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976
976
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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shively1126

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
A young love story set during a travel of two sisters, I found this to be a refreshing read. The interaction between sisters was light and playful, while the momentum leading up to the climax of the story was well paced.

I enjoyed the surprise ending. It put a nice twist on this. I can envision this as a re-telling of a true life event.

This short piece had great descriptives and the author truly set the scene for the event.

For some reason, and I can not put my finger on it, this came across to me as directly out of the mouth of a young teenager or adult. Perhaps it was word choice or the way there was a skip from topic and subject as is in young life. I truly felt a young girl was retelling me of events unfolding on her travels.

~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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hot coffee
977
977
Review of Zombie Story  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"   by SHERRI GIBSON ♥♥♥♥♥
gothic angel


*Heart* A Read All About It Package for AaronT with the message "You have been randomly selected from the Read A Newbie page to receive a Read All About It Package from the "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  by one of its group leaders Mike~Dolphins Fan 4 Life . Enjoy the reviews and write on!'

AaronT


*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
Having had a dream that sparked a short story, this is an embellashment of the dream. What happens after the dream. Have you ever tried to go back into a dream? Maybe making the story up as you go along, trying to capture the exact feelings and emotions? This is just that. A continuation of the story. What came after the Zombie dream is a story all and of itself.


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
~Tree’s branches swayed
this is listed as if this were the branches of a peticular tree. It should read Tree as in a singular tree or group of trees, for the branches are the subject.

~sail from America was were destroyed.

~causing the car started to slow down.
looks as if two ideas for a sentence combined here, giving us a grammatically choked sentence which doesn't quite work.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
I liked the direction the story took. This became one of those sci-fi movies that we often watch each saturday night. I would love to see this expanded into a novel. The dream being the launch of the movie, or book, then you shoot ahead of the dream, with flashbacks showing where the dream originated. The book would consist of what came after the dream. An interesting subject, what would happen if the USA were to be shut off from all other nations? How would it effect the natives, especially given the circumstances of which they are dealing. Yes, a good book can come from this... sort of reminds me of a movie, 28days I think it was, similar idea, only it was England who was quarentined.



~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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kiyasama desings
978
978
Review of Zombie Dream  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"   by SHERRI GIBSON ♥♥♥♥♥
gothic angel

*Heart* A Read All About It Package for AaronT with the message "You have been randomly selected from the Read A Newbie page to receive a Read All About It Package from the "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  by one of its group leaders Mike~Dolphins Fan 4 Life . Enjoy the reviews and write on!'

AaronT


*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
A dream sequence relived. Though when telling dreams, they never come across to anyone else, the same way they did to us in the dream world, so this author has chosen to embelish certain parts in order to clarify for us in the real world just what went on in this dream. A zombie filled experience...


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
~A leap goes from spewing guts, to rolling in waste, yet the waste isn't mentioned until later in the paragraph. What if it were to read "spewing guts from both ends"? Merely a suggestion.

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterward, outward, backward, and upward, to name a few.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles.

~ As I scanned over the gym and I told myself what I saw.
To me, this reads better with the bold word than with the conjunction. Using the conjunction and in the middle of the sentence here makes it an incomplete sentence or thought.

~“Ok so their zombies now”
instead of their it should be they are

~my sexy 07’ Pontiac Grand Pree.
As a fellow writer and Grand Prix owner, lets make sure we have that as GRAND PRIX... now I have to go look and see if I am right, or you are...*Smile* but lets also, since calling it sexy, add the color too. Give it some added class, not that the car needs it... It stands on it's own merits...


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
I liked how you could not tell all that much which parts were embelishment and which were dream memory. It is hard sharing dreams, and they fade fast, leaving minute pieces of what really transpired. So taking the time to write the dream down, and then filling in the blanks, proved to be a worthy experiment for this is a good writing on a zombie experience.



