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 |  Breaking the laws of blogging, one entry at a time. |
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Wanted: For repeated blog faux pas, including, but not limited to: Obsessive ranting - guilty on 92 counts. Repeatedly beating a dead horse - guilty on 17 counts. Unnecessary use of curse words - guilty on 142 counts. Boring daily recounts - guilty on 45 counts. Pointless entries - guilty on 214 counts. Contradictory statements - guilty on 72 counts. Recounting toilet actions - guilty on 15 counts. Overdramatization of insignificant things - guilty on 152 counts. Overreacting to meaningless gestures - guilty on 22 counts. Unnecessary temper tantrums - guilty on 75 counts. Cruelty towards animals, superiors, peers, and inferiors - guilty on 146 counts. Repeated bad grammar, spelling, and opinionations - guilty on 214 counts. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Do not confront directly, instead call the authorities and slowly back away. Do not provoke suspect, as she is easy to agitate. The best action to take is to smile and nod. Any other response could lead suspect to rant and rave for days without ceasing. REWARD OFFERED FOR CAPTURE Dead or alive. Offending evidence: ![Merit Badge in Journaling
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Given for penning the favorite response entry in the Follow the Leader contest with "Come Again?"](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Journaling-2180.gif) (Exhibit A) ![Merit Badge in Variety
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Because I never knew what to expect from your Follow the Leader entries, but I'm oh so glad you played!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Variety-2500.gif) (Exhibit B) (Exhibit C) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
Yes, when you give me vodka, I go a little crazy. Funny as hell crazy. I do things like accidentally sip someone else's white russian (just whose shall remain nameless from me). I try to kiss other women, namely Mariposa  . (Not really, but they all thought I was going to. ROFL.)I will perform the Safety Dance on the dance floor all alone after being abandoned by Problematic Content and Mariposa . I will almost piss my pants because elizm446 is laughing so hard and impersonating Mari's trying to get PC back on the dance floor. I will do the limbo and almost fall on my ass, and still never be as good of a limboer as Davy Kraken  , who is 6 feet tall and able to fold his body in ways I could never dream.I also win bets.  Without cheating, even.I'll share drinks with those who go by the name of Sophy  , Jay's debut novel is out now!  , Mariposa , elizm446, Legerdemain  and many others before this is all done. And they'll probably all give me vodka. Because I get a little crazy when I drink vodka. |
I made it to Baltimore, safe and sound. Diane found me at the airport and even took me home with her.  Fellow convention goers can either smack her for being that gullible or thank her for her kindness later, depending on whether you truly wanted to see me or not. It was my first time on a commercial jumbo jet, and my second time flying into Regean. I loved the view of the Potomac as we were coming in for a landing, and even got to experience my first time using an airplane bathroom. That's what I get for drinking that venti latte in Detroit 15 minutes before boarding. I won't tell you whether I went #1 or #2, I'll leave the guesswork up to you and let your imaginations take you where they will. I slept the best last night that I have in about 2 years. I think my brain was able to fully shut off for the first time since Ethan was born. I didn't have to keep an ear open to listen in case he was crying in the middle of the night. I heard nothing after I finally drifted off. Excitement brews for tomorrow. We're taking off about 10 am. I have no clue how long the drive is. |
| Dude. Seriously, sometimes I think I stick my foot in my mouth with the things that I say, but when I say those things I don't think that it might apply to someone that I know. Sometimes, it's not me who sticks my foot in my mouth. Sometimes, I'm tempted to just grab the foot of another person and shove it so far down their fucking throat that they can feel their farts in their toenails. Goddamnit. I'm so glad I'm leaving for convention tomorrow night. I need some rest and relaxation. But I'm also terrified of leaving my son for a whole week. I still might chicken out and just stay home. |
| When I eat asparagus... ... ... ... ... (wait for it) ... ... ... ... it makes my pee smell funny and turns it bright yellow, no matter how much water I drink. I just wanted to share that with you all. |
| Neat, tidy person of homely personal appearance to come clean my house today and everyday for the next week. Requirements include a love of washing dishes, a love of folding and putting away laundry, experience in cleaning up after a 16-month old tornado, a strong background in bathroom sanitation, and no cooking ability whatsoever. Having no personality is a big plus. We just want you to clean for cheap. Any applicants? |
