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Review of THIRST  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This poem goes way deeper than my brain can fathom this evening. But I see so much imagery and power in these expressions about literature, about the connection to it. And there seems to be a grander message of social, cultural and maybe environmental significance.

I tend to want to interpret the author's intent with words that tease like...

in the rodeo of volumes

or

words do justice to life,
justice that is not charity.

I just can't wrap my head around some of this stuff that seems to get philosophical. I'm trying to imagine charitable words, perhaps how they lose their meaning or importance when a writer, for lack of a better word, whores the literary craft.

But you open my eyes and mind with your last stanza with its directness, assertions of what words are...'oxygen,' 'blood' and 'fire.' It suggests the true essence, the necessity of literature to all of mankind.

Very well expressed.

Brian

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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I found a commonality to the messages about relationships in this poem that a reader can take away. The difficulty of falling for someone who is married is one. And despite having a marriage ruined in this way, the temptation is there creating the most impactful line of revelation...

Now I've become, the guy I've always despised

This poem is uneven and does not appear an attempt at free form. The rhyme scheme for the most part is there, but not a lot of story to show what is happening, just an overview of this person's realizations. It's as if these words could have been molded into pop lyrics.

My only other thought would be about love. If it is real, nothing should stand in the way, including a marriage. It casts doubt on whether this relationship would really have worked. And maybe, this is waxing nostalgic over a fading memory too far back in the past to recapture.

Brian

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Review of Digging Out  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This ode to the support of friends has some important elements to me. The imagery is significant with shoveling and breaking out to find light and those cheering and supporting you.

What I got from the ending is this person (you) was acting out of fear, trying to dig deeper into a hole. But somehow, light appears and so do the friends. I imagine this person could never hear their encouragement until reaching that level.

Some of the things that concerned me was 'digging further down' and managing to find light somewhat serendipitously. Either you dug all the way through to the other side of the world or had a bad sense of direction. And since you use that as a metaphor, it didn't make logical sense.

It's too bad the cheers from the friends couldn't be heard during those mining efforts. Something muffled maybe, the sounds of something that attract the digger to find their way out by following the sound, the voices? I think it would help show this progression from hibernation to this new found freedom.

Put the friends and encouragement in the story sooner in some way. They are the focal point of this piece. You could develop that part more to show how they coaxed you out of the underground into the world of acceptance. Perhaps, more could be shown, just a hint even, about what discovery was made after emerging from the dark.

Brian

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Review of To Be  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
A very brief poem. In the first line I think you meant to say 'is' instead of 'if'

To be afraid (is) to be torn inside

The next line repeats itself as 'sad' and 'unhappy' are the same. You have 'afraid' = 'torn inside' in the first line. So 'sad' = ??

To be sad is to be __________

This next line needs further explaination. How do you mean 'unbearable?' I am not connecting with what is said. It does suggest the burden of tryng to be someone you are not. And the next line might support your contention.

To be someone else rather then myself is to be unbearable
I would much rather be m(ys)elf and make mistakes th(a)n be anyone else

Parenthesis were used to show corrections I made to the text.

You strike at something here that speaks of this discovery of one's being, worth, place in this world. Sometimes, without knowing it, we subconsciously do things to change who we are to conform to the roles society places out there for us to act out. If we are good at being someone we are not, like an actor, many rewards may come our way. But at what expense? This seems to be the contention, that it's not worth it to live a lie and lose who you are.

I can see what you are getting at with this. I would suggest developing these thoughts some more. Try to show the conflict that made these feelings come about. A little bit of story or showing the conflict can help a reader see through your eyes.

Keep on writing!

Brian

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Review of Making History  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I will be reviewing your submission for
" Weekly NEWBIE Challenge" Open in new Window.

I was impressed with the story from its narration to development of characters. It shows you gave great thought and detail to the progression of events, the speech, the mannerisms. It's all there.

The romance genre definitely catagorizes this story. It has all the right elements and I could see you becoming a novelist with work like this. The downside is, the storyline is predictable. I'm sure your audience would disagree with me.

I disliked him from the start because he was so handsy. Obvious sign of his attraction as his intentions also appeared certain from the start. I found her restrained character to be unoriginal. You reveal her flaw as she contradicts herself about her own belief about love as she avoids the dating scene.

