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Bare and uncensored personal expression. Beware!!! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me." --- Colleen Wainwright "Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." --- David Sedaris "Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment." --- Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey "In giving of myself onto these pages every day I allow myself to write regardless of the depth and meaning. I share myself with others without fear of recrimination for these are my thoughts, my feelings and my very being, and there are non who's opinion of me matters more than my own." --- Rebecca Laffar-Smith   The Writer's Round-About |
| Now my brain is back with me I remember why I decided to write my blog before bed each night. *chuckles* Morning's are a nightmare for time. Usually there is some sort of plan that'll interrupt my morning and drag me away from the computer. So, I'd started writing in the evening to ensure that my entries each got written. Blog before bed was like I couldn't go to bed until I'd blogged. Today my sister is coming over to take me and the kids out for a bit of a visit. It's a beautiful day so we decided we'll make it a picnic in a park nearby, maybe a short visit to the library and then hiring some DVD's. That means my time here is limited because she wants us ready to go when she arrives in about an hour. But today is something different. Normally the morning is interrupted with having to get my daughter to school on time and then some days I don't come back to the house after that before noon or even afternoon. Thursdays are shopping days so those mornings are always too hectic for blogging. In fact, come to think of it, no wonder I'm always wiped out by the end of the day. *chuckles* Last night I was going to talk about "adopting the neighbours kids". *grins* At the time I had a raging headache from too much sun at my daughters sports day followed by a few hours with three extra kids in the house. Having one child under your roof is a huge shift, having two is a little more effort but having five isn't really a big deal except for the noise. One of the kids is Kaylie's age and in her class at school. They live two doors up the street. He has two sisters who are younger and Josh and Kaylie had a ball playing with them firstly outside, then on the dance mat inside and finally on the computer. Sometimes I worry about those kids. Their family lives a different lifestyle. I keep going to say their aboriginal but their nationality really doesn't have too much to do with it. I guess for the most part their family and their family's before them were raised very differently. These kids grow up street and environment wise but with little respect for things. (in general) Caleb and his sisters however a delightful children. I'm always concerned to see them playing out on the street unsupervised. Caleb the oldest is six and his sisters are four and two and all three wander freely around the neighbourhood. The trouble is while I know their home situation isn't ideal I also know that he has a very caring grandmother who makes an effort to ensure they're dressed, fed, and that Caleb goes to school. Occassionally they turn up on my doorstep asking if Kaylie can come out and play. *chuckles* It's actually a surprise that they ask if she can "come out" because she's never allowed to play out the front unless I'm out there with her. What I do instead is invite them in. Yesterday my two were already playing outside on the swing set and the trampoline and they had fun out there before coming inside. *sighs* Still, sometimes I really wonder about the parents who don't care about their kids. Sometimes I start wondering what it might be like to go into foster care. But I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I'd be dealing with kids who's family life has always been in turmoil and I'd know that eventually these kids go into new families or return to their original family. I don't think I'd be able to let go and I wouldn't stop worrying that maybe they've gone to something even worse then they came from. So I just go on taking care of my own two, to the best of my ability and on occassion bring in the neighbours kids, give them something to eat and a safe place to play until dinner time when I feel obligated to send them home to their family. |
| Ok, I'm sick of this. After having a really great day I'm struggling, again, to bring myself to blog. To do anything in fact. And so I won't. But for the sake of my blog I've decided to set myself to do it in the morning instead of evening. Perhaps if I plan to do it early I'll still be full of energy and inspiration. Having said that, I'll close off here and do a full entry in about 12 hours.  |
