Your poem is good, but it could be better. You have multiple grammatical and punctuation errors. In the first stanza, last line, you need a question mark at the end of it. In the first line of the second stanza you should take out the "in" so it reads: "One lone wolf who rages with hunger." This is also not a complete sentence. The third line of that stanza is not a complete sentence. You need to put a comma or no punctuation after the second line. In the third stanza, the first word "Whose" should be "Who's" or "Who is". The last line of the third stanza is not a complete sentence, you need to put a comma after the third line or no punctuation. The second line of the fourth stanza is, once again, not a complete sentence. In the last line of the fourth stanza, I believe "whom" should be "who". The first line of the second stanza should have a comma after it and not a period. Also, the third line of the last stanza is not a complete sentence. The last line of the fifth stanza is not a complete sentence. Also back to the second stanza, you wrote: "Though we look at the wolf in a savage way./ Is it possible they ever get a say?" In the first line you mention "wolf", but in the second line you mention "they". There is a disagreement between the noun and pronoun. One is singular and one is plural. In the third stanza, last line, you use quotation marks and Italics. You only need one of these.
Despite all of the grammatical and punctuation errors addressed above, I really liked your poem. The rhyme really holds the poem together.
You have written a very nice poem. I like the theme behind it. I include a lot of nature in my poems too. I did find one problem with your poem, however. The rhyme scheme is as follows: AABC AABB AABB. If you just fix the first stanza of your poem so the rhyme scheme matches the rest of your poem the reader will not be thrown off as much.
Your poem is not very poetic. I find that you could get the same meaning if you typed it in paragraph form. Also, your poem is all dialogue. I would try to add some more detail and imagery to your poem. This will draw the reader in more. I know nothing about how the characters feel besides through their dialogue. What makes this dialogue so special or unique? This poem happens to everyone. For most people this is a daily occurrence and is nothing new to the reader. I would try to spice it up a little bit. You need to draw the reader in a little bit more. Your poem is too ordinary to pull at the reader's emotional chords.
Your poem is simple and good. I think that the picture really helps with this poem. (Although I believe your poem could stand alone) The photograph merely complements it. However, I did find one little problem with your poem. This problem occurs in your last stanza with lines two and three. You cut off the line in very awkward place. If you read the last stanza out loud you will be able to catch this problem. The line just kind of ends and messes up the flow of your poem quite a bit. I would have to say that my favorite line is "Too cold for fishing or working on tans". I do like how there is blue skies and sunshine also.
First off, you have an irregular rhyme scheme. If you stick to a regular rhyming patter (the first stanza) things will flow better. Second off, there are flow problems with your poem. This is mainly towards the end of your poem. If you read your poem out loud, you will be able to catch these problems. You use the word "we" fourteen times within the first four stanzas. These becomes very tedious and redundant. You also don't use any "we"s in the rest of your poem. You use the word "our" thirteen times in the entirety of your poem.
There were some things that I found confusing. I found that this line, "Are you quitting your own race?" is a bit confusing. I am not sure exactly what you mean. Every "race" dreams. Another line, "Just as you have, your dreams are dead." I am not sure what "Just as you have" means. Just I have what? You has have punctuation problems: "Because when you do[,] you will no longer fly."
Other than these things, I enjoyed reading your poem.
Sincerely,
B.T. Lane
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