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Bare and uncensored personal expression. Beware!!! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me." --- Colleen Wainwright "Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." --- David Sedaris "Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment." --- Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey "In giving of myself onto these pages every day I allow myself to write regardless of the depth and meaning. I share myself with others without fear of recrimination for these are my thoughts, my feelings and my very being, and there are non who's opinion of me matters more than my own." --- Rebecca Laffar-Smith   The Writer's Round-About |
| Well in the spirit of always knowing that a great way to procrastinate is to invent new projects I did it! I must admit part of the blame goes to yellow briefcases. I mean there are lots and lots of yellow briefcases around WDC and despite my past activity on the site and the years I've wandered it (admittedly only one and a half of them in this current incarnation) I remain a lowly black. Ok, so the guide about how case colors come about does state that whining about it won't get you anywhere. I've kept this in mind in the past and remained silent but well, it's my blog if I want to sulk a little just this once I'm entitled to.  Anyway, I digress so lets get back on track. I was thinking about yellow cases and how generally they are granted to people who are active in a community sense. Last year I created the Dear You contest which some might remember being that the appifany came for it in this very journal. This year I'm less concerned with advice columns. I mean they are great but my interest at the moment relates more immediately to my poetry, short stories, and novels. I was reading one of my latest poems, "Invalid Item"  , and wondering how to encourage people to review it because while it's delightful I really felt that feedback could benifit me as a poet. There are various ways to gain exposure and I've taken up some of them for that poem but it wasn't enough.What I found as I browsed this "writing" site is that there doesn't seem to be any poetry groups. Well actually there are, about a dozen of them but they don't really involve digging into poetry. They also didn't seem particularly active. What better way to remedy such an oversight then to create a community within the community specifically dedicated to disecting all things poetic. Thus, the PPP was born.
Actually more than just the group was created. I mean what good is just a group of names gathered on a page without the means to communicate. So with the group comes the forum.
And there is the group application and an image too and so of course I had to keep my port tidy and put them all into a folder of their very own. *grins* At the moment they're all works in progress but then isn't everything. I hope that the PPP will grow into a welcoming and forever expanding family of poets. I hope that there we'll all be able to grow our abilities and extend our knowledge of the art of poetry together. I hope we'll share reviews openly in the forum so that all poets might benifit from the feedback given to everyone's poems. I have a lot of hope for this group. Of course, maybe it's just another way to make myself busy. At least it's a writing devoted task so I don't need to feel too guilty. It will hopefully be a benifit to the WDC poetic community and assuming people join up and take part will help me and each other grow as writers. Check it out if your in anyway a poet, good or bad, experienced, beginner, amateur, tinkerer, hobbiest, professional, whatever. Meanwhile, back to the grindstone for me. I promised to review "The Painter" for a brand new newbie who gave me a wealth of encouraging and helpful feedback for my aforementioned poem. I plug it because it's his very first addition to the site and I'm sure he'd welcome others offering feedback also.All the best to everyone. |
| While my Thursday was spent in various errands such as shopping and visiting a friend who has recently had a baby, I did manage to get some productive writing related activities accomplished. It's still early so I hope to also add a poem to todays completed creations. But first, to get this blog entry out of the way before I run out of time. The 'job' of a writer involves more than putting words down on paper because writing stories involves more than just writing. Most stories are based in fact. It's one of the 'rules' of writing. It relates to the "suspension of disbelief". You see for a reader to truly enjoy a story, they need to relate to it. The best way to make it easy for a reader to relate is to use a base of reality. For example in "A Jealous Wife" I tell the story of a Hindu couple. They live in Ancient India and the story incorporates a mythological beast, the Rakashasa. Obviously the Rakashasa makes the story 'fantastical'. The man and woman never truly existed (at least not to my knowledge, insert common cinema disclaimer: Any relation to actual events is entirely unintentional.) It is fiction. Untrue and in part difficult to believe. However to make it more acceptable to a reader I've been researching India. From customs, dress, ceremony, religion, and architecture to anything