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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| Those who are at a crossroads in their career should ask a life coach about how best to navigate their worklife and find a way through the jungle that is your current workplace. I consulted a life coach at a reputable website which was where I was a member of, and the sessions were decent - three sessions and a half hour each. The life coach had good insight into a specific issue I had with a supervisor and told me that I needed to veil our convos. She said that when this supervisor was giving me a hard time, to draw a veil between us, to give this woman a detached connection from me. So that nothing she really said would matter, nor affect me as a human being, as a person of integrity. There's more to life than a job. Jobs come and go. When you're respected and valued, then you need to become engaged and help in the mission of that workplace. When they start ignoring your suggestions, it's time to find another place or leave and sit in contemplation to decide Now that the pandemic is shutting people down in their jobs, furloughing them, it's the time to sit back, have a cig or a glass of wine, and start to go through what it is that is really the thing you want out of the rest of your life. Examine every facet of your life. It might be useful to talk to people but I've found that people you know have their own agenda about you as a part of their lives. These people are the ones who could have been trashtalking about you behind your back. Seek an outside source, EAP or some other org to help. |
| Hi All, I'm resuming my novel - The Sequel to The Loveable Resident - titled KICK. I am getting warmed up with the story of Mike Oates and his wife Lauren. I am finding that there's a story about them after their lives in the first of the series of the Loveable Resident. I am particularly interested in the characters that I have introduced in the first book. They are like old friends who I haven't had a chance to develop. I think that series are a good way to get more interesting plotlines and this novel is well on its way. But other things get in the way and that's alright. I think noodling on the story takes time. I've been busy with other projects that have taken my time. I've also been through some lows. I've been laid low by negative thoughts and these are gremlins that haunt me every day. Today is no different. I have to plug away at the life I've been given. It's not a bad life, despite the negativity that I get from every where and every one who don't like me for some reason. I think that I'm a good person, and I give to charity, and pay my taxes. I earn some money from my work so it's not like I'm just sitting here like some retirees who don't get much done. I don't think retirement should stop anyone from doing good work. We ought to have a plan B for a retired life. Plan A has gone out the window, haha. This pandemic is a challenge, for sure. We all need to look into our own thoughts and see what we need to discard and keep. You need to keep up with the news of the day. You have to keep up with looking decent. No more overgrown beards, or long hair that's been keeping you looking sad. I have been cutting my own hair, haha. One time my stepfather asked me if I could trim his hair. It wasn't that bad. All those salon visits I've made have given me a way to cut hair decently. We all have to pull our strength. We need to get an optimistic mood as much as we can and if we're in some pain, there's always some pain meds to take. Don't be shy with taking them if you're in pain. Old age is a thing that we have to deal with but we can't allow ourselves to be old in our thoughts, or in our own bodies. We must try to be spry and find activities that will keep our bodies from deteriorating. We can't sit in a chair all day and let those gremlins settle in our bones. Let's try to get out of our chairs every so often and do some chore or have a way to do something that's going to focus our minds. Wandering minds are a bad thing. We should try to do reading, a book or magazine. I think taking up a hobby will help. I knit and crochet and I've finished several projects that way. So I hope that today you can start on your way to being the person you want to be. |
| Today is a good morning to blog away. The rains have fallen and dripped outside my window all night. The dripping seemed to real to me, as though one was knocking on my window pane but that anxious feeling left and I dismissed before it did. I wanted to keep up with things but I kept getting the thought it was best to go back to sleep. I had this worry about the elections this year. First, do I vote and how much time will it take me to vote this year? They had pictures of people waiting for hours to vote in other places. I feared for my dogs who go with me everywhere. What will happen to them if they waited for me to vote in the car where the weather might be too cold or too hot. I also worried about who I would vote for - Biden or Jorgensen? If I voted for a Democrat those who hate me who are GOP voters will make my life miserable after voting. if I voted for Jorgensen will the Democrats hate me for voting for an obvious Trump vote? That's what they say, if I voted for an independent voter. Some thought tells me I should write in a vote for some long ago politician. I do not know who would that be. I don't want to vote for some old pol. I had this thought that those who hate me will blame me again for who I voted for or who I voted against. I cannot vote for Trump, obviously. Trump is not a good person in my opinion. He fooled everyone and they voted for him last time and now we all are going through Hell with him at the helm. He doesn't respect anyone. He always blames the others for what is going on in the country. I cannot vote for someone like him. I confess I voted for him because I hated Hillary. She represented someone who would kill fetuses, babies, in the womb and that was the big thing everyone thought about in those election years. But when I voted against her I got killed in my workplace in my life and my job suffered greatly. Hillary is someone who the literati like a lot and I couldn't get anyone to publish my books. Even now these people are hating my being a publisher of my books. I can't get my books sold on Amazon. It's