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Welcome! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Welcome to my little Den! Here you'll find all sorts of things- mostly blog challenges, but mixed in, you'll notice:  I'm a bit of a fangirl  My life is very busy I enjoy using emoticons  I don't tend to swear, but stuff happens. |
| Obituary of the Car: Circa 2000 They're taking over Everywhere! like some old 60's horror fare We're helpless to their mutant strain A hybrid minivan-station wagon Auto DNA would never be the same! Hitler would have been impressed with such total dominance How can 2 door ever survive when the beasts outnumber them 4 out of 5? It's a total annihilation of sorts closed casket decided the funeral home, for none can bear to see the remains- once our vehicle of choice, now the defeated carcass of rubber & chrome it seems the car's been put to rest in favor of the ultimate pest the four-wheel drive will stay alive as they peel out they throw dirt onto the grave a token of their doleful respect and as their smoking tailpipe disappears from sight it seemed I heard the SUV's cry- their predecessor had to die I don't think they spent too many tears Mourning the passing of the automobile Leaning down closer, the epitaph read: "As Nietzsche might have said. 'CAR is DEAD'". Faline Decided to do this as the last poem because it reminds me of the failing Jeep. We have a 1993 Jeep Cherokee, and it's completely failing on us, much to my disappointment. On the bright side, we should be getting a new car soon, but I WILL miss the Jeep. I drove it to school and dance, and PressFriends... and I drove other people in it, too, without Mom's permission! Lots of memories with that car, but I suppose nothing lasts forever, so everything will eventually be replaced. ...and I'm DONE!  |
| My New Mobile The man at the shop, said this is the top, of the range in mobile phones. And I looked with glee, to think it came free, with a hundred ringing tones. So I took it back home, my new mobile phone, and said that I'd never abuse it, I read the book twice, and sought some advice, but be damned if I know how to use it! David G Robbins Ha, now there's so many different models and makes, I doubt there's any "top of the range" anymore. I DO want the LG G6 when it comes out though. I think it's either G5 or G6, but either way, it's supposed to have an amazing camera (135* or something like that). Plus I miss my double tap feature, although the iPhone's thumbprint feature is nice too...  |
| The Instant Message Stalker A pest Imed me today, He emailed me too, He asked if I were single, and asked, how do you do? He asked all kinds of questions, wanted all the details, of my very private life, demanded that I tell, Age, sex and location, he insisted that I share, along with exact sizes, of my bras and underwear, I politely said no, refused all his requests, I told him very sternly, Stop this, don't be a pest, His Im kept on poppin up, he asked if I were wed, by then I was quite annoyed, by all the things he'd said, I asked him which part of NO, he didn't understand, I told him I was 85, and wore 6 wedding bands, but all my husbands now were gone, and I had all their money, you want to know about, their accidents now, honey? I told him I fart when I walk, the hair's gone from my head, I keep my teeth in a jar, at night I wet the bed, Sometimes I wander nekkid, till somebody brings me home, you wanna get together, so I won't be all alone? Suddenly the Im's stopped so I wrote him an IM, a little sign then popped up that said he was offline, I giggled and I guffawed, I chuckled and I laughed, I doubt it seriously, if my stalker will come back Elizabeth Lindberg How to get rid of online stalkers: step 1- read the poem. Step 2: do everything in that poem. Step 3: sit back and enjoy the silence until someone else comes.  |
| Tale Of A Telephone I hope you can spare a minute or two to listen to my story. I was in the shower the other day, in all my natural glory, when through the sound of the waterfall, I thought I heard the phone, so I turned the taps to stop the flow, and got out with a groan. Well, grabbing a towel, and dripping all over, I picked up the darn machine. The water was puddling round my feet, I'm sure you know what I mean. Then putting my lips to the mouthpiece, I politely said Hello, and a sweet young thing on the end of the line began her speech with "Oh, "I'm Jennifer from the Guide Dogs, and I was wondering whether you'd care to hear the list of treasures that we have put together?" She rattled off a catalogue while I dripped all over the floor, and a stream of water crept along and vanished under the door. At last I got a word in, and said, "I was in the shower." and she said, "We've got a cap for that, it's shaped just like a flower." Well, to stop her talking, I ordered the thing, and hung up the telephone then grabbing some paper towels, I mopped up with a moan. Back under the shower I finally went, and let the water flow. I was feeling utterly blissful, then suddenly, wouldn't you know? the phone was ringing again, of course, and I muttered a curse or three, but conscience made me answer the thing, to see who it could be. 