| Have you ever woken up raring to go? Bubbled through the day? Everything seemed perfect, the weather was beautiful, the traffic lights were all green, you ran early for every appointment, etc.? That was today for me and it doesn't happen offen. But today was incredible and I felt charged and ready to face anything. But now, hours later now the sun has set and the beautiful day has turned into a lovely night the energy is gone. I don't know where it sapped away to but I search for some because I was hoping to get some reviews done tonight. My plan is to raid John~Ashen 's port but last night and tonight my mind turned to flop. I don't want to review when I'm in such a dismal mood because my opinion and thought processes will both be effected.So I'm reaching the stage where I just want to log off and that's why this blog entry comes in here like this. I've dedicated myself to a blog entry each day and I don't feel right about logging off without having written it, even if I just want to mope off and tune out. I can't understand my change of mood. I was feeling so wonderful and then over the last three or so hours it's just disappeared. I feel like I've accomplished nothing but I look back over the day and lots got done. My daughter went to and from school. The dog went to the groomer. We got the shopping done. Ohhh, and my mother and I WON THE LOTTO!!!! *grins* Not the first division win that someone else in my suburb won but a fifth division which covers the cost of next weeks tickets. Anyway, I look back and I did accomplish a lot of RL chores. The trouble really is that I didn't accomplish any writing ones and that's where my heart is. If I'm not writing and producing work, if I'm not reviewing, not learning, etc. I feel terrible. Of course, now I have a few hours before bed when I COULD sit and write or review or even read and I just don't have the energy or inclination to do any of it. I'd rather turn my brain off, have a long hot bath, and get to sleep early. I'm not going to force myself to work. Not tonight anyway. A hot bath and bed is a good option because I have another full on day. Tomorrow is Sports Carnival at my daughter's school so we'll be up early and getting them ready. Then spending the day out there in the sun cheering her and the rest of her school on. Should be lots of fun and I'll have to think about taking things to keep Josh entertained and hopefully I can settle in with some of the other Mum's I know. But even that is too much to think about just now. And so with a ramble in here that was almost totally pointless I'm going to get out of here. Hopefully this strange mood will have lifted by the time I get home tomorrow. But if not then I'll pike out then too and get some work done on the weekend after resting instead. *ponders* It's just strange to feel like this at the end of a great day. Doesn't anyone else find their day dying like this? |
| What would you do with $375,000AUD if you won the lotto? These thoughts started running through my head today. They're nice to think about but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Odds are I didn't win. But since the chance is there the thoughts wander. You see, each Thursday my mother and I buy a 25 game slippick each, syndicate style. That's 50 games with winnings split between us equally. It's $13.60 per ticket and we consider it a donation to charity because someone, somewhere, wins that money if we don't. The lotto is a gamble. Except that the players win instead of the house. I'm sure the house pulls in a pocketful too but each week players take home some money. Lots of people don't take home anything but if they keep playing odds are they will at some point. The same with any game. Anyway, today I was reading the local newspaper and apparently someone in my suburb bought a winning ticket but hadn't claimed it as of when the paper went to print. So it's got me a little more excited about the possibility. I mean think of it. The odds of winning are extreamely improbable in general if you consider 1 in millions. In this case it's 50 in millions but it's still incredibly remote. But if someone bought one in this suburb then it's more like 50 in thousands. Much better odds. So on the basis of improved odds I've started dreaming of what I might do with that much money. The paper said it was a ticket worth about $750,000AUD and I'd split that with my mother leaving me with $375,000. What would you do with that much money? My first thought was to buy a new house and renovate this one completely and rent it out to someone and buy a car and buy a boat and buy an island and... and... and... *chuckles* Then I reigned in my thoughts a bit more seriously. While I've never seen that much money in my lifetime it's still not infinite and would run out quickly. So, a list of five (for you Scarlett) 1. Pay out the mortgage of the house so that I owned it in full. = $120,000. 2. Finish the renovations on the house I have planned. = $40,000. 3. Buy a car. = $30,000. 4. Investing for the future. = $175,000. 5. Donated to chartity. = $10,000. I'm considering how much I'd also save no longer having a mortgage and the interest and returns on that investment. It would hopefully accumulate to the means of buying a second home but it would also give me the security to face a future where income isn't guarenteed. Obviously the list isn't fixed. It's actually hard to decide how to spend so much money. It's hard to decide how much not to spend. It's also hard to believe in so much money. I mean consider the fact that it is about 15 years income for me. If I put that in the bank I wouldn't have to earn a dime for 15 years. It's all a pipe dream. I mean the odds are still 50 to thousands. *chuckles* But yeah, it's interesting to think about. What would you do with $375,000AUD? And for the Americans reading let me do a conversion based on the current exchange rate. *grins* What would you do with $281,783.15? |
