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Review Requests: ON
950 Public Reviews Given
952 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review of Save Lives  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Ah, this is excellent. We all need to remember this while driving. It's a terrible thing to see irresponsible drivers who don't care about all the other people on the road.

Thanks for putting this together for us, it's brief and to the point and uses the prompt well.

Take care and keep writing *Smile*

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527
527
Review of Moon's Glance  
Review by
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I may find it hard to expound upon haiku, but this is lovely. I'm not big on counting syllables, but whether this counts out or not it's quite pretty. The internal rhyme of "breezes" and "trees" adds a nice touch, and you've captured the photographic essence of the scene very well.

Thanks for sharing and write on*Smile*

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528
528
Review of island time  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Good work here. I love the little pun on "morning" and "mourning" at the beginning; at first I was going to point it out as a mistake but that's silly, of course you know what you're doing there*Laugh*

It's clever that each verse begins with a mention of time, but the time is not linear; it begins with two weeks and then moves to ten days before extending further.

Thanks for sharing, this is a nice poem that paints a picture in few words. Keep writing and congratulations on your Quill nomination *Smile*

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529
529
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

Sorry to bother you with a double review, but I just wanted to add something I feel is important.

It would be interesting if you could develop Tory's character some more, dive into his thoughts and show us a little of his past. Why was he driving his motorcycle alone with no particular destination? Does he now regret not having any family who cares about him and realizes he's missing from the world of humans? (And for that matter, does someone notice the abandoned motorcycle and trace it to him?) A theme could arise of one needing to develop connection and community with others to preserve their sense of humanity. And forming Tory more fully will help us root for him as a human being, more than just a pitiful subject of someone's mad science experiment.

Glad to see you're back with the next episode.

This is taking an alarming turn. I'm at the edge of my seat. Your writing is grim and unsettling and leaves me wondering how the central conflict could possibly be resolved in a satisfactory way. It seems as if someone's going to be killed rather unpleasantly if this doesn't stop soon.

Thanks for sharing and keep on writing. It's definitely something I'll want to keep up with *Smile*

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530
530
Review of Wheat penny  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for sharing this delicate, lightly traced poem with us. We visualize the poet speaking to a child about a certain rare penny and contemplating their uncertain future, governed by forces beyond our control. I especially like the line "no government can devalue you." It speaks volumes.

I'll have to check out your portfolio *Smile*
Have a wonderful day*Heartb*

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531
531
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Glad to see you're back with the next episode.

This is taking an alarming turn. I'm at the edge of my seat. Your writing is grim and unsettling and leaves me wondering how the central conflict could possibly be resolved in a satisfactory way. It seems as if someone's going to be killed rather unpleasantly if this doesn't stop soon.

Thanks for sharing and keep on writing. It's definitely something I'll want to keep up with *Smile*

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532
532
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, since your title asks for revision advice, here are some friendly ideas.

First, I find it quite long-winded and repetitive. You use "family" 36 times and the phrase "lasting memories" 4 times, and I noticed the bottom paragraph, after "those who have yet to be," is entirely a jumbled repeat of previous sentences.

Second, I'm not sure what your goal is in writing it; if it's intended as a college level persuasive essay, you should organize it better, with a beginning (thesis) statement, some research and citations to defend your argument, a concluding paragraph, etc. If it's a more casual piece of writing, it could still be helped by paring down some of the repetition and using guiding/transitional phrases such as "next" "also" or "in addition" to separate and navigate the paragraphs.

Also, spaces between paragraphs would help it to appear neater and not so overly long.

I appreciate your sincerity; the warmth of your feelings about the issue at hand comes through the writing. Just a bit of tidying and polishing up and it's an excellent piece.

Thanks for being brave enough to ask for advice; take care and keep writing and sharing *Smile**Quill**HeartB*

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533
533
Review of A Double Dog Dare  
Review by
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I found this featured in this week's "action/adventure" newsletter.
A quick and cleverly written tale about two colleagues who find themselves in an escalating competition to come out on top. This culminates in them attempting something they're both terrified of and coming out alive and with a better understanding of each other.