defeating me and I do not wish to vote for this reason. I rather be one of those many who do not wish to proclaim who they voted for even in their minds. So I do not want to vote this year. Or any year ever. I am told that being Queen of England I cannot vote anyway. Even though I'm a citizen of the USA. I'm still the Queen. The citizenship can be rectified when England is ready for me to take over the monarchy. I still have problems dealing with becoming the Queen of England. Thoughts are not as eager to discsuss with me what might happen. Let's see. What might happen is that England will be happier and I'll be a good Queen. I love people of different nationalities. I appreciate what they have to offer, in food especially. I love curry and I love eggrolls and I love dogs and all kinds of ordinary people. These are the people that populate every nation. I want people to know that I want peace in the world. I love God and God loves me. That is all. |
| I just have to say that writing can be the most frustrating act I've ever done. While writing my novel, I get stumped for words, all of a sudden, but then these ghouls come up with the worst words to write instead of the right word I'm looking for. These ghouls are the hackers of my life, those who are eager to write in my stead and be the one who'll carry it all off and publish it somewhere in the dark, nether world of the literary black market. But they can't do it because my Spirit is strong. Also, even if they succeeded in hacking one of my stories, and sold it to some more famous author (who's paying them scads of money for the book I've written) that author won't be able to sell it to his publisher because publishers know better. They are aware of my books being written and it will not sound like that author's voice and it will be totally useless. All that money these thieving authors are paying will go to naught. |
| I'm finally at the evening hours on a Friday. I do not have an inkling what will happen to me tomorrow or on Bloody Sunday. I will be with God all the time and He has been keeping me safe always. I do not have an agenda what I need to do. I've been looking through my social media feed. Nothing jumpsout at me. It's all of a piece. No real inclination to do much with what I've seen. I slept a bit more than I should have. I missed my therapist call. This is the third call in months. I hope that the next call I can remember to be around the phone when it rings. I'm alternately feeling ok and sleepy. I will have to do what I need to get some rest. And refreshment or healing. I think that this will help more than anything. The bank has replied and they want me to call this number to get my consumer report which means that if the bank sees no early warning remarks about me that this will allow me to continue as their depositor. Now I'm only allowed to go there a physically transact business. I have other banks, however so if this bank goes awry then I will rely on the other banks so carry the financial load that I will receive. I think I will soon be given a break. This is my optimism and I will be happier because of it. That Queen is no longer problematic. If she's still able to put a foot infront of the other then she might see to her own life and find a way to her own place where she can be at peace and forget about the sins her husband have piled upon her. I do not get any thoughts from him now. I think he's rather not interested nor is he caring about anything as he's quite old and any sad thoughts would put him over the edge. My mother the one who bore me isn't either. She's old and rather wants nothing to do with trying to help someone she's already buried a long time ago in Lancashire, England. I'm responsible for looking forward to having a job that can be something to tide me through the future years. I have to look to God for help in that regard. |
| Call me the machine whisperer. At least, the washing machine. It's got several knobs and settings. Once in a while it stops in its tracks, and it is a mystery why that happens. It drives my Dad up the wall. Then it happened to me. I looked at it and fiddled with the knob and then I pulled it out again and the thing came to life. So today my Dad had a wash to do and it was obvious he wasn't trusting the thing. He was going to sit in front of it to see whether it would be ok enough to keep working. I suggested he do nothing and leave it alone. So he did. Then it stopped. I went to it and got it going again. Just now he looked into it and it had stopped. So he fiddled with it and it started up again. I guess we're both machine whisperers. Just something that we have to live with in our rickety old place. |
| Sharing here. I'm staying up so that the gremlins don't take me away in the night while I sleep. |
| Getting back to some sort of regular life is hard. I have been trying to feel normal lately. It is hard to do. I don't feel good in the mornings. I get up, try to get breakfast, then the gremlins strike and I feel sad so I have to retreat to my bed and try not to think much except to get more sleep. As sleep seems to be the one thing that I feel I can be safe, but for a few nightmares. Sometimes I don't get those and the sleep is refreshing. Then I try again to get up and go do some work but then I feel the need to leave and go back to my bed and I try to feel comfortable. I don't think I'm depressed in the sense that I felt when I was really diagnosed as depressed in the 2000s. I feel as though bad thoughts are trying to get a grip of me and make me feel sad, a depressed body, sluggish, unable to get more than a few thoughts to work on in my mind so that I could write, or do some promotional work for my different businesses. I am also depressed in a way because the businesses aren't getting anywhere. So I've just decided to do what I can do, whenever I feel there's a good idea that comes to mind. E.g., if I'm looking at a new promotional ad for one of my businesses. I have no real idea how long this feeling will last. I think living in this house, this city, could be a blight on me and my creativity. Some thoughts say "What creativity?" These are the thoughts responsible for me being under the weather. This is what is what I have to contend with. I do my best however to combat them as much as I can. I pray. I do what I can with what needs to be done in the work