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Review of Guardian Angel  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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Hello ImMortalAmy Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

You state in the intro that this is a subject that no one wants to speak about. I disagree. It is a good way to draw attention to your poem, however, but the topic is not taboo in any shape or form except to perhaps a parent who has lost a child to drowning. If the poem was in fact a poem about a death of a child, only then would it be something that would make someone uncomfortable. This is just my opinion.

The poem is about someone who saves a child from drowning and is dedicated to those children who die every year, many times, senselessly, and that is honorable of you. In the poem, you are the savior and I wonder if this is fictional or if this is something that you experienced. It does not change my feelings about the poem, except for me to want to extend my gratitude that you were there for this particular child in need.

I see that you are still considered a new member and hope that my critique does not scare you off. When I was new, I was at first a little daunted with some of the brutally honest reviews I received. I joined a group called the 'Paper Doll Gang" and eventually another group called "The Rising Stars". The both helped me grow as a writer and as a reviewer. I am not a editor, or even a perfect poet myself, so please understand I am just sharing what I THINK would be helpful to your poem. Take it for what it is, my opinion. If you see value in any of it, use it, if some of it seems to not ring true, discard it.



*Star* Suggestions:

There are some lines in the poem that bother me. I am sure, when looking at the form you were not only trying to stay with a rhyme scheme but keep the first words of each verse repetitive. This may have harmed the flow and also some of the words chosen.

For her head couldn't speak.

Heads do not speak, mouths do. Perhaps you might want to look over the verse and see if you meant her mouth or perhaps something else was going on with her head?

For her shape wasn't fair.

I, personally, do not get this. What is her shape and what does it have to do with her drowning? Was she overweight and that is why she was not floating? Was she bent into a pretzel? I just do not feel this line....sorry.

The trash overflowing,

You have not set the scene so this jarred me. It made me stop in the middle of what flow I had going and try to imagine the scene. Perhaps setting the scene before hand either by adding a verse or the prior line? The next lines make me think she was eithr in a fast flowing river or ocean, but why trash? Do you understand my confusion?

I took one step,
I wasn't even thinking,
I dived into the deep end,
For she was sinking.

Now I love this verse, but that just means that everything I thought prior about her being in the river is questioned. How is there a deep end to a river or ocean. I guess there could be, but not usually. If it were a pool, which makes more sense...where is the trash?

I could go on verse by verse, but I feel that you are talented enough to know how to revise. I do not want you to feel I am tearing your poem apart. If you want help, feel free to message me or there are a lot of groups here that help you. I am just trying to share my thoughts and what little experience I do have.

You do have some good descriptive words and an ability to draw the reader into a story. I think you may have gotten caught up between your personal attachment to the piece while still trying to stick to some kind of formal 'poetry form'



*Star* Parting thoughts: I do hope that if you do revise, you will invite me back to read it again. I would be more than happy to help in any way. You have talent. You just have to hone it. I learned a lot from this site and more skilled writers than I. I hope you will too. I hope to see you around.

Much *Heart*

Just call me Omni Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Writing.Com 101  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello The StoryMistress Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

After being away from WDC for a while, I feel very unsure of my reviewing technique and ability. I searched for help pages. I realized that a lot of the format of the site has changed and that is scary to someone like me that does not embrace change, especially considering I am not computer savvy and I do not know what half these fancy apps are or if they are apps, but this page led me right where I need to be to make a decent review again and it is always good to brush up as well.

It is also a very great place to start for new members.




*Star* Suggestions: It would be nice to see if there is a place to link this on the review page itself, like the pop-up review page. Is it there? I see a link, but I think that is just the title of the item I am reviewing. Geeze:P Great way to make an impression on the owner of the site with my review skill:D


I am thinking of making new templates. This will be helpful. I am wondering where there may be even more additional info for that.



*Star* Parting thoughts: Everyone should have read this page at least once or should, unless they are already a yellow or blue case.

Sincerely and Humbly, Just call me Omni Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Mystic Woman  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello !

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

The poem description and title "Mystical Woman" lured me in. I really wanted to read this and see what the author defined as this sort of woman.

The things I really liked was the consistent rhyme scheme, although I personally do not think this is an absolute necessity. (I, by no means, call myself an expert, just my preference). I liked the flow, very nice! Some descriptive word usage.




*Star* Suggestions: My issue with this poem is you may have been burdened by your constraints of sticking to a rhyming scheme.