else that can help set the scene. India is an intriguing place. I've really enjoyed learning about Hindu culture and some of the wonderful religious doctrine. I'm looking forward to being able to incorporate some of the facts I've learnt into my story. Of course there also comes a point where it's important to remember balance. There are so many interesting points that you have to remember that we're telling a story, not giving a history lesson. While doing research can enhance the story you don't want to go overboard dumping facts on the readers if it's not leading the story forward. Some interesting facts I've learnt about India that may or may not make the cut in "A Jealous Wife":  Ancient India had some advanced scientific knowledge relating to animal life. Their early writings and pictures depict animal life cycles, biology, habitat and sociological aspects. While they lived in mud huts they understood that there chain of life was important to their existance. Hindu religion follows the belief in reincarnation. They heavily depend on understanding how karma affects their existance. They believe that past actions affect future actions and that their happiness is directly related to what they've done in the past not only in this life but all lives before. India exists on a strict social order. There are four levels known as caste's. Men may marry beneath their caste but not above. If a woman of high caste marries beneath her they and their children are shunned and considered beneath even the lowest of the four caste's. A Sari is the traditional clothing of women in India. A sari is one very large woven sheet of material usually made of silk or cotton. Some Sari's are embroidered with gold and silver thread and some are even adorned with pearls and gemstones. A Rakshasa is a demon in Indian mythology. Rakashasa is the masculine of the term however there are also Rakashasi, female demons. The Rakashasa were once men who though advanced knowledge shed their material bodies and took form as pure energy. However, having been physical beings their new form left them craving the comforts of the flesh and so they resort to possessing the bodies of other beings, particularly humans, to gain such delights and also eating human flesh. Rakashasa while not specifically 'evil' are generally considered such because they can be immoral. Most Rakashasa love to gamble, their favored currency is human bodies however their own anti can be very powerful which makes such bets enticing for both parties.Other Mythological beasts are more focused on hybrid animal amalgams. Garuda - a half-man, half-eagle. Makara - A giant fish with an elephant head. Navagunjara - A composate beast made with the parts of nine animals. Airavat - A mystical white elephant. Gandaberunda - A two-headed bird. Monoceros - A large beast with the forlegs and torso of a horse, hind of a rhino and head with a single, large, black horn. Mantygre - A beast with the body of a tiger, head and torso of a man with two pronged horns. Leucrocotta - A human torso with hind and four legs of a lion and the tail of a scorpion. Griffin - With the head of an eagle, body of a lion, and tail of a serpant. In honor of scarlett_o_h, a list of five. *grins* Oh ok, well one more bonus: The name of my female protagonist, Sharada, is an Indian name and it means, "Goddess of Learning". Purushottam, her husband's name, means "Best Among Men".Ok, now I've bored you with such tidbits you can see why I found my two days of research so intriguing. Let us hope that some of the things I've learned will give my story an edge. There it is, some clumsy chatter about the joys of researching for a writer, why it's important and how it can give your stories an advantage. OMG I feel like I'm drivelling today and I keep hoping I didn't stuff up any of the 'facts'. I mean wouldn't it just be gaff to find out that I misunderstood everything and what I thought I'd learnt wasn't actually correct at all. Onward I go regardless. What I've learnt has given my plot additional strength and I'm confident enough to go with it. So, hopefully tomorrow will consist of more writing and less research. Now, to that poem I promised myself. "Stormy's poetry newsletter & contest" , here I come. |
| And so it begins, day two of better inclinations. I spent the day at writing endevours today although most of those pertained more to research then writing. I did however manage a poem and over 750 words of a short story and with that I'm pleased. She story has more progress then the words proclaim because I've done a great deal of research on the the culture of india and hinduism. It's an interesting topic and I gather information only to give my setting greater substance. I've little to no experience writing successful short stories and so this is a true challenge for me and one I hope to come away from with success. I'd like to be able to write short stories because it's a large step toward writing for plot. Some say short stories are harder to write and I'd believe it. Condensing an interiguing plot, and capturing the audiences emotions, fleshing out charismatic characters, in a matter of a few thousand words is no easy task. Giving these characters something to make a complete story about and having its beginning, middle, and end within such