~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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#1611177 by Not Available.


kiyasama desings
979
979
Review of A sister's love.  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"   by SHERRI GIBSON ♥♥♥♥♥
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*Heart* A Read All About It Package for AaronT with the message "You have been randomly selected from the Read A Newbie page to receive a Read All About It Package from the "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"  by one of its group leaders Mike~Dolphins Fan 4 Life . Enjoy the reviews and write on!'

AaronT


*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
A horror entry for a contest with a word count limit, this was creepy enough to give me the chills and spooky enough to be a scary dream. I was mesmerized to see just in what condition the main character was going to end up in.


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
~In the first paragraph, a colon is used without a space afterward, jumbling the sentence. Add that space and clear the word jam.

~ Also, when a contest entry is made, I like to see a spot after the writing about the limitations on the writing. For instance if you were writing this for a contest I was hosting, then you would place a bitem link back to the contest, and/or also list the prompt and limitations put on the writing. For instance, this is to be a scary story written in 200 words or less using the word tombstone....Just an example... (though many do not add the bitem link because contests close and disappear then you have an invalid link, so just a note about the prompt) This allows readers to know what was expected from this story for the contest, so we can help you get it ready for the contest.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
I liked that I could read this and envision this as if it were playing out before my eyes. This is well written and easy to follow for the reader. Though the word limitation is put on this piece it is still easy to follow all transitioning of movement and thought between characters.


*Leaf4*Areas that I had trouble with: *Leaf4*
Absolutely none. This is well written. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors, other than the spacing issue mentioned above.


*Leaf5*Why I rated this so: *Leaf5*
A deserving piece. Well written, easy to follow. My only question is did this place in the contest? If not, what do you as an author feel could be done to this piece to improve it?
980
980
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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gothic angel


Prof Moriarty

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
100 words or less sounds like it was an interesting contest, though If this entry "The Burden of Truth"   by Prof Moriarty is anything like some of the others, someone may just have to think about re-instating such a contest, or one similar. Just the sheer thought of writing one hundred words without repeating a single one, is daunting to me. This creative tale gives a description of lengths couples will go to to help each other out!


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
I really can't say that I have even one suggestion to add to this piece. From what I can tell, it clearly met all of the expectations of the contest. Great Job!


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
It is funny how the mind works. You can say the same thing twice, without using the same words twice. Yet as reading this piece, I had to go back and re-read it, for I knew the information was given to us, and was unaware of how I got the information, if there wasn't a single repeated word. A very creative piece of writing. I am impressed with the time and effort it must have taken to create this.



~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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kiyasama desings
981
981
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You ♥♥♥♥♥
Multi sig from Sherryb


SHERRI GIBSON

"BROKEN AND BLEEDING"   by SHERRI GIBSON is a poem of heartache and sadness. Left alone to suffer and relive the relationship in her memories, this broke down love abondoned female has come to the conclusion that her fate is to be alone and separated from the one she once loved. Seeing with open eyes, her tale is told through the rhyming couplets as they cascade down the page with rhyming ease. Not a flaw in the rhyme scheme was found. This is a well written poem.

I did notice one type error, and that is in the first line of the third verse. Other than that, there was no noticed grammar, punctuation or other spelling errors.

I enjoyed how each of the third lines of every verse begins the same, yet sends a twist as if reading a new chapter in the story of the broken relationship. A clever way to advance the poem.
kiyasama desings
982
982
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You In Connection With "COLORING THE WORLD CONTEST TEMP. CLOSED "   by SHERRI GIBSON ♥♥♥♥♥
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COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
Once again I stop by to see what this wonderful prompt contest has to offer, only to stumble upon such beautiful works as this great poem. Using rhyming couplets, the prompt Colorful Illusions has brought forth a great poem from you. This rhyming and spiritual piece speaks of love, family, rainbows, and returning home.

*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
A nice piece for publication. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I liked how you incorporated the prompt into this ballad. It fit nicely and was so appropriate for this poem.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
I think the part that stood out for me was the ending. I like it when there is an ending line that doesn't rhyme, yet brings the poem to conclusion. I find it very fitting for this piece.


