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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| Ug. Now I have some form of the crud. My throat is all sore, dry and scratchy. If I'm not eating, drinking, chewing, or sucking on something, it hurts and causes me to cough. I felt bad when I first got up, but I started to feel better. No fever. No vomiting. So I didn't see why I couldn't come into work. I'm starting to feel a little worse again. It's really annoying to be sucking on throat drops or chewing gum all the time. Blah. My boss said she had similar symptoms last week and she was able to come to work everyday. Although, this probably proves it's contagious and I should have stayed home. It's also reminiscent of what was wrong with Benn. I guess we'll see if it gets any worse. My ears also hurt from time to time. And I don't know how much longer I can complain... |
| This is the last day I have to work before the semester starts. Well.. I work Sunday, and that's the day most of the students will be returning. We still won't be very busy though on Sunday. We've had fewer student assistants working during this break than previous ones, and I'm just about tired of it. It'll be nice to have them back. Like most other places in the country, we got our share of snow today. While places around us close, the library will not. You'd think that maybe, just maybe since this is still break, they'd cave and close the library due to weather. But no. Granted, it has been worse out, but this is break. I really want to ask the patrons that come why they did. They don't have to be here. I do. If I had it my way, I'd be home all snuggly under a blanket. But I really do try not to complain about having to drive in the rotten winter weather. If you knew me years ago, you'd notice the improvement.  I was given a project to do this week so I've had something to do. Although, I'm not used to it, so it is a tad draining. This being the last work day for me, I just want today to be over with. The holidays have moved on, and I'm happy about that. I'm not sure what to think of the coming year. 2008 sucked and 2009 was better. Last month the president of the university sent out e-mails basically preparing us for layoffs. She didn't come out and say that, but I don't think anyone could read the e-mail and think otherwise. They're looking for ways to avoid it, but the governor is asking us to cut $15 million from our budget in the next two years. I didn't vote for him. *sigh* While the university president didn't take a pay raise, she still got a $350,000 bonus. A fact that came out in the paper the same week we got that e-mail. We still have a hiring freeze, so I don't know if they'll replace Abdalla's position. If they do give it back, and then do layoffs, I think I may be rather pissed. I don't think I've mentioned this in any entry yet, but my grandmother's memory is going. I don't know if she has Alzheimer's. No one has come out and said that to me. The family is worried that she may be dying soon. The memory loss thing is sad enough. I guess my uncle and aunt were going to go to Florida for Christmas, but decided not to in case this was the last Christmas with her. I know he visits with her more lately than he ever used to. I do worry from time to time if Abdalla will be dying to. He did hang on to his job as long as he could, I think. I'm not sure if the loss of the job may end up making his health worse instead of better. So, I'm not sure what to think of 2010. I want it to be happy. A better year than the last. But things don't seem to be lining up that way. I didn't mean to go all bleak. The best thing to do is live in the present and cross bridges when you come to them. I really do hope to submit something this year to agents. I think something happened to me in June or July. I keep thinking the feedback I got on the Evil Editor's site effected me more than I thought it did. I don't know. But I'm still plugging away, albeit, not as strong or as much as I used to, but I can get there again. |
| Today one of my co-workers retired. His name is Abdalla and he is a seventy-something Egyptian man who just became a U.S. citizen last year. He worked here for 30 years, nearly as long as I've been alive. In April, I will have been here four years. It seemed a bit inappropriate that I was the last of employees to help send him off by helping him take his things to the car. Others did drop by throughout the day to offer their good lucks and such. We will be having a dinner for him on Saturday that my supervisor put together. I am a bit saddened by his leaving. While there are times that he did annoy the hell out of me, you couldn't stay mad at him. He's one of the sweetest men I know. It just seems a bit odd to start the year by having him leave. He didn't want to retire, but his health has been declining and he couldn't keep up with the demands of the job. I'm sure he'll be visiting often. From what I can tell, he led an interesting life before coming to Indiana. He left Egypt to avoid being drafted into the army. He stayed in France for awhile. Somewhere along the way, he met his wife who was a Catholic nun. Somehow, a Muslim man was able to get a Catholic nun to leave behind her vows. That's gotta be a great story no matter how you look at it. I think she was from Indiana and that's why he ended up here. He would tell me stories, but because of his accent and the way he... interrupted English, they were hard to follow. I often imagine that in Arabic he sounds like a high class British person. Here is an example of what I mean about his interruption of English. Often when he meant across the hall, he would say across the street. It took some time to get used to that and I still didn't always catch what he meant. At times, I think I understood him better than people who worked with him longer than four years. Thinking about it, I think I may have been blessed by knowing him and realizing that I don't deserve it at the same time. Or maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic. But I don't think I'll ever get used to how quickly people can leave. |