constraints seems daunting. Still I'm encouraged by my beginnings with the story I'm currently calling, "A Jealous Wife". It's a working title and hopefully a better one will come to me in time. I've layed out on notepad various aspects about this story but I'm still not certain how it will unfold. I have Sharada, a lovely hindu woman who feels unworthy of her royal husband. She believes he is unfaithful and will ultimately learn that it is her own insecurities that make her feel like she is undeserving of his love. Eventually she comes to accept herself and in doing so realises that all along he's seen her and loved her for the exceptional person she is. Of course, through her jealous antics they come close to ruin however in the end their marriage is stronger in surviving this adversity. *sighs* I don't know, it seems a lofty subject for a short story. Perhaps it is too complex for me to bring about. I'm giving myself a 6,000 word limit since that is the bounds of the contest which prompted this story. I somehow have to introduce some sort of mystical being into the mix as well and I'm not sure how that will alter things. I'll have to think about that aspect tomorrow before delving much further with Sharada and Purushottam. So a productive day, where I read some poetry, browsed some contests and added a few to favorites as ones I'd like to try. Wrote a poem to a given prompt and vowed to write more for that and other prompts in kind. I researched a little about HOW to write a short story. I researched and brainstormed the themes and setting for a short story and I began writing one. *smiles* Rather grand accomplishments and to them I can add, getting my daughter to and from school, three square meals, supervising a two-year-old boy, two loads of laundry, two loads of dishes (one by hand and one by dishwasher), listening and singing to some favorite music, and watching snippets of television. Of course the hour is late, so it's off to bed for me and no chance to read more of the current romance novel. Ohh I did print "The Dating Game" so I have that to look forward to at some point. But right now, sleep is primary and tomorrow will probably involve errands at least for some of the day. I wish you all an enjoyable day in which you accomplish something you value with your time. |
| Well today I finally put off the shackles and sat here and wrote. At first I just looked at something in my life and dumped a sonnet to the page about what was in my head but after doing that I wrote two more sonnets less intertwined with reality and more music of the heart. I plan to write more sonnets. I might make a theme of them. Collect a whole bunch of sonnets together. I've already got a number of them in my collection and I'll add some of my older ones back into my portfolio now I've finally invested in upgrading it for another year. Of course I don't only want to write poetry. So tomorrow I might challenge myself to do something different. Perhaps a short story or perhaps and article. If I wrote an article I could probably look towards getting it published but as always I'd have to figure out what subject to write about and which angle to take. Still, doing that would be actively working more so then writing a random poem. The other option would be to spend time one of my novels. 'The Dating Game' most likely. It's important for me to get back to that as soon as possible. I should gather together and print the final first draft and read it cover to cover as a whole. Evaluate the front to back as a story and work on fixing the loops and twists, pulling it together, evening out the kinks and smoothing in more balance as a whole. There is no point minisculising the chapters by picking apart grammar at this stage, it's still too new. But, it's stepping forward with confidence. Getting myself back on that road at last. And my writing isn't the only forward step I've made at last. I'm back to watching my weight (watching it go down again, I'm determined) and back to caring about my environment. It's definately long overdue, this putting my life back into balance. It's important to me, and it's finally happening. Onward, to success and happiness in every moment. |
| Dear Readers, Today I came across a conundrum. I wrote "Invalid Item" right from the heart just to get something out of the way but as all my writing I work to make it the best it can be. As I reviewed it initially I felt a confusion on how to best punctuate the peice. Grammatically the question marks in the first two stanza's seemed to fall at the end of the four lines and yet when I first wrote the peice I'd placed them after the first lines.With poetry it's always a hard call. Technically you don't 'have' to remain true to grammatic rules. You can tear apart words and rearrange things. There is nothing hard and fast about poetry and rules are made to be bent or broken. But in this case I'm left undecided. Where does a comma, period, questionmark or any punctuation for that matter, find it's place in poetry and why? I've always believed it's important to punctuate poetry correctly however sometimes correct punctuation doesn't always make itself clear. Clever phrasing and concise organisation of words doesn't always lead to clear sentance structure. And so, where do these question marks belong?
