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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| I've been taking refuge in my room. The thoughts have scared me about my stepfather. i do not think he's all bad. i think he's gone through life getting bad thoughts hurled at him through his many jobs just so he can take careof his family. I theorize that all men are bad thoughts because they have to know what's out there to protect their family from bastards whom theyve' met and dealt with. To recognize who is good and who's bad. So in my stepdad' case, he has had several dealing with bastards in his life in the USA and even in the Philippines where I was adopted. These bastards are coming round to make him a deal to let him give them his body and soul so they can go with us to whatever 'heaven' we are supposed to have. We were always good at church going, we went to confession, we received the Eucharist, we did all that was told us to get to a heaven but now we hardly go to church. We might get into a pickle at church. These bastards are roaming the churches in the community in here and in other places so as to possess these good and true people who love God and Jesus. And who pray to the Virgin Mary, whoever she may be. |
| The last two days have been horrible. I was made to be sad on Sunday and Monday the worse of the two days. I felt a huge headache almost all day. To add to this, my stepfather said he was suffering pains on his knee and he had a dizzy feeling. He bought a small botle of Tylenol and it wasn't enough to stem the pain and he is now on aspirin. He said it seems to work better. I asked God for help. He sent some woman who belongs to a cult in the Cahtolic church to aid us with cash. She seems to be nice now. I know others in her group like me. I hope that she's come around to liking me. I know when she talked to my stepfather earlier today (she came to visit) outside in the front of the house, she said (according to stepfather) that many in her group had been asking how we were doing, and were getting some sort of emails from me (which is something I've done through a mail client) to get them interested in my work (writing etc), they were sad to think that I could be in a pickle and so with my stepfather. Hence she gave money to my stepfather. My stepfather went to get groceries and spent the money on it. She also mentioned to him, by the way that she and the others could help with clearing the front garden. That was a nice thing she said. I could do it but it takes a lot out of me. I have a problem with doing anything. I get out of breath and my heart races. it takes a lot to calm this and so I've let things go. And so has my stepfather. He and I are depressed. We've been depressed for a while. I fear that this depression is not organic but is actually a phenomenon that the Bastard has made for us. My theory is that there is a great big cloud of negative ions over our house. This is a true thing and I think everyone who is a good person gets this cloud over their houses and causes sad feelings, and even aches and pains. I've had to call on All God to help us. I have been trying to study Islam and the Quran but even reading the Quran makes me feel sad. I cannot understand unless someone in Islam hates me too? I cannot work for a real office bc of all those who are in the ghostly media are going to make me die in the office spaces that I could go and work in. So I have to look for freelance work. I am hoping that something like that will happen. I've been turned down by one of those but I keep trying. I do not know that I can work in regulatory any more. It will depend. Those who have tried to contact me and I've replied to about this job has not replied with a positive job offer. So we have to go with this in my life. I was told by my stepfather that being this age is going to be a difficult thing to find a job. I have to see how it all of this goes. I will be going on with m hobbies and whatever else that I've got going until God gives me something that's more official. Mary |
| I found out my stepfather is trying to flirt or woo a woman from our former parish by sending her wine. That is why we have been lacking money each month for a while. |
| Today I got up with a horrid headache, again. Then realized that the shop I have online has not got enough to be 'live' due to not having paid the next month's 'rent'. So that's frozen until it gets paid up. I've got $3.40 in the bank and something lik e$26 in another account but that account is not to be used for anything but paying bills. I've got a Tax bill that's due last week and so the bank has not quite got it paid or cleared. I do not know what the Indiana IRS is up to with people's checks but last time the check didn't get cleared when I paid it through a different account that's more active. So I put the payments to a different account that's not as active. TMI I know but this is what I've got on my mind today. I'm unable to help with buying any more food or drink or soda or snacks, or whatever for the rest of the month and my stepdad's got his Soc Sec check coming in sometime next week... He's fretting that I'm telling too much but we've got no pride now. I want you all to know that I'm really in great need of financial support and I can't get a job, I've tried. The last job I was up for had more 'competitive' people so I didn't get the job. And my mature age isn't something some employers find to be great for some reason. So the only thing I can do today is to sit and relax. I'll wait for food to come it will as I've ordered something a while ago from an online site. Then we'll try to spare as much of the food for the following seven or ten days to make it to the point where we can then go on with the next month's financial activities. Have a nice day, Mary |
