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 |   A day in the life of... me! |
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A HUGE Thank you to Emily   for the beautiful ribbon  First place in "The Bard's Hall Contest"  for July/August 2012!A day in the life of... me! Sometimes I need to rant. Sometimes I have something burning on my mind. Sometimes I'm so angry I feel like reverting back to old coping mechanisms. So I thought a journal was a good idea! I feel ranting is an important part to life, everyone does it to some degree or another and it's not healthy to bottle things up inside. So for those moments where I feel a rant (or just a general thought) and want to get it off my chest, here it will be! However, ranting is not everything. Sometimes I just feel like I want to share something with someone, and often there is nobody to listen (wow that makes me sound sad! I do have friends but I tend to let them do the talking rather than share). So here I can get things off my chest, rant or be happy, whatever the mood ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well it's my Graduation today. Something I've been really worried and anxious about for about a week. It feels like a rite of passage almost, that without doing it my degree is not complete. And I suppose this is why I'm doing it. But otherwise, I don't think I would have. I've graduated before and yes it was nice but it wasn't needed. Saying that, I'm not an anxious as I have been (though I've already changed my outfit several times and checked my bag to make sure I've got everything!). Maybe I'll enjoy it more than I thought I would. Wish me luck! |
I've finally finished working on my story. I'm so proud of myself!! I often find, particularly when writing something longer, that I get stuck on some little detail and give up or don't find the time to write and the idea fades. But I've made time for this and I really wanted to write it. I'm so glad to have finished it and excited to make it public here! I just really hope it gets some reads, it's quite a lengthy piece!
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| The weather over here in the UK has been appalling the last few days. We've had high winds and heavy rain. And I'm sick of it! Small rant over. Last night I spent my night catching up on all those things I'd missed since my sister and nephew had begun camping out in my room. It included all of those dull chores including washing the sheets and hoovering. But I also got to do some fun things like taking my tea to make some tea, sending out a couple of reviews, catching up with my scrapbook and reading. I loved my night last night. Tonight I've been to the cinema with my friend and several of each of our family members (all female!) to watch New Year's Eve. And I have to say, although it was one of those cliched movies and you could see what was coming around the corner, I really enjoyed. Then, off back to my aunty's for a cuppa and a well needed rant about certain issues before coming home. And here I sit now, listening to the rain hammer my window, the wind billowing fiercely even as I sit curled in my pjs. Aaaaaah, bliss! I've been working on something new the past couple of days. An image came to me, flickered in my mind as I woke from a restless sleep on my last night of being a nomad. Cast out from my own home (hehe) I was staying with my Aunt who lives up the road from us. The image I saw as she knocked on the door to make sure I was awake ready to work (bless her heart) was of a tall door, a patterned mosaic adorning it. I could see lots of blues and darker shades of blues. And while I cannot explain the rest of the dream (for I do not know it) the door scared me. And so I am writing about, the door. I thought that it might be a short story, maybe a little longer than my usual items. But at the minute, it's turning out to be quite the monster! It keeps growing and growing. I can't help but write and I love it! I think I'm almost finished and will keep going until I do. The whole situation you may have read about earlier in my journal. Well. It's not over, not exactly. But not more has occured either. It's still hanging over my head and I'm still wondering if I should have acted differently about the whole situation. But that could have blown up in everyone's face. I'm still not happy with it though. I don't feel comfortable being around it or talking about it, or even being with the people involved. It's all a little bit too much for me. It makes me insanely uncomfortable, worse than I have been in a long time. I've told my partner about that but I don't think he quite gets it. But there are also other things going on around the situation which are only serving to exacerbate and make everyone angry and rant. I don't want to be in that atmosphere, it's negative and damaging. Very damaging. I can feel it's effect on me. But how, how can I say no? |
| I have two things on my midn right now. One is editing the contest entry I wrote for the Bad moon Rising contest by Horror Inc. I wrote something a while ago and hadn't looked at it again (although I knew I needed to!) but recently I received a review on this piece that although was a lower rating gave me a lot of good advice and still left me feeling positive about it. But it's encouraged me to look back and take those suggestions on board and indeed begin the edit before the due date! The second is travelling. At the moment I'm staying with my aunty due to lack of space at our house. My sister and my nephew are staying at home with my parents because my brother-in-law is ill with an infectious illness. He's on the mend but she's been with us for near a week now. Who knew babies were so tiring?! But anyway, I've been sitting here talking to my aunty about my travels (while drinking copious amounts of gin on a school night) and it's really motivated me to think about it again. I really want to start considering the dates I want to go away and contact my advisor about flights. I want to book it so I know for definate that I'm going! I'm excited but anxious at the same time but I want to go, I don't want this dream to fade away and I want to make it concreate. Tomorrow night this will be my endeavour, to edit my story as well as planning travelling again! |