Example:

Eyes of pewter, somes time dancing blue

Always dark, always watching you

Sometimes light dances in their hue

Playful, Magical, Wonderful these two

In the last line, are you speaking of her eyes? Also in the first line somes times should be sometimes.


There are many cases in this poem where you could maybe feel the poem more and just write without worrying about the rhyme. Then rework it to make it flow smoother if you wish.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

I think you have a great start. I enjoyed your poem and think you have the making of a great poem with very little work. Again, I am not an expert and hope you do not take offense. I have my own bag of poems that do not flow or need work or have been given less than perfect scores. I am only sharing what I see. A masterpiece in the making with some work :D


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Numb  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello The Huntress ~ Finding Love Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:
This story was written for 'The Writer's Cramp' which gives the writer 24 hours to write a story in 24 hours, with prompt. It is not an easy task, yet a fun one.




*Star* Suggestions:

In the forth paragraph, there is the use of the word 'blooming' twice in a short amount of time. even though it represents a different 'feeling', I wonder if you could perhaps use a different word for one of the instances. Butterflies burst forth from their cocoons, for example. (?)

I would have like the part of her first experience of a woman to be a little more detailed. I am unsure if the person she was with was a grown man or a school boy, etc.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

The story is a great 'starter' in my humble opinion but being that you wrote it for writers cramp, I can see how you did not have time to go and tweak it to perfection. I think you would definitely be capable of this. your writing and emotion shown in your piece is apparent and appreciated.


Spelling and punctuation seem good, although neither are my strong points. I would really like to see you expand on this and if you ever do, please contact me.

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Great job and keep writing, of course! *Bigsmile*
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello Harry Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

This is the first time I have read a storoem. I had to look up the definition.

'storoems', which are hybrid story-poems

I am please that I have the chance to see yet another way to write and convey both feelings and a story a the same time.

I am afraid I do not know the rules for this form so i will not be of much help in that respect. I can only tell you how your storoem made me feel, how much I did or did not enjoy the story and what I thought, as a reader, of the over-all product.

I enjoyed the story very much. I had to make myself go back and read it as a story because I was stuck at trying to read it more as a poem and the flow was distracting when trying to read it that way. Once I started reading it as a story and not a poem, I got into the actual tale you were telling.

I has some issue with some of the verses running into each other (they were not completed and would continue into another verse). With the breaks in the lines and such, this made it a little hard for me to read smoothly- perhaps this is the signature of a storoem?

The story told was thoughtful and original (to me). I would have loved to see you draw a little more emotion out of your characters. The ending seemed a little rushed. The segment were the bear comes into the story, i would have liked to feel more of the panic the husband would have felt.


I did not feel bored at all in reading your story, however, and this was quite a treat. I actually enjoy poetry more than short stories because I can be easily distracted if the topic is not something I generally choose to read. the fact that I read and enjoyed your story is a treat to me and I hope you know that I respect your piece.



*Star* Suggestions:

I really have no suggestions as I am not an expert by any means of this style of writing. I wonder though if you have intrigued me enough to actually try it myself....after much research and reading of others work.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

Thank you for sharing. I hope that you continue to work in this style and educate more of us who are unfamiliar of this style of combining poem and story.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review of Nurtured Seed  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOL the line at the end was funny. the poem itself was beautiful. Another worthy of being framed or kept in a special place. Again, you are a poet. Your words show profound respect and love for the woman who not only birthed you, but nutured you into the fine man you are now.


the only thing I can recommend is to go back and check punctuation. I am terrible at it. the flow caught in places for me and i think that may be the trouble....but the words...oh the words were special. i would love to receive a poem like this from one of my daughters. You are a lucky man to have your mother, but she is also lucky to have you!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
brandon sent me some lovely badges. more than one and lovely reviews! this has been wonderful. i am off to do mine now!!! I am so happy to know that that many gps were raised. you are an angel!!!
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Review of McDonald's Lunch  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Lou-Here By His Grace Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

This was lovely. It is like a trip down memory lane on a street I have never walked before. It was like a history lesson told in verse but in a way that the reader could be transported back in time, a simple time.

i enjoyed this very, very much. It was well written and formatted.




*Star* Suggestions:

The only thing I noticed and it does not mean you must change it, lol, is:

simple and sweet and lovely

I would take out an 'and' and use a comma.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

Again, I loved this. Thank you for sharing!
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In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

The Widow and the Poppy is such a sorrowful poem. It actually made tears come to my eyes as I know there are many woman who have been put into the role of war widow. You have spoken eleoquently for them, IMO.

