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 |  Breaking the laws of blogging, one entry at a time. |
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Wanted: For repeated blog faux pas, including, but not limited to: Obsessive ranting - guilty on 92 counts. Repeatedly beating a dead horse - guilty on 17 counts. Unnecessary use of curse words - guilty on 142 counts. Boring daily recounts - guilty on 45 counts. Pointless entries - guilty on 214 counts. Contradictory statements - guilty on 72 counts. Recounting toilet actions - guilty on 15 counts. Overdramatization of insignificant things - guilty on 152 counts. Overreacting to meaningless gestures - guilty on 22 counts. Unnecessary temper tantrums - guilty on 75 counts. Cruelty towards animals, superiors, peers, and inferiors - guilty on 146 counts. Repeated bad grammar, spelling, and opinionations - guilty on 214 counts. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Do not confront directly, instead call the authorities and slowly back away. Do not provoke suspect, as she is easy to agitate. The best action to take is to smile and nod. Any other response could lead suspect to rant and rave for days without ceasing. REWARD OFFERED FOR CAPTURE Dead or alive. Offending evidence: ![Merit Badge in Journaling
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Given for penning the favorite response entry in the Follow the Leader contest with "Come Again?"](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Journaling-2180.gif) (Exhibit A) ![Merit Badge in Variety
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Because I never knew what to expect from your Follow the Leader entries, but I'm oh so glad you played!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Variety-2500.gif) (Exhibit B) (Exhibit C) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| So I had an extremely strange dream last night. I was sitting on a plane to fly to Baltimore when my cell phone rang. Since the doors weren't closed yet, I answered. It was someone (I don't know who) who was with Rivets, my band director from high school. Rivets was ill and in the hospital and needed a kidney. To make things even more strange, he was in Minneapolis instead of Kalamazoo, where I was. The flight attendants kept telling me I had to get off the phone, but the doors weren't closed yet and the plane wasn't completely loaded, so I kept talking to the person on the other end. I asked if there was someone else who could give him the kidney, but they said that I was the only one who had O+ blood out of all of the people that they were going to ask, and Rivets has O+ blood. (I don't know if that's true but whatever. It was a dream.) Then a woman got on the phone and said that Baltimore might as well be Timbucktu and to get off the plane and to save this man. Then Rivets got on the phone and started talking delusionally. Saying really weird things that I don't even want to repeat because it wasn't right. Anyway, that's when my alarm clock went off. So I woke up. I have no clue what it meant. |
| ROFL. I'm serious. According to this, how you draw a monkey will define what kind of person you are sexually. http://www.zipperfish.com/free/games/draw-a-monkey.php I'm not going to tell you my results in the entry. First click the link, then read my results in the comments. I'd like to know what kind of monkey you drew, too!  Or maybe not, because it really could be TMI. |
| We're going to take Ethan to the museum tomorrow. Jason's never been, and he's lived in Kalamazoo all of his life. Well... it's a lie that he's never been. He went when the museum was but a room above the library before they got their own building about 12 years ago or so. But he hasn't been since. phil1861 was only in town for a week and even he's been to the museum. Mostly because I took him because I hadn't ever been, but also partly because there really isn't that much to do in Kalamazoo without paying through the nose. We had thought about going to the Air Zoo, but at $19 a person it isn't going to be worth it until Ethan's a little bit older. Same with bowling. Ethan's not old enough to enjoy even the bumper bowling, yet. Or the movies. If it wasn't going to rain, we could have gone to one of the many lakes and spent the day outside, but we're supposed to get storms tomorrow and Sunday. So the last time me and Ethan went to the museum, they had a special musical exhibit. Now the special exhibit is science in toyland, so that ought to entertain both of the boys. And if the weather's nice, we might head over to Arcadia park and see if the fountain is on. It's one of those kinds that are made for kids to run through. I don't know what it is with me, lately. I think I've given up on everything, even attempting to be interesting. Maybe I just need to get out more. |
| I entered a drawing a week or so ago to win a 10,000 dollar cash prize. The drawing isn't until December, but the company I guess also does weekly drawings while you're waiting for the big drawing. Our name was pulled this week and we won a 2-room professional carpet cleaning. Now I just have to decide which 2, of the 5 carpeted rooms in our house, I want cleaned. Streak trashed our bedroom carpet yesterday because he accidentally got locked in there yesterday when I went to the store. Not as in pooped or peed. He chewed it up around the door. He also scratched up the finish on the door and the paint around the door frame. I think Jason plans on having the carpet replaced in there in the next year, so I don't want to waste professional cleaning and scotch guarding on it. Ethan's carpet still looks like brand new and we had it scotch guarded when we installed it, so the only reason I would want it cleaned is if it needed it, which I don't think it does. The kitchen carpet is ugly. I hate it. If I have anything to say about it, that carpet will be gone before our bedroom carpet. Who picks out ugly purple carpet and puts it in places like the bathroom, hallway, and kitchen? Who puts carpet in the kitchen in the first damned place? Sure, it needs to be cleaned, because it gets all the food crap from cooking on it, but we've already got the hard wood on order for it, so scotch guarding it would be a waste. So that leaves the front room and the living room. The front room especially makes sense since that's where people come into the house, so it attracts all of the dirt. Plus the front room and the living room are both white carpeting. So I guess that answers my question. Well, it'll be nice to not have pet tracks on the carpets, I guess. Oh, my God. What the fuck is wrong with me? I just wrote a blog entry about which carpets I want to have cleaned. I have reached a new low.  |