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| I've been thinking a lot lately on the mark I make in this world. I look at what I've accomplished with life in my twenty-four years and while I love my home, and my children I can't help but wonder how much more I could be doing. It's times like this I have a few regrets about the choices I've made in life. Choices like leaving school early instead of sticking it out, studying hard, and graduating. Not extending my education by going to university. Getting married and starting a family so very young. Not experiencing more of the average workplace before getting tied to the homefront with childcare. Of course it's pointless to live in regret. While sometimes I wonder where life might have led had I made other choices, the fact is, this is where I am now and all I can do is focus on the choices I make for the future. The real trouble is figureing out what those choices are. I'd like to do copyediting/writing freelance. I've done this in the past but failed to take it seriously enough to develop a client base. Now I wonder how to attract people interested in paying for this service. Particularly those interested in hiring an unqualified, barely educated, writer wannabe. *sighs and grimaces* I talk badly of myself. What I mean is a writer who has no formal qualifications. I don't have a masters in English or Journalism. It makes me wonder what it would take for me to get such qualifications. I expect to even be considered for such a course I'd have to pass a high school equivelancy exam. Those sorts of exams would require basic understanding of mathmatics at the very least which makes my odds of passing particularly unlikely. So it would of course require study to even pass that. It's doable. And it would be worth it to have a degree that can put me ahead of competitors in my field. Of course, practical experience could be just as worthwhile. I should track my hours more carefully for the work I do. I've tracked time already but so far it's been fairly minimal. It would also require getting more work. So, there are options. It's definately time to explore all those options available. Consider my writing more seriously. It's not a hobby. It's my career. Yes it's been at a stand still for almost a year. But I've been doing this in the past and I want to make this my future. I have time before I'd be required to support myself with this but time swiftly runs out so I need to act NOW. |
| Ok, so I can't really blame the sugar but on Saturday morning as I was still struggling with the sugar hangover of Friday I was laying in bed minding my own business and preparing to face the day ahead when out of the darkness sneaks A heffalump. Or maybe it was my 13kg Two-Year-Old but at the time it felt like a heffalump as he lept on me and crunched my very tender spine. I moaned in agony waiting for the pain to subside and it did, so long as I didn't move. Thankfully being Saturday I DIDN'T have to move so I stayed in bed and spent the day warding the children away from the bed and listening to them distrubute (read toss) their toys around the living room. Thankfully by the evening I was able to get up without crying but I got their dinner, baths, and to bed before settling in for a movie on the couch and staying there until bedtime. Sunday we had a BBQ lunch with me ex-husbands family, (oh joy) and I pulled off healthy and happy pretty well in front of them *chuckles* And today I've got movement and am feeling ok so long as a don't lean back in the chair and put pressure on my spine or move my neck too suddenly. As I said, can't really blame sugar for that one because baby boy was just acting as baby boys do and not realising that there are parts of a human body that shouldn't be jumped on. Of course it has given me a great reason to not do housework this weekend. Perhaps I should be proud that even injured I managed three loads of laundry and a dishwasher cycle.  Of course, the toys are still strewn across the living room *sighs* I'll have to get them back into the toy box today.Hope everyone else had a less traumatic weekend and got through it injury free. Here is to Monday's, when at least one child goes to school. lol Yes only a mother can actually appreciate weekdays. *grins* |
