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 |  Breaking the laws of blogging, one entry at a time. |
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Wanted: For repeated blog faux pas, including, but not limited to: Obsessive ranting - guilty on 92 counts. Repeatedly beating a dead horse - guilty on 17 counts. Unnecessary use of curse words - guilty on 142 counts. Boring daily recounts - guilty on 45 counts. Pointless entries - guilty on 214 counts. Contradictory statements - guilty on 72 counts. Recounting toilet actions - guilty on 15 counts. Overdramatization of insignificant things - guilty on 152 counts. Overreacting to meaningless gestures - guilty on 22 counts. Unnecessary temper tantrums - guilty on 75 counts. Cruelty towards animals, superiors, peers, and inferiors - guilty on 146 counts. Repeated bad grammar, spelling, and opinionations - guilty on 214 counts. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Do not confront directly, instead call the authorities and slowly back away. Do not provoke suspect, as she is easy to agitate. The best action to take is to smile and nod. Any other response could lead suspect to rant and rave for days without ceasing. REWARD OFFERED FOR CAPTURE Dead or alive. Offending evidence: ![Merit Badge in Journaling
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Given for penning the favorite response entry in the Follow the Leader contest with "Come Again?"](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Journaling-2180.gif) (Exhibit A) ![Merit Badge in Variety
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Because I never knew what to expect from your Follow the Leader entries, but I'm oh so glad you played!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Variety-2500.gif) (Exhibit B) (Exhibit C) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
I just posted the ones of Ethan. I figured y'all didn't care about the ones of kids you didn't know.    One of my favorites from the 4th.  Outfit #1 at the party. It was ruined by a sucker. Yeah, I know boys don't care about clothes, but Mommies do.  Outfit #2. Thank God I come prepared. He thought he was so cool playing on the swing set.  I have no clue how I got so lucky to get this one good shot of him going down the slide. But I love it. I didn't have to worry about rocking the boat. J's Aunt Betty bought him a crapload of t-shirts from Wal*Mart. You could see Jill inspecting them with a frown on her face. Then her boyfriend, Josh, goes, "Oh COOL! They glow in the DARK!" And Hunter was all about that, so Jill won't be able to shove those to the back of his dresser, since Hunter was excited about Glow in the Dark t-shirts and all. But he also loved what we all chipped in for. We got him a brand new Notre Dame bedding set. Sheets, comforter, pillow sham, bedside lamp, and wall decorations for his new room when Jill and him move into Josh's house. It was the first time we'd met Josh. He was really down to earth and into being Hunter's Dad. I couldn't understand what he saw in Jill, who is the complete opposite (living on a planet where everyone should be able to shop at The Gap and all). |
| Today is Hunter's birthday. It's also his birthday party, since he was lucky enough for it to fall on a Saturday. I didn't even feel like buying him a birthday present because of his Mom. I love Jill dearly, but she has kind of alienated everyone in our family. See, she requested that nobody buy Hunter any clothes this year because we don't buy the stuff she likes to dress him in, namely stuff from the Gap, Gymboree, and other expensive places. First of all, I'm of the opinion that at Hunter's age (5), he doesn't care what he's wearing, and even if he did, he's spending way too much time playing and getting dirty to wear anything that cost me more than something I can buy at Wal*Mart or whatever. I don't even buy Ethan many things at Baby Gap or Gymboree, unless its on clearance, because it's just way too expensive for something he's only going to be able to wear for a few months. At 5, Hunter is going to be wearing clothes longer than Ethan, but not that much longer! It made me want to bitch right up and go to Wal*Mart and buy him a few outfits, just to make my fucking point. But I didn't, since I don't want to rock the boat too much. Instead, I just gave J's Mom $20 and told her to apply it to whatever she's buying. I'm not going to punish Hunter for his Mom. But, I just don't even feel like shopping for him. It took all of the fun out of it knowing that she was judging our gifts, whether they were good enough for her son. She should just be fucking grateful that we would buy him a gift, like I am when someone buys a gift for Ethan. Last Christmas, at J's family party, Jill was all like, "Oh I really love your shirt! Where did you get that?" I replied with, "Wal*Mart." "Oh," she said, and walked away. Well fuck if I'm going to spend a whole lot of money on clothes I'm not going to be wearing long, either. I was a size 12 at Christmas, and only a few weeks later I was a size 10. A few weeks after that, I was a size 8. I'm telling you, I'm not going to buy a whole new wardrobe at The Gap everytime I drop a fucking pants size. And I'm not going to spend $500 every 6 months for Ethan to wear clothing from The Gap. I'd rather spend that money on my bills and keeping a roof over our head. I mean, I wouldn't want to have to declare bankruptcy because I wracked up so much credit card debt trying to put myself and my kid in namebrand clothes...  