The rhyme scheme was well done as was the content. Hard to believe you just started writing poetry since you joined WDC.

I am glad this was a winner and while I believe this deserves an award, I want to place my ribbon on a folder that I love even more than this poem (but it was a hard decision).

This is a beautiful, almost haunting poem. I only hope this war is over soon. I pray there are few less war widows made,on each side, because of the war we fight now.
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Review of Last Night  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

This was written for a contest that seems to be closed now. I find it hard to find something to award in your port as you are a talented writer with a lot of awards.

I loved the piece. It started off beautiful and with what I assumed was sensuality. Love the surprise ending. i can not find any errors.
Would it be okay for me to award this piece? If not, is there something that you can recommend? perhaps something you love that has been ignored, as of yet? I do not want to award this if it is in an active contest. Please let me know. I think this deserves a ribbon *Smile*
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Review of Flight Home  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Fyn Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

OH WOW! This story brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful, wise woman your grandmother was. What a wonderful story you told about both the geese and your memories of a time....

It was beautifully told. I really liked the part of the loving pair of geese who stood together when one was injured. My heart lurched when you described the feeling of losing your grandmother and the metaphors used...

In such a personal piece I do not read as a reviewer or editor but more like a fellow human being. I could and would not suggest you change anything about YOUR story. Just know, it touched my heart.
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Review of Jake and Bagheera  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hello Diane Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

This is a wonderful, almost magical and unbelievable story. It reminds me of this site I go to to play with pixil pets, lol. The animals there seem to be able to do so much more than real pets. I however, wonder if this story might be based on fact. It would be nice for the reader to know. I know how much guide dogs can do, although I have not had a cat yet who would walk to the store, but that does not make it impossible, it makes it special.




*Star* Suggestions:

If this is indeed true, I would love to know. I think others would as well.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

True, or not, this was well written and entertaining and a very cute story.
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Review of Why I'm Fyndorian  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Fyn Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

I need to write something for this contest...I sort of promised. i do see many people are joining in on the fun. It is quite neat to read about how people came upon their handles.

Are you saying you got to meet the brilliant Jim Henson, the puppeteer??? How totally cool is that. I am sorry that you did not get to do the meeting in NY and more sorry that he is gone.

I loved your story. The group you belonged to sounds like it was full of talent and much fun. I loved the story of the storyteller losing her stories to another and finally getting them back.

Thank you for sharing!
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

I just have to check out all the cnote shops you have. I have never noticed them before when I have been in your port.

"Heart To Heart Cnote Shop #2" Open in new Window. is a beautiful cnote shop (also heart themed) and quite unique in some of the images. I really love the 'Inspiration is Everywhere' one and the last two. Pretty!!!!!

I love that you mentioned the group this shop benefits. I think everyone should try and use this shop as often as they can as this is a group that gives away upgrades to WDC members. It also has a very nice design and offers many sentiments.




*Star* Suggestions:
I would perhaps raise the price a bit being that it is for such a good cause and people would understand the price hike (IMO).



*Star* Parting thoughts:

A definite place I will be visiting soon!
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
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Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

"Heart To Heart Cnote Shop #1" Open in new Window. is a lovely cnote shop that benefits other groups and activities. The designs were not made by you and you gave full credit to the designer. I love that! The images are sweet and fit nicely together (heart themed). I have noticed you love those hearts *Wink*

I recommend this shop to everyone. Reasonably priced per set of recipients.




*Star* Suggestions:

I would have loved to see you mention some of the groups the cnote helps support.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

I will be keeping this shop in mind when I am in need of a cnote!
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In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for entering the contest, sponsored by Frontliners, that I ran. I only had two entries, so i am not awarding a first place but awarding your both with a gp gift for your efforts.

You followed the form perfectly. I wanted to write, myself, about my love of making coffee in the morning. I am glad I saw someone else who loves that first pot as much as I do. You had some very good lines in this poem.

Nectar in the shades of night
Loved it!


I really loved the second verse, especially the ending.

Thank you for taking the time to write this piece and submit it for the contest *Smile* Enjoy the gps *Smile*
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Review of Washing Dishes  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thank you for entering the contest sponsored by the Frontliners.