*Leaf4*Areas that I had trouble with: *Leaf4*
Absolutely none. This is well written. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors to comment upon.


*Leaf5*Why I rated this so: *Leaf5*
A deserving piece I would be proud to share with friends and strangers. This is a poem that deserves sponsorship for no other reason than to be viewed and shared with all.

~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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#1404398 by Not Available.


kiyasama desings
983
983
Review of You always knew.  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Multi sig from Sherryb


Oceandweller

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
A wonderful rhyming poem of love and deep emotion. Sometimes questions are rhetorical and don't need the answers for that special one to know what is behind the action.


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
This is written for a contest. I didn't see the contest link, which is probably better since contests come and go leaving invalid links, but would like to know if it placed in the contest. This is a great love poem and would be a good piece for a poetry book. A great Valentine's poem as well.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
This was well written, the rhyming scheme flowed with ease, and the emotions ran deep. There was no need for an answer to be given to any of the questions.


*Leaf4*Areas that I had trouble with: *Leaf4*
Absolutely none. This was well written, with no grammar, punctuation or spelling errors noted.


*Leaf5*Why I rated this so: *Leaf5*
A justly deserving piece, I would gladly share this with friends.

~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
 Invalid Item 
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#1404398 by Not Available.


Image #1614325 over display limit. -?-
984
984
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You ♥♥♥♥♥
gothic angel


StirTheStars

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
I was sure when I started reading this that with the birth of the new sprouts, came the knowledge you were with child. I in know way saw the direction this was going until it was well under way. I think the memory and picture are a good one. I too have something similar, but for my beloved dog Mickey.

He was everything to me for 10 years. He developed cancer shortly after we moved. We buried him amidst the trees, then I sprinkled forget me knot seeds around his grave. Unfortunately I then had to move a month later. So I will pick a spot for those pretty blue flowers here in my garden patch just for Mickey.


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
This is a personal piece shared with raw emotion and hard truth. Special memories once created are also displayed so that all will know. I had tears in my eyes, making it blurry to read the last bit.


*Leaf4*Areas that I had trouble with: *Leaf4*
None, this is a well written story with great depth and character. There were no noticeable grammar,spelling or punctuation errors.


*Leaf5*Why I rated this so: *Leaf5*
A justly deserving piece that I would gladly share with friends and family.


~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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#1404398 by Not Available.


Image #1282972 over display limit. -?-
985
985
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Multi sig from Sherryb


T.L.Finch

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
A wonderful rhyming piece that mourns the loss of a loved one. I don't get the impression this is a loved one who has willingly left. I get the feeling this is one who has passed on in life and is rembered and honored with the burning candle. Perhaps this is a soldier out in battle, or a seaman out to see, either of which will never return. Regardless, this was a sad piece.


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
"Tears In Candlelight"   by T.L.Finch is a piece worthy of publishing. I would like to come across this in publication at some point.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
The sadness and honor, both represented with the candle. The light left to burn, gentle yet a beacon, even though no return is possible.


*Leaf4*Areas that I had trouble with: *Leaf4*
Absolutely none. This is well written and free of grammatical,punctuation or spelling errors.


*Leaf5*Why I rated this so: *Leaf5*
A justly deserving piece. This is one I would recommend for friends to read.

~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
 Invalid Item 
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#1404398 by Not Available.


Image #1614325 over display limit. -?-
986
986
Review of Bus Stop  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Dave

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
"Bus Stop"   by Dave is a journey taken by a young man who is down on life with no purpose or direction. Circumstances in the past have left him in despair and without a will to move on. Yet for some reason, he takes that journey on the bus to nowhere. Once there he is lured into finding a purpose which drives him to a discovery. Will this be the turning point in his life?