| I'm here early this morning. Watching some great video and remembering the time in my life when I had a cancer scare. I had a baseline mammogram and they found a spot. Then they said I needed to get back in six months and so I did. The spot got a bit bigger and they told me to get an ultrasound. Then the doctor said he can't tell if it's cancer so I had to see a breast surgeon in Indy. When he talked to me I told him I was ready to take out that 'spot' and he scheduled surgery. Time for surgery I had to get another set of mammograms to have them put a dye in the breast tissue to find the 'spot' so I was scared. My late stepmother, who was a devoted fan of St Pio of Pietrelcina, sent a picture of mine to his shrine and asked them to pray for me on my day of surgery. That day i was already hooked up to an IV and then they had to take me to get the mammogram to have the dye put in. The mammogram went on for a few times and then the radiologist came to see me and said, "Miss, we can't find the tumor. I think you're clean." I was so flabbergasted. "So let's just have you come back every six months for a while to make sure you're ok." He told me to get back to the surgical department and they took off the IV and I got dressed and my parents and I left. I was so happy. I went out and bought me a new bra. I know it's crazy but I'm real glad that miracle happened. So don't worry when bad things happen to you, it's really a test or something, I don't know for sure. But you need to believe that God is going to make you better and you have to endure. Believe and You will be saved!!! |
| Sitting trying to reflect on some things but merely having a cig and listening to some calming music. I know cigs and calm doesn't seem to go together but well, it helps a bit. I'd like a brandy now too. Today was ok, nothing too saddening. Just feeling a bit stressed bc I'm getting to the bottom of my pension check. I have some bills slated to be paid. Once those are paid I'm basically operating on fumes. Haha. I had a job opp that came today. Some person who asked me about something regulatory. It's based in MA. It's remote. I do not know whether they'll pick me. The person was a recruiter. I think they pick on people who might be good candidates for these openings but the bottom line is that the co itself will decide and the recruiter will try to make my application competitive. If the co doesn't go for me, I'll not hear from the recruiter again. Meanwhile, I'm waiting on the emails and phone calls and not getting much from either. So I doubt that this opp will get anywhere. It's a disappointment but it's been something that I've gone through in the past. Once or twice i try to touch base with the recruiters and sometimes these people have gone and their emails don't work. It is a sad thing. Not happy that the economy seems to be going ok according to the Wall Street whatchamacallits. I do not know a damn thing whether people are actually happy or not. Whether they're jobless and if so whether they can make it through the next month with all their bills piling up. Mortgages and credit card bills, car bills, or loans, And then there are the kids who have to go to school, or else what, I don't know. It's all a bit confusing, vague and somehow making one feel that it's not really getting any where. Is there life out there anyone? Where is anyone and what are all of you up to? I go on Twitter and see stuff, people, politicians, the Dem convention, and then there's all that stuff about the ball games. Is that stillreally happening? How do people attend these games when there's a COVID problem? I see that some EU countries have got a spike in the COVID virus cases. Not a good thing to see. Soon travel will be at a standstill. It's terribly sadmaking. How do you all make any business? Zoom I guess. Or WEbex. I recommend Webex. Zoom still is a bit too whatever. I don't like Zoom meetings much but well, that seems to be the big deal now. I don't know what to do about anything. I am not depressed, just wondering. I have some friends. They're somehow still out there. But other people I think they're gone away so far down from earth. Or wherever we are in the clouds. I'd like to think of us all in clouds and we're feeling a bit like in a quilted coverlet and we burrow underneath and try to gain some sort of confidence to get back out there, like turtles, you know. But we're not turtles, we have to get out of this shell somehow and venture out and do errands. But those can generate some psychic pain. Sad but true. So we all try to keep in touch but now we have to depend on social media like nothing else. I guess Social Media is the nanny of the world-at-large. We're all trying to see how our teams, our families, friends, businesses we patronize are doing. And also subscribe to religious groups, like religious pages, pray as much as we can, quote the Bible, the Psalms, which are all good. We have to find comfort somewhere. Now I'm here and it's not yet midnight and I'm lighting the vigil light so that some of those who are scared can find some sort of comfort that I'm around still. Yes, still among the living but not quite living. I don't do much. I don't shop till I drop anymore. I don't go out and mall about. I don't watch the movies. I don't go for a drink at the local grill. Or even try to drop by the Dog n Suds for a pork tenderloin sandwich. Haha. That's my favorite sandwich but I'd be happy with a thick quarter pounder from Micky D's. Or even some naked wings from Pizza Hut. Can't afford those. I have some guilty pleasures like making pancakes. But there's only three tablespooons of butter left for a batch and then i don't know. Not really a great picture but I'm surviving. What ever is in the fridge will have to do. I am lucky to have some wine. I am lucky to have a few cigs. I'm lucky to have clothes that aren't all a bit too shabby. That silllydog of mind destroyed my newish Athleta or is it Gap dress that I'm wearing. He bit a short fragment off and now there's a slight gap on the hem. Oh well. I need to get this puppy trained but he's really ok. Still a puppy and chewy. Likes to eat packaging material. Silly pup. The other pup is over 3 years old and he's got a rather sad face. I wish he'd have a fun day. He used to run about unleashed and he'd have his pink tongue hanging out and have a smile on his face. He loves to run about. A great JRT but he's got some Chi and maybe Dachshund in him. Well, that's it for now. Just a few desultory thoughts. Have a good one. |