You do well to create conflict from the very start. You have her hiding from love by doting on her mother. The love connection through the personals isn't unique but helps them get together. But I'm sure it's the stuff that sells these kinds of books.

Your storytelling style is consistent and shows you take great care with your words. You allow the reader to understand their behaviors with this omniscent narration that helps get inside their heads.

Brian

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Review of A Time of Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm a reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


This one really tugged on the old heart strings, especially with that last paragraph and Grandpa living his last moment with your kids.

I assume autobiographical, though you intend this as short fiction? Loosely based on real events? I wasn't quite sure what context to put it in, even as a draft.

I got some bits and pieces of real life here -- characters that are relatable. I felt like I needed more. I wanted to know more about the man, even though he would understate things like terminal cancer.

The relationships could be shown more with dialogue. This reads more like a forward to a novel that is about to put another chain of events into motion. Perhaps, a story about a woman moving forward in her life as death casts its shadow. This could draw from the strength of the father, even after death. Lessons learned. The struggle to be the centerpiece of the family, filling those shoes he left behind.

Something you make quite clear is how difficult it is to do the role reversal with one's parent. I would have liked more of that. You do well with the encouraging words for Mom. I would have liked more of that.

I wish you the best and keep writing. You have a way of capturing the human condition that many readers will relate with.

Brian

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Review of Perpetual Emotion  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a sweet, nostalgic poem that can warm the hearts of a reader who yearns for true love like this.

The way you take me back, put me in that movie theater, on a walk, or listening to Elvis, it is all very descriptive. I got a connection and a visual perception of these moments shared. A connection to an era, a simplier time that many of us would like to go back to. But at least there is memory. And that is what makes this poem so strong.

Your narration is confident and endearing with a nice flow to the read.

Brian

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Review of My Love Is  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
"My Love Is" Open in new Window. is divided into four stanzas that seem to address fears she might have about him. It's set up to answer these inquisitions in a straightforward manner. But I have to ask myself, if I were the woman would I be convinced?

Taking a closer look, I find assurances with a word like 'unwavering' which implies faithfulness. There is 'tenacious,' which could be taken to mean he will love deeply, but also suggestives aggressiveness. Maybe, he gets what he wants. Not as assuring that word.

Next is 'unbounded.' I know that means 'no boundaries,' but how is it implied? If he claims he will love her no matter how unattractive she might get, then it's good. But what if it's other meaning might be like telling a lie with crossed fingers behind your back.? Maybe, he really intends the word to mean he cannot be contained by love. I could see how a skeptical woman would still have doubts.

The find stanza ends with 'My love is eternal.' Is it eternal for her? Or just eternal?

This poem might not be the most convincing defense of one's love for another. A woman likes to be shown love, not handed out promises. Perhaps words that describe feelings for her would be more persuasive.

Rather than introducing the stanzas with her concerns, let's assume them. Start the stanzas off with 'My love is...' and use the whole stanza to state and support each contention.

My love unwavering
like the fountain that springs eternal
like the sun that meets each new day...

Something like that. And if you want to put personal concerns to rest, use an extra stanza as a summation of all four arguments and apply it directly to her doubts about this relationship.

I think you got the right stuff here. Make it show. Help her connect on a deeper level that she can feel. Use the five senses God intended you to have and relate these arguments into words that will leave a lasting impact.

Good luck!

Brian

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Review of Jelly Bean  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Simple yet philosophical, maybe even psychological, "Jelly Bean" Open in new Window. reveals considerate, introspective ideals.

I'm going to be kind

To everyone I meet

Everyone is fighting battles

That none of us can see

As internal dialogue goes, this could be seem as a pep talk. The narrator no doubt faces personal issues that seem like large obstacles. But to diminish their size, one can realize everyone carries weight on their shoulders. It's all about how you look at it. Being considerate of them gives one a personal connection as another human in this world...and it doesn't have to feel so cold and lonely.

Everyone is all the same

A few are unique

In a world of jelly beans

We can all be sweet

This is endearing, the jellybean reference. When I think of candy like this, I think of children, the happy discovery on Easter, innocence. It's a nice metaphor to realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way. And what's more, they can be kind.

The narrator seems to discover the sameness, this common bond with others, to put the human condition in a positive light. Very refreshing.

Thank you for this.

