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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| I'm starting to get ideas on how to rewrite Chasing. I knew Cynthia was talking to me again. I just didn't know where she was going. A number of things from the original will probably be cut. I think that may be one reason they suggest putting down your novel for a good long while before sending it out and/or revising. I don't think it will hurt as much to cut some of the stuff now as it would have a year ago. Not only that, I've been asking myself questions tonight about it, I don't think I had any hope of thinking of a year ago. I'm getting excited again about writing in a way I haven't been for a long while. I tried to plod along and I did write. I'm glad I continued. But it's been awhile since I've felt this fire in my belly. I hope it lasts. I've been thinking about it and when I first came to WDC and joined the fantasy forum, there was one person there who reviewed my work and seemed to absolutely love it. I'll admit, that's a huge motivation. Since that time, she's disappeared from WDC. While I still get good reviews, it's been awhile since I've sensed that much excitement about something I wrote. I'm not saying my work is deserving of such devotion, but it is nice to have. But I don't need it. Even though it is nice motivation, other things motivate me as well. The promise of a new start to Chasing seems to have ignited something in me today. I've had flickers of this same desire to write for the last few weeks. It didn't help that my laptop's adopter crapped out on me. The new one came today while I was at work and my husband hooked it up to see if it worked. It did! He's keeping it hooked up to make sure it doesn't catch fire. As I haven't heard from yet, I'm thinking that's a good sign. So hopefully I'll be making some good progress this weekend. Right now, I'm still in the brainstorming phase. It's a good feeling. |
| It seems like I'm going through different moods minute by mintute. I'm not used to those kind of mood swings. It's been happening for at least the last week. I'll be perfectly happy one moment, than depressed, angry, irritated. When the depression hits, I ask myself why I'm sad and I don't have a good reason. I guess the same thing would go for being angry. Oh, I usually have a reason, but it's not a good enough one. When I remind myself that there's no reason to be angry or sad, I end up in a sort of neutral place where I know I should be happier, but I refuse to put the energy into it. Sometimes. Sometimes, in the right circumstances, I'll be happy or content again. I can't remember being like this before. I guess it could be PMS, but I think I'm usually just angry and irritated then. I've had an immense craving for chocolate all day. I just want to huddle in a corner shoving chocolate into my mouth. Maybe with the occasional growling. Especially when someone gets too close. Being civilized may be overrated. |
| Benn will have to go to physical therapy before they can do surgery again. But he's no longer going to the same orthopedic place. He's doing his physical therapy in town, but on April 1, he has to see another doctor in Indy. This doctor is the one that the Colts and Speedway supposedly use for their injured. I think the place we were first sent to must have really pissed the insurance company off. Then the charger for my laptop died. Benn did manage to find a replacement so it should be before the week's over. So, I'll probably just being getting online at work. Not that I do such unseemly things at work. I pretty much used the no laptop as an excuse to play Final Fantasy XIII all weekend. When I wasn't doing chores anyway. I must say, I think XIII has the most followable plots of all the series so far. Well, since I've been playing which was when VII came out. Despite the mangled plot, I still think VII is my favorite. That could change by the time I'm done with XIII. I guess all the games have the basic plot of saving the world though. I think that's all the news to post at the moment. |
| At first, I thought the insurance company was causing the biggest problem on Benn's rode to recovery. While Benn has been going through this, a few people have expressed to us their thoughts on doctors also making the whole health care thing a big pain. I never thought too much about the actual medical professionals adding to the cluster fuck. This morning, Benn had an appointment to discuss what needed to be done to his knee yet. There was more than one doctor meeting with him. All doctors agreed that in order for Benn to go back to his job of prison guard, he would need reconstructive surgery on his knee. Fine. Makes sense. But first, the doctor wanted his knee to recover from the surgery he had on Friday and doing physical therapy in the meantime. Then the second surgery would put him in a cast anywhere from 4-6 weeks. After that, physical therapy would take another 6 weeks if not more. Still, if that's what must happen so be it. But here's the thing: when the doctor talked to me after the surgery, he made it sound like he hadn't known that Benn's ACL ligament was torn. But he knew from the MRI. And he's not trained to repair the ACL. So, what the insurance company asked, and rightly so, was why didn't the doctor suggest a reconstructionist from the beginning so that Benn would only have to go through one surgery? Now, maybe the doctor has a good reason. After all, I'm not a medical professional. All the same, if there was a reason, it should have been given before the surgery. Now the insurance company wants to find someone in Indy to take over and work on his knee. I guess there's an issue with doctors not wanting to touch something if another doctor made a mistake. So there are certain doctors that work on such cases. But there was no actual mistake made to his knee. At least, I hope not. I still wonder if a doctor would want his knee to heal from the first surgery anyway. *** Benn was okayed to drive and he went to see Greg today. I didn't want him to go because it's a long drive and even though he's okay to drive, I'm not sure a longish trip is a good idea. He's driven a couple of times to local stores, but that's maybe a half hour. Just getting to Greg's is about 2-3 hours. Not to mention the trip back. Although, he may stay at Greg's overnight. Which I'm fine with. I'd rather him be rested before making the trip home. I'm trying to get back to a regular schedule. Benn's been sleeping downstairs and this has changed the way I sleep. If I sleep upstairs now, I need to have the TV or radio on all night. Lately, it's been the TV because of the light, because I had a rather... disturbing incident one night. I don't think I want to go into it now. Some nights, I