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 |  Breaking the laws of blogging, one entry at a time. |
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Wanted: For repeated blog faux pas, including, but not limited to: Obsessive ranting - guilty on 92 counts. Repeatedly beating a dead horse - guilty on 17 counts. Unnecessary use of curse words - guilty on 142 counts. Boring daily recounts - guilty on 45 counts. Pointless entries - guilty on 214 counts. Contradictory statements - guilty on 72 counts. Recounting toilet actions - guilty on 15 counts. Overdramatization of insignificant things - guilty on 152 counts. Overreacting to meaningless gestures - guilty on 22 counts. Unnecessary temper tantrums - guilty on 75 counts. Cruelty towards animals, superiors, peers, and inferiors - guilty on 146 counts. Repeated bad grammar, spelling, and opinionations - guilty on 214 counts. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Do not confront directly, instead call the authorities and slowly back away. Do not provoke suspect, as she is easy to agitate. The best action to take is to smile and nod. Any other response could lead suspect to rant and rave for days without ceasing. REWARD OFFERED FOR CAPTURE Dead or alive. Offending evidence: ![Merit Badge in Journaling
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Given for penning the favorite response entry in the Follow the Leader contest with "Come Again?"](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Journaling-2180.gif) (Exhibit A) ![Merit Badge in Variety
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Because I never knew what to expect from your Follow the Leader entries, but I'm oh so glad you played!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Variety-2500.gif) (Exhibit B) (Exhibit C) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Damn mother nature. Damn her straight to hell for thwarting my attempts at getting caught up with laundry by washing all of it, drying 1/2 in the electric dryer, and drying the other 1/2 on the clothesline. Damn her straight to hell for spitting on my clean laundry. Damn her straight to hell for undoing the drying job she had already done. Damn her straight to hell for having to make me go out, take the towels down, and then put them back later when she decided she had enough fun spitting on us. I don't give a fuck if it takes me three days, I'm going to dry my towels on the fucking clothesline. I'm going to dry those fuckers if it takes me going out and blowing them dry with my own hot fucking air. As Bob as my witness, I'll never use the electric dryer again. Well... except for bras, panties, and socks. And the rest of my laundry in the winter. Frozen laundry doesn't work real well.  |
| So, here's how I'm feeling. I ran on the treadmill yesterday, and in the middle of the 30 minute challenge, my knee felt like it wanted to pop. I get that occasionally because I have knee spurs as a residual from a car accident when I was 16. I was fine for most of it, got off the treadmill after my 30 minutes were up, and went downstairs to get a towel so I could hop in the shower before Ethan got up from his nap. While I was going up the stairs, my knee not only popped, but it pretty much gave out on me. After about an hour of icing it, the swelling still wasn't going down, so I called my doctor. Went in for an appointment about 4 pm. My knee was still swollen, even with the icing. The spurs caught a ligament or tendon or something and has irritated it. As long as I refrain from running for the next couple of weeks, he said that it should be a temporary condition. He told me to continue to ice it over the weekend, and to take Motrin to help the swelling. Problem is, I can't take it because there is a possibility that I'm with child. He wouldn't do a pregnancy test to confirm/deny because I still have about 10 days before my next monthly is due. So now I can't run for at least the next 2 weeks, I'm still clueless as to whether or not I'm pregnant, and I can't take anything to help the pain. I wasn't going to even mention it because it isn't a big deal, but now I'm freaking out because I just bought my dress for the convention, a size 8, and now I'm worried I'll put on weight and not be able to fit in my dress when the time comes to wear it. He told me to take it completely easy. Do you think riding a bike would be OK? I just really don't want to gain weight.  I've turned into such a girl. |
| I forgot about this last night. LOL. I broke out into hysterics over it, too, which makes it even worse that I didn't mention it. Anyway, Jason and I stopped at the house for a minute so he could go to the bathroom after we got out of the movie. When we walked in the door, the phone was ringing. I answered it while Jason went to the bathroom. The phone conversation proceeded like this: Me: "Hello?" Lady: "Is this Melissa Worden?" Me: "Yeah, that is my maiden name." Lady: "This is [so-and-so] from Outsourcing Solutions. I'm sorry to bother you, but Anthony Cox has you listed as a reference and I was calling to verify that reference." Me: "... uh ... I can't believe that Anthony would put me as a reference..." Lady: "Are you still in contact with him?" Me: "I haven't spoken with Anthony for quite a long time, no." Lady: "OK. Well I apologize for bothering you. Please have a good evening!" Me: "You too!" Then I hang up the phone and fall on the floor laughing. I mean hysterical, I can't breathe or talk kind of laughter. The kind that made my belly shake, my eyes tear up, and my gut hurt. The kind where Jason couldn't tell if I was in pain or having a jolly good time. It took me 15 minutes before I could even talk because I was laughing so hard. When I finally could, Jason rolled his eyes and chuckled. You have to understand why this was so funny to me. First of all, I haven't spoken to Anthony since maybe January of 2001 at the latest. When we did speak, it wasn't on the best of terms. In fact, it involved him being angry because, even though I had given him 6 weeks notice to come take anything out of our living establishment that he had wanted, I had taken the TV and several other more pricey items and put them in storage in Michigan. Then, when I wasn't in the Army anymore, I went and got them out of storage and didn't ask him again if he wanted them. Those things were pawn worthy, you know, so it was important that he had them. I told him if he wanted the stuff, he could have it but he would have to come get it. It wasn't that important to me, would never be that important to me because it was