Brian

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Review of Contradictions  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
There are many ways to escape from everyday life to find peace, one's personal utopia, but this is not something I get to read about everyday...the 'mediciinal' use of the magic herb...

...a simple mental masturbation
meant to beat reality,
that beautifully malleable
Maiden,
into a complete perfection.

So beautifully expressed here. Yes, we can shape our perception of things with a little help like this.

I found this poem had a comfortable pace, as relaxed as one might be under the spell of the drug. It also digs beneath the layers of existence to get philosophic...

and sometimes things live as a testament to contradictive beauty.

The imagery connects me with the narrator, the visual elements that stimulate thoughts like these. I was a little confused by the last line, though...

And basics are back, resurrected like some sort of C(h)ris(t)is continued…

Sounds like an unfinished thought but the parenthetical letters when removed spell 'crisis.' Don't know if their might be a religious inference there, also. As this is about either irony, or the contradictive revelation of common perceptions of life, it would seem to suggest another of these paralleled meanings.

Your poem does provoke thought and kept me intrigued as I read through several times.

Brian

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Review of Truth or Dare  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sasha

Your poem has a lyrical feel to it. I'm not familiar with the song from the movie, but I can imagine why it reads so smoothly. You must have really been inspired.

I did catch a typo toward the end...

I'm on a boat, and I'm going to ke(e)p rowing.

I also wonder if you meant I instead of it here...

And if I'd crossed, it would have died.

Otherwise, I'm not certain what to attribute to 'it.'

The river is nice use of symbolism to show commitment to a relationship, as well.

Brian

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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Chocolate and the Five Senses" Open in new Window. is a carefully crafted story that was a pleasure to consume like the chocolates.

This story seems flawless to me. Such a great vehicle was this mysterious candy container and its contents that are devoured in a methodical fashion.

The use of the responses to include sweet remembrances of childhood were stimulating and very relatable. Who hasn't tried to determine the order in which to eat a box of chocolates, or has tried to probe and decipher what each candy might be before consuming.

You show me that a great deal of thought and care was given to meticulous detail to carry out the progression of events, unfolding toward a satisfying conclusion.

My first thoughts were of danger as she popped those treats, one after another, into her mouth without determining where they came from. This heightened the awareness for me going forward as I would try to discern where this was going while reading.

You kept it simple and straight forward. The focus on detail and the senses to put the reader in the story were refreshing. A big thumbs up for this!

Brian

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Review of Bits and Pieces  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Axilea!

With "Bits and Pieces" Open in new Window. you have created a visual masterpiece that allowed me to view your poem as if it were abstract art meant to provoke the thinking mind. So many surreal images that beg to be discovered and understood. I could get a visceral connection with this poem each time I read.

With the opening stanza, the scene is set, and has yet to fully reveal what these words might suggest...

Seconds before the end,
like just before an earthquake,
a dog howled and a flock of seagulls
flew from above the roof.

Immediately I’m put in a moment of suspense of what might become a catastrophe of epic proportions. This person in their hypersensitive state is about to react...

I felt it too, all over my skin
and also deep within,
digging, as fast as I could,
to hide the treasured seeds,
that would allow me to rise
and grow from my shattered self,
one day.

I find myself feeling this too. This mad scramble, trying to restore order when something is about to unnerve the otherwise dormant, repressed fears from within. I see this “shattered self” stored inside a human container that must be protected at all emotional cost. But this moment cannot be stopped...

Then, the whole world exploded
and I watched it all happen,
witnessing my own end.

I fully get the impression now this ‘whole word’ equates to this person's life who becomes a bystander to their own life’s undoing. Then you take the visuals to another level...

In slow motion,
the books, once on the shelves,
opened their wings and flew.

Brilliant imagery and a literary reference that I can link to the writer. And it continues to intrigue, a visually compelling moment that feels like a blast slowed frame by frame for the reader to witness the destruction...

Pens and pencils,
pins and paper clips,
erasers, old coins
and a plastic toy camel
crowded the air above my head.

A bottle of red ink broke,
staining the wallpaper.
I quickly interpreted the shape
as an atomic mushroom.

A plane crash on the ceiling
killed an imaginary pilot,
the entire world was exploding
and so did my whole room.