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterward, outward, backward, and upward, to name a few. I noticed that there is one use with the "s" and one use without it in this piece.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
This was very well written, as I began the story and just could not put it down. I had chills at the end of the story as goosebumps crept up my arm at the conversation held on the phone.


*Leaf4*Areas that I had trouble with: *Leaf4*
None. The punctuation, grammar and spelling were all in order. The content of the story all seemed to focus around the plot, without straying. I found myself unable to break away from the story, even just long enough to refill my coffee. It had to wait until the story was over.


*Leaf5*Why I rated this so: *Leaf5*
A justly deserving piece. I would recommend this to all of my friends for reading. A very enjoyable story.

~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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#1404398 by Not Available.


kiyasama desings
987
987
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Daizy May

*Leaf1*Brief Summary: *Leaf1*
A flood of memories you bring back sister dear. As I sit here reading of your pickled spear. "Dill Pickles and Buttermilk"   by Daizy May an interesting combination of ingredients to write about. I found this so entertaining. The rhythm and rhyme flow down the page with ease. Nothing forced or out of place.

In high school I found that dill picles tasted good with soft serve vanilla and or soft serve strawberry ice cream. I did this for attention, more than the craving I think. The ice cream I had to have, the pickle, well dill pickles, need I say more. An odd combination, but don't we all like sweet and tangy? If not, we ALL should.

Not being a big fan of buttermilk, I don't see the attraction, though they say "Each to their own".


*Leaf2*Suggestions: *Leaf2*
I believe instead of a period after the line "Sauerkraut with piclkles", there should be a comma. Just my personal opinion, please don't take it as expert advice. Being a novice, to me, a comma just fits better.


*Leaf3*What I liked about this piece: *Leaf3*
I liked the memories drawn out and the picture this created for me. It brought back laughter and fun for me. For that I am greatful. What is poetry other than to be interpretated individually, yet your poem not only brought out personal experience, but also drew a new picture for me.

I can picture that buttermilk mustache now, with a pickle hanging out of the corner of your mouth! *Smile*

*Leaf4*Areas that I had trouble with: *Leaf4*
Absolutely none, other than the small punctuation mention above, and that is just a personal opinion. This is well written and free of grammatical and punctuation errors.


*Leaf5*Why I rated this so: *Leaf5*
A justly deserving piece, I was glad to have stumbled upon this.

~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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#1404398 by Not Available.


hot coffee
988
988
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You In Connection with "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor ♥♥♥♥♥
gothic angel


justanotherpoethero

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
Having won this incentive prize of a review and merit badge in the raffle "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor ,I stopped in to fulfill your rewards. Once here, I found this magnificent poem. What is so special about this poem is that it talked to me. It drew a picure in my mind, actually, it drew two, a metaphorical one as dictated in the verse, and a more down to earth version.

I could picture a young adult in the tree, standing guard, being the support system for other youth as they branched out in life.

I also could see this as a graduation speech. To me, that is what first struck me. This is a young adult watching his friends leave. This is the one, staying behind. He is the one who has helped them grow along the way offering guidance and support where he can, sometimes being overlooked for the person he truly is.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
The only suggestion I could find for this piece would be to offer this one for publishing, or save it for that book of poetry you should compile and have published one day. This is a great poem.


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
Other than to say I liked the whole thing, I would have to add that I am glad this isn't a rhyming poem. I feel the message is better represented in this piece as a free-style.


*Pumpkin*Areas that I had trouble with: *Pumpkin*
Absolutely none. This is well written. The punctuation, grammar, and spelling all seem to be in order. The subject material all seem to fit together quite well.





~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
FORUM
The Treasure Chest  (E)
closed due to lack of participation
#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~


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989
989
Review of THE DARK  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You In Connection with "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor ♥♥♥♥♥
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SHERRI GIBSON

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
A dark and sinsiter rhyming couplet that lurks on Halloween night, I am glad I didn't stumble upon this until this morning. The rhyming scheme flows well down the page as the couplets talk of Halloween activities and the unseen, unheard (until it is too late) demons that lurk in the dark on All Hallows Eve. A creative tale told in rhyming unison.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
This would be a good poem to include in the anthology of poems. Perhaps a section for holidays, this would fit in perfect. Not the typical poem I would imagine, all light and fluffy, but combining all aspects of Halloween and its frights.