| *groans softly and rubs my head* You know, I've never had a hangover from alcohol. Never see the point of drinking so much of it. But right now I'm hung over, on sugar. At least I think that's what's going on. Either that or I'm about to find myself incredible sick with something else. My head aches, my eyes burn, my muscles are all sore, and I'm sooo tired I just want to crawl back to bed and stay there for a week. Of course I can't, because life goes on, I've got two kids to take care of so I'm awake, kinda, and cursing this agony. I'm pretty sure sugar is the culprit. It's been months since I've lived on sugary packed food. Since I went on weight watchers in September last year I've avoided it for the most part only to treat myself occassionally. But this week I was seriously craving sugar, and not the sort of craving that's dealt with by a hot chocolate, adding sugar to cereal or having a couple of squares of chocolate. No, this craving was more like bags of chocolate, licorice, fantales, and caramel, blocks of chocolate, cake, and softdrink. And it's been lasting me days. Even feeling horrible I'm still wanting more. I don't understand the desire for junk. I know how bad it is for me. I know I need to get my weight back into control since it's been slipping these last few weeks. I know that every chocolate I eat and allow myself is another week away from my goal weight. It's making me sick. So much sugar. I don't know why my body is craving it either. It's not TTOM for another two weeks and I'm definately not pregnant. Something is going on and I don't know what. It'll be a mystery. Meanwhile I'm almost out of sugary food and I'm promising myself I won't buy more. So, now I deal with today's sugar hangover, finish the last half of a block of caremel chocolate and then suffer days of withdrawl coming off the sugar. Sugar truly is a drug. White powder. More deadful then some of the other things because it's so sweet and attractive and it seems so harmless. But you know, I think sugar is a huge killer in this world. Perhaps chocolate should come with a health warning. Still, I don't think it would prevent my addiction. In future I should probably keep a tightly hold on my willpower. Here is to making the right choices in the future. And here's to surviving this sugar binge without too many consequences. |
| I was flicking over some of my favorite bloggers just now when and entry in Dan's Journal, "Invalid Entry" , caught my attention. You should all read it, and then read some of Dan's other entries and get addicted like I am. Anyway, Dan mentions the way we spend time, 'waste' time, use our free time, are productive or 'un-'productive with our time. The examples he gives made me really see how much of what I do with my day seems self-centered. It benifits no one by myself and so in a sense if we followed Dan's hypothesis I would be making huge withdrawls on an already indebted bank account of time. But then I started wondering. Because while at that moment (or this one come to speak of it) I might feel like I'm doing nothing of value, we still don't know the ultimate purpose of this moment. Right now I'm writing this blog entry obviously and while I'm NOT writing something more valuable for me (such as a story I'm trying to bring myself to begin) and berating myself for 'procrastinating', this entry serves a purpose. Writing this is writing, which helps reassure my mind that writing is not such a daunting prospect. Writing this is educating, because I'm looking within me for the words and the answers to my thoughts and questions and coming to knew awarenesses. Writing this is entertaining, to the other readers and myself when I come back to read it again in the future. Thus, while part of me claims it's a waste of my time, another knows it is not time wasted. I can say the same for everything I spend my time on: Reading = studying other writers structure, appreciating the way words can be used, examining plotline constructions, and learning correct grammar and spelling (or incorrect because their proof reader has a less keen eye then my own). Playing Video Games = appreciating the intricate weaves of storylines to interactive user approaches, seeing how words with pictures melt to create a feel of time, place, and reason, seeing the way words are condensed to give as much meaning with less space, evaluating the way various dialogues and occassional monologues can be used to project plotlines, how various plotlines and sub-plots can be woven into a single setting, watching how action scenes are portrayed on screen, examining settings and environment in relation to story. Watching TV = A great deal of the above, seeing how story is translated to script, appreciating the differences between how a story is written for paper and writing for picture, hearing how people interact and how dialogue sounds when crafted or not crafted, seeing which stories and plotlines are overused, underused, particularly appreciated by the community, relating to today's people and learning how the majority spend their time, what they watch, what they value etc. So many purposes and leasons given in every moment of 'wasted', seemingly 'un-'productive time. Dan, when you 'THOUGHT' you were 'just doing nothing, watching Springer' you were actually learning a great deal about society and the way people of varying cultures and classes interact with each other and their community. How arguements non-scripted can progress and how a master manipulator can turn situations to greater benifit of his own purpose. (Yes we cast Jerry as arch-nemisis because ultimately he does work his audience and his guests for maximum viewing 'pleasure') So, in conclusion, I've just given myself perfect reasons to continue wasting as much time as I want. *grins* I'm not in debt in that bank account of time, I'm a millionaire. I have every moment of the rest of my life left in that bank and it's impossible to truly waste any of it. Every moment lived, is lived and I wouldn't change any second, because who knows, if I'd not done that (no matter what that was) then this moment may never have happened. |