will take the cushions off the couch and lay next to Benn and we'll watch a movie. Or rather, I'll usually fall asleep while the movie is on. Except one night, when I actually got interested in the pilot episode of Murder She Wrote and was up until 4:30AM. (Which, by the way, if most writers find out how Jessica Fletcher became a published author in the first place, I think you'd all be a little miffed. I know it's fiction, but still...) On the nights that I do this, sometimes I'll end up sleeping downstairs. But even with the couch cushions, I still don't sleep very well. Sometimes, if Benn doesn't sleep, he'll get back on his computer and I'll go upstairs to sleep with the TV on. Constant interruption of sleep isn't a good thing. While Benn has been home, he makes plans to do things with friends on the weekend. I get that. I like hanging out with friends too, but it can throw off my normal chores and I have to find places to sneak them in during the week. Not to mention that I'm doing twice the housework. With Benn always home, I'm just never alone. I'm someone who's used to having a little time by herself. I know there are people out there that have it worse. I feel bad complaining at all. I just need to adjust. All these changes do cause stress. I've been trying to be in a better mood this week and it's working for the most part. But frustration does seep through once in while. |
| Benn had the surgery and it didn't really solve anything. I didn't realize that this surgery was exploratory. It turns out that one of his ligaments did tear all the way. I thought the MRI was supposed to be able to tell that, but whatever. I think excess blood was removed and his kneecap checked. Now, the options are reconstructive surgery or trying physical therapy to see if he can do without the surgery. He has a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Why they're waiting so long to do have an appointment, I have no idea. Physical therapy is supposed to take four weeks when it does happen. I'm guessing the insurance company will want to try that first. I kinda like the idea of trying it first too, but I also want Benn to be healed as quickly as possible. But surgery is scary no matter what type it is. Boondock Saints was an excellent movie. As with anything else, fanatical fans tend to take their love too far. What we saw Thursday night was a special tenth anniversary showing. I guess it didn't get a wide release when it first came out. It's a cult movie that's become popular through word of mouth. Personally, I think it's one of Willem DeFoe's greatest roles. The special screening included a small segment at the end where the director and some of the actors talked. It also showed a lot of fans. I don't think I'm giving anything away by saying the movie is about brothers who become vigilantes. One of the fans at the end say, "It's not just a movie, it's a way of life."  Seriously? You go out do acts of vigilantism? Anyway, I enjoyed the movie. The next night, the same day Benn had his surgery, we went to our friend's house and watched the sequel. It was decent. Some flaws, but still not bad. Today is my Dad's birthday. Yesterday was the anniversary of my grandfather's passing. Apparently, my great-aunt died on Friday. I didn't know her at all, but both grandfather and great-aunt were the husband and sister to the same grandmother. But her memory has been deteriorating so I don't know how she's taking it. I've been playing Final Fantasy XIII. I'm really disappointed in myself for not exercising or writing as much. Although, Cynthia started talking to me again yesterday. We'll see where that goes. |
| If anyone is curious, Benn is having his surgery tomorrow. I'm taking a half day today. It's unrelated, but hopefully it will allow me to get enough rest. We have to be at the orthopedic clinic at 8AM. Given my sleeping schedule lately, that's rather early. The surgery scheduling happened rather quickly. We finally heard from the insurance on Tuesday and on Wednesday he made an appointment for today for a pre-op thing with the doctor. Tomorrow is the actual surgery. Depending on what the doctor can do tomorrow, he'll either need more time to heal before physical therapy or be able to start it right away. Physical therapy is supposed to take four weeks. While all this was going on, Benn was making plans for tonight. Lindsay wanted to go see a special screening of Boondock Saints tonight. We've never seen it, but everyone we know seems to rave about it. The film is going to have to be good to impress me because now it has to contend with all the hype I've heard about it. The surgery is starting to make me a bit anxious. Benn's mother can't come down. I think Friday was too short of notice for her. I can understand that. Benn was worried about finding someone to be with me. It didn't seem like a big deal until now. Oh well. I'm a big girl. I'll deal. I thought I'd post something now. Don't know how hectic tomorrow may be. |
| For a dork like me anyway: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2oVTs5pI8Q |
| Towards the end, the author makes some perspective points about why people game. (And why they do so at work.) I happen to think it's true. Kinda sad, but true. But in a weird way, makes me not feel so bad. http://www.cracked.com/article_18461_5-creepy-ways-video-games-are-trying-to-get... |
| Today I found myself without reading material because I just finished one book, and couldn't renew the one interlibrary loan book I had. The book I had checked out from my library was recalled, so I had to turn it in last Thursday. When I got to work today, I looked it up to see the person had canceled the hold, but because of the way the system is set up, it's still officially on hold until someone notices. Since it's not my department, I can't do anything. It just makes me mad that the book was recalled and now the person doesn't even want it. Gr. I do have a list of books that I would like to look at and maybe read from our library, but nothing on the list seemed interesting today. So, I ended up just browsing the stacks. Given how big the library is, that isn't always advisable. Soon, I just found myself enjoying walking amongst the books. There's a smell I like about books and it feels secure. The secure part isn't always true. I've always had this weird thing with libraries. Some days, I find the stacks upon stacks of books comforting, some days scary and some days awe inspiring. Sometimes all three. There are days in my area where I do find them annoying, but really the annoyance is more aimed at the patrons or other workers. Even the scary times I kinda like it. As long as you know you aren't in danger, being scared can be kinda fun. |
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