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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| So, I get home last night and get all snuggly in my pajamas happy that the snow hadn't started yet, when my husband calls from the hospital. He had come out of the place he works, and slipped and fell in the parking lot because of black ice. He hurt his knee in the process. A lot. I went to get him, but was at the hospital until 2 AM. The x-rays showed nothing was broken, but it would not show muscle damage. They put his leg in a restraining cast and gave him crutches. If his knee doesn't improve in seven days, he's supposed to go to an orthopedic center where they'll probably schedule a MRI. Why they didn't schedule one for him in the next day or two, I have no idea. But I'm not a medical professional. After leaving the hospital, we had to go back to his place of work so he could fill out an incident report and then go get his prescription filled. It's when we left the hospital that I noticed it had started snowing. The roads were none to happy for it either. After the drug store, Benn wanted a hamburger. We've pretty much cut out the fast food in our diet, but he was hurt so I saw no reason why we couldn't go to the McDonald's that's open 24 hours. Well we get there and find out that start serving breakfast at 3AM. What the hell? Don't the morning types get up closer to 4 or 5? I think it would make sense if they served both meals together for a few of the overnight hours. So he didn't get his hamburger, and I guess it's just as well. I was going to get a small one too. 3AM is not a good time to be making food choices. Our townhouse has two floors (which I think is part of the definition of a townhouse, but anyway...) and he didn't want to try going to the bedroom on the second floor. Which I don't blame him for. So he slept in the living room. When I woke up this morning, I had a headache. It's been coming and going all day. I don't normally get them. I think it wears on me more than someone who is used to them. I just remember my friends always complaining about headaches, so I thought I was a bit of a freak for not getting them. *shrug* When I went to work the roads weren't as bad as I feared they would be. But the snow is supposed to resume tonight. Blah. Benn's work should take care of the medical bills. We have insurance, but it doesn't cover nearly enough sometimes. Although, Benn's prescription only ended up being $.39. He will miss at least two days of work. I really hope he gets better in the seven days. I'd hate to think there's something wrong with his knee that they should be fixing now. And his car is still at his work place. We'll need to take care of that soon. But I think it can wait until the snow storm is finished. He's very upset at himself for having fell. He doesn't like the immobility. I can't blame him for, but he shouldn't feel bad because he fell. That was my night. I don't think I got enough sleep on top of the headache, so I feel rather worthless at the moment. I wanted to get some reviews or some writing done tonight, but I don't think that's going to happen. |
I went to get a small mocha in our cafe before heading to work. The assistant dean was behind me in line wearing a Saint's jersey. Underneath she had a Colt's jersey. I can only assume that she's done this so she can rip off the Saint's jersey before the lynch mob gets to her.  So, I have some time before I have to be at work. I left early to run some errands and to get my car unearthed from the snow. I haven't been anywhere since Thursday night. It was nice. I didn't get the writing done that I wanted, but I had a relaxing time and that's something. I did make new goals for the writing so we'll go from there. As I was parking, I heard we are under another Winter Storm Warning. Another 4-8 inches are expected by Wednesday. *sigh* But I sense spring... it's small, but coming. If my scales at home are to be believed, I've lost ten pounds since I started eating healthier. Without exercising. If the scale is right, that means I've lost an average of 2.5 pounds a week. Which is slightly more than you're supposed to. But I don't feel as if I've starving myself. I should be happy for the weight loss and here I am paranoid that something isn't right.  |
| Since the Colts are in the Superbowl, I care a small bit about the Superbowl this year. Given that I don't care about it normally, I don't know if that's saying anything or not. But I have some issues with being fans of a professional team. I've been a Hoosier all my life, so basketball was a big thing growing up. My family followed college basketball. My dad's side were Indiana University fans. Until about high school I too, participated in cheering for them. But one day at my grandma's, an IU game just started and they were introducing the players. I was shocked to find out that very few of them were actually from Indiana. This dampened my joy of the game. I couldn't imagine a player from somewhere else caring very much about the state or the college. I could be wrong about that.You can feel school spirit and it's possible the player is grateful to the school for giving them an education. But than taking that same idea and applying it to professional teams, it just seems hollow to me. Most of the players probably aren't from the area they're representing. Many of them will go to other teams for the right amount of money. I don't see why anyone would put that much emotion and energy into people that may not actually care about the area they represent. Yet, I do feel a small amount of pride that