| We are having a small get together on New Year's Eve and I want to put out some candles or have some fragrancey thing going on. But what would be appropriate? It seems like most scents that I prefer have a summer/spring quality to them. I don't want to do Christmasy scents as the holiday is behind us. (Don't bother pointing out that the twelve days of Christmas are still going on. For me, it's done and over with.) I have some mocha scented candles and maybe that'll be good enough. When I go to Target, I'll check out the candles and see if anything speaks to me. This little shin-dig was Benn's idea and I was okay with it, but now I'm starting to plan for it. I'm really enjoying that. Not to mention, I don't think Benn would think of everything that needs to happen before having people over. He knows the house needs cleaned and he started that this morning. So that's good. But I think there are some details that would slip by him. For instance, we're low on toilet paper. Running out with company over could be a issue, especially since a lot of stores maybe closed. The only thing I'm a little miffed with is that he decided we would have chili for this and it would be in the crock pot. I don't think it's as simple as mixing beans and hamburger and stuffing them in the pot. When I make chili, I make it on the stove. And I put macaroni in it. Which I know offends many people's sensibilities. But that's how my mom made it and I like it that way. Benn says it's chili mac, not chili. Dad called it chili soup so maybe adding soup after that makes it not chili. Anyway, I'll eat chili without, but if I'm making it, I'll put the macaroni in. Except for this party. I don't think the macaroni would hold up in a crock pot that well. Benn seems to think that just putting in meat, beans, tomatoes and tomato juice would be fine. But I don't think so. I think there's more to it than that. So, I'm trying to find a recipe. My favorite TV cook, Alton Brown, has a chili recipe, but it requires a pressure cooker.  We don't have one. Even if we did, I haven't cooked with one before. And I don't think my first try should come right before we have people over. The thought occurred to me to make chili the way I make it anyway and just make it closer to the time everyone is supposed to arrive. Then it can just simmer on the stove. See if, if I had more input on this planning thing, I would have chosen another food other than chili. Like maybe chicken and noddles with mashed potatoes. According to Benn, having chicken or beef and noddles with mashed potatoes is an Indiana thing. But most of our guests were born and raised in Indiana. It's kinda weird. I went from not really looking forward to this to being really excited. Probably because its the first time we've really had people over in awhile. The last time we did that, I ended up sleeping most of the next day. It felt like I was wasting a day off. I'm just getting too old for that. But at least, this is at our place and I can go to my bedroom whenever I want.  The two new kittens may have a difficult time of it. They seem really scared of strangers. We've only had a few people they didn't know in the house and they would run and hide. When we got the two older cats, we had people over all the time when they were little so they were used to it. Maybe this will be good for them too... Or they'll hate me for days after...  |
| I thought I knew boredom before. But I knew it not until my first Christmas Break on this job. There is no way to explain the soul crashing boredom. Yes, I can work on my writing, and I have done so. But there's something in the air around here (at this time of year) that just always makes you aware of where you are and how slow time is passing. It could be the ear shattering silence. Nothing can entertain you. Nothing can distract you. You can hear every second dying and are powerless to stop it. You look at the clock, but the hands won't move. You want to cry out, but there's no one to cry to. No one can help. Only time. And sometimes, time is a right bastard. If your mind were to snap, everyone in the building would hear it. It would probably cause everyone else's mind to snap too. Like hell, I'm going crazy alone. I haven't tried booze. Booze may work, but that's not going to happen. *sigh* Why more employees don't run out of the building screaming this time of year, I'll never know... |
| Today's my last day of work for the week. While that's a yay sort of a thing, I'm not really looking to forward to tomorrow. At least the first part of it. I have to finish up the Christmas shopping by myself. Three presents left. Two won't be so bad. But we pulled my second cousin's name for the exchange. He's under ten years old. It used to be the children were not part of the exchange and would instead receive gifts from everyone. But one of my cousin's wives thought that her children were getting too many toys. I guess it's good as we don't have to spend as much money. Anyway, apparently my second cousin has an obsession with Michael Jackson. That's pretty much all that was on his list, keeping in mind his mother made the list for him. Obviously, the child should have all the music as his father said he just puts in a collection of Jackson's songs and the child is happy. So, I'm kinda stuck. You'd think with Jackson dying this year, it would be easy, but I have yet to see any memorible on sale. But I haven't looked as hard as I might. Our town no longer has music specialty stores. We used to. If we still had them, I would try there. I'm thinking Spencer's Gifts may have something or this other place in the mall that has weird things like that. What also concerns me about buying some sort of memorible is what happens when he grows up and doesn't like Jackson any more? Maybe he won't, but who knows? The only thing I can think of is to buy a DVD with Michael Jackson. Like a concert or The Wiz. I think that's the only movie he was in. I'm concerned it would be hard to find those as well. But I'll go and see if I can find it. My cousin also put Michael Jordan stuff. Which as far as I know, is more obscure than the Jackson stuff. How is my second cousin even a Jordan fan? He retired before he was even born! Are his parents keeping him in the eighties and nineties? Wasn't Jordan in some sort of movie with the Loony Toons? I wonder if they have that movie. If they did, that may explain why my second cousin likes Jordan. So, tomorrow, I have to finish the present shopping and do laundry. Blah. Then Christmas Even and Christmas with family leaving only Saturday to myself. Maybe I should have taken some vacation time. But next week I get a three day weekend with no obligations. So that's something. |