Becoming dreamlike, this mind is being removed from reality. The red ink becomes significant in this growing metaphor theme. The container I can relate to the speaker. Ink is blood but also is about the writer. The interpretation of an ink blot suggests psychology. A plane crashing inside a room peaks my interest. I imagine this feeling of being trapped, confined in a small place, as with a room. Trying to get out means certain death. This person’s world is small and shut off from others. No signs that someone could help.

And the dizzying effects of imagery don’t stop there...

In the middle of the maelström
I recognized drifting pieces
of my splintered self.

Scatterings of questions left unanswered,
whirled together, with the tiny fragments
of a restless mind, that couldn't stand
answers left unquestioned.

The dramatic, big scale effects begin to reveal the damage and how this may have come about. The ordeal of ‘questions left unanswered’ and ’answers left unquestioned’ show a mind plagued. The imagery takes a turn here, revealing the beauty within that is ruined...

I watched flowers turn
into thousands of butterfly-petals
flying around, slowly falling onto the ground.

What I feel here is escape, something that feels good inside this moment, the beauty.

The images keep shifting, evolving into something else as with a bad dream and the next moment I am staring at a broken mirror like puzzle pieces that carry ‘my innermost secrets.’ Even more evidence that this facade has slipped to unveil a broken person coming unglued.

The poem finishes with the regression of the human condition to a childlike state...

A helpless child in a damaged place,
I found shelter under an old table.
Holding tight all that was left of me,
although it cut like broken glass.

I wept silently and I bled,
sitting still,
waiting for the storm to end.

So dramatically drawn and related, I found many moments appreciating the strong and significant symbolism, these abstract feelings about oneself and a moment that drives one to the brink.

I hope my review does justice to such a grand construction of words to illuminate and express one’s feelings about the human condition.

Brian Keith Compton

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Review of Havoc  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I took some time to consider this poem, "Havoc" Open in new Window.. Foremost, the narrtion grabs me. Get this vision of a wide-eyed speaker issuing a warning...

If you were me, you would believe
everything evil does.

There’s this realization of how a good soul was corrupted with the growing monster metaphor. It didn’t stir a lot of imagery, this nondescript creature. But the mood is there.

What I liked best was..."the thick black lie that I used to be."

It’s sort of abstract to show its uniquity while giving color, size or weight to this lie personification. It’s like a cancer that steals from the body, the ugliness of the thing and then tries to distance oneself from it, like ‘this thing isn’t me.’

I had the feeling the narrator wants to confess, but is so affected can only say something that suggests...’Don’t try to save me. Just save yourself.’

This poem was a bit of chore despite its outward appearance. I think if one doesn’t consider the words, they are missing out on something deeper.

Brian

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Review of Timid Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a great metaphor to connect the reader to this relationship between narrator and the timid creature he wants to befriend but cannot.

"Timid Eyes" Open in new Window. shows its complexity with a great deal of thought and care that went into constructing a visual feast. Succinctly told, the beauty and the splendor are revealed so well with this...

Delicate features
Worthy of infinite contemplation,
Question,
Ready to colour
At the slightest provocation.

Beautifully moving prose that gives me pause to consider this one compared to a deer. And yet there is more...

I want to coax her
From the forest,
Show her
There is nothing to fear,
Yet; I know there is.

I could get this connection just as I would with a woodland creature. And there is a message there about trust and how limited we are by what we can offer. A person might have good intentions, try to provide that security, but because we cannot provide the proper habitat, it will die by our loving act.

A pleasure to visualize these words and their meanings. Not a single iota of text is wasted here. Congratulations on such a well conceived and devised poem!

Brian

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Review of Heaven's Daughter  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I'm intrigued by the last stanza of this poem, chock full of imagery that pleases the eye despite the sad theme.

There is a nice rhythm to this poem for the most part, especially strong is the open. The rhyme helps out in some spots. When I catch a glimpse of this in my mind, I see such affected beauty...

Moonlight misty, sweet magnolia.
Tears like diamonds gleaming, glowing.

The one thing I would call attention to is 'gleaming, glowing.' Very similar words -- even my Thesaurus thinks so. You could find one word that would compliment gleaming, hopefully not to break up the meter you've established here...My suggestions would include 'pulsing' or 'throbbing' or the like to show how it gleams, I guess. I'm kind of picky, huh? *Smile*

Her suicidal thoughts are imposed quickly in the following...

One true love was all that mattered,
Death she sees in her reflection.