| There's a show on SciFi called "Who Wants to be a Superhero?" and Jason is addicted to it. Its the most ridiculous and hilarious show I've ever watched. One guy is called Major Victory and he is such a cheese head that its silly. He reminds me of the night club guys from Saturday Night Live. At least he's fun to watch, though. Oh, I forgot to mention that he used to be a male stripper.  Then there's Fat Momma. OK. I'm all about equal opportunities and all, but a fat super hero who gains her power from donuts?  Give me a break.Then there's Lumeria, who wears the golden stripper costume. I have no clue what her super power is. I guess stunning the evil men with her immense amount of cleavage? Next is Creature, who has dreadlocks and wears next to nothing. Again, I'm not quite sure what her super power is supposed to be, or what her thing is, but she's really the coolest out of all of them. And finally, there's Feedback. He reminds me of one of those geeky guys in the back of the class in high school reading comic books and getting his jollies off of Wonder Woman's breasts... What would a superhero clan be without an arch nemesis, though? That's where the Dark Enforcer comes in. He's a steroid ridden, smelly, ugly guy from Brooklyn who is a super hero castoff. He didn't get along with the other members of the super hero household, and thus was turned into the super villian. Those eliminiated so far have been Cell Phone Girl, Monkey Woman, Tyveculus, Nitro G, and Levity. The only one that was superhero worthy out of all of them was Tyvelculus. I guess its a novel idea. I've always liked to think that if I were going to be immortalized in a comic book, I'd be something exciting. But honestly, I don't think I have anything interesting or exciting to offer to the comic book world, other than maybe a scrapbook about one of them. But I'm not a comic book geek, so I guess that's out of the question, too. |
| I have nothing to be excited about today. It's kind of shitty. I like being excited about something, even if it's the stupidest thing. I guess I can get excited because I have to go to the store to pick up my prints from the convention. I still owe Kathleen her postcards, and I haven't had much time to put them together. I'm going to make myself sit down and do it tonight, since Jason isn't working a side job tonight. I've completed 2 of 3 newsletters for the month, and then I go back to a normal 2 newsletters per month. Thankfully. It's hard to come up with that much material in such a short amount of time. I mean, hell I can't even blog or journal about anything interesting and I'm supposed to write a newsletter? Whatever. I think Ethan's awake from his nap. That was short. |
A world without Problematic Content  would be a sad one, indeed. I would have nobody to send me random IMs through the day about how bored he is and to please entertain him. The problem is, that I don't entertain on demand. I'm sort of one of those kind of people who can only entertain without pressure.A world without Problematic Content would be one with fewer blog wars, which could be both a good and bad thing, considering that we get entertainment from the fun ones. We do roll our eyes at the stupid ones, though. I'm not going to cite specific examples. I'm sure everyone agrees on which ones are good and which ones became downright stupid.A world without Problematic Content would suck in some ways, because he makes my friend Mariposa happy. So I guess he's worth something there. Although he's making her a fartcentric, belching man, so I don't know if that's really that great of a thing. A world without Problematic Content would be devoid of toilet and fudge ninjas, which would be disappointing because then he wouldn't have learned how to clean a toilet. And that's one thing that definitely has made Mariposa happy. And if she's happy, then I'm happy.But most of all, a world without Problematic Content would mean no more strange blog challenges like this one. And then I'd have nothing to do in order to entertain him on demand.And finally, a world without Problematic Content means I would be able to play my Pogo games in peace when Ethan is napping. Then I would get used to such behavior, and that would be a bad thing for when Ethan has bad nap days. So, I guess he isn't all that bad. |
| I put my resume up on KalamazooHelpWanted.com yesterday. Today I got an email from some guy named Tom who wanted to know if I was interested in applying for a 4-month contract position for desktop support. I responded back that I was, indeed, interested and answered the few questions he had included in the email. Then he called, and he kept calling me "Williams". Not Melissa, but my last name, Williams. His native language was not English, I could tell that immediately, but after being called Williams 5 times in a 4-minute phone conversation, I am kind of irritated. After correcting him twice, I kind of gave up. But maybe this will work out. I feel like I'm jinxing myself by saying something, though. 4 months isn't so bad. It'll give us quite a bit of money in our savings account. Maybe I can save up enough money that I can start my own business by the time the contract position ends and not have to worry about this anymore. Or something like that. |
| Oh my good Lord. If my son, at 3 years old, said to me that he wanted to clean up his own potty, I don't believe that I would let him. Children are clumsy, and quite frankly, I think I would end up cleaning up more of a mess than the shit and piss he'd be leaving behind in the seat. And that someone thinks its OK to let their 3-year old and 5-year old clean up feces and urine, to me, is just plain out fucking nuts. First of all, the sanitary implications are outrageous. I don't remember ever washing my hands properly as a child. I mean, I washed them and all, but what if he got urine or poo on his hands? And then stuck his fingers in his mouth or eyes before he washed them off? Not to mention the fact that a 3 year old isn't peeing and pooping in an real toilet? Buy one of those little seats and stick it on the big seat, for crying out loud. Quite frankly, the potty chair is for initial training and once a child gets comfortable with going, he or she should be transitioned to a real toilet. It's just disgusting if someone thinks it's OK to let her three-year old son clean up his own potty seat. |
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Whatever you do, hang in there, he'll be sleeping like a big boy in no time!![Merit Badge in Newsletters
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Mel, Here's to a year's worth of Contest and Activities Newsletters that are well written and inspiring! Congrats!! Keep up the great work! *^*Bigsmile*^* *hugs* Ter](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Newsletters-2180.gif)