So it's the new year. I had a really quiet New Year's Eve spent with my family with a curry in front of the television. It was nice and I was where I wanted to be. I made myself quite a few New Year's resolutions this year: To find myself a job. Although I'm working it's temporary. I want to find work somewhere permanent doing something I love.To exercise more. While I don't think I'm overweight or anything I don't feel healthy, so my friend and I have vowed this one together.In addition to exercise, I want to eat more healthily. Making sure I try to get my five a day as much as possible and not eating as many bad things!To write more. I really want to get back into writing, it's something I enjoy and I want to give myself time to enjoy it properly.To read more. I love reading. I always have and always will. I want to allow myself more time to read and enjoy it.I want to save money. I want to go travelling in 2013 so I want to save my money, work out a budget etc. A little personal resolution I have to myself is not to let people walk all over me. I don't think I do a lot, but I know that when it comes to certain people I find it easier to forgoe what I want in favour of what they want, often to save arguments or just because it's easier. I don't think I should have to and I won't do it anymore. I think this one is going to be the hardest one to keep to, especially when it comes to certain people.So new year, new start. I'm looking forward to it and hope that 2012 is going to be a good year. |
| Well things seemed to calm down a bit after the latest dark revelation. At least I thought so. Christmas Eve was a little awkward but I got through it and had a fab few days with my family, being entirely spoilt in the process. And then, it started again. It started with a conversation talking about it. I want it to lie. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Especially with them. But it's them who want to talk, it's their problem; how can I say I don't want to hear? How can I walk away and not listen? I can't. I have to stand there and pretend that I'm interested, pretend I want to hear and when they ask for my opinion I try to mumble and move my head a little. Yeah, that's right. I try not to answer. Because I feel so uncomfortable. I hate feeling like that. And going there these days always makes me feel like that. I've contemplated the idea of not going there, of ignoring the whole thing, of not having to talk about it and feel uncomfortable. But I can't do that. How would it look? Awful, that's how. But it's a self perpetuating nightmare that I want out of. Now. |
You know when you have one of those days when everything is actually going swimmingly and then all of a sudden..... your world comes crashing down around you? I had some really awful news today, something I can't really share with anyone and it's eating me alive. All day at work it's all I've been able to think of, the thoughts spinning in my head as I tried to focus on the tasks at hand. And I need to talk so bad, need to get it out and seek advice but I can't  |
| You ever had one of those days where every little thing seemed like it was too much to handle? I was fine until tonight. I don't know whether it's tiredness or whether I've just got so much running through my head it tantamount to mental exhaustion, but as I climbed from the shower and tried to brush my unruly mane of hair.... I broke down as the brush met tat after tat. Such a trivial thing. But something which tipped me over the edge. I'm sitting now kind of feeling blank, stunned, unsure what the little outburst was all about. Still not feeling quite right. Still struggling with my hair. Awaiting the eventual climb into bed before the monotony of the day begins again. And just briefly, just for a moment, I saw that yawning chasm. The black pit that threatens to resurface to swallow me whole again. I think I've conquered it, this time. |
| I often sit and watch films when I'm busy on my PC. When I say watch I really mean let them play in the background, glancing at the screen occasionally when something catches my eye or a loud noise makes me turn my head. I sometimes don't think I should do this, after all, I'm just dividing my concetration which isn't such a great idea! But I've always done it, all the way through my five years of University, and it's a comfort having noise in the background, but most of all, having something familiar to turn my head to when things get tough or I need a five minute break. Tonight I've been watching 300. It's a film that I have seem many many times and one I will see many times again. I love it. I love the sheer brutality, the way it is shot, the narrator's voice. I love the ferocity with which the Spartan's fight. And something which really struck me tonight, these Spartan's, the men who fight along side the men of neighbouring countries and cities, are fighting to protect what they believe in. They are willing to shed blood, kill other men and die, to protect what they believe in. And often I tend to think that it the masculine part of these men that want to protect their women too. As a feminist I feel I should balk at the prospect, but actually, knowing that somebody was willing to be hurt, to kill or be killed just to protect, is a warming thought. Not that I would expect anyone to do so. But I'm sorry for creating such a random first entry for my blog!! It had to start somewhere, right?! |
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Just for you BJ Hope your have'n a good day. 
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