just stuff. Nevermind that most of the stuff that I took was stuff that I paid more than 1/2 for so had every right to take it. Plus I gave him 6 weeks notice to take whatever he wanted. He was just too lazy to come and get it. Then a couple of weeks later, I found out that my insurance had added him back to the policy. I called them and asked what that was about, and they said that Anthony came in and ask to be added back. I told them that we'd been separated for over a year, that I wasn't going to pay his car insurance. They tried to tell me that I couldn't have it removed until I showed proof of him having another policy and I told them if they didn't remove it, then I was going to cancel the policy altogether.Anyway, even after we'd separated a year, he was still trying to screw me over. I figured that he wasn't worth keeping in touch with, so I just let go. Now he's trying to use me as a reference 5 years after we stop talking??? He's lucky I didn't say, "Oh yeah, he's a statutory rapist, an arson, and a con-man," since he is. Instead, I took the high road and said nothing at all. |
Does anybody else feel like they have a bitch license tonight? I swear I could beat the crap out of someone if they stared at me wrong. I already threatened Jason's life several times, and he's responded by making me cookies and giving me money to go buy a flat of flowers tomorrow. At least he knows how to get on my good side.  |
| By the way, 3 years ago today, at right about this time, Jason and I both said "I do." Sometimes, that feels like just yesterday, and other days it feels like it's been forever. We're going out to dinner for our anniversary. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are watching the baby. It somehow feels like we should be doing something way more than dinner in celebration of this anniversary. Like this one was way harder to get to than the rest. Like this one is a real accomplishment. He woke me up at 6:45 this morning to wish me happy anniversary.  At least he remembered when he woke up, especially since he forgot Monday and had scheduled a side job for tonight. At least I got enough warning and told him he wouldn't have a 3rd anniversary if he worked late tonight. He did the side job yesterday, instead. I have no clue where to go for dinner. Any ideas? |
| 2 1/4 pounds down this week, which really only puts me down an actual pound after all of the water weight is gone, but I'm still a pound lighter than I was 2 weeks ago. Kelly reached her goal weight. I was really happy for that. I also received my 25 pounds star. I've lost a total of 25 and 1/4 pounds since starting Weight Watchers now. I'm getting to be one skinny little bitch. It's OK if you're jealous. I worked hard to earn that jealousy. And if you're not jealous, that's OK, too. I worked hard either way. Some great quotes came up today at the meeting: Nothing tastes as great as thin feels. I am in control. We can't reach our goal if we're standing in our own way. Don't eye the top of the ladder, eye the next rung. I really need to work on that last one. It's so difficult, though, when that top rung is less than 5 pounds away. It's frustrating. It's like having that bowl of ice cream or piece of cake just within fingertip reach, and not being able to stretch that extra inch to get it. You can taste the cake, you just can't eat it. I can see myself losing 5 more pounds without a problem, I just get impatient and want to skip the rungs to get to the top. On Oprah today was a man who lost 500 pounds. I keep thinking about him and the small goals he set for himself. 500 pounds is a long weight loss journey. I couldn't imagine 500 pounds. If 500 pounds was possible for him, 5 is a walk in the park for me. |
| AHHHH! Why do all of the weird fucks find me on Yahoo??? Why can't they take a hint when I say, "No I don't want to date you, not even on the Internet, I'm happily married and have a son. I'm not interested in having an affair." I've even gone so far as to log on as invisible for like the past 6 months and when I go uninvisible... BAM! Like a God damned leech again. Ugh! So I'm putting this guy on ignore for the 3000th time. And then when he changes his screen name again, I'll get another IM. And I'll ignore that one, too. UGH! Well, at least he didn't ask me if I wore sweaters. *shudders* |
| Ugh! I don't know what I ate, but I have some seriously nasty gas. Like... I was sound asleep. I had the blanket over my head. (I sleep that way a lot lately.) One slipped out while I was sleeping, and the smell woke me up. Needless to say, I didn't have the blanket over my head much longer. LOL. If I didn't have to be in the same room with myself, I don't think I would. THAT is how bad it smells. My farts are more brash than I am, can you believe that? I can. |
| Me to Jason: Why's the dishwasher running? Jason: I don't know. I was about to ask you the same thing. Me: Didn't we wash that load last night? J: Yep. So why'd you run it again? Me: I didn't. And if you didn't, and I didn't, then who did? Both of us (in a Jerry Seinfeld manner): Ethan. It was funny to me anyway.Ah well, if they weren't clean before, they're getting a second rinse, just in case. |
| Do you know what MDF is? No Googling allowed. OK, I can see maybe if you don't live in the US, or even living in the US in a cave, or maybe a big fat hole in the ground... So, yes I received several reviews on one of my stories asking what an MDF is. And even criticism because a person had to look it up. Well, maybe not complete criticism. Just a "grrr... you made me GOOGLE to find out what MDF is" which is the same thing as criticism to me. I understand that some people are not construction inclined. I understand that people may not understand every word I write at first glance. But seriously, whenever you come upon something that you don't understand when you're reading, do you get upset that you have to look it up? If I had a nickel for everytime I looked up the definition of a word that I read somewhere, I'd probably have... well... at least a dollar. Maybe more. LOL. I may not use flowery language or seem to have a large vocabulary, sometimes (especially when the F-bombs start dropping from my lips), but I know the meaning of a lot more words than I use in my everday vocabulary. Anyway, if you know what MDF is, just raise your hand. And if you don't, that's OK, too. I'm just trying to figure out if I should actually change it in the story to something that people could identify with, or just leave it as is. |
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