I do, and I do some chores in the house. I worry over stupid things. Or sometimes over things I have no control over. I get this idea to give it up to God and let Him take charge of me and that is what I've done. If I ever get to meet God, I'll say, this life you've given me this is how it's been, you've been in charge of my life, so I can't say I have any excuses except that I'm in a world where my work is hazed, my body is a pincushion, and my brain is being slowly fleeced by menace of people who are unseen yet they are seemingly able to see what I'm doing and know what I'm thinking. I will do as I can and fend them off, but they promise to return the next day and do the same dastardly things to me, terrifying me, at my lowest ebb, and making me fume with anger when I'm at my top form. I am not at my top form at all times. I just have to go with it sometimes. If I need to take a rest I will. But the endlessness of the struggle makes me wonder what it is that I have to look forward to? Is this all that I have to look forward to? A rather bleak, struggling life, trying to be as normal as I can be, but feeling as though something vital is missing from me. |
| How to Develop a Growth Mindset 1. Frame challenges as opportunities. Challenges these days are unseen forces that persuade or force me to stay immobilised, to be discouraged in trying something different or to stay the course with what I’m working on. These are not exactly what you would call ‘opportunities’ but they are the things that keep me from moving and doing and being. 2. Look for the good in every situation. I don’t always look for what is good in every situation at least not consciously. I do think of what good thing it will be if I were presented with a situation and whether it’s good for me to cooperate with it. 3. Seek feedback from people you respect. I do not have enough feedback and I do not know where there would be people I would respect in my career to tell me that I’m doing well. However, I have a lot of company in my area of creative writing and from them I learn enough about what I should write and go on from there. 4. Don’t equate the need to improve with failure. I don’t equate the need to improve with failure. I somehow find a fault in what I might have done (not grievous nor sinful, but a weak point somewhere in what I’ve done) so that I can go back and make it stronger. 5. Develop grit; keep working for your goals. I need to have grit but I think grit is something that is an American trait and I think that I do have grit in the back of my mind. What I might need is to have this grit come to the forefront of my work and to set it as a way to keep out those bastards who are making me feel as though my work doesn’t matter, when it does, obviously, for this work will help people to understand what it is that life is all about. 6. Reward perseverance, commitment and hard work. I do reward myself but alas, I haven’t enough funds to reward myself with things that are pleasing. 7. Don’t compare yourself to others; be proud of who you are. I don’t compare myself to others. There is no one around that can be like me for they are all bastards, and I am the only one who is a genuine woman who loves my God and my Jesus always. I am happy with my self as God wanted me to be for Him to love me always. 8. Remember we all have the ability to change. We all have the ability to change it is the culture of this society that prohibits many who are good and creative from changing into someone that they can be proud of, and someone that many people will recognise as a worthy person. |
| I saw a tweet today about how residents at a major hospital are demanding hazard pay for their work. Especially during these terrible times of the pandemic. I can understand how caring for dying COVID patients can take a toll on their psyches and their physical health. Medicine is no longer the 'coveted' career that I remember in my college years. Even then there was that acceptance that once admitted, a life long career doing more than 100 percent of one's work was demanded of one in medical school and thereafter. There was the internship that was de rigeur after medical school, where a student would fight off lethargy, sleepiness, to tend to patients, memorize tomes of medical books, to be able to diagnose a patient's illness without any mistake. Then comes the time they have to do residency (if they chose to specialise) and this would be done by a lottery. If you happen to win a position somewhere that you put in as a lottery place, you would consider yourself lucky but if not, you'd have to go to any place that needed medical doctors, somewhere out in the West or North where there were few civilized places and one had to be alone without much support unless one were already married. Once a residency is finished then one would either join a clinic or a hospital or work on their own in their own clinic. Then the spectre of malpractice comes into play and it is a requirement to get malpractice insurance. That alone together with the student loans, all the financial burden of starting a practice, hiring help, and being anyone in medicine would be back breaking. No wonder some doctors offer services like abortion on demand, and other unsavory but legal practices to make a living as a doctor. I wouldn't myself have done something like offer that sort of service but I did not get 'lucky' getting into medical school in the first place. So I think that medicine as a career is a thankless job. yes, you'd probably be secure in the sense that you'd be having a living but , the life sacrifices are too great these days. There are many who have an MD who've decided to leave their profession due to this alone. Some of them have sacrificed their lives, their wives have left or they've been ensnared by ambitious women (who see them as a way to get money and jewelry and cars), or they've had no real relationships with their children for they are at the hospital for long hours. It's not a good career, in my opinion. It's probably enough to have a small practice and be a humble GP, but those are few these days and many of these new doctors coming out of the training are subspecializing hoping that they'll get patients suffering from some esoteric disease who may never materialise. Just a few thoughts. M. |
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