| In an entry I wrote about a year ago, I mentioned that I should take vacation time between the fall and spring semester because it's so dull and boring and time moves like molasses. But I didn't take any time off. I suppose I still could, but it'd be short notice and others will be taking time off. This time of year is even more boring than the summer breaks. I just think more people tend to have more planned in the next three weeks or so and want to be away from the campus and library. Can't say as I blame them, I suppose. Tomorrow is the last day of finals and today is my last day of work for the week. But next week is only a three day week for me. Today we had a carry in at work because one of our co-workers is retiring and this will be the last day many of our student assistants will see him before he retires. That's just made today a little odd and caused me to be rather tired this evening. I don't feel like being productive at all tonight. I still haven't gotten any Christmas shopping done. I'm inclined to say screw it except for the names we drew in the family gift exchange. Usually, I love giving gifts, but maybe Christmas makes it feel too much like a chore. I really don't have many presents I have to buy which is a good and bad thing. On the one hand- don't have to worry about money for presents, on the other, I don't have many people in my life. So, I get ready for a dull few weeks. There's just something about this time of year that also seems tired and jaded and gives me a let's get this over with already feeling. |
| You know how you find those antibacterial handy wipes in stores and such now? We have them here at the library and today one of our student assistants used it for the first time. Up until today, I guess she was just using our hand sanitizer which is slightly different than the handy wipes. Well the handy wipes made her hands swell and burn so she went to the health center. They gave her some cream, but that made it worse and when she went back they said she first degree burns on her hands. Whether this was from the cream or the handy wipes, I'm still not sure. There's no warning on the container. The back says if your hands turn red and it doesn't go away in 72 hours then go to the doctor. There's no such warning on the hand sanitizer because that's made of something slightly different. However, the the hand sanitizer I have from Bath and Body Works has a similar warning to the handy wipes. I've used the handy wipes before when I needed something wet to clean my hands, but not for the purpose of germ removal. I hate the way it smells, thus the reason I have Bath and Body Works stuff for that. The poor student assistant it happened to has had it pretty rough in the illness department. But she's always perky and in good spirits. Not annoyingly so either. That's hard to accomplish. So, I guess let this be a warning, hand sanitizing products could burn you without a single flame of fire being involved. Who knew? |
| On Sunday mornings I have to open our area of the library. This can be a very a frustrating experience if the closer on Saturday doesn't do his/her job correctly. I've had my share of WTF moments on Sunday mornings, but I think this is the first one that makes my brain hurt. We have a cabinet for our laptops that allow us to charge the laptops and put them securely behind a combination lock in the overnight hours. Many of us thought having a lock on it was kinda pointless as any thief would still have to go through several locked doors to get to it and anyone that determined isn't going to be deterred by one more lock. Even Diane admits that the best we can do is just slow a potential thief down. I get to work this morning to find six laptops just laying on top of the table beside the charger cabinet. There were many notes informing me that the reason they were not in the charger cabinet was because the lock on the cabinet was broken. But the lock is broken in the unlocked position. So why in the hell couldn't the laptops be charging anyway? Even if they were charging in the open cabinet it's slightly more secure than just keeping them on top of the table. At least then any thief would have to take the time to unplug the laptops. I want to tell my boss about this in my daily e-mail, but I hope I can do so in a professional, diplomatic way. It's kind hard to that when it makes me want to pull my hair out. I have eight hours or so for that urge to pass before sending her an e-mail. I'm going to have to move on to something else, or my mind is going to shut down... |
| It's the week before finals and it's kicking my ass. I'm not even a student anymore. It's really not bad, it's just I'm not used to being so busy at work. I'd love to be this busy all the time. When you're not used to the constant running around, it's really tiring. The weather is sucking today, but it's winter. I don't get stressed about winter like I used to. But I still don't like it. The thing that bothered me most was having to drive in bad weather. But I pretty much accepted that society cares more about people going to work to make profit instead of staying safe. There isn't any point in worrying or stressing out over it if I have to do it anyway. Still don't like winter though. I don't like being cold. I don't like wearing sweaters and sweatshirts unless they're a certain kind and even then I'd still rather be wearing something else. I don't like wearing turtlenecks either. I don't like having dry and itchy skin. I don't like the shorter days. I don't like bare trees. Yes, they are pretty with snow and ice on them, but usually if they're coated in snow, so are the roads. Yes, I have considered moving somewhere warmer, but Indiana is still home. I'd rather have a winter home for three months of the year. But that takes money. So does moving some place warmer. My husband loves snow. He was so happy when saw the snow earlier this week, it was the one time I thought the snow was worth it. Benn's been feeling better, but his throat is still sore. We went to the doctor on Friday and he got stronger antibiotics. The doctor didn't actually diagnose him with anything. He got two shots too. There have been a few times where I thought I was going to get sick, but so far so good. One of my co-workers had strep throat last week. I've just been more exhausted this week than anything. At least finals week isn't as busy as this week is for us. |
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