Maybe to show the transition better and give more of the why she feels like this you could turn on that lead line to reveal this death wish...

Without the one true love that mattered,
Death becomes her lonely reflection.

Death seems to impose on her in this way, coaxing her to die -- a suggestion. Okay, and now the ending. This is where I see some scenarios play out in my mind. First thought goes to Romeo and Juliet.

This girl may think she had been betrayed, but got it wrong and took her life unnecessarily. Perhaps, this lover arrives at the end to learn of her death and the suicide cycle continues. Or simply, this could be a lonely spot where many come to take refuge before giving up on the world, as with bridge jumpers.

I enjoyed the read and thank you for the large text, easy on this one's eyes. *Cool*

Brian

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Review of The Publisher  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
"The Publisher" Open in new Window. is amusing to think of the scenario you have constructed with this God to book publisher comparison.

I like the narrative approach and the innocent, straightforward approach to humor. Heaven must be getting a manuscript accepted and published. Rejection leads to other avenues...though unusual to ask about other publishers akin to other beliefs. That would be an interview killer in my mind.

Liked how you worked 'Krishna' in there, too. Very good dialogue with a slow reveal in this clever poem. What? No 'Yes, we validate parking?' *Smile*

Brian

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Review of Flicker  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nicely done!

The imagery from the open was working on my senses and enjoyed the quickening pace of the read to the end like sand as it passes through an hourglass. Or more like an egg timer!

My favorite line was ... "Entropy is a one way train."

Entropy itself says a lot about the human condition. And we are not in control of our destiny...the last time I checked. *Smile*

The image from the stars to sandcastles catches the dreamer mentality...and with the waves emergence shows how easily it can wash away...be destroyed. There are several emotions at work with those images, making for a great hook.

The narration also draws me in when you say,

My advice, brother:

enjoy the scenery...

The reader is directly addressed and in an inclusive way that makes this more relatable, personal.

Well done. I enjoyed "Flicker" Open in new Window. very much. Thank you for the invite to read and review.

Brian

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Review of Drowning World  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
There is a lot at work behind the words of "Drowning World" Open in new Window.. My mind went a astray at times trying to keep all these thoughts together -- an environmental poem that addresses concerns for the future and the people who ignore what is going on right now.

What I liked were some of the phrases, especially... 'juggling the cries into rotating silence...'

What I envisioned was this giant corporate revolving door that mechanically shuttles mindless people in and out of its shifting, boring realm of mediocrity. The type of thing that causes us apathy to sit back and allow the world to rot like the collective mindset.

Some of the phrases could have been expressed even better to lend to the environmental theme. For instance, I saw some potential to really hook the reader with that open...

Don’t stop the yells of panic
With gags made of scarves

Why not directly confront with that first line? If this is to be persuasive, attack the reader. Show the restraint of the voices that need unity, trying to be heard publically (and my own two cents: too not sound like a bunch of 'end of the world' loonies).

The 'scarves' metaphor misses its mark. To give the reader a sense of the subject, what would make for gags that silence? Is it related to forests? Is it air pollution? There's a mention of water. I would pick something that could be the focal point. Part of the poem that could lend to this...

What will you do?
With the surplus of water-
Let us drown,
Or swallow it with one giant gulp of shame?

The surplus reference raised the questioning eyebrow as I tried to see the connection with shame. I can imagine a better reference to the 'gulp of shame' as that of our oil dependancy. Something more could be developed with that notion. I did get a good sense of irony with the 'drowning' reference.

And there's the reference to the hands that don't work together, too. When I start piecing this all together in my mind, I wonder about the narration and intended audience. The description line suggests a rambling, but there is purpose and intent, if only these words could be coordinated to state their case.

I see this as wanting to clue people into what is going on with our world, while calling out those hiding behind it all in this need to find blame. But is blame the proper ending? It doesn't suggest solution.

Well, anyway, these are the thoughts that rumble through my own brain when I read your poem. You have views that need to be heard, a voice that seeks others to intone its message. I would give this more thought and attention and wish you the best.

Brian

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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I think personification could lend to what you've already given your poem. By capitalizing those words, you breath life into entities that might otherwise seem non-existant. Rather than naming a bunch of them like this, you could pick out a few that tie together and reveal their imposition in the mind of this narrator.

Cause and effect is lacking. Need to show some conflict to appreciate these things felt but not seen. What effect are they having?

