Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
favorite parts:
I love the line on dreaming.
I usually don't like repetition like that but in this it works well.
I really like how you present this with the stanzas on the opposite side
and the italics for the thinking parts.
Very creative.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
In line three you have o'er, but don't use that type of language any where else.
I'd change that to over.
I was I am I will
I'd change this to
I was- I am- I will
This will give the breaks needed and will also compliment the above stanza that you have like this.
In stanza four you have one period after paper, I'd remove that since it is the only ending punctuation that you have.
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Pretty title.
I like that you include what inspired you to write this.
I always enjoy hearing what inspire others.
favorite lines:
'Like an old friend
Glowing its smile upon me'
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
You have punctuation in the last line but no where else.
I'd suggest removing it or adding more punctuation where needed.
In both lines two and three you have a sunset..I'd change this to break up the repetition there.
I would make it in a sunset
A sunset closing on a day of wonder
try
I would make it in a sunset
closing on a day of wonder
or
I would make it in a sunset
One closing on a day of wonder
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
I like the parallel between nature and a book.
The growing relationship, like the growing tree.
I like that you include the details of the friendship, the conversation etc.
Your rhymes work well and you have some unique ones.
The poem flows well.
My favorite stanza is number six.
favorite lines:
'Which will broaden up the tree,
That was but a seed before.'
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I love the ending for this and the way you have it in italics.
Great image that you include.
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
What a poem full of beauty and imagery.
Your pride for this comes through very strong.
I love the presentation of the stanzas they are like a flowing, winding river!
Overall Impressions:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
I was beginning to doubt the mom not waking up...until I got to the end there.
You keep the suspense very well for the readers.
Suggestions:
Only one, I think it would be more effective and believable if you make the abuse a bit worse...that way your reader could believe that the girl would go to such extremes.
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
Very unique poem!!
I like it.
You use just the right statements together to get your points/feelings across.
Suggestions/Errors:
In the author's note you have:
All line make 2 statements except for the line in the very center of the poem, which make only 2,
I think the second 2 should be one.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
I really enjoyed your story.
Your story was a bit insightful for me.
This reminds me of me.
It's really close to a part of my life story.
I too got a butterfly tattoo when I left my ex, who was a lot like the father you describe....
We have two kids and I wonder if either one of them felt any of what you described.
In the end, after you have aged I see you get the real meaning of your Mom and probably exactly what her thoughts and actions were at the time.
I've always felt a bit guilty of breaking up the 'family,' even though I knew it was the best thing I could do for my kids. I hope one day they are as insightful as you have become with age.
Thanks for sharing a part of you with your readers.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
My Overall impression:
Your descriptions in stanza one are good.
Your title and rating are appropriate.
Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres.
Experience, nature, and personal would fit.
very awkward:
I sit on the rooftop
verandah
And look out over
try
I sit on the rooftop
verandah
And looked out over
or
I sit on the rooftop
looking out over
Maybe expand a little on your feelings regarding the trees being cut down.
There is no emotions in your poem.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
Your poem tells a story which goes full circle.
Great ending.
This reminds me of a quote about happiness. I can't remember the exact saying but it basically says happiness is like a butterfly~as long as you chase it it will elude you but if you stop chasing it it will come and rest on your shoulder!
Suggestions/Errors:
I few of the rhymes seem forced.
ex;
stanza four exact/back
Not sure why you have Love capitalized in a few spots?
I think you could cut and in line six.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your rating and genres are appropriate.
Coming from a very small Texas town..I can easily identify with your thoughts here.
Suggestions/Errors:
In the title I would change a to an.
You start off having every line capitalized...then you have the ending lines not capitalized. I'd do the same throughout.
I'd work on the overall read/flow of this.
It's a little awkward in places, like you are missing some words or something.
ex;
Sitting judging me before I could begin
this is awkward maybe
You sit judging me before I could begin
or
As you sit judging me before I could begin
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Very sad/tragic story you share with us.
It makes one think of their own life and is a reminder that we shouldn't take things for granted.
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Great first line.
Your descriptions are good throughout.
I like the details that you include on our surroundings...like the curtains of the other shop.
Your story is very well-told and I didn't see any typos or errors.
You hold the readers attention throughout.
Suggestions/Errors:
Check your spacing in para three.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title and rating are appropriate.
Your poem tells a story.
A little twist to the blind man story.
I like how you use the pool and the song in his heart.
Your poem flows/reads well.
Your rhymes are good and help with the pace of your poem.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Add some genres they help your items get exposure.
Religous, inspirational, emotional would all work.
IMPRESSIONS:
Your rating and genres are good.
Your title is creative and fits well.
I wasn't sure where you were going with this but the ending sums it all up well.
I think we have all ran from things, so your readers will easily identify with these thoughts/feelings.
I like that you touch on your readers senses with the colors, the sounds and the feels.
Keep writing, Tammy
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IMPRESSIONS:
I am kind of skipping around and looking through your novel.
I really think you are brave to share all this with us.
As I nurse, I am glad you shared a positive experience with your nurse ....I don't ever understand why a doctor can't have good bedside manners and take the time to tell their patients everything.
I must say this is a bittersweet read..I lost my Mom to cancer in 2004 and this brings back memories.
Suggestions:
I did not notice any typos.
Keep writing, Tammy
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Overall Impressions:
Suggestions:
Keep writing, 
