This is an article that everyone should read and you did a grest job writing it.
There are those who have this condition and struggle against it every day. Usually they look healthy and for years they have been told:
"it's all in your head". Not only do they suffer from chronic pain, together with a lot of other symptoms that vary according to the case, but they also put up with other peolpe's lack of understanding.
This is why, this kind of item is absolutely necessary to inform and communicate, to provide a link between those who live with FMS and the outside world.
Personnally, I am very familiar with this condition and have suffered in silence for many years.
I think this is a great idea you have had. You have written a few good items on the subject of chronic pain, and creating this forum allows you to share your thoughts and concerns with other people on WDC.
Well, I'm glad to be one of them.
What we write is always linked to who we are, what we feel, our body and soul, no matter if we write about it or we choose to avoid it, wether our work is fiction or non-fiction.
So, this forum seems to be a good complement for those of us who experience chronic pain.
Your poem is very interesting and thought-provoking.
There is a quiet flow in your words together with maturity and wisdom that are rare in such a young person.
For the last line, I'd just say
"They'll find boring"
rather than "be".
Excellent subject, really, I encourage people to write about their identities, especially when mixed origins make them rich and give them a different and interesting point of view.
You need to check your spelling and grammar:
"I am aware"
"I am mconsidered"
"heritage"
"the language that I first used to express myself"
"I am and will always be both"
And also, consider dividing into paragraphs to make it easier to read.
I had read the previous version and I think you've done a great job re-writing it.
I like parodic stuff that isn't superficial and everything you say here has made me smile, which is probably the purpose, while knowing your analysis is right and only very slightly exaggerated.
The last line is a little too long, which is a pity because the rest feels so sharp and this feeling shouldn't be lost in the end.
It's such a shame you were given poor rating, I really wonder why...
So, there you go, I wanted to change this!
Well, I hope they will take the time to read this interesting piece again!
It's always exciting for open-minded readers to learn about cultures that are not their own.
Your descriptions are captivating and I like the humour in them too, along with your admiration for your Chinese heritage.
This is an interesting item on the kind of journey that makes us richer.
Your poem is simple and honest and I particularly like the last stanza.
I have a few suggestions for the first one (take them or leave them):
"I looked at them..."
it would be better to follow this with another past tense relating the scene:
"She was with another".
"That had been me once"
I would say "It had been me once", the impersonal pronoun sounds better, otherwise it sounds as if you had been him, which is not what you mean.
Second stanza, I would use a "." after "though", because then you make a statement about today.
The feelings expressed in your poem are very clear.
I especially like the second stanza because it has this apparently logical construction, pretty rational, but with a twist in the final line.
In the first stanza, though, I feel ther is a little something missing, a link between "tired" and "lies are bound by more lies", something to make it hold together.
I have read your item on Friuli-Venezia Giulia with great interest.
One of the reasons is that before settling in Belgium, I lived in Italy for many years.
I am in love with the country and the language that I studied at school.
However, Friuli is not a region of Italy that I know; there are so many places to visit in Italy...
I have learned many things by reading your passionate description, but what strikes me most is this:
You look at life with such happiness and enthusiasm that you could write about any other place in this world. Whatever your choice, it would still be pleasant to read!
This monologue is interesting, but a little too short.
It looks more like an introduction, especially from a strong character like Salome, one would expect more.
Second line, this should be "so cold they burned".
Improving layout and developing the monologue would really help.
This is an essential philosophical question and I'm curious to see the answers in some time, when more readers will have voted.
I would have added another option; something like "No one created it, but maybe it had to happen for a reason uknown to us".
After all, there are also different options for those who don't believe in god.
You are successful in conveying your emotions; there is a lot of sadness and disappointment in the way your character silently reacts when he faces rejection.
I don't know if there's a particular reason for not using punctuation, but I think that here it could really help.
There's a line where I think you mean "They move carelessly..."
Also, in "Not I though", there's something important that you want to stress, and maybe punctuation or layout could help to make this difference more felt between "them" and "him".
This item is mostly a description of a character, the kind of person who's so popular that everyone around wishes to know her, to be seen in her company.
The subject and especially the title are very cliche, although this is only my opinion, of course.
That's a shame, really, because there are some good lines in your lyrics that say more than the title.
One of my favourites is the opening line:"Your halo shines so brightly but the truth is invisible"
With a little work and some punctuation that would make it easier to read, it could be good.
This short story sounds more like a realistic account written by an adolescent who finds it hard to live a "normal" life after a childhood of abuse.
It's interesting to see how the basement in her new home, where she is loved by new parents, becomes the metaphor of her hidden fears that still linger.
I like the way you split your story into two parts, the first one tells the facts and describes her arrival at a new and colorful home; the second one tells about her doubts through the description of the basement.
You compare the end of a relationship with the dissolution of salt in water.
My favourite line:
"I may have broken the tablet of salt
but you mixed it with water; it's your fault."
I really like the imagery here, it's bold and original.
"for me to drink dry that" sounds strange to me, but it's just an opinion.
You have obviously made a choice here: you don't want to follow a rational pattern and that's the thing I really like in your poem.
It gives your item a whisical feel.
This makes me wonder, though, if the layout fits the content, because I cannot feel the same freedom that you put into words.
The first 4 lines are great, but "singing her songs of wind and gusts" should be, I think, one line and maybe have a more explicit subject here would help us carry on with our reading and feeling instead of wondering what it refers to.
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