Oh, that's right. I forgot that she has. Twice.I had to get that out of my system now, so I didn't bitch up at the party. I'm not going to ruin the day for Hunter. Although I still might make a run to Wal*Mart and buy an outfit.   |
| My God. Sometimes Jason thinks he's playing around and he gets in my face when he knows I HATE that. I don't care if he's playing or he's serious. I hate it when he gets in my fucking face. My very first reaction is to punch him right in his damn nose. Thank goodness that Ethan's asleep. He doesn't need to see me getting pissed off and whopping his Daddy because he wants to be a stupid ass. It already doesn't help that I've had to put him in the corner about 7 times today for hitting. He hit me, he headbutted me in the stomach (that one REALLY hurt), and he tried to hit our dogs and J's Mom's dogs. I don't think it's right to punish him by spanking him, especially since I'm trying to tell him that hitting is bad. He doesn't like standing in the corner. It really pisses him off when I stick him there. |
| Is it bad that I woke up at 4 am to go pee and then had trouble getting back to sleep because I had one of the songs from Higglytown Heroes stuck in my head? Not to mention I have been having these strange ass dreams... A couple of nights ago, I dreamt that my Grandma had all of these slugs crawling around and sliming up her house. I was trying to collect them into a manilla envelope, but the fuckers kept sliming their way back out. Then one got on me, and apparently I have a fear of slugs, because I shot straight up in bed smacking at my hand to get it off. LOL. Last night, I had a really weird dream. I was out running, and I got really tired. It was like 3 am. I was near Betsy's parent's house, so I snuck in the back door, since her Dad was still storing the spare key in the same place after all these years. I went into Betsy's bedroom, which was the exact same as it had been when she lived there, and went to sleep. I woke up a couple of hours later and snuck back out. I was walking around, and somehow Betsy was there. She had Andrew, one of the trumpet players from band, with her. He was the sweet, nice, shy Andrew and he looked the same as he did when he was a sophomore, except instead of living in a phat house on the west side, he was living in a popup trailer in a lot on the east side. Next to his trailer was this old barn, but on the inside it was livable. Then the other Andrew that played the trumpet showed up. He was the asshole, evil, smartmouthed Andrew that I remembered from high school. He looked the same as he did our Senior year, except he was my age. Next thing I know, Bre showed up. She looked like when I first met her, before she got married and gained 50 pounds. And she was cross stitching, which I never knew her to do. I have no clue why she would have been there, other than because she knew me, because she was a friend from college and nobody should have known who she was, but they did. We all sort of sat around Andrew's popup trailer and talked about nothing in particular, and then I woke up to piss. I'm still trying to figure it out. LOL. |
| Yesterday, I woke up. Then I took a piss. Then I got Ethan out of bed and changed his diaper because he had taken a piss as well. Then we went out to the living room, where I put him in his high chair and fed him breakfast. He had Cheerios and a Dannon Frusion Smoothie in Mixed Berry. I ate an apple and a 20 ounce bottle of water. After a while, I couldn't resist the draw of the laptop. So, I got online and checked my email. And chatted a bit. And played with Ethan. Because I am an awesome multitasker. At noonish, I fed Ethan lunch. He had chicken nuggets, cheese squares, diced apple, and milk. He ate everything on his plate. While he was eating, I tried to toast my English muffin in the dishwasher. But I quickly recovered and put it in the toaster oven. Then he threw his plate. After I cleaned it up, I took him out of his high chair and put him down for his nap. While he was down for his nap, I did my workout for the day. I did my situp reps and then ran on the treadmill for 37 minutes. Afterward, I sat down and chatted online for a bit with Legerdemain  . Then I tried to make myself some lunch, and Ethan woke up from his nap.We played some more, and then Jason came home from work. I got out steaks for dinner, did some more laundry, and then we ate dinner. Ethan got a bath, and then he went to bed about 8 pm. I ate a fluffernutter sandwich and went outside to water my garden. Jason had parked the van on the hose, so I made him come out and move it. Then I watered my flowers. Then I came inside and scrapbooked. Then I talked to Jay's debut novel is out now!  for a little bit on Yahoo, and then I went to bed. God, I bored myself. I had to walk away twice while I was writing this because it was so boring. |