the Colts won the Superbowl two years ago and that they made it there this year. But it's small. It's not enough for me to pay attention to the game. I may end up with it in the background tonight depending on what I decide to do with my evening. I used to be able to cheer a great amount at sporting events, but they tended to be for things like my cousin's little league team and high school sports. I don't mean to come down on sports. Sports are wonderful if you're the one playing them. The reason above isn't my only issue with professional sports, but I don't feel like going into all that now. To each his own. I ended up with today off and it's been nice. I'm trying to work myself up to work on my writing. But I'm really obsessed with Dragon Age at the moment. I played it all day yesterday. It's a really neat game. You can actually have adult relationships and it does impact the big overall plot. I know that only because I've read a bit about it. I don't mind spoilers for video games. Games like this, there a many directions it can go, and I want it to go my way from the start if possible. I may have screwed it up already. But you can always start over again. It's still fun. We did get a considerable amount of snow Friday. That does nothing for my motivation. I know if I can just get myself over the initial hump of sitting down and writing, I'd probably be fine. But when I get obsessed with something, it's harder. Although, I usually allow myself to ride out the obsessions as I know they'll die away eventually. Well, I'm done with the entry, I think... Time to make some decisions. |
| Well, I'm ending up with a three day weekend this weekend. Hoot! Some friends of ours were contemplating coming down this weekend and I was informed of this on Tuesday. I offered our spare room as they have a child, and honestly, the way some of our friends' homes around here are, I wouldn't want a child in that for very long. But they were sure, but I went ahead and asked for Sunday off as Benn has to work. It was short notice and it is Superbowl weekend where the Colts are playing so it took some wrangling, but I got the day off. Then it turns out they can't come down. But that's okay. I'm going to enjoy having a three day weekend. I've been wanting some time off. Granted, longer than a day, but just having Sunday off is a big stress reliever. Tomorrow we're supposed to have a snow storm. But both me and Benn have the day off and it will be nice to be stuck home together. If he hasn't volunteered for a transport anyway. He's been taking them when offered because they've been sending employees home because they don't need so many people. Which doesn't bode well for the business in my opinion. The company was sold, so hopefully it's only growing pains they're experiencing now. Benn wants to start nursing school this year, so I told him to look into being a CNA. I was a CNA at the nursing home my mother worked at one summer. The nursing home trained me for free. So I've been suggesting he look into that. So has a nurse he works with. I think he's reluctant because he doesn't want to work in a nursing home. But if he ends up training at one, he wouldn't have to stay. He could go apply for jobs at the hospital and such. I'm thinking it's the dirtier aspects of the job that maybe putting him off. And if that's the case, he needs to get over it or think about another career. I would have considered nursing, but I don't like the idea of having people's lives in my hands. I'd be afraid of giving them too much medicine or mixing the meds up. I know that's part of the training, and if I had to do it, I probably could. But I don't have to. I could deal with the dirtier aspects of caring for people at the nursing home. It wasn't pleasant, but it needed done. It was more depressing than anything. That's what was tough for me to take. Some of the residents had no idea what was going on, and maybe they were better off for it. But some did and some were clearly lonely. Some adopted well. Some probably didn't even need to be there if a family member was willing to take them in. The only reason they were there was in case they fell or something. Some what off topic. But it was one thing I've thought about doing an entry about. Anyway, woot, three day weekend!!!  |
| There are times when the song Dock of the Bay comes into my mind. I just looked up the lyrics tonight and realized how relative it was to my mood. I didn't realize it was so spot on. I suppose some could see the lyrics and assume that I'm sad or depressed. But I'm not. Just a bit discouraged. Thing is, there may be no real reason for it. Last night I was so inspired to start writing and by morning, it had faded. The urge is still there, but not as strong. It doesn't help that I started playing Dragon Age and really like it. I haven't played an actual video game in a long while. I've been playing those little flash type puzzle games along with the other crap on Facebook and that was starting to get old. The weird thing is, playing something like Dragon Age can actually help inspire me to write. Not so much Bejeweled Blitz and Farmville. But spring is closer than ever and I'm thinking I'm just tied to closely to the seasons. So I'm thinking I'll be doing better soon. |
