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 |   A day in the life of... me! |
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A HUGE Thank you to Emily   for the beautiful ribbon  First place in "The Bard's Hall Contest"  for July/August 2012!A day in the life of... me! Sometimes I need to rant. Sometimes I have something burning on my mind. Sometimes I'm so angry I feel like reverting back to old coping mechanisms. So I thought a journal was a good idea! I feel ranting is an important part to life, everyone does it to some degree or another and it's not healthy to bottle things up inside. So for those moments where I feel a rant (or just a general thought) and want to get it off my chest, here it will be! However, ranting is not everything. Sometimes I just feel like I want to share something with someone, and often there is nobody to listen (wow that makes me sound sad! I do have friends but I tend to let them do the talking rather than share). So here I can get things off my chest, rant or be happy, whatever the mood ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well I'm back from my little one night break withmy partner in Whitby. We had a really great time, visited the Abbey (finally after our third visit!), had traditional fish and chips and did a ghost walk. It was a really lovely time away and just what the doctor ordered I think. The day before I went I had quite a stressful time at work so it was nice to be able to relax properly after that. The only bad thing is, that when I got back I was met with some pretty bad news. My gran has been ill for a long time now and in hospital for about three weeks. She took a turn for the worse yesterday and a decision had to be made. They could either give her feeding tubes and keep trying the treatment which wasn't having any effect, or we could chose to stop all support. If I'm honest I'm really glad I didn't have to make that decision. I think it's a really tough call to make. When you think about your mum all you want is the best for her; you want her to be happy and healthy and living a full life. When I look at my gran I know that she's not experiencing any of that. She has no quality of life and hasn't for a long time because of the alzheimers she suffers with. But it wasn't my decision to make, itwas my parents and my aunt's. Eventually, they have decided to end all support. It's not helping her, she's not improving and I guess it's a bit like thinking why prolong the inevitable when we all know what's going to happen, particularly when in the past she has expressed a wish to take a pill and make it all go away. I think to make a decision like that must have been really tough and luckily they're all really close so there is a strong support network there. I don't know how this makes me sound but generally, I have dealt with death quite well. When it is an expected death at any rate. But when I found out this news yesterday I was shocked to the core. I can't stop thinking about it, about my gran, about the decision that was made. I don't think they've done the wrong thing, in fact, I agree. After all, she has no quality of life and no capacity to make the decision for herself. I'm not so sure why it's hitting me this hard. I think it may be because I was so close to my gran (and my granda who passed away three years ago now) and I guess this is going to be like losing the link. Sure I'll have memories, nostaligia and remembrance of the good times but I feel like I could have been a better grandaughter for a long time. Maybe my pain is in relation to my own feelings of me and the fact that I feel I could have done more, could have visited more and seen her. We don't know how long she is going to have. I'm going to visit her soon... |
| I've been working on something for a couple of weeks now to improve it and bring it up to scratch. That has involved expansion, correction, thoughts, sweat (no tears) but lots of love. I've doubled my word count so officially it will be a novella And I have to say I'm really proud of myself. Editing has never been my strong point, I always tend to put it off because I worry about looking at the state of something I've written. I know I'm terrible for having typos in my work, but this piece, has been like my baby. It came to my one night in a dream and it's stayed with me since. I'm going to open it up for public view once more (soon) once I've divided it into chapters and made sure all typos are gone! |
| I love that feeling I get when after knowing I've been on writing.com for a number of years, I find something new about it! This evening for example, I've discovered that there's a fantastical place where all of the archived newsletters are kept! I think this is fantastic news (did anybody else know about this?) It means I can delete all the archived newsletters in my email, free up some space and rest safe in the knowledge that I can still reach them! Yay! The other thing I learned was the WdC has a Suggestion Box! Now it's something that I always assumed there would be but not something I really went looking for, so upon reading a blog entry this evening and finding the link, of course I followed it! I added my own suggestion but also took the time to sit and read other people's which was kinda cool Anyway, random chat over! |
| I love that feeling I get when after knowing I've been on writing.com for a number of years, I find something new about it! This evening for example, I've discovered that there's a fantastical place where all of the archived newsletters are kept! I think this is fantastic news (did anybody else know about this?) It means I can delete all the archived newsletters in my email, free up some space and rest safe in the knowledge that I can still reach them! Yay! The other thing I learned was the WdC has a Suggestion Box! Now it's something that I always assumed there would be but not something I really went looking for, so upon reading a blog entry this evening and finding the link, of course I followed it! I added my own suggestion but also took the time to sit and read other people's which was kinda cool Anyway, random chat over! |
| I submitted a short story on the 28th June to an online magazine and heard today that they are not going to accept my piece. However, I don't feel disheartened as I thought I might. I think I feel like I've achieved something by even just sending the piece in because it's the first time I've ever submitted and to have my first rejection letter, I guess, is a kind of achievement in hopefully, the beginning of it all! So I'm going to take heart and revise and work hard and improve on my writing as best I can! Wish me luck |