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
I liked how this is spooky and has hidden monsters in among the light and fluff. It keeps within the holiday theme all the while warning of monsters in the dark. If one really wanted to delve into this on a deeper level. Metaphorically, there are monsters and demons lurking out there every day, how easy we make it for them every halloween, to come out in the open. This could serve as a warning that monsters do exist.


*Pumpkin*Areas that I had trouble with: *Pumpkin*
Absolutely none. This is a well written poem. The rhyming was smooth and the flow easy to follow with the rhythm.


~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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#1140329 by Not Available.


gothic angel
990
990
Review of Rainbow World  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You In Connection With "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor ♥♥♥♥♥
Multi sig from Sherryb


fyn

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
As I sat mesmerized by the words on the screen, all cares of the world vanished. The music ceesed to play and all time stood still. I was transported to a magical time and a special life, where the unexplainable does happen; signs, colors, and images do come to us, to help us through this life.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
Other than the one suggestion to offer this up for publication, I have no other ideas or thoughts I can add to the subject.


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
The tingling sensations I felt as I read this piece were magical in their own sense. The depth of emotion captured in this story held me enraptured with the characters and events. I couldn't pull myself away.


*Pumpkin*Areas that I had trouble with: *Pumpkin*
Absoulutely none. This is well written. I could find no grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors. The characters and events all seemed to fit within the guidelines of the story and in unison.


*Witch-hat*Why I rated this so: *Witch-hat*
A well deserving piece ready for publication, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story.

~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
 Invalid Item 
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#1611177 by Not Available.


Image #1575312 over display limit. -?-
991
991
Review of Obituary  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You In Connection With "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor ♥♥♥♥♥
** Image ID #1572996 Unavailable **


Cinn

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
A contest entry with a fifty five word limit, this short obituary is both serious an humorous in all. A catchy ending to make you laugh after all of the seriousness in the beginning.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
I think I would have spelled out the age, with a hyphen rather than using a numerical number. Though, this doesn't detract from the story in any way.


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
I enjoyed the ending. Though he is laid to rest, they are still requesting his missing parts. That accompanied witht he way he passed made for a laugh, though some may find that distasteful, I find humor in life to be good.

*Pumpkin*Areas that I had trouble with: *Pumpkin*
Absolutely none. This is a well written piece. If submitted for a contest, I hope it placed well. Good luck!

}


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992
992
Review of Season Opener  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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gothic angel


QwestionEvrythng

Written of a subject close to the heart, this rhyming poem is simple and pure. The images that come to mind while reading this created a er thirst that now must be quenched. (thanks for that, i didn't need that cherry coke).

*Note1* I would suggest a small alteration for the first verse of the second line to make the rhyme a little smoother. Change the last part to and we did barbeque.

993
993
Review of Sirius black.  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Just an Ordinary Boo!

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
Sirius, a well loved black dog, has found a home filled with loving hearts and caring friends. He has captured their love and holds them dear to him. Through protecting those he cares about, to cuddling with them and keeping them near, he shows his affection.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
How can I suggest anything other than a picture to accompany this great rhyming poem. This is a wonderful tribute to a dear and well loved companion.


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
The love and emotion jump off of the page as each rhyme is read and each verse completed. There were no spelling or grammatical errors found.




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gothic angel
994
994
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Daizy May

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
Written with love and adoration, this rhyming creation was a joy to read. The rhyming scheme flowed down the page with ease as I witnessed the life of Hastings and her adventures with the family.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
In two of the verses. One line ends with a period then the next begins with the conjunction but.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles.