| The problem with finding friends I went to high school with in this day and age, is that I grew up in rural area. While some people there have the internet, I'm guessing a majority don't. If they do, I think it's still the crappy dial up kind. Of course, my in-laws live in a rural area and they have pretty good internet access. In fact, all my family on Facebook are in-laws. I think some of cousins said they were one Facebook last Christmas, but I'm a bit reluctant to seek them out. Besides, my maiden name is Smith and it's hard to find just about anyone with the last name of Smith. Given I have a new last name, I figure if my family wants to know me on Facebook, then they can find me. Now if it were my mother and father it would be a different story, but they have no internet. And the computer they have might as well be in a museum. Dad just got it for us because he figured my sister and I would need it. It was nice for homework. Much better than a typewriter. Anyway, if my Mom and Dad had internet access I probably would talk to them more often. I told Dad that. But I think he thinks he's too old for it. Anyway, I had a dream recently about one of my old friends. Back in high school, I called her my normal friend. I know her last name has changed and I know what it is, but still not much luck in locating her. What's sad is I can't find any classmates that were actually my friends in high school, except one. All the classmates that are on Facebook now, were just classmates. In a couple of cases, I have a hard time remembering who they are. There are few old friends from college I want to find, but I don't have much luck there either. I'm kinda avoiding people I knew on the fencing team. Long story. We do have some mutual friends and if they don't want to be friends, than I don't want to force myself on them. I feel like I burned down a lot of bridges I didn't mean to burn. Guess that's what I get for being a pyromaniac. The most likely thing is, that's it all in my mind. Still I wonder why my brain grabbed this old high school friend from the past and gave her a starring role in my dream. I can't even really remember what happened, just that she was the focus. We rode the same bus and often sat together. Given the length of the bus rides, it gave us a lot of time to talk and become friends. I first heard about Michael Jackson from her. Why I remember that so strongly, I have no idea. I preferred Weird Al and his version of Beat It.  She was a good artist and signed her drawings with a small turtle. I often think of her when I see a turtle. I hope she's well. She was kinda shy and quiet and I hope no one has taken advantage of that. |
| Unexpectedly, I started feeling better about three to four days after this new diet changing thing I'm doing. I was hoping to lose weight, but I wasn't expecting much else. But my blood pressure has dropped a lot. Not that it was that high, but it wasn't that low either. Today, I had a garlic bagel with butter like I do every Sunday morning, and I think it's kicking my ass right now. It's like my body is rejecting the butter. At least I assume it's the butter. I had a healthy lunch. I suspected that maybe I had food poisoning because maybe the spinach I had wasn't properly cleaned. But I think it's clear by now that it's not food poisoning, as I haven't vomited. I'm feeling better, but not completely. It's hard to believe the changes that have occurred in this short time. I would suspect that it was a placebo effect, but like I said earlier, I wasn't expecting to just feel better. Don't know. I hate to draw conclusions only this far in, but so far so good. I don't know if should try the bagel and butter one more time and see what happens next Sunday. But it could be countless other things causing me to feel a bit ill today too. Let us not forget today is Sunday. My equivalent of Monday, but worse since it's the one day of the week I have to be out of bed by 8:30AM. |
| So, we've started with the new eating guidelines. It hasn't been a week yet, but as for the items on the daily list, today was the first day I got them all in. I'm finding it hard to work in leafy greens. I think the important thing as far losing the weight goes is to stick to the 3x Week and 0x Week list. So far, so good on that. I haven't had fast food since the Chinese I had a week ago. Thus far, the only thing I really miss about fast food is the convenience. There have been a couple of times I've been emotionally worked up that I considered it. At least I work on a campus that has to have healthy options for the students to eat. I think it makes things a little easier. I haven't started exercising again. But, it looks like I've lost three pounds in the last two weeks. Which is saying something as I haven't really started this new eating right thing until this week. I've come to the conclusion that it just isn't easy to lose weight. I know that's obvious, but so many people trying to sell diet and exercise things want to tell you otherwise. I guess if they didn't, it would be harder for them to sell their wares. Maybe if you just accept it's going to be hard, it makes in easier in a way. Maybe. I'm still having issues getting back to my writing. Yesterday, I tried to edit a chapter of Moon and it was just so hard for me to remain focused. I don't know what the issue is. At home, I feel like being all cozy and warm and not do anything. When I get to work, I start getting irritable. One cannot accomplish much in that mood. It's not the whole eight hours I'm at work, but it's like it's always simmering in the back of my head. I'm wondering if I just need a vacation. But I'm a bit reluctant to take a long vacation in the winter... Unless I'm going somewhere warm. I'm really trying hard to be productive again. I guess I am making progress, but it's slow. |