| Oh my I've just experienced something so terrifying it will make you sqiurm! Okay, maybe not. But I'm certainly shaking! A wasp attacked my office in the early hours of this morning (roughly ten minutes ago). I heard it buzzing at first and it wasn't until it had been in the office for around five minutes that I realised that instead of the fly I thought it was, it was a horrible, big, black and yellow wsp. And I panicked! I felt stupid for feeling so panicky, after all it was just a wasp. Just one single wasp. But immediately I had to drop what I was doing and my eyes were trained on that tiny striped body, watching it's every move. Or at least that's what I thought, until it disappeared. Granted it only disappeared when I thought it was coming at me and I ran from the room like a wuss.. but I came back! And when I did, I couldn't see it. I couldn't hear it. The fear consumed me. I felt panic overtake and the jitters of small legs crawling up my neck as I frantically searched for the beast. Finally I spotted it. It had come out of it's hiding place behind the door and was crawling beside the door handle. Crafty little devil. He knew I couldn't get to him there, not with the huge black file I planned to smush him with next to the intricate finery of the handle. So I waited. I watched and waited. Then it began to crawl upwards, away from the handle. I knew I had to strike while I still had the chance. I crept forward, holding out the file in front of me so I knew if I failed in my task and the creature took flight, I could use it as a shield. But my luck held as I snuck closer and closer, my feet silent on the carpet. I steadied my arm and readied my arm and then—FIRE! I got it right in one, squished it's tiny little body between the door and the deadly file in my hands. I got it. The sight of the broken body on the plastic file was enough to tip me over the edge. I flung it down in disgust, heard it thump on the floor, saw the dirty little remains clinging to the edge. I knew that was my next task. But I knew it could wait. I sat down, waiting my hands to stop shaking and my breath to return to normal as I contemplated the best way to get rid of the evidence. Spotting some kitchen roll on the nearing desk I tore off several sheets and scrunched them up so I wouldn't have to get too close and picking up the file, I wiped it down without looking. And so I triumphed (though my hands are still shaking!). |
| Dreams that take place during the day, a time when people are most people are awake, busy with life. They can come in different forms, short snippets that spring to mind reminiscent of something else, often inspired by some un-asked for prompt. They can be lengthy dreams whereby its receiver listens to and encourages the dream to continue, perhaps because it is pleasant, a nice escape from reality. My day dreams come when I am sleeping, readying myself for the graveyard shift soon to come. While sometimes my day dreams are nice, like today for example, sometimes they are dark. Today I dreamed I met a man and I knew instantly when he looked at me that there was an attraction. It was on a train, I was travelling home late at night and the station was dark. He stopped me briefly and walked me to my second train before kissing me gently on the lips and leaving. That was all I would know and would ever find out about that man. For a while after I woke up I lay in my dream-like state hoping he might visit once more, but alas, he did not. Instead I was woken up into a harsh reality of heat and humidity. However those day dreams are not always so pleasant. I've had plenty of the nightmarish kind; the sort of bad dream that makes you break out into a cold sweat in your sleep because you are truly terrified of what you are witnessing. Usually they tell some unforseen circumstance, something I'm truly terrified will happen and for the rest of the day, the darkness plays on my mind and jars me from my reality. Nothing is right. I am scared. Isn't it strange how dreams can affect you so? |
| It is in the darkness of the night, when you are at one of your most vulnerable times, that the nightmares have free reign of your mind. It is their time when you lie awake, perhaps tortured by the inability to sleep as the world around you lies solemn and dormant, that you cross the boundary into their realm, a place where the dark creatures and monsters of children and adults' dreams alike roam in the dtark black, ruling their world. In that place, in their territory, you are their prey. An easy target in your weakened state. That is when they invade your mind, overtaking the most hidden and supressed recesses, playing on the fears that you have managed to conceal so well from others, and perhaps even yourself. The darkness is restless. It churns in your mind as the dark thoughts evade your grasp enough that you can feel the grip of terror as the nightmare takes over as you lay in bed in a cold sweat, but just out of reach so you cannot push them away. It is in the darkness of night when the bad dreams pervade and the monsters come out to play because you are in their realm. Alone. Unable to protect yourself. |
| It's so strange to think that yesterday probably just about my entire country and indeed my city, was in utter turmoil caused by the torrential rain that fell for an hour. We had three thunderstorms in the space of that hour, all directly overhead. The crashing of the thunder was what woke me and I stayed up the whole time, watching the rain and the lightning streak from the sky. It was amazing. I've always loved storms. But the chaos that ensued was unreal! Roads blocks by cars and fallen rain water. Children riding a dingy on the main road because the water was so deep. People young and old wading through the water, up to their ankles or knees in some places. And the thing that struck me the most was the sense of community that the rain brought out in people. I don't think I've talke to so many random strangers for a long time. Everyone was willing to have a little chat about the terrible weather, share their stories and listen to others'. It was amazing if you ask me! But after all that mishap everything is back to normal today. Roads are clear, water is gone and people have gone back to being their ignorant selves... shame in a way. |
| Well I managed to get to work by some amazing stroke of luck and was only 20 minutes late! I left my house at 8:45 with my dad walking me up (and planning to run home) and we had got so far along the main road when we realised the dip underneath the bridge was too deep. I had my wellies on but this pool, it was more like a lake. It stretched right across both sides of the road and pathway and had to be hip deep, at least. So we had to take a detour. A detour that added around half an hour onto our time and probably a couple of miles too! But still, it had to be done. So we made the reroute and made it back to the main road and by then we had two guys asking us the way to the city centre. So they ended up following us. I felt responsible for them in a way though they were hoping to cross the banks of the river to get to somewhere else and I'm not sure they would make it. But we took them into the centre of town where we left them with directions to the bus terminal and we carried on our way. I wasn't far from work at this point and made it in fine! My dad walked me right to the gate and then headed home merrily for his run. The only thing is that now my feet are killing. I do a lot of walking and usually would ahve worn my walking boots but because everywhere was flooded and we didn't know what the terrain would be like, I decided to wear my wellies. Which was fine for crossing through those giant puddles that reached right up my calves, but not so great on the sole of my feet. I changes socks and shoes when I get here but dread to think how many blisters I might have. I've been at work for five hours now and they're still sore! Oh well. Not all is lost. I guess I got a lot of exercise and learned from my mistakes. But hopefully, things will be back to normal tomorrow and I'll be able to take the car to work. If not I know I'll be wearing my boots and bringing a towel for my wet feet! |
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Just for you BJ Hope your have'n a good day. 
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