| 1. Remember why you started – what your reasons were. What was the “spark” that got you going, and inspired you to begin on the journey you are on? 2. List all the reasons why you can persevere, and make it to the end so you reach your goal. Remind yourself you have what you need to succeed. 3. Give yourself permission to give up if you choose. That reminds you that it’s you who is in control. You’re choosing to do this as it’s what you want to do. 4. Think of all the reasons why you should persevere – as that will stop you thinking about why you should give up. What are the benefits? What will you gain? How will you feel when you’ve reached your goal? 5. Instead of concentrating on the struggle and the work, focus all that energy on looking for solutions. 6. Recognise success will require some sacrifice. It’s always lots of work, and every winner pays a price. “No pain no gain” is a basic truth in life. -- Tumblr post |
| I hope everybody is up for Monday - a new week and a clean slate for people to write their lives' stuff on. For me, I do not know what my life is going to be like this week. All I can say is that today is the day to focus on and anything that happens tomorrow might be all a bit vague. I have an appointment with my therapist this week so I'll have some time to tell him about how things have been for me since we last saw each other. But that's all right. I'm doing my crewel work as I write here. I've taken it up as a whim and I'm enjoying it a lot. I think that once it's done it will be nice to have it in a frame and put it on the wall. Our walls have been a little bare but there are a few things on it that I want to remove. One of them is a rather ghastly statue of Jesus Christ. He is painted in a brown shade and he has a sad face. There is even a bulb at the end of the statue which I had not figured out why it's there. I went to get the bulb away and threw it out. I do not think this statue is really that good and doesn't depict what I think Jesus should look like. The person who donated it to us was a Filipino woman who wanted us to babysit her daughter who was going to the Uni here for a graduate course. I thought that my silly stepmother was too good to accept this bribe. I want to take this statue away and put something else that looks better. Right now it's making some of my people feel sad. I hope that the Real Jesus Whom I love always will think of this as a way to tell others that His statues and likenesses are made to look like some of these people who look like him but act the opposite. It's after six thirty in the morning. The morning light is dawning later and later in the morning and soon it will be Fall. Then Winter. I am sure that it will all be the same to me. I have no wish to go out these days but for a few trips to some needed places - the usual places where people get their coffee and their sandwiches. We have been trying to get some different recipes on and I've a collection of recipes on blogger if you wish to look at them under Margot's Corner. I hope everyone has a happy Monday! |
| Hey my followers, I'm here grooving to some rap music, having a cig and having some business stuff to work on. Mostly posting and revising stuff on my Ebay store. I've got some nice and lovely things on eBay don't you know. And, more stuff on my Lularoe store and soon my MaryKay store. I've got to buy some inventory as they need me to send things from my address and not from their global store in their HQ. It's their policy. But today has been both a bit sad and a bit ok but not really happy. But that's how life is isn't it? I do not know about other's lives. Many people seem to be happy but they could be hiding their sadness as well, don't they? As I always say, "Into each life some rain must fall." I've had to say it severally in my life, most of the time when I was working full time for a company that paid well. I've had two or three snares from these sorts of work lives and at the end I've said NO. I do not miss that life and I cannot see myself doing hurry up and stuff to submit things to all places that have to be catered to. I'm busy enough with my needlework (doing Crewel, don't you know!) and knitting and so on. I do like the paycheck but it comes with a lot of unseen and unwanted bad things - like your butt in the sling, as someone I know might say! To you who still have to work for retirement just hang in there. God is there somewhere and you need to ask Him to help you out whenever you're in some sort of pickle. He's with me as well and I must say it's a good thing or else I'd be sorrier than a lot of people. Or in some sad place like a hospital, haha. Hospitals ain't good. There are many of us who are hoping to get out of the aspic we're in. Where do we go after we dissolve that aspic? Hopefully, we're in a better place in heaven on some place in the world. I'm enjoying some cigs now. Me Dad took time to go and spend the rest of his money on groceries. There isn't any paper towels in the store. He bought sausages and some tinned meat and bacon. That will be the menu for the next few days until something else comes along, like my Soc Sec cheque. I'm on Youtube by the way so google me on Youtube will you? It'll be fun to see you all there! Bye now, Ione |
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