%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |   Nothing official here; just come chill! |
|
Welcome! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Welcome to my little Den! Here you'll find all sorts of things- mostly blog challenges, but mixed in, you'll notice:  I'm a bit of a fangirl  My life is very busy I enjoy using emoticons  I don't tend to swear, but stuff happens. |
| Doughnut Sonnet No. 25 (Parody of "Happy Ye Leaves" by Edmund Spenser) Happy I leave with doughnuts in my hands Which I will eat until my jeans are tight And do so 'till my corpulence demands I never, ever take another bite. O happy day! On which I will not fight My burning want to dine and binge and graze On only jelly doughnuts through the night, Licking the icing, relishing the glaze. O happy joy! I could do this for days Or months or years-- perhaps until I die Which by that time my fatness will amaze, And in a pile of crullers dead I'll lie. I'll eat my doughnuts to please me alone, And eat and eat 'til ev'ry doughnut's gone. Stephanie Scarborough Doughnuts are definitely one of my weaknesses... I love the chocolate icing kind, they're probably my favorite. Not the cream-filled ones, though, because then you can't microwave it to make it soft again. They have to be regular donuts with chocolate icing on top. Or just a regular glazed donut will do, too.  10 left... |
| Hypochondriac's Grace Dear Lord, we ask you if you will, put your blessing on this meal. We ask you Father, if it pleases, protect us from these new diseases. Please bless the spinach, and the romaine. And cleanse it of some lurking ptomaine. God, bless our ice cream and our cola. Pray it's not teaming with ebola. And pray the deli didn't sell us coleslaw ripe with salmonellus. We also ask a special blessing; no botulism in the dressing. While we regard your higher power, make sure the deviled eggs aren't sour. And please Lord, bless our sirloin tip, and purge it of E. Coli's grip. A special blessing on the sherry, oh Lord, we need no dysentery, so it not poisons, nor impacts, or liquefies our lower tracts. And Lord, make sure no one is able to get sick and die upon this table. So bless, Lord, all this food we share. Insure no deadly virus there. And once we're full and satiated, we pray we aren't all contaminated, and wind up just another toll, for the Center for Disease Control. One last thing Lord, if it's OK, Please hold this blessing that we pray. For all this fear, and all this fright, has made us lose our appetite. ***Amen*** Fred Moore Ha, reminds me of the dance workshop my sister and I went to at school before Spring Break.  Turns out (well, no, I sorta knew) this was a religious dance conference (the focus being Christianity and the Bible), and sis came out of her Jazz class completely flummoxed. "The songs were saying things like 'Jesus is my best friend', and 'Jesus, I love you.' But I was like, 'No! Sydney is my best friend! I love Sydney, not Jesus!'" I took ballet with my friend, and the jazz teacher from this quarter/last quarter taught the class (the reason I wanted to take it), and since it was classical music, there were only 2 references to religion during our session. Firstly when she introduced herself and secondly when she tried to make us portray characters- she explained the purpose of the conference. Not bad. Buuut the contemporary class we took. The song she used was "I Hope You Dance". The way the girl sang it in the song was quite nice, the arrangement and everything. But the way the teacher interpreted the song...  And at the end, she said "I want to end a little early so we can all pray together." We bolted.  |
| Battle Of The Bulge "I'll start a new one Monday", we've heard it all before, but if I don't really start one soon I won't make it through the door. I start with good intentions of that I can't deny, I'm getting fatter by the hour, I'll really have to try. So no more chips or chocolate, no more 'pigging out' I'll be be very careful what I eat of that there'll be no doubt. I'll watch my waist get tiny, I'll watch my figure thin, Oh what a joy it's going to be to at last be nice and slim. I can see me walking down the street in dress size number ten, I just have to resist and resist I will when I get a hungry yen. With exercise in every form and regular daily jogs, you'll see me lazing by the pool in my top designer togs. So come join me all you tubbies, come join with me at last, I'll need all the help that I can get to get me through this fast. If you see me eating lollies or sneaking greasy fries, then smack my hand and click your tongue, remind me of my size. I'm sure that I can make it, I just need a little space before Monday comes around again, till then I'll "stuff my face"! Barbara Warnock Yep, sounds about right. I've kinda given up on dieting for now since I'm still half recovering from whatever nasty thing I had at the end of last quarter. so I'm essentially eating whatever I want.  Not exactly the best idea, but it is quite yummy. 12... |