| I just tried to toast my English muffin.... . . . . . . in the dishwasher! |
| My friend Ben used to work with his Dad in the summer. His Dad was a "super cool" Dad who was a professional pyrotechnician. During the months of June and July, they travelled all over the states of Kentucky and Indiana doing fireworks displays. I loved going to his shows and watching the fireworks. But it was always from a distance, and that was kind of boring because Ben got to see them up close and personal. One 4th of July, Ben's Dad got to do the fireworks at Carroll County Park, which was relatively close for a change. His Dad actually even invited all of us to experience the display up close and personal, and gave us passes so we'd be able to get in the park and in the 500-ft perimeter they roped off to keep people within a safe distance from the launch site. Me, Anthony, Aaron, Todd, Bre, and Jennifer got our blankets and got comfortable on the grass about 100 feet from the cannons. We laid on our backs and looked up into the clear Kentucky sky and waited for the fun to start. It was pretty cool, watching all those fireworks shoot up into the air and explode nearly right over us. Equally awesome was watching their sparkles fall back to the earth and die out. The thunderous boom as each firework shot off shook the ground underneath us. We ooohed and aaahed as each firework lit the sky, and we were giddy because it was so cool to watch it this close up. About 15 minutes into the 25-minute display (Ben's Dad was known for doing a decent-timed show with lots and lots and lots of explosions), there was a malfunction on one of the cannons, and it misfired. One of the fireworks came careening toward us, about 25 feet up in the air. It exploded and the sparks came flying at us. Let me tell you, if I had never ran before in my life, or even had never done one of those awesome kung fu laying down to standing moves, I learned how to at that very moment in my life! All 5 of us got up and ran as fast as our little legs could carry us, away from the falling fire above our heads. Lucky for us, we ran far enough away and we were fast enough to get out of harm's way. Our blankets, however... they didn't survive. Ben's Dad was so apologetic for scare. I've never, ever wanted to be that close to exploding fireworks again. |
| Why is it that Jason can be so entertained by a movie like Blade: Trinity and think that Mars Attacks is a stupid movie? I was forced to listen to all of Blade: Trinity while I tried to work on the rest of the Convention scrapbook for the creative auction. I somehow got pulled in by the last huge fight scene, where the girl kicks ass and takes name with her silver-tipped arrows and Blade kills big bad Dracula. Now I ask him to keep it on Mars Attacks because that movie is absolutely one of the funniest goddamned things I've ever watched over and over again, and he says he doesn't want to because it's stupid. Yes, it is stupid. But it is hilarious in that stupidity. Jack Nicholson as president about makes me piss my pants. The yodeling music that makes the alien's brains explode makes me double over in laughter. What is there to not like about that movie? It totally rocks my socks off! I guess he just doesn't understand a cult classic when he sees it. And I think those aliens could whip Wesley Snipes ass any day. |
| It is so unlike me to revel in joy at someone else's failure, but I can't help it. I'm so freakin' glad that I could piss myself. I did a little happy dance. I pumped my fist in triumph. I wagged my butt and wiggled my toes. I'm not saying who or why, just know that I am oh-so-very-glad that the Gods leaned in my favor and brought me a huge sense of relief. The very thought of said happenings that shall remain unsaid occuring had my bowels in knots. They are now unknotted and I am free to toot my horn. Like it had really stopped me before, but still... I am just so happy!  |
| I feel ungood today. Icky, ucky, ooky. We had none of my milk this morning, only Ethan's whole milk. I used 1/2 a cup in my cereal because I was hungry. Now my stomach feels heavy. Whole milk is nasty. I can't believe I used to drink this stuff when I was in college and complained because Jason would rather have 2%. I wish the weather would shape up. I want to use my clothesline, damnit! |
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