Though, this is poetry, and other rules apply. However, there is one isntance as to where a comma proceeds the conjunction, which to me, should be true with the other two instances.


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
To me this is a ballad. A story of a life missed and a tribute to Hastings. Well written.



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gothic angel
995
995
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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gothic designs


nina

*Star*Brief Summary:
A beginning to a parable, this short piece, begins to describe a well known story, only updating the timetable. This speaks of disease and plague of unknown origins. Being an unfinished piece, other than the subtext, the reader has no way of knowing what direction this story is heading.


*Star*Suggestions:
~ the tense of the story goes back and forth between present and past, inconsistently.




*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
~Most of the sentences which which do not start a paragraph, are not capitalized. If there is a reason for this, perhaps it should be noted at the bottom, if not, then this is an issue that need be addressed.



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996
996
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Ԝ☆Ԝ Happy 4th of July USA!

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
Have you ever stopped to ponder the decisions made and the consequences resulting? Is it destiny or fate which takes our hand and guides us through life? If either of those exist, can we have free will? This is a thought provoking free-style poem of choice and resulting life occurances. A wonderful poem of discovery and adventure with thoughts to the future for children.



*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
I liked how the emotions of the piece stand out. You can see the hope and despair, the light and the dark, as well as the rainbow at the end of the tunnel. This is creative, yet a true realistic part of life. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to more poetry of such magnitude.


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997
997
Review of Alone  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Jennyj

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
A poem come full circle , this is an interesting look on moving and what the mind brings in to play with this moving day.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
Haiku's are nature in origin to where SENRYU are all encompasing of all else, generally centering around emotion. That being said, I would reclassify this as a Senryu. A newer style that has picked up in popularity.

*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
I enjoyed how the format is used to complete the picture through a combination of Senryu's which each new verse begins the statement or thought with the ending line of the previous verse.


*Pumpkin*Areas that I had trouble with: *Pumpkin*
the formatting classification, though many I am finding have not heard of Senryu's before.

}


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998
998
Review of Soul Search  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
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Nikola~Happy 4th!

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
A searching quest looking for that special person to complete the picture of the soul. Fate, destiny and time all play a hand in this piece which anticipates the future with that soulmate we look for to share our lives.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
I would suggest submitting this piece for publication, it is well written and thought provoking. What if the paths weren't separate as in different, what if they parralleled each other, complimenting each along the way. Do they then need to intersect at some point for the union to be made, or is the parrallel the soulmate in and of itself? Just a thought.




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999
Review of Brothers  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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PoeticFox

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
"Brothers"   by PoeticFox is a heartwarming poem. In the beginning I could picture two soldiers out on the front lines, striving to stay alive while helping each other to make it through the day. As I read this further, the true nature came out. With each new reading, I found this to be a metaphoric piece about botherhood and the bonds formed outside of bloodlines. A very well written poem.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
three words pop up on my spell check radar, though depending on geographical location this may not be the case. I would suggest looking back at the following words:
~battale
~faulter
~boulavard


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
To me this touches a heart-string. It is of one looking out for another and the two surviving do to the others dependablilty and care.


*Pumpkin*Areas that I had trouble with: *Pumpkin*
None this is well written.



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FORUM
The Treasure Chest  (E)
closed due to lack of participation
#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~


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Review of Jessica's Cloud  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Brenpoet moving house

*Cat*Brief Summary: *Cat*
A wonderful children's poem of a cloud in the sky, what one angel saw, and who she chose to share it with. This creative sing song poem belongs in a children's book, and has a dedication of love, leading me to believe that this was a true story put into a poetic format.


*Jackolantern*Suggestions: *Jackolantern*
This is one of those that belongs in Jessica's book of memories and also in print. I would suggest typing it up on pretty paper and putting it in her scrapbook of memories.


*Ghost*What I liked about this piece: *Ghost*
The musical way I could picture a child's voice coming through telling this story, as well as the grandmother's response. This was truly a special piece.



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