| It's amazing how easy it is to do nothing in this day and age. It's school holiday's right now (oldest goes back to school on Tuesday *celebrates*) and while I dealt with a serious low earlier this week that meant I'd spend all day in bed taking advantage of the fact that I didn't 'have' to get up I'm back to waking and actually getting out of bed for the day now. Still, although I remove my carcass from the covers and drag myself into the chilled air of the house it's still an effort to do much of anything else. I dress, ensure my kids are both suitably approaching a new day (ie. diaper change and clean clothes) look at the pantry for breakfast inspiration then groan and wander into the laundry to get the machine going. The good news of the laundry being between my bedroom and the toilet is that it's easy to throw a load into the washing machine when I have to go for the first time in a day. So that means at least one load of laundry will get washed in a day. Of course it's getting dry after washing is another story and who knows if that'll come about since there are a great many distractions in the two hours of the soak an wash cycle. Having done that I glance around and see everything that I should be doing but of course I don't want to mop the kitchen floor or putter around in the garden getting weeds out of the roses. So I stroll back inside and give the two sticky notes on my computer a dirty look before wandering off to get a drink. Those sticky notes have two short suggestions that remind me I'd told myself I should spend 20 minutes each morning writing and 20 minutes each evening editing. I haven't done any writing or editing since I wrote the notes about a month ago. I return to the computer and power it up. Check my email. Wonder what to do with my day. Check my email again. Browse a couple of websites from my favorites. Nothing new. Check my mail again. By now I'm in full procrastinating form so I have no guilt pulling up a game of one sort or another. Dark Age of Camelot is popular and time disappears playing that. But I've also taken to a couple of games from Oberon Media and The Sims 2. Lupo also has me hooked on a few web comics and is undoubtably planning to introduce me to a few more. Of course with him working business hours this past week I can't blame him for distracting me all day. Now it's nearly midnight and I look back on a very unproductive and yet completely full day. My kids had fun. I had fun. We had meals at respectable hours. They had a bath and to bed at bedtime. And yes, I even rotated the laundry (*cheers*) But I could stand to do the dishes, the kitchen floor still isn't mopped. And I have yet to write or edit. Another day when my resolution to fight for my dream is put to one side and I'm starting to search out what the true cause of this 'block' is. It's not that I can't write. (*points to entrails of babble that comprise this blog entry*) But the prospect on working on something that could actually serve a purpose makes me gag. It's fear. True to goodness anxiety attack, sweety palms, shortness of breath and this insistant urge to run like hell or put my fingers in my ears and hum to pretend I can't hear it. Something is definately not right when just the thought of thinking about writing or editing, or doing anything with my life's blood, words, gives me the desire to vomit until there is nothing in my stomach. What is so daunting about writing a simple story, or a poem, or taking a look at the draft I wrote over a year ago? Why is this turmoil haunting me? Where does this fear originate and how can I conquer it and find my joy in the words on a page again? *sighs softly* I don't know. But it's something I WILL (*grrs at almost writing should and vowing to change it and make it a resolution instead of a possibility*) look carefully at and give some true thought and serious consideration. I will find the root of this block and disolve it so that I can walk with courage on the path of my destiny. But now, of course, it's bedtime, and tomorrow will perhaps be as today was. Or perhaps, at last, I'll find a way to stick to my heart. Instead of taking the easy detours, and discoursing upon lifes little diversions. |
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