My Overall impression:
Your title and rating are appropriate.
Your poem flows well and your rhymes work good together.
favorite part:
'Mind and body tuned to a daze,
winter tendrils creeping to the bone,
slowly passing the weary phase,
I no longer feel as if I am alone,'
Love your ending about having a reason to care.
Suggestions/Errors:
Change your static item from other to poetry.
Add some genres, they help your items get exposure.
Relationship, love, drama or experience would work.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by,
Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
Very pretty poem.
Your memories flow well with each one that you share with your readers.
I love the ending and your special guest.
I like that each memory is personal and unique to you/your family.
This makes your readers conjure up ones they have lost.
Thanks for sharing.
Suggestions/Errors:
Instead of having other, I;d change this static item to prose or even poetry...it flows very well and would fit as either one.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
I really enjoyed this trip home.
This brings back all kinds of memories for your readers.
It evokes melancholy, sadness but also strength and freedom.
I love your thoughts on owning it all and leaving the bad memories there.
I think this shows you as mature and strong....not many get to go back home and leave like this.
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Suggestions/Errors:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres fit well.
I think your twist on this could be funny and entertaining if you expanded a bit on it.
Suggestions/Errors:
I'm not sure this would stand alone...without your reader knowing the Cinderella Story... Maybe add a little background and set this up.
What happens?
You kind of leave your readers hanging at the end.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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My Overall impression:
Your title and rating are good.
You show well how your ex has left you feeling.
my favorite lines;
'Look at all the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone my mind has drifted'
Suggestions/Errors:
You could add one more genre~relationship, personal or emotional would work.
I think this would benefit with some punctuation~end some of your thoughts, add some commas for some pauses ~I think it would help the flow and help make your thoughts dramatic and overall I think it would help evoke more emotions.
It could also help with your filler words, like and. Try reading your poetry aloud after writing it to see where pauses are needed and to check the flow of it.
ex;
Harsh words and violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped and twisted
try
Harsh words, violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows.
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped and twisted.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by Tammy
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Your use of punctuation in stanza one is effective for pauses and for making your point.
Your rhymes are good and creative.
I put my parents through some rough times too...and think most do in some way or another.
Which is a bit scary because I now have a teenager and a pre-teen!
;0
I like the role of your mother that you show throughout in this.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
You have one question mark in the last line..I'd remove it or add more ending punctuation.
This almost feels unfinished~are you going to add more?
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
I've been through a divorce and I too left for my kids.
It's always hard to look at a situation through the child's eyes but once you do and can clear up what needs to be done. The things we were putting them through was harmful and unfair.
Your poem is truthful and shows you as being a strong woman..for your son!
Suggestions/Errors:
You have some punctuation a couple of ? and period..I'd go through and add punctuation where needed. Close a few more of your thoughts.
So here we are we have moved on
I think this would be a more effective read if you have a comma after are~which would make for a pause there.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Pretty poem, your words just flow together very well.
You paint a beautiful night for your readers in stanza one.
In stanza two you show yourself writing under the stars.
What a great place to be writing and getting inspiration from nature.
Your ending shows you becoming vulnerable and letting go.
I love the line on digging your toes into the sand.
Lines like that make the poem believable.
Your image for this is pretty.
my favorite part:
'Gliding through time on a pencil
and tracing over memories I've stenciled
Thanks for sharing.
I think your readers will identify with these thoughts/feelings that you share with us.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are effective.
Great poem and it holds such a big message.
I love your ending, the last line with the two sentences is very effective.
That break up of the sentences with the question at the end~is very dramatic.
You capture a tragic part of nature very well.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
tammy
Very pretty blog image.
Great use of the writingML and emoticons.
I like the title you picked for this.
: )
I read through some of the entires but did not go all the way back...and was wondering what is all the pain from?
Suggestions:
My only suggestion would be too add just a little introduction of yourself in the body of this...maybe your name and just a few details for your readers.
Keep writing!
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My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Your character is likable.
Your story is believable~I just think it needs to be developed a bit more.
Suggestions/Errors:
You really leave your readers hanging with this.
It doesn't feel quite finished.
Maybe expand a little on the ending.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
I love the humor/word-play you show with the introduction.
Your rhymes are good.
I like the last stanza on her being your queen the best.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
This could easily be an image~shape poem with a little adjusting of a few of the lines and this could look like an hourglass!
In the last stanza, I keep stumbling over the first two lines...maybe a comma after rough in th first line.
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