| In every life there are events that have adverse effects on our future. For the most part it is the interactions between humans that have the most significant impact and sometimes the emotional scars cannot be seen or felt for years, if ever. I've recently begun thinking about what impact my life is having on others. It worries me to think that my dealings with other people may have left inadvertant damage. A situation recently brought this sort of fear to light. That day I'd been into Perth and bought over one hundred dollars worth of writing books. If you look down my entries over the past month you'll find mention in there a couple of times about these wonderful books. Perhaps I even brought up the situation and my concern already but my memory is horrid and I wanted to go more in depth with the concept. Anyway, I'd left the books on my desk which is generally a no-go zone for my children. My desk is scattered with papers, scrap, notes, notepads, reminders, to-do lists, etc. It's also covered in pens providing easy access to adding more notes to this array of paper. My two year old, being a normal enough child is facinated with drawinging. I'd left them in the room while I went to cook the evening meal and when I returned I found him rather prouding seated in my chair, leaning over my desk. He had a studious look on his face, a blue ball point (my trademark pens) in his hand and my brand new books, pages open, before him. At the time I reacted without thought. I freaked out and I went off at him. "OMG How DARE you draw in my books. You DON'T touch Mummy's things. These are MINE and you're not to TOUCH!" I stood over him, dominant and overbearing. I was totally in his space doing the whole alpha-bitch routine and my little cub cowered and burst into tears. At that point I sat beside him on the chair, pulled him face to face talking to the top of his head, "Do you understand Josh? You know you're not allowed to draw unless I give you paper. Mummy is very upset because these are her books. They're new and they're very precious to Mummy. All books are special and they should never be drawn on. Look at me honey, do you understand? Now say you're sorry and give Mummy a hug." Through hiccoughs and wet cheeks he snuggled into a hug and I held him tightly starting to realise that I'd overreacted and come down really hard on my two year old little boy. Even then I'd started to wonder what the adverse effects might be. I started to worry that my reprimanding his attempts at creativity at this age could have scarred him for life. At two years old he'd been attempting to write, to make art, to use his imagination and his creativity but for doing so he was severely scalded. Perhaps he'll never want to, or enjoy doing any of these things again? As a mother who was stiffled creatively myself in early childhood I've been very conscious of giving my children encouragement and the freedom to get messy, and learn from play, and draw and read and write and sing and play loud music on saucepans, recorders, and toy banjos. From the moment my daughter took crayon to hand I was enthusing over her 'drawings'. They didn't look like anything in particular, mearly scribbles but the praise wasn't for the picture it was for the effort it took to create, the willingness to TRY. I want my children to be outgoing and daring. I want them to be willing to face anything in life. I want them to believe all they dream of is possible. I want them to strive for whatever they want knowing that with effort, determination and steadfast focus on the goal they CAN achieve ANYTHING!!! In one heated moment I'm brought to my knees. Realising that despite KNOWING better I'd reacted badly. I was (in that moment) a bad mother. I clarify that statement because I also know that in general I'm a really good mother. I know children learn better from positive reinforcement then from negative. I know that the best way to make a child realise they've done something wrong is to sit with them and explain why it's not a good thing to do. I know that children are never bad, they do bad things but they as human beings on this earth are wonderful, spirited, souls. I don't believe people are born bad, they are made that way by the world around them. I'm aware now that while I've tried to do the best I can for my children, I'm not perfect. There are occassions in life that produce blocks, leave scars, and I realise that while I've tried to have a positive influence on the lives of everyone I've come in contact with there are probably a few scars out there that I'd never intended to leave. Just as others have left scars on me without realising they were doing it. I think it's important we reflect on our scars, to see where they came from, remember what cause them, and put the situation into perspective. I think it's also important to examine what these damages have prevented you from