I thought the story was funny and the characters were cute. The narrative flowed smoothly and simply. A highly recommended read.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*

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534
534
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this a lot. It makes me curious to know what sort of adventures he might have as a lighthouse keeper, or if he's merely a vignette.

I see you subtitled it "my main character" so that may mean the story continues. If so I would be happy to read it.

Your description is compelling and captures the essence of an elderly man standing bravely against the wild seas.

Thanks for sharing and congratulations on that lovely award icon*Smile*

(Sorry for the double, I forgot to add my Angel Army signature at the bottom*Laugh* )

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535
535
Review of The Storm  
Review by
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Simple and well written, this six line poem conveys the danger and strength of a tornado without actually using the word. It flows freely and uses onomatopoeia and alliteration skilfully to paint the scene.

Thanks for sharing and also for including the prompt. Keep up the good work *Smile*

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536
536
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this a lot. It makes me curious to know what sort of adventures he might have as a lighthouse keeper, or if he's merely a vignette.

I see you subtitled it "my main character" so that may mean the story continues. If so I would be happy to read it.

Your description is compelling and captures the essence of an elderly man standing bravely against the wild seas.

Thanks for sharing and congratulations on that lovely award icon *Smile*


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537
537
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I appreciate your honesty in recounting your childhood experiences as a "circus boy." It had me chuckle a couple times at those silly boyish antics.

Your spell check is working great, and grammar is pretty good, but the sentences tend to be rather long and disjointed. However, one understands your theme well enough, and being autobiographical, the stream of consciousness style adds to the overall feel.

Thanks for sharing and keep the faith *Pray* *Heartb*

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538
538
Review by
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey, good work here! I'm happy to see chapter 2. You've swung the perspective around to someone who could turn out to be the unwitting hero and supplied him with a scatterbrained lady who drops unnerving clues. I'm quite pleased with this episode.

Can't wait to see what happens next*Smile* This looks like a great story. I hope it has a happy ending; I feel bad for poor Tory.

Congratulations on your progress and keep on writing!

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539
539
Review of Chinese New Year  
Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
A well written acrostic free verse poem about celebrating the new year and looking forward.

It could perhaps have been improved by being more culturally relevant to the Chinese New Year specifically, but as a poem about new beginnings in general with the added bonus of being an acrostic, it's good.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*

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540
540
Review by
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A grim and alarming portrayal of the hellishness of someone's mental pain. The descriptions are detailed and creepy, and the metaphor is so strong we wonder if they are literally in hell or if it's all in their disturbed mind.

Well written and drives home the theme in an unforgettable way. Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*

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541
541
Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from a newbie here!

I enjoyed your language and metaphor, it’s deep and memorable. The resilience of a solitary flower growing in an unnatural place is expounded upon and built into a touching musing upon a difficult life, culminating in the expression of the desire to rise above it all and find something better.

Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work *Smile*

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542
542
Review of Beholder's Bloom  
Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I found this on the “please review” page. these are just my humble thoughts and ideas about your poem.

I admire your vocabulary, but I find it somewhat difficult to picture exactly what is being described here. What is the significance of the flower sprouting from the person’s hand? Is it one flower in one hand, or a plant growing between two people, or what? And why is it so difficult to keep the flower safe? If it was given enough time to appear in the first place… and why is it so important to keep it alive? What exactly is the flower a metaphor of? And why does the flower have to change its ways for survival? Wouldn’t it be easier for the people nurturing it to simply take better care of it?

I’m sorry, that was probably too many question marks *Laugh* *Blush* I really like your basic concept, theme and imagery here, it’s striking and memorable. If we could just have a little more clarification of what the point is, that would be lovely.