I asked you to follow quite a difficult form, making something mundane sound beautiful. You did a great job with the form. i know how it can limit you. I also love to wash dishes (sometimes *Wink* ) I love how you noted that it is a good time to pray. I also think having my hands in the warm sudsy water allows me this meditative place where i can think or pray. I do wish you expanded on that aspect of the process. That is the most important, most beautiful thing about washing dishes (at least to you *Smile*)

Again, Thank you for entering. Because there was only two entries and I am not going to be able to just award one (getting three was like trying to pull a tooth and that tooth would not come out *Wink*) I am going to give you both a gift of gps for your efforts. Well deserved and earned.
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Review of Bathtub Haven  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

This is a very cute poem about your puppy who is frightened by a storm. There is a cure. I am not sure if you know, but they actually have doggy xanax (or other calming agents), depending on how upset he gets.

The poem followed a rhyme scheme and the subject matter was cute and being that it was based on a true story, it took talent to stay true to your story while rhyming, IMO. You did a great job at that.




*Star* Suggestions:

It is always personal preference. In this poem, because it was so long and told a story, I would suggest not using caps for each starting line. Punctuation might be a good thing, but i am not a big punctuation person myself...in poetry...unless i want the reader to pause IN a line.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

I used to have a huge dog that would freak at fireworks, so i can relate. i would have to go and sit outside with him and he shivered and whined. It was horrid. Poor things. Thanks for sharing your story with a lot of humor.
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Review of The Pirate's Love  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hello Sena Slaughter Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

A very good poem with a perfect AABB rhyme scheme. The poem tells a story of a pirate and his love and what happens when the sea beckons.




*Star* Suggestions:

out on the shore her heart it broke,
I think there should be a comma after heart.

The flow, for me, seemed just a tad off in places. I would read it yourself, and see if you agree. I think it flowed beautifully in most places and I 'stuck' in just a couple lines.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

I liked the story. I love poetry that seems like a full short story in verse. Thank you for sharing *Smile* Write on!
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello kiyasama!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and disregard the rest *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

This poem was written to you by a very good friend. the love and respect your friend has for you shows not only in the poems words but in the fact that you are so special to her that she took the time to create it. I am sure you felt blessed when you received it. Happy Birthday, Kiya!
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Review of Dear Me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hello Prof Moriarty Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

I love finding 'Dear Me' letters in author's ports. Congrats on placing this year.

I loved your detailed letter to yourself. You put a plan in place and even assigned a point system to keep yourself on track. You can tell how much thought went into this letter to yourself.

You have put a lot of work into writing this and working out a plan. I am sure you will work hard at following through with this year's plans. If not, you will be able to measure your success by your point system.




*Star* Suggestions:

I have none. This was very 'professionally' written. I do not like to change anything in someone's personal letters-unless there is a typo. Yours was great!



*Star* Parting thoughts: I am so glad they do this every year. It is something I look forward to doing again next year. I also love reading others. It gives you an intimate look at another persons dreams and hopes.
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Review of A Mother  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello mARi☠StressedAtWork Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

What a totally lovely poem about your mother. I have always wanted to write one for my mom for Mother's day, except I can never put my words down like you just did. I am sure your mom loved this. I would frame it and give it to her as a gift. You inspire me to try again next mother's day and write her that poem *Smile*

Your love and admiration for this woman shine through your words *Heart*
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hello ShelleyA~15 years at WDC Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

I am so impressed when anyone is able to make their webpage. I have yet to figure this one out. Yours is a cute layout. I love the wizard on top; a gif that looks familiar to me. good job with the links. My only suggestion would be to add more links and center the ones that are off to the side. Good job Shelley. I might have to have yout tutor me on how to make my page *Smile*
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Review of Cliche Cache  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello !

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

A very cute poem about having to write about a cliche. I loved the conversation you had with...??? I loved that you used italics so it was easy to follow the conversation. The flow and rhyme scheme was very well done for the most part. I am not sure there was a consistent rhyme scheme however (not that it matters at all *Smile*)




*Star* Suggestions:

I would have loved to see a note about who this convo was held with.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

I loved the ending. I use that saying sometimes as a joke. It is something everyone in my area uses on a regular basis. I enjoyed reading this.
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Review of Above All Others  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon!

I am here to review your writing. While I am by no means an editor, I am a reader. Please take what you can from my humble review and always do what you feel is right for you as a writer *Smile*


*Star* Overall feelings:

This is a very cute poem. It was your first love poem and done very well. It is simple in words, yet has this feeling of intimacy and pure and innocent love.




*Star* Suggestions:

I would not suggest anything unless you were wanting to publish it. I would leave it as it. It is perfect in every way, to me, as a reader.



*Star* Parting thoughts:

I am not sure what age you were when you wrote this. You could have been 10 or 30, the message would work for any age *Smile* cute poem. I enjoyed it.
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