doing. With the understanding of why perhaps we can work past the blocks and heal the wounds. Let the scars fade. While we look in upon ourselves and our own scars. Be more aware of your place in the lives of other people. I know I'll continue to try and nuture the creativity and dreams of my children. I'll be more aware and hopefully less quick to anger and reaction remembering that what I do, how I act, what I say could leave marks that never fade. I wonder how many parents out there are scarring their children. Physical abuse is a horrible thing, but the bruises left on the outside can be seen, saved, the bruises in even some of the most loving of homes go unnoticed, unrecognised. It is these marks that leave lasting wounds to a child. We as adults look back able to see the emotional scars and to see that when they were inflicted we had no idea the damage that was being caused. Are we scarring our children? For generations yes, but if we become aware of it, perhaps the generations to follow will abound in children who grow into teenagers and adults, confident in their abilities, confident in their place in the world, and who still have the ability to believe, to create, and to truly, unjudgementally, love. |
| Ok, so I had thought I'd keep this blog as close to writing topics as possible but I'm going to wander. There are a few topics I've been wanting to write and since I keep feeling like I'm running out of things to say in here I figured this would be a nice enough medium to get some of these written. For the most part I'll probably write them as monologues. Then I can use them as a base for something more if I choose to someday. "Unless you have a vision and a mountain to climb the spirit will die."  *sighs* Ok, so this is why I keep putting off projects like this. lol I've got a great topic and I KNOW what I want to say but it's the execution I have trouble with. How do I start? You've probably noticed with my blog that I usually just jump right in and ramble off. *grins* So I'm doing the same here just to break the pressure of having a 'topic' to write about. You see I have a whole bunch of clocks in my house. Two in the kitchen, two in the living room, and my bedside alarm. They all tell different times and none of them would be exactly correct because whenever one needs to be reset for whatever reason the time is based from one of the others. My computer clock is probably the closest. It's set to internet time. For example the WDC clock says 57 minutes past the hour and so does my computer clock. So maybe it's the most accurate and perhaps it really is the actual time. Of course, it probably isn't because my house can't possibly be directly over the time line so it would be at least minutes different this far west of it. *grins*I also have a small portable clock near my computer which is visable even if my monitor or the computer is turned off. It's exactly two minutes behind the computer clock. *frowns* I've no idea why it's two minutes slow, I remember setting it, I set it based off the computer's clock and I was sitting right here at the PC when I set it. The wall clock in the kitchen is one of those wind up kind. It's analog. *frowns* Is that the word for clocks that aren't digital? *chuckles* All my other clocks are digital, I like digital clocks because the non-digital ones require me to spend a moment figuring out what time it says. I have an analog watch too, the hands point to the roman numeral edges and it takes me about two minutes to figure out what the time on it says. By then it's two minutes after that. But the clock in the kitchen is a little easier to read and because it's battery powered it runs slow and gets slower as the batteries begin to run out. The other clock in there is on my microwave. Sometimes that clock isn't set at all. Usually when the powers been out for whatever reason it sits there flashing until next time I go to use it. The microwave won't work without it's clock set. I don't know why it insists on knowing the time since it can undoubtably count seconds regardless of which seconds they are. I know this for a fact because sometimes I don't bother to check the time when I set it. I just 11:11 'clock' and then it works perfectly. Sure, it's not actually 11:11 but I want my food and I can't be bothered checking what time it actually is. So at any given moment this clock could say anything at all. Occassionally I do bother to go back and set it to near enough the right time. Then there is the clock in my bedroom. It's set to the computer clock as well but because I then go from the lounge to the bedroom and have to set it I usually set it a few minutes ahead. I figure by the time I've put the numbers in that time has passed. Sometimes it doesn't take me a minute to set but it'll always be at least a minute ahead. The trouble with this clock is it's a 12 hour with an AM/PM. Sometimes if it's 9PM I set it and then set the alarm to 7AM and the alarm doesn't go off in the morning. It's not until I've thrown the clock around alittle trying to figure out why the dumb thing won't work that I realise the times set PM not AM. Finally there is my phone. My mobile goes whereever I go and it's exactly 1 minute fast