'Twas a cladding firm, who would make my home the envy of all the town. They could offer me some fantastic deal, too good for me to turn down. But I did, you know, I turned it down, took the phone right off the hook, and dived back in the shower, without a second look. The water soothed my crankiness, I was feeling really well, when straining my ears, I faintly heard the sound of the front door bell. Well, I climbed from the shower, and I dried and dressed, and went to check the door. The Avon lady was standing there, with her bag by her feet on the floor, And pulling up in the street outside, the Flick man in his ute was heading in my direction, with a smile that said, "You beaut!" So I said to them, "I'm so sorry! I'm just on my way out! Try my next door neighbour, she's somewhere round about!" I bolted out to my car, and quickly drove away, and bought myself an answer phone that self-same day, and now when I'm in the shower, the phone can ring off the wall, and I don't get out to answer it, no matter who may call. Patricia Markey Yeah, I'm serious! Answering machines and voicemail make things much, much easier. And when the telemarketers call, they won't leave a message because it's not important. Double win. You can enjoy the shower AND avoid telemarketers. 3! |
| Mona Lisa Leonarda he teasa The young Mona Lisa "Why you smila like so? "This is odd way of smiling "And is very beguiling, "You gotta dark secret, I know." Mona she place a Hand to her face a, And she make a shy reply: "Papa, I thmila like thith "Becauth I gotta no tith." Then she break a down and cry. Now Papa de Vinci Say: "Shush shush my Chichi, "I tell you for what I do, "I painta your picture, "A beauuuutiful picture, "And we hang it in the Louvre." Laurie Meintjes Poor Mona Lisa! But at least, now, we know why her smile is so mysterious.  Maybe that's the wrong emoticon for this situation.... |
| Cursed By A Rotten Day Pushed the button, It would not start, "Break seal here" It would not part, Play a ticket, Number never called, Comb my hair, Even though I'm bald. Insert bill, With face up, Poured the coffee, Without the cup. Boarded the bus, Left my package on the bench, Sat by the bathroom, What a terrible stench. Missed my stop, Tried to hail a cab, J-Walking ticket, By a cop I was nabbed. Went upstairs and had a smoke, (No, Paul would be mad) Went upstairs and sat at my desk, Hung up my coat, And tore my vest, I should go home, End this rotten day, Then I saw my pink slip, And my final pay. Escorted out, By a man with a club, Guess it was time, To head for the pub, Sat on the stool, Ordered a beer, Looked in the corner, There was my dear, On someone's lap, She did sit, Is there going to be An end to this skit? Better get back, To my bed safe and sound, Before I lose another round. Off I go, my house I arrive, Peel off my clothes, Into bed I dive. Fast alseep and away from Day's hell, I pray when I wake, I'll be free from this spell! James Consiglio Poor narrator. okay, maybe laughing won't do me much good, but still, it's definitely a cursed, rotten day. I kinda expected something bad to happen at the end- like diving into bed and hitting his head, or something. Maybe that just pushes it too far. Just a bit.  5 more! |
| Australia Day Plea I've just seen 'Pride and Prejudice', but feel no great compunction To swan around a vicarage, with tea and cakes for luncheon; Though buying oil from Saudis, we decline to put their robes on, And as for German influence - do you wear lederhosen? With tourist Nipponese folk, we oft enjoy a caper, Yet feel no pressure to bed down in houses made of paper; And Kiwis are our cousins, (or, something of that kidney), But which of us would say 'Tum Funn hud fush un' chups un Sudney?" Yet faced with things American, we quickly shout surrender; To nothing and to no-one do we say 'return to sender' By emulating crows outback, we'd pick, and fly, unseen; But no! We down the bloody lot, and, wiping our plates clean, Sit and wait with mouths agape, while turning in their clay, Are Lawson and The Banjo; they counted on the day When Austral earth alone would generate our due reward; Alas! When faced with 'Die Hard 9', this soon goes overboard Before I'm tagged 'elitist' though, just let me up and say, It's us I'm criticising, not the Good Ol' U.S.A. Because!!! ... ...If a drive-in church for rattlesnakes works well for Amarillo, And the governor of Texas is in fact an armadillo; If kids are nick-named 'JJ', 'PJ', 'VD' and 'BO', And, in northern California, Martians host a TV show; If songs like 'Mah dawg shot me', top the country music charts, By