Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title, intro and genres are good.
Your poem flows well and is easy to read.
I think we all experience times where we border on insanity!
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I would expand a little...maybe add a stanza on where you mind has actually gone. It would make this more personal and
add to the emotion of your poem.
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title, intro and genres are appropriate.
Great twist at the end, I feel he deserved it though.
I was already hating your character Brad!
You develop both the characters well in this short story.
Suggestions/Errors:
we should conserve your strength and have a ceremony that's small, quiet and dignified."
should we be capitalized?
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title, intro and genres are all appropriate.
Very pretty poem, your imagery is good throughout...I was on the beach.
Your presentation of the poem and color is nice and relaxing.
All making for a great read.
favorite stanza;
Shards of glass blending
forming a mosaic of danger,
like hidden colored daggers,
for tender toes to unearth.
Suggestions/Errors:
You might include in the intro or somewhere the form you use.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your title is appropriate.
I like the play on words with the actual splinter and your life.
Didn't expect the ending but it was fitting.
Suggestions/Errors:
Check your spacing between lines they are off in a few areas.
Change your other genre to personal or experience.
Due to your use of the f-word your rating is wrong and needs to be changed probably to 18+ but you should check the content rating page.
Which once you change this, it will not qualify for this contest.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing!
Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genre are appropriate.
Your imagery throughout is strong.
Your ending is good.
Suggestions/Errors:
I had to read this twice, I get where you were going with this....but feel you need to really expand some on the character herself and the life she led. Who is nightmare?, where is she? How did she get to this place. I know you are talking of aging but expand!
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres fit well.
Very pretty letter full of yearning, hope and love. You show your inner strength and love
with every word. Your feelings come across so very strong and you show your readers what this feels like.
I have had a miscarriage and some of your thoughts hit me strong.
Thanks for sharing you words, love and hope with your readers.
Suggestions/Errors:
Continue your 'search' and always have hope.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Very inspirational read. It's full of hope and faith.
I like that your ending stanza is also the starting stanza, it brings your thoughts/feelings across well.
I think your readers will identify with your thoughts on prayer and hope.
favorite lines:
He knows all the pain and the suffering,
He knows that we just don't understand
why He calls some home, without feeling
the wonder and power of His healing hand.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Your first line is strong and your readers will identify with it.
my favorite part;
In the shadow of the cross I could feel His saving grace,
in the shadow of the cross I could see His gentle face.
I like the repetition of these lines.
Very pretty poem, it tells a story full of hope. Your poetry is always so very encouraging.
THANKS for sharing it with us all.
Overall Impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I like that you include what inspired your writing...insomnia!
Very good ending.
favorite lines;
Fear and its demons come out of the closet,
Catching me off guard, freaked under the covers
Suggestions:
You use punctuation throughout but not any ending punctuation, I'd add some ending punctuation.
some small suggestions;
And the menace of the oncoming makes me lay still and ponder
try
While menace of the oncoming makes me lay still and ponder
And there as if from nowhere I regained my strength,
And fear and all its demons started leaving my domain
try
As if from nowhere I regained my strength,
fear and all its demons started leaving my domain
Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your genres are appropriate.
I've never tried doing an acrostic like this, cool idea!
favorite part;
I like to think someday you and me;
Setting the lawn, making birds fly free!
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Maybe a more unique title.
suggestions from your poem;
Having You in His Time
Be My Dreams
It's You
You need to rate your item.
A few small changes to help with the flow of this - read your poetry aloud to see how the lines flow.
example;
Let time proves, you'll know - I don’t tell lie
try
Let time prove, you'll know - I don't lie
or
Let time prove and you'll know - I don't lie.
View it every time when I'm alone
try
Viewing it every time when I'm alone
Be my dreams thrive in reality.
try
Be my dreams, thrive in reality.
Yes! Its you who makes my days complete
try
Yes! It's you who makes my days complete
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Your ending ask some good questions, makes one think.
favorite part;
Do I have the courage to look in the mirror
To face my true self without any fear?
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
A few small things that I feel help with the flow of your poem.
In line 5 try removing the second the.
In line 20 I'd remove and.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Nice tribute to the one you love.
Your emotions come through strong.
favorite part;
The stars will twinkle down from the heavens
And shimmer around us like tiny sparkles of snow
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I'd watch the use of filler words that you have throughout, like the, and, that...removing these will help with the
overall flow of your poem.
ex;
The sparks that shimmer in your mind!
try
The sparks shimmering in your mind!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
.
Your intro, rating, title and genres are all appropriate.
Each stanza and finishing line shows a touching story that leaves your reader thinking.
Each stanza in it's own way shows what is important in life.
favorite part:
The stanza on the nurse. I am a nurse and see too often where the patient is forgotten; we get caught
up in doing our procedures and paperwork and forget the patient.
Thanks for the read, it definitely left me thinking.
Good luck. Keep writing.
Tammy
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