according to my daughters school. I like this because I aim to get to school on time and if I'm there by 3PM according to my phone then I'm a minute early. The seconds are brilliant because it's almost exactly on the turn of the minute that the siren goes off at the school.So there it is, the dilemma of time. No wonder I'm always running out of it. I wonder if there are any clocks in the world that could accurately tell time. We've had sun dials in the past, those were perhaps the most accurate but then what if the builder hadn't set it up right either. *ponders* Apparently there are some special watches that tell time perfectly. I've always wondered how they manage it. I mean time really is a subjective thing. There isn't an entirely accurate way to tell time. We use out watches and our clocks all set off each other. It's possible we've been losing time for years by setting our clocks wrong. I wonder if we'd know if the world started spinning faster or moving slower. If our clocks are telling the wrong time then the change in the pattern of the sun, the time it takes to turn the earth, perhaps it would go unnoticed? Why do we concern ourselves so much with time. Even the amount we have is uncertain. I've talked about wasting it in the past and it's almost as if we can measure it. We think of time passing, no moment lasting, all we have is now. IN a way this is the biggest lesson of time. Minutes, hours, even days don't really exist. All we have is this moment. This moment to make the most of what we can be sure we'll leave to the world. If this minute passes there might not be another. Sometimes it makes me feel like planning for a future I mightn't have is another waste of time. But there is no point maxing out my credit to live it all in this moment because odds are there will be more moments. Yes it's possible this is my list but it's just as likely that I'll have a few more. I'm glad to appreciate that every moment is precious and to make what I most want in life my priorities. Of course to use all my minutes most productively it would help to know exactly what minute it is. I wish my clocks were in agreement on the matter. *chuckles* |
| Ok, so up till recently I'd pretty much thought In/Outs were rather pointless. I mean it's a writing site and the back and fourths I'd seen when I/O's had first been released to the site was just lame. I mean people wrote stories a sentence or two at a time and mostly things just derailed all the time. I couldn't stand the lack of control with keeping things in hand. But recently I've come to a new opinion. In Outs can be great fun. Especially if you go in light hearted and avoid the urge to create something meaningful. There are lots of great ones out there and I had to write a list just to keep track of the great ones I've found and want to return to regularly.I've been thinking that it might be fun to create my own but I have no clue what I could do with it. I mean there are I/O's out there for pretty much everything already. My friend Forge  has gone I/O crazy in his port and I love all of his. Especially the "Invalid Item"  *grins* This one is sooooo much fun but I wish more people would give it a try. Yodaisms always make me smile.
That's my current list. I'll probably add to it as I find new ones or remove some if I begin to lose interest or if it stops being particularly active. There are some great word games in there that can keep your mind sharp. It's fun to attempt these challenges. And it's FANTASTIC for procrastintion.  I could while away hours in these things and not feel very guilty that I'm not writing. I mean I'm being productive aren't i? *grins*But now, to ponder and ponder upon my own in out. What could I do with this format? What hasn't been done but would take off? *ponders and ponders and ponders* *** Ohhh, I almost forgot, continued education today:  The term karaoke means "empty orchestra". In most advertisements the time displayed on a watch is 10:10 [I have to research this one since it makes no sense. Would the time be whichever time they happened to record the ad?] It takes about 550 peanuts to make one jar of peanut butter. A man's voice is deeper then a woman's because males have longer vocal cords. [Yep down to their balls, that's why they ask a boy if his balls just dropped when in puberty his voice changes.] The koala is one of the few land animals that does not require water to survive. [OMG what a misnomer, they do so require water, they however obtain the majority of it from the leaves they eat.] The garfish has green bones. [Ok, if it weren't so late I'd go off and find out WTF a garfish is.] 214 crates were used to transport the Statue of Liberty from France to New York in 1885. [lol And I bet you yanks thought American's built that beauty. ] Hair grows slowest at night. The skeleton of a 70kg body weighs about 13kg. [Ohhh I feel better about weight loss now. I wonder how much my organs weigh as well, that way I could subtract it from my total weight and be really skinny. *grins*] If you have ozostomia, you are suffering from halitosis, or bad breath. A woman's arthritic pains will almost always disapear when she becomes pregnant. [OMG what a lie, my osteo issues with my hips were always the worst during pregnancy, same with my knee's. It's when I lost weigh things got a little better.] Candles burn slowly and evenly with little wax drippings if placed in the freezer for an hour before using. Cold water weighs less than hot. [Um what? Contemplates weighing hot vs cold water.]Ok, sorry Scarlett, these things don't come in fives.  But I bet you're all glad you know all that now. Carry on. |