Showing contrast through these words would suggest some irony about this life, the perception of reality. You could give an example of 'Madness in Sanity' or 'Pleasure in Pain' to show how they influence the mind of the speaker, writer, poet...

As you develop these pieces inspired by 'Silent Hill,' you can lead the reader down the journey of this mind to discover the virtual reality, this other worldly realm. Something more concrete that a reader can visualize or feel to connect with will breath life into the construct you've assembled.

Brian

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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I can imagine this on two levels. The physical plain where one goes through the frustration of everyday life. Or, life after death, and a soul that haunts.

I think the haunting comes from within and the reference to death speaks to emotion. I'm not familiar with the Silent Hill stories or how this fits as a part of the whole. But I see a poetic diarist at work, espousing this torment that won't subside...

What little light there i(t) stares back at me,
Unblinking
Like a teasing salvation I can never reach,
A reminder of a happiness I once had.

Get the sense of someone looking at a reflection they cannot reach or touch or seeing a world that passes by. Perhaps, disconnected in a virtual reality of some kind, this person becomes a spectator to their own life.

Very introspective and illuminating read.

Brian

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Review of Ode to a Novel  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
With "Ode to a Novel" Open in new Window., I like how you are developing a connection with this book. But is it enough?

When you say "I can feel you, smell you," I wanted to know how. A rough or smooth leather bound book warm from lying in the sun? Dry, dusty pages that crackle as you turn each leaf?

This line makes me think about the type of reading material...

drawn into your never ending stories.

Because you have personified this book through addressing it, I'm imaging something like a Mother Goose collection or bedtime stories.

This finish is good...

You are my magic,
able to transport me beyond myself,
beyond time and place,
into a world all our own.

This is my feeling about a good book too. Something that transcends this world and who we are, suspend our disbeliefs long enough to immerse in the fantasy.

And really, without the description line, this could be a connection to a person who spins a good yarn. If you were more specific about this book the reader of your poem is to visualize, I feel all kinds of possibilities can be explored with this poem. The premise is great. I'd like to see it developed further.

Brian

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Review of Deep  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Some very strong and honest emotions about the union of love. While the language was strong, the visual images were lacking.

I got a different image of the deep from these lines...

From the very core
of the innards-
the base of humanity-
the very pit of the
soul of our souls-

'Innards' and 'pit' don't ignite the best images. It sounds more like 'intestinal fortitude' or some hype before a game or fight.

That third stanza is the best here and is very well stated with a compliment of imagery and persuasive words to compel a reader.

Brian

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Review of Terra incognita  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I enjoyed the narrative style of "Terra incognita" Open in new Window. and the subject of a young beauty adored by an older man who could not perceive making advances on someone so pristine.

But near the end it almost sounds like they share a secret love together...

It is our secret it is our life...
We steal time we steal darkness

Of course, this could be fantasy. This read like inner dialogue of a monologue that one would wish to speak. Great use of an extended metaphor to show this innocence like a new world.

But her naivete could stand in the way, to have to explain some of the simplest things to someone who speaks but doesn't understand the language. But there seems to be a remedy for that too....

I(t) does not matter, words are too many
Words fail words attempt
Words pale as you observe a new world
Of confusing emotions

So put away the scholarly texts and let the brain atrophy, wiling away the days on this unchartered girl. Yes, and then it sounds like they do share a secret of some kind. If not as lovers, then of some admiration.

A thoughtful, well-written poem that was a pleasure to consume...I did catch one more typo...

You said
What exactly did you said?


Brian

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Review of Earth's Scorn  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great use of imagery and connection to nature to show Mother Nature's scorn for those who misuse and disregard her vital resources.

The poem flowed nicely within a solid structure and rhyme scheme that complimented the moments of imagery telling a story. It's like she has her own prophecy of Armeggedon, drowning the earth.

One of the best expressed passages come here...

Abused by you, her lover,
         her seasons change their flow.
She spits your poison back at you,
         your betrayal, all she knows.

"Abused by you, her lover" is especially strong and makes this personal...grabbing the reader. The mention of altering the seasons suggests to me global warming. I think I would have liked more hints like this to show how the environment has been corrupted and weakened.

Thanks for keeping it real. The issues regarding our planet's resources do not get underscored enough in society today.

Brian

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