| 'It will not fit!" Prince Charming yelled, "your stinking foot's too wide, If I had feet just half as foul, I'd find some place to hide! My arms and legs are aching and my back is getting stiffer, And I'm losing count of feet I've tried to stuff into this slipper! She should have left her bra instead, that would have been much kinder, To make this hands-on exercise a lovely way to find her!" "Do not despair, " his butler said, "You'll triumph in this venture, Be thankful that she left her shoe, it could have been her denture!" The butler then looked up to see the beautiful Snow White. Who'd been working late at Disneyland, and missed the ball last night. If you can get that slipper on," he whispered with a smirk, You'll win the greatest lover to have ever chased a skirt." Snow White responded angrily, "He's useless as a lover! I've had no luck with seven dwarfs, why should I want another?" He has no brain between his ears, it's one huge vacant space! Who else would choose his future wife and not recall her face?" And then there was a flash of light, a blooming cloud of smoke. A husky voice came from that cloud and to Prince Charming spoke. "I'm sorry I must interrupt this most befitting scene, Take my advice, release that foot, you don't know where it's been!" "I am your Fairy Godmother, or rather her assistant. I didn't want to come here, but the old bat was insistent!" Then as the smoke began to clear the strangest form appeared, A cross-eyed fairy came in view, with hairy legs and beard! "You have no chance" Prince Charming scoffed, "Your foot looks like a kipper, With bunions and those blackened nails, it won't fit in this slipper! Explain yourself, I warn you now, you'll suffer if you fail. To justify and verify your hairy-fairy tale!" "My boss told me to tell you that you're seeking Cinderella, A stunning young transvestite and a really lovely fella. He has two ugly sisters who in truth are Cindy's brothers, And his father is his mother. We're not sure about the others!" And so Prince Charming's search was done, since he now knew the name. But with that knowledge came the truth and nothing was the same! The tingle of the chase was gone, the flame of passion dead. Perhaps he'd have an early night and wash his hair instead! David Clements Poor Prince Charming. Though I really have to give props to the poet- he seriously turned the original story on its head. The transvestite part could be something from Into the Woods... 13 left... |
| Extremely Bad Advice for Parents A curious way to spot parents I'll tell you how, for free, They're the people with photos in their wallets Where their money used to be. Teach children the value of money, Remind them how much you've lost On a very regular basis, Tell them how much they've cost! Give children every toy they want, Don't let them nag you deaf, They'll be so bored that when they grow up They'll donate it all to UNICEF When your kids are being quite naughty, And playing up on you all day Tell them they once had a brother... The One that didn't obey! Encourage your children's independence They'll grow up strong women and men, Make sure they get lost at the supermarket Again and again and again .... Some signs on cars say 'Mum's Taxi' They really give me the fits, Its wrongly worded anyway, It's "Mum driven out of her wits"! Another piece of advice for Mum, When your child has a dirty face, Water is a poor alternative to Spit on a hanky of lace If your child gets a question right, Tell him "Boy, what a lucky guess!" Then he'll always think himself LUCKY, When he gets himself out of a mess. I wrote this in my diary words of wisdom straight from the heart "The face of a child can say it all," Especially - the mouth part Remember to get the family photos out When they bring their mates around - then Embarrass with their baby 'nudie' shots, They'll never have friends over again. When you're woken Sunday morning - with another question from your kid "Dad do you know where does rain come from?" Tell him, "God's crying over something you did!" If anything goes wrong with my parental advice Remember it was given for free I'll show you the photos in my empty wallet I'm broke SO DON'T SUE ME! Lynette McCauley I'm not a parent, so I don't have much to say about the tips here, but I found this rather entertaining. My favorite piece of "advice" is losing them in the supermarket. Definitely makes for strong, independent adults. *nods* |
