' at the end of the second sentence doesn't need to be capitalized.
Where you typed the word 'bike' you possibly meant 'dike'.
The word 'doesn't' needs an apostrophe
The word 'because' doesn't need to be capitalized.
In the third sentence the word 'you'll' doesn't need the capital letter.
In line 6 there should probably be a '!' after 'cruel' instead of a '?'
Hello Crystaldawn, In my search for inspiration to start my day, I found this poem. What a good reminder that God is just waiting for us to ask Him to once again be a part of our life.
I like the message but the rhythm could use a little work. I'll give you an example:
In verse 5, there are too many words for it to read smoothly. A couple could be taken out and rearranged without changing the meaning. Like this:
"There's only one way out I see
To give it up and be set free
So I'll start today out new
Begin each day in a chat with you."
Then in verse 6, second line I think you could replace the word 'and' with a comma. It would take a way a syllable and smooth the rhythm there also.
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The spelling error is in the line '...closer examination there just..' 'There' should be 'they're' the contraction for they are.
Paragraph 1. You need to edit this phrase ',and it this is still..'
Nancy 