rhinestone-studded has-beens and their silicon-happy tarts; If 'fun' in Blackfoot, Idaho, means sitting up a pillar, And for buying twelve Macmuffins, you can sleep with Phyllis Diller; If every ning-nong's got a gun, and some constructing forts, and the IQ of both parties is a sorry trail of noughts; If, down in Mississippi, men can be their own relations, With a fondness for farm animals that verges on Tasmanian; If everybody's favourite food is fat, deep fried in fats, And the Average Adult Arse-Cheek measures sixteen baseball bats; If Grumman's Chinese Theatre has a cast of Nixon's nose, And parts of Dolly Parton are inflatable by hose; If a nudist team from Portland, Maine is set to climb Ben Nevis, And a man in east Missouri grows potatoes in his crevice; Then who are we - and who am I? - to get all snide and stroppy? I only plead; Australia Fair! Advance - don't look and copy! Evan Elpus If you didn't get it, I believe the AU national anthem is "Advance, Australia Fair," which should clear some things up for you. I love how he points out so many odd things, and the politics, I would think, haven't changed much in the US. I do hope AU advances, and doesn't copy... that would not be very good if they did. 6! The end is near... |
| Abort, Retry, Ignore Once upon a midnight dreary, Fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat here doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the "save" command But got instead a reprimand: it read, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" Was this some occult illusion? Some manacal type intrusion? These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before. Carefully I weighed my options... These three seemed to be the top ones. Clearly I must now adopt one; choose: Abort, Retry, Ignore? With my fingers pale and trembling Slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored Praying for some guarantee, Finally I pressed a key. But what on the screen did I see? Again "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" I tried to catch the chips off guard - I pressed again, but twice as hard, But luck was just not on the cards, I saw what I had seen before. Now I typed in desperation Trying random combinations. Still there came the incantation "Abort, Retry, Ignore." There I sat, distraught, exhausted, By my own machine accosted getting up, I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw an awful sight A bold and blinding flash of light A lightening bolt that cut the night, and shook me to my very core. The PC screen collapsed and died. "OH NO! MY DATABASE!" I cried. I heard a distant voice reply, "You'll see your spreadsheets...nevermore!" To this day I do not know The place to which our data goes. perhaps it goes to heaven, where the angels have it stored. But as for Productivity, well, I fear this has gone straight to Hell. And that's the tale I have to tell - your choice: Abort, Retry, Ignore. Lucy Blades That sounds like an awful, awful thing I would never wish on anyone. Or would I? I really don't know. I've wondered about this, though... I mean, the information can't be gone forever, forever, can it? I mean, if it was once there, it can't just disappear, can it? I feel like there was something about that on CSI: Cyber... 7! |
| Danger! I didn't chop my fingers. They're just short and pink and fat. I didn't chop my fingers when I went CHOP, CHOP, like that! I didn't chop my fingers when I climbed up on the chair. I've still got ALL my fingers, and there's NO blood, ANYWHERE. YOU might chop your fingers if you play with Grandma's knife. Just don't go in Grandma's kitchen, if you want a peaceful life. Grandma keeps the gate shut. She won't even let you SEE, all the poison in her cupboards, and hot things for cooking tea. She's got knives and forks and scissors, AND electric plug in toys. And I'm not allowed to have them, 'cause I'm just a LITTLE boy. When I get much bigger, life won't be such a bore. I'll have knives and forks and scissors, AND a BLOODY HUGE chainsaw. Phyllis McDuff I definitely didn't see that coming... a chainsaw? Wow. Besides, shouldn't adults be SUPERVISING children in the kitchen? just sayin'.8, almost there |
| Twas The Month After Christmas Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste. All the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--- I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie--not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! Author Unknown I guess Night before Christmas is a popular poem to parody. I remember my friends and I did a version in 8th grade, too. It was Halloween themed, and the teacher wrote something along the lines of "very scary" on top. There were goblins, ghouls, and skeletons, from what I remember. I also remember getting a good grade. |
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I wish you all the best, my friend. May all your dreams come true. 
