This is an invitation, Sherri. Believe me, I'd be very happy to join you. I think that we all have those beautiful inner landscapes where we can escape to find the peace and strength we need in our everyday life.
It's an inspirational poem, but also a generous one that shows how much you need to share the good things.
Not so long ago, I read another of your poems on South Africa and I was impressed.
Here, the content is different, less poetic in a way. as your are not making use of any imagery that speaks to the reader's senses. Still, I appreciated your thoughts and writing.
It isn't more political than the other, as some may think. It's actually less powerful because it doesn't provide the reader with a more physical connexion to the environment. We, as humans, can understand the concerns and suffering of humanity if we can make use of empathy. And you, as a poet, can certainly help.
Your introduction here, sounds very angry. I can understand the way you feel and I know and read about South Africa. But there's no reason for saying that those who don't are just lazy. Instead, invite them to learn more, maybe even add a link to a site that can summerize your country's recent history and the roots of Apartheid, that are less recent.
This is just an opinion, take it or leave it. And feel free to tell me what you think.
This is a darker poem that I enjoyed. It's very expressive, with short, "cutting" sentences that tell a lot about the writer's vision and state of mind.
The end is also concentrated and meaningful.
There isn't anything I would change here. Congratulations for winning PPC.
I took the first poll, obviously, I wasn't going to miss the second one!
The question is, well, a question. After all, there isn't much we can do if you are curious.... And to satisfy your natural curiosity, I tried to answer this one as accurately as I could.
The problem is... I sing everywhere (not all the time, mind you, but everywhere)! Whenever I'm alone or surrounded by friends or family who are not asleep or concentrated or bothered by this, I sing! Fortunately for those who hear me sing, I have a good voice and studied the piano for many years, which is a good way to avoid human suffering.
I see that there is no option for (almost) compulsive singers like myself... hmmm.
When I read your poem, I thought that many readers might not like the general tone of your item. Actually I do like it. It's bold and honest, but although it looks spontaneous, it's well thought out.
The rhymes are original, not at all forced and there are some good internal rhymes too:
"all on their precious paper,
it's all vapor to me."
Towards the end, you wrote "lets" instead of "let's".
Other than that, I noticed nothing to change.
There is something very abstract and oblique in this piece of poetry. The flow is quite particular too; there's some kind of pleasant fluidity, yet the rhythm sometimes changes and hesitates, with some interesting repetitions. (I only like repetitions when they actually add something to the poem and in this case, they do).
It seems that the interpretation is open, as the readers will understand this piece according to their beliefs.
Wonderfully written. I think you did a great job with the title-prompt; it was a totally unexpected story.
I appreciate your writing skills; you were very successful in delivering the right information at the right time, while portraying the characters with few but essential elements.
Great use of flashback perfectly integrated in the main story.
I don't think this item is so easy to understand, it sounds like you're mixing different sources of inspiration. I like the idea and often put it into practice.
Your imagery is one that many readers can share provided they come from a similar religious and cultural background. And the whole piece is well constructed.
This is a poem with a simple, repetitive pattern that is effective. This is also because of its length, it isn't too long like some poems that repeat a whole phrase and become... boring!
Yours has a clear and straightforward message showing all of the narrators attempts and the way they were ignored.
I wonder if it's a good idea, though, to have the second and the last stanza use almost the same words. That repetition is not needed, in my opinion.
This is a wonderful story, well thought out, nicely structured. The descriptions and the actions work beautifully.
But what amazes me in this short story is the empathy that you used to create your main character, the homeless man. He is so real!
The whole piece is so realistic and poetic at the same time and you did a terrific job pointing out the prejudice against the poor and homeless.
- I would advise you to change the tense in this sentence:
"Of course the article will go on to show the security guards valiant effort to stop the thief and attacker,"
and use "would" as the whole item is written in past tense, as you did in:
"There he would be far enough away from the mall, and he would be able to eat his lunch under the shade of a tree. He could just imagine what the next day’s paper would read like.
Chilling. You chose just the right words to depict a situation that doesn't sound like sci-fi to me. It's a nightmare that so many people seem to be willing to accept.
I try not to be pessimistic and still hope that greater awareness will make us stop and choose what we want to consider as progress and differenciate it from what turns the human race into hi-tech zombies.
Great thought-provoking item and wonderful illustration.
This is not a new item and many memebers seem to have read and reviewed it.
I don't have much to say, except that the topic is extremely interesting and that I would recommend it to everyone.
Copyright laws and violations is a very complex subject and I think you did a great job with the examples you analysed here. Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts.
This is a vey pleasant read. I always enjoy a little bit of satire linked to politics. It's refreshing way of speaking one's mind.
This one's well thought out, well worded. I really love this line, so true:
"Leftovers in pocket, a bridge to nowhere".
And your last stanza is pretty effective.
This madlib took me some time, it has quite a number of blanks to fill in before one can see the result.
But it was certainly worth it. I'm always glad to come across a good madlib - which doesn't happen very often - with definitions that are clear and a real story.
This is really a good read and the whole story is coherent with a few unexpected and funny details.
I found this one in your port. There are so many items in there, I think I will spend more time there in a couple of weeks, when I can sit and relax .
This short poem is very lovely and sincere. I like its inherent simplicity, which is also a way to write a good poem. There is something refreshing, although the subject is pain. I can easily see the hope and positive thinking behind your words.
These pieces are excellent. Writing for choldren is more difficult than it seems and I believe that they deserve well written, well thought out poems too.
The pieces you wrote are very easy to visualize, which is a great quality and they could work well with illustrations too.
In my opinion, the first too are meant for younger children (four-five years old) and the third one, for slightly older (six-eight).
This is a poem that shows the complexity of a relationship and analyses it with some original imagery and interesting perspective.
Unfortunately, some parts are very confusing and the links between some ideas are missing.
- There are a few lines I don't understand:
"He ran way at twelve at five"
"Yet traveling its being on the run"
- There are also some mistakes: "blacked"for "blackened",
"non" for "none"...
The idea expressed at the end of your poem is very good. I would advise you not to repeat the word "blind" three times. Those three lines are really worth re-editing.
I hope this has been helpful and I'm ready to read and rate again if you decide to work on it and need me to read it again.
This is a simple piece of writing. It is short, not very sophisticated, but very generous. The intention of this little poem is what I really like and I understand and appreciate what you explain in your item description.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a whole collection of similar practical and inspirational pieces?
This item in your port looked very intriguing to me. It was like an invitation and I didn't hesitate; I joined in the dancing/reading!
Combining prose and poetry is what you call this. I don't know much about the terminology, but I like the "combining" part.
These pieces are all very visual; they have this characteristic in common. They are like miniatures made of words.
The second one is my favorite; it is the one that will surely linger in my mind, maybe because I can relate to the situation very easily.
But they are all excellent pieces of writing, really.
I'm glad I came upon this item. (I dont' give many five-star ratings). Keep up the great work.
Axilea
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. And to satisfy your natural curiosity, I tried to answer this one as accurately as I could.
and I find the little story in your poem quite surprising.