I look forward to checking out your portfolio. Take care, thanks for sharing and being brave enough to request reviews, and keep on writing *Smile* *HeartB*

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543
543
Review by
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh boy, does this ever make me interested in a sequel. Tense, dramatic and fantastic, we see the story of a man helplessly and unwillingly turned into a dragon by a mad scientist. Your descriptive skills are excellent, spelling out the scenes for us clearly and convincingly. The characters are sharply framed and intriguing, leading us to wonder what happens next. Does Troy lose his human consciousness? Or does he retain the unforgettable heritage of his humanity?

My only suggestion is perhaps you would want to change the rating from E for Everyone to 13+. It’s a cold blooded and startling tale that lacks closure, and it may not be ok for little kids.

Thanks for sharing this with us and please, keep on writing *Smile* *Quill* *HeartB*


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544
544
Review by
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Rated: E | (5.0)
An adorable and charming little story about an unconventionally friendly dragon and his new friend, an equally unconventional princess. Together they put on a lovely show for the kingdom.

Your writing is approachable and fluid, with a warmly sympathetic tone and a humorous fairytale touch. It's perfect for kids and shares a subtle moral about friendship and fun.

I greatly enjoyed reading this, thanks and keep writing *Smile**Quill**HeartB*

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545
545
Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading this, it was charming and engaging.

Just a few small suggestions:

1. It takes a lot of skill to write rhyming prose, and I see how much work you put into this.
I couldn't help but notice sentences that felt forced or made up, such as
• "And then with a stark, his lips curved into an arc" (the word should probably be "a start" anyway)
• "For they fraught that if they forgot"
• "become quite sappy" (as an opposite to "happy")
• "As the peeps thought seriously of their deplume"
• "A town Cryer had not a job if there were no people for him to run his gob."

2. The word "clan" is misspelled; only the Ku Klux Klan spells it that way *Rolling*

3. "crappie" isn't quite a kids word.

Ok, that's all the negatives I can see*Smile* You did a great job with this; the narrative flows nicely and it's simple to understand and probably fun to read aloud to kids.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Quill**Heartb*


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546
546
Review of Oh the Cost  
Review by
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you very much for writing this. It's enough to make anyone cry... War is a terrible thing and freedom is never free. Several of my uncles and a grandfather were in the military, and they were blessed to be able to come back alive and well.

I admire the repetition building up to the tragic climax and the personal notes at the beginning and end. You did a good job.

Keep on writing *Quill**HeartBl*


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547
547
Review of The Spot  
Review by
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Aww, a warm fuzzy flash fiction piece. This was a comfort to read as I pictured the cute kitty relaxing in his favorite sunny spot. You peeked inside the kitty's mind quite well and encapsulated a beautiful and peaceful scene with just a few well chosen words.

Thanks for writing and keep up the good work *Smile* *Cat* *Quill*

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548
548
Review of Waiting  
Review by
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, this is funny. You nailed the twist and the characters and the dialogue, all in 300 words or less. I enjoyed reading it. The little voice in her pocket is just what we needed to explain what just happened, and I sympathize with her frustration about life here on this planet *Laugh* Thanks for sharing and congratulations on winning the flash fiction contest *Smile*

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549
549
Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, I can't wait for what happens next either *Rolling* An amusing and off the cuff free verse poem about time travelers who got more than they bargained for.
If given some thought it could be fleshed out to be a more philosophical consideration of the irony of humans becoming the gawked-at zoo creatures... Seems like an episode from the Twilight Zone actually *Smile*
Also, it wouldn't make sense for the last line to be in quotes if it's in the third person.

Just my thoughts and feelings about it. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing *Quill*

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550
550
Review by
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very nicely written and elegant poem. I enjoyed the descriptive flow and the theme of appreciating and finding the transcendence in a simple garden flower.
As a former gardener myself I carry many memories of flowers and use them in my works.

Thanks for sharing your words with us, keep up the good work *Smile* *Quill*
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