| ♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You ♥♥♥♥♥
** Image ID #1572454 Unavailable **
Redtowrite 
I found this an interesting poetic tale. The subtext suggests that this is love a poet has for his mistress the muse, though she has other interests. Yet, I found nothing in the poem to indicate this. The love is shown in great detail from the voice of the poem, but there is nothing to indicate it is a poet longing for his muse. Nothing to show this is a writer, who is utterly lost without his lover or muse. OR IS THERE.
Breakdown:
He smooths her picture,
fingertip glides over lush full lips.
From this we see obsession. He is enamored with her and is reminiscing on days past. He is lusting after her picture as he traces the lips. The description of the lips can suggest he is a poet, though this isn't strong enough to substantiate this assumption.
He calls, begs; she must feel his presence.
Her sweet warm breath lingers.
This shows that the man is lost without her. His senses are telling him she is near, though she refuses to show herself. This eludes to the fact she can be a muse thus debunking my statement above that there was no direct corollation between muse and poet here in the poem.
A sinister lover lurks, biding it's time.
If it could just get her to taste,
This confused me. Is the muse a live person who inspires this poet? If so, what is this sinister lover of the muse?
his web encircles gently,
loving her to death.
In this instance, it read to me as if this his was refering to the sinister lover and not the voice of the poem. That threw me.
Subways, an ocean of faces blur,
images of her shadow, obsessing,
Here the poet is beginning to break down. He is starts to see her everywhere, yet nowhere is she to be found. His obsession escalates.
she is his drug, he has no control.
He has lost himself, becoming her.
In his search for the muse, he must think like her, act like her, smell her. He is becoming her in his search, yet missing her essence all the same.
Only a slim stream, his needs are more.
A scent of lavender permeates his skin.
She is so near to capture he can smell her.
Other women are cheap imitations.
Writing without her is inconceivable.
Here is our clear message that she is the muse to the writer. I definitely missed this in the first two readings. To me, this personifys that the muse is a live person who inspires the poet. Without this person, the writing has stopped. No other substitue will work.
In their short lifetime, two years,
she gave his existence meaning.
Clarity on what she was to him. The timeline shows there was a relationship that is now over.
Now wherever he looks, she is.
A fleeting profile, her smile in a cafe,
white summer hat with scarlet ribbons.
Her hair, a jumbled garden of auburn,
His memories of them together haunt him, leaving him empty and unable to continue on with writing, for his search for her is all consuming.
brown soulful eyes with golden specks.
As long as he can feel her, she lives.
This part to me suggests that perhaps she may have been a muse invisible to all but him. The muse was the poetry he wrote. A muse of such grandeur that he personified her and with her memory, perhaps he can move on.
Only he can see her angel wings.
She never meant to cause pain,
This again suggests that she is real. Yet with her wings, is she still alive?
so young, impulsive, and childlike.
As long as the serpent stays away
with needles and candy.
Did drug abuse and usage destroy the muse? The serpent representing the evil of the drug and candy, has she passed from this world due to her affair with drugs? Thus leaving the poet to wander aimlessly searching for her, knowing that she is no longer here.
He believes he can save her
Cradled in his arms, in bed,
not in a box, her soul already sold.
These last few lines speak to me as if she is resting in a coffin. Is he trying to resurrect the muse?
 Summation
The poet has lost his muse and goes in search of her. She has been his passion for the last two years, yet she is no longer by his side. Her passionate love affair with drugs has ended her life and she is no longer able to inspire him. Can he find another muse, or will his poetry die with her?
Poetry is meant to be read over and over. Silently and aloud, poetry reveals more with each reading. At first I didn't find the connection or voice of the poem. When I started to analyze it by sections, I was able to see the story held within the lines. Keep in mind poetry is tricky, it is all interpretation. Whether metaphoric or biographic, each line takes on a life of it's own through each reader. This was just my interpretation.
|
|
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
The beginning of the story seems rushed. If Cailean was banished from the kingdom as a child, then how was it he came to be there fighting as an adult. What had transpired to let him safely back in the graces of the King, so that he could then race in the kingdom? Why would the king promise anything to Cailean? Too much information is gleemed over without clarity. More background needs to be given to start this out strong. As it stands, the start is broken and fragmented leaving the reader to easily lose interest.
The ending of the fifth paragraph seems rough
~towards and skywards both represent directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being words of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterward, outward,backward, and upward, to name a few. Now to where this is slang in terminology, some of these are turning up more and more in dictionaries as acceptable usage. I will let you determine the outcome.
I would suggest running spell check on this. One word in particular stood out, though depending on geographical location of the writer, this spelling may be acceptable recognised
In one sentence, the king is referred to as her not him or his. 