| I love to do the laundry. I mean it. I don't mind because I get to keep whatever money I might find. I know it sounds ridiculous. I'm sure it must seem strange. But every time I wash the clothes I find some pocket change. I found a dollar yesterday. Today I found a ten. I'm certain that tomorrow I'll find money once again. You see, I have a strategy. (I guess that's what you call it.) And sometimes I just accidentally wash my father's wallet. --Kenn Nesbitt I disagree. I dislike laundry. I never find stuff in there besides clothes. and my mom keeps her wallet in her purse. 15 left! |
| I never want to go to bed. I like to stay up late. I'm bouncing off the bedroom walls and, frankly, feeling great! I'm dancing like a maniac instead of counting sheep. My mom says, "Time for bed." My dad yells, "Get your butt to sleep!" I'm not sure what my bottom has to do with anything, but that's okay because I'd rather jump around and sing. I don't know what it was that made me feel so wide awake. Could it have been the Red Bull and the double-chocolate cake? I wonder if the seven cups of coffee plus dessert of Hershey bars and Skittles are what left me this alert? Whatever it turns out to be that made me feel this right, I hope I track it down so I can stay up every... ZZZzzzzz --Kenn Nesbitt [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Enough said, yes? |
| I didn't go camping. I didn't go hiking. I didn't go fishing. I didn't go biking. I didn't go play on the slides at the park. I didn't watch shooting stars way after dark. I didn't play baseball or soccer outside. I didn't go on an amusement park ride. I didn't throw Frisbees. I didn't fly kites, or have any travels, or see any sights. I didn't watch movies with blockbuster crowds, or lay on the front lawn and look at the clouds. I didn't go swimming at pools or beaches, or visit an orchard and pick a few peaches. I didn't become a guitarist or drummer, but, boy, I played plenty of Minecraft this summer. --Kenn Nesbitt I chose this one because CHP is having their annual camping retreat this weekend and I decided my time would be better spent going home to watch the daughter of the lady in charge of PressFriends in her last big show, Seussical. Well, actually, I decided way before finding out about Seussical that I didn't want to go camping. Nature and I don't mix very well. 17 poems left |
| My teacher ate my homework, which I thought was rather odd. He sniffed at it and smiled with an approving sort of nod. He took a little nibble -- it's unusual, but true -- then had a somewhat larger bite and gave a thoughtful chew. I think he must have liked it, for he really went to town. He gobbled it with gusto and he wolfed the whole thing down. He licked off all his fingers, gave a burp and said, "You pass." I guess that's how they grade you when you're in a cooking class. --Kenn Nesbitt Even I thought this was odd. I didn't catch the cooking class until he revealed it at the end. Usually dogs eat homework, not teachers, but if it's a cooking class, then, hey, why not, right? I wouldn't teach a cooking class- firstly because all the food is so tempting, and secondly, because my cooking skills aren't so great.  18 poems! |
| A candy bar. A piece of cake. A lollipop. A chocolate shake. A jelly donut. Chocolate chips. Some gummy worms and licorice whips. A candy cane. A lemon drop. Some bubblegum and soda pop. Vanilla wafers. Cherry punch. My mom slept in while I made lunch. --Kenn Nesbitt Kenn Nesbitt has some funny poems for kids. I like the sound of this lunch... although I'd definitely get  and  if I actually ate all those sweets. I'm not a soda pop person, though I wouldn't mind the wafers, donut, shake, and cake.... 19 poems left! |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
PassKey Override Available
I wish you all the best, my friend. May all your dreams come true. 