| I made an appointment for 11:45 tomorrow morning. We'll find out what the fuck is going on with my uterus that it feels the need to throw me for such a loop every month for days. In other news, I've found that I really have too much fun fucking with certain people. I love chasing them away by merely mentioning my son's name. Yes, it still pisses me off to no end that someone thinks I shouldn't talk about my son because of their own lack of children. Well, it isn't my fault that I was able to produce such a beautiful little boy where this person was not, and I am proud of my son and thus will shout about him from one rooftop to the next. If someone has a problem with it, they can leave or ignore me. I just get tickled when it causes that person to bitch the fuck up and leave. I don't give a fuck if that makes me a bitch because I enjoy chasing this person away by talking about my son. I'm already going to talk about him, especially if I'm asked, so the fact that I can get such a rise out of this person is an extra benefit. It has nothing to do with my being sensitive to someone else's needs. My son is my life and I need to talk about him. Just because you can't have a baby doesn't mean the rest of the world should wait until you are able to squeeze one out from between your legs before they have their own or talk about their own.  |
| I took more than the maximum recommended dosage of Advil today, and I was still in pain. I ended up taking a Darvocet. My Mom thinks I could have a fibroid from when they removed the IUD, so I'm going to call my female doctor's office in the morning and get an appointments. Damn. I can barely type. Darvocet must be working. |
I went and got my hair cut today, along with my eyebrows waxed. Then I came home and tried to figure out how I wanted to do my hair for the masquerade ball. I put on some makeup, to see how it would look mostly put together. I felt incredibly photogenic after I got myself all cleaned up, so I took some pictures.  I still don't feel much better, though. I don't feel like I'm going to pass out anymore, and I feel prettier. So I guess that's something. |
| Aunt Flo has never knocked me down when she comes to visit as hard as she has this time around. She showed up yesterday, late morning. By early afternoon, I was laid out. I had a migraine, my cramps were so bad I could barely breathe, and I felt sick to my stomach. Thankfully, Ethan was down for his nap, so I popped 1000 mg of Advil and laid down until the room stopped spinning and the Advil started kicking in. Anyone who had walked in the room would have thought that I was sleeping, but I wasn't. If I moved or opened my eyes, the room would start spinning, my head would start spinning, everything would start hurting... I ended up going to bed at around 9, instead of 11. And had to take another 1000 mg of Advil in order to get to sleep because the cramps had already come back. Then this morning... I was feeling fine. I got out of bed about 7, and then those fucking cramps hit me again. I passed out right in front of Jason. That, of course, landed me back in bed with another 1000 mg of Advil and threats to take me to the ER if I didn't get better tomorrow morning. I have never had cramps so bad that the pain made me pass out. I've felt like I was nearly there, but have never actually done it. |
| I don't care what anyone says, keeping a garden is hard work. It took me 2 hours to weed 2 of my gardens. Granted, I only have 5 this year, and 3 of them are smaller, but it took me 2 hours to weed the larger gardens. It was supposed to rain today and instead it's hot and sunny! Woohoo! But it made for some really hot gardening. By the time I was done, I looked like a black woman wearing dirty clothes. I had to come in when Ethan woke up from his nap and take a super quick shower to wash off all the dirt. I'm not even done. I'm being stupid and adding a 6th garden. But Jason bought me a hibiscus bush because everytime we go to the greenhouse I stare at it for more than half the time we're at the greenhouse. Then when I think I've gotten enough of it, I always go back and stare at it some more. We'll just say I was a little hibiscus obsessed. But they're such beautiful plants, who can blame me! Jason's still putting together Ethan's swing set, otherwise I would be out finishing up the planting. I got the bush in, but I have a half a flat of New Gineau impatiens that I had no clue where to plant, so I'm going to put them around the base of the hibiscus before I put the border bricking around it to keep J from mowing down the hibiscus or injuring it with his weed whipper. (It already doesn't help that he tries to prune the other shrubbery with his weed whipper.) He's got to dig the rest of the hole anyway. That was some hard ass clay soil I had to dig up and I'm not doing it anymore if I can make him do it for me, and he will because he's a sucker. Plus I have to punish him for getting in my face the other night. |
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Whatever you do, hang in there, he'll be sleeping like a big boy in no time!