| Okay, I've spent most of the afternoon looking for an old entry. It had to be after June 2009 because the event I referred to happened after we got the kittens. The event was Uri hissing at someone. The reason I was looking for it was because something relevant happened recently. I know I posted an entry here about it, I even remember getting comments about it. I suppose it's possible I deleted it somehow. I've deleted e-mails since then so that's no help. Gr. Now that I've spent time looking it for it, I don't want to do the entry I intended to do. This is the kind of thing that drives me crazy and will take my focus for a good while. But I've run out of options for finding that entry. I even read each entry since June and still didn't find it. I can't think of somewhere else I would have relayed the story. As I said, I remember getting comments and I do remember one person in particular who commented. But I don't want to bother someone else about something like this. I doubt the person would remember. Hell, maybe my memory is wrong. It got me through a Sunday anyway. |
| I have been so freakin' lazy lately and it's driving me up the wall. But I'm afraid I've been at such a stand still for so long, I may not get the gumption to start moving again. The whole things that are at rest tend to stay at rest thing. Granted, I don't know if physics actually apply to laziness, but it seems app. This week Benn and I are going to attempt to change our eating habits. There was an episode of Good Eats where Alton Brown went over what he did to lose fifty pounds. It's nothing special. It's what everyone knows you need to do, he just made four lists and adhered to them. It's something I was kinda looking for awhile now. It's fine to say you need more veggies and such, but it's hard to implement unless you have a plan. At my previous job, there was an article that went through and gave you a menu for a week. I've never seen anything like that again. Maybe I could have tried harder on the web. *shrug* And of course I can't remember what magazine it was. Anyway, the lists that AB came up with were things to eat daily, three times a week, once a week and no times a week. Yesterday, I sat down to plan the next week accordingly. It's hard to cram some of the daily items into the menu. The daily is green tea, leafy greens, carrots, nuts, and whole grains. I think that's the kinda the point. You eat so much of what your supposed to, you don't have time for anything else. The menu is still not complete. There are days when I get to eat with Benn that we'll have to discuss. But I've been rather excited about this. The reason we haven't started earlier was because we didn't have any money to go grocery shopping again. If you're curious, the no times a week include fast food, canned soup, diet anything, processed meals (like the frozen ones- even the lean ones), and soda. The canned soup and processed meals are there because of the sodium. The diet anything is because most people think of 'diet' they think of short term. Like once they lose the weight, they can forget about watching what they eat. From what AB said, the exclusion of the diet items was to get out of that mindset. *shrug* I was never big on those 'diet' labels anyway. I did try to have those frozen lean meals for lunches at work. Even if this doesn't work, I have come to the conclusion that I will have to plan my meals and snacks in order to lose weight. It's not just enough to say I'm going to eat less. If anything else, I think following the zero times a week is a good one to follow. For the most part, I had cut soda out from my diet a long time ago. Except I had allowed myself one soda drink a week. There are rare times when I had more. But giving up soda isn't hard for me. I think pizza will be the one fast food item I miss the most. Even saying no times a week, I accept there may very well be times when I will have one of those items. The thing is, not to look for excuses to have them. I stopped exercising awhile ago. I blame that mostly on winter. It's just so cold and dark that I don't want to do anything. That's another reason I've stopped writing for the most part too. It doesn't help that Benn decided to spend most of the Christmas money we got on curtains. I've always wanted curtains, because I've never been a fan of blinds. Something happened that made Benn want to get curtains so that it may help with the heating bills. We have curtains over the glass porch door. There's a curtain blocking the living room from the hallway. Warmer yes, but darker too. It's like a little cave in here. Sometimes when the sun is out, it's not quite so bad, but it's winter. Sunshine doesn't happen very often and when it does, it doesn't last for long. I've also been sick this week so that's why I haven't started exercising again like I had planned this week. Truth be told, I'm probably not that sick. I think I just have a cold and from experience and seeing various articles, exercising can actually help relieve cold symptoms. Of course, cats are very persuasive when they curl up on you. Cat napping is an addictive philosophy. I suppose it doesn't matter what's made me this way, as long as I get over it. Which I plan to. I know when spring gets here that will probably be a natural motivator, but I don't like the idea of going into hiding for a whole season. Well, I might if everyone else did. I've come to the conclusion that moving to a warmer climate may not be such a good idea. The less likely you have to deal with snow and ice, the more likely that fauna of the area will be more deadly and intent on killing you. That may be the topic of another entry... |
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