Yeah ok so I'm not asleep yet.  I stayed up to make the image that now adorns my blogs. Everyone ohh, ahh and admire it. *grins* Whatcha think? Not bad for a woman who's useless when it comes to graphic art. I might get into this picture manipulation a bit more, it's fun and it makes pretty stuff. |
| Once a month for a few days I enjoy extending my general knowledge thanks to the wonders of Libra feminine hygiene products. Yep, sorry boys but that's the truth of where it comes from. You see the strip on the back of Libra pad is covered in random trivia which is actually rather interesting. So I guess I'm thankful to my monthly visitor for giving me an opportunity to learn. Sometimes I've even considered unwrapping the whole packet to read more of these precious tidbits. Did you know? Lemons contain more sugar then strawberries. Male monkeys go bald in the same way men do. The cost of raising a medium sized dog to the age of 11 is $6400AUD. The term cop came from England. It's short for Constable On Patrol. On average, a movie makes about five times more from its video sales then ticket takings. A cucumber is 96% water.and Each King in a deck of cards represents a great leader from history: Spades = King David, Hearts = Charlemagne, Clubs = Alexander the great, and Diamonds = Julius Ceasar.Now aren't those some vital information you could live without? *grins* I've also learnt: In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders Fleas can jump a distance 200 times their size. It is physically impossible for a pig to look up to the sky. Mosquito repellants don't repel. The spray blocks the mosquitos sensors so they don't know you're there. You are more likely to be bitten by a mosquito if you eat bananas. Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown further if it is thrown West. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. Wearing headphones for just and hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. The world's oldest peice of chewing gum is over 9000 years old. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise (I assume this is of the planets currently known by man. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called agletsand Bulletproof vest, fire escapes, laser printers and windshield wipers were all invented by womenOk, so I'm not claiming that these ODD SPOT's of trivia are legitimate. Although there isn't a disclaimer on the libra packet saying they might not be completely accurate so we're encouraged to believe them and perhaps there will one day be a major law-suit against Libra from people who stopped eating banana's to prevent mosquito bites and yet still got bitten. Or people who got attacked by a shark because they were trying to milk it since it's less dangerous then a cow. But really, it brightens up an otherwise dismal day of constant leakage to know I have these delightful snippets to look forward to every few hours. Yep, I wonder if I can claim a commission from Libra for diverting the female readers of my blog to their product rather than their existing personal hygiene product. And men, your ladies might not appreciate you raiding their pads in search of trivia. *grins* Ok, time to go learn some more before heading to bed. *chuckles wickedly* |
| ... so don't bother reading? *chuckles* That's how it feels today. I know, I've been in a weird way these last few days and while today is definately an improvement I sit here staring at my blog and going, I've got nothing new to talk about. I've got nothing to say. Not a lot has changed these last few days. I've not really got anything new going on and I've already complained about my lack of writing accomplishements. I do try to keep my meanderings based on writing to some extent because that's what I'm here on WDC for. I could write about the weather, or grocery shopping, or eating a whole bag of sweets but that's not why I'm here. I'm here to talk about writing, to write, to review and be reviewed. I've been going over and over lately my current novel, "The Dating Game". There is so much work needed on it but I contemplate it all in stages. Still I can't focus on it as completely as I'd like to. I can't focus on anything at all at the moment. But I want to put TDG ahead of everything else because it's important to me to get it finished, into submission. Then again I also want to get more Sonnets together for the collection I'm working on. *sighs* There are always so many things I want to get done and as usual not accomplishing much of anything. Still, life moves steadily onward. :_) And this is officially an entry that says pretty much nothing. If you read this far then it's your own fault that you're bored cause I said don't bother reading it. |
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