I can totally relate to the subject of this item. There are so many questions a mother (or a parent) asks herself day after day, trying to figure out, hoping for the best.
I think that it would be nice if you tried to improve this piece of writing by giving it more rhythm, like you did in the first part of your poem.
Also, maybe you could extend this a little by making us share the nature of your worries.
I took your poll because I think that your subject is very interesting. You explain this pretty well in your introduction, this is about your own project for a book that parents and children could share.
I see that I'm one of the few who picked up the option that says:
"What? No, thanks! I want something else than more parenting!!"
I have two reasons for this:
-I have read many books on the subject and tend to think a lot and get information on this topic.
-If I read to a child, which is a favorite activity, I would like to read the same genre for myself. If it's fiction for the child, I'd love to keep the same context or atmosphere when it comes to "my" part of the book.
Your poem is like a personal philosophical journey. I have the impression that you are looking for a path, through your words, from one point to another. Along comes the questioning.
There are rhymes in your poem, yet the whole thing feels very loose, like a monologue, or maybe a dialogue. It's some kind of prose poetry.
Your style and language are excellent and I have no suggestion here.
The only thing that could be interesting, in my opinion, is to try something else too: try to fit in your ideas in a much shorter poem.
This is a poem that has a beautiful atmosphere. It makes the reader become a witness of a night seen in the forest.
The images you create are quite good, although, in my opinion, some could be made more striking and personal.
"Shivering in the breeze"
"the gloomy fog"
"Soft moonlight"
are nice but slightly commonplace.
There are som lovely images in this poem that sounds like a dream.
I think that your intent is to make this dream a journey into the world of your inner child. In my opinion, this kind of journey is somewhat different from what you say in your item description:
"Transcending the physical".
I have enjoyed reading this poem, it flows softly. Maybe changing this line:
"To carry me with him in flight" into "To carry me in its flight" would help keep the rhythm.
I don't give many five-star ratings, but this is already the second time today!
This is actually one of the best pieces (if not the best) that I've come across on this site.
I have to admit that I read this over and over again to find a weakness or a mistake, but I couldn't find any! The flow, the way you play with words and ideas that are well established in the world today are simply amazing!
This is a poem with a message. It's simple, clear and full of enthusiasm.
I don't have much to say, except that I totally agree on the content.
I'll make my review public because I think that your subject may interest other Writers/readers.
Oh and please, use some punctuation or at least... a period at the end!
I was visiting this folder and read this poem. It's intensely romantic, like many items that you write .
I particularly like the metaphor of being as close as "books upon a shelf", I like imagery in a poem.
I noticed that this poem has a 18+ rating, but I see nothing in the content that's too explicit. The only line that says "make wid love" should explain a 13+, but not more, in my opinion.
It's surprising to see this kind of approach. And, to me, this is a good surprise!
With simple words and pattern you conveyed a great message, deep and mature. I wish more people could feel and understand the world and its differences in the same way.
Technically, I'm not very keen on rhymin "more" with "a bore", the word sounds somewhat trite in this context.
I think that your questions are a gift, personally, I can't imagine living without asking any questions. Would I still feel alive? And I'm no longer a teenager, but the questions are still there, fortunately, although part of the anxiety related to them earlier in life, is gone forever!
This line:
"Love=heartbreak, horror, tragedy=SELF-DISCOVERY"
would be more easily understood and fit your item if you turned it into questions.
There are many blanks for a very short story, so this one takes some time to prepare, but it reads very quickly!
Your madlib is actually quite fun and it works, which is not always the case.
I thought that there were too many short sentences, though, which usually ended with an adjective, maybe some could be linked to improve the flow.
"I was very tense."
"That was good."
"I felt very short"
"I was very sensible"
I visited your port and picked up this short fiction.
It is the description of an incredibly violent scene with no other context. I have no idea why you needed to depict a scene of extreme domestic violence and give so many voyeuristic details. I'm sure you have your reasons and I would be interested in knowing them.
As for the writing, I noticed one typo "fro" instead of "from". It is well written although quite repetitive.
Having found it difficult to read because of its graphic content, I would advise you to select a higher rating for this piece.
This is a funny poem and it makes me think of how much I loved algebra . I also had a dictator instead of a teacher, so there were plenty of great moments to enjoy .
My advice: if you are writing this during your algebra class, don't get caught!
And, more seriously...
"Though you fight, they make you come
And in that place the mind does numb" these are my least favorite lines, maybe you could improve them, the rhyme is a little forced.
This is the kind of subject that I'm attracted to immediately. I also like to write about the path to inner knowledge and strength.
You gave this poem a simple pattern that worked well. The last stanza is beautiful and effective.
I'd only advise you to check your punctuation as there are many periods that make the reader stop abruptly. Commas would make a better transition, like here:
"I didn't want to run to you.
Had no idea what I should do."
This is a lovely tribute to women in general and to the woman in us.
There are nice images of nature depicted here used as metaphors of a woman's qualities and strength.
There are one or two commas missing, such as after:
"storms shaking you".
Also, I would advise you to select "woman's" as one of the three genres instead of "writing".
This is a striking piece of writing that I understood more deeply after a second read. It is very clear and coherent, what makes it a little difficult, at first, is the more abstract point of view. This is well explained in your item description, though, which helps.
I would only make a few changes. First of all, I'd stick to capitalisation when beginning a line with "...AM". It's an original structure that you found and it needs to be clear.
This stanza beginning with:
"Here, where kings unearthed, "
could also begin with "...AM" and it is unclear to me why it doesn't.
I'm afraid this won’t be much of a review as I don't really have much to say or to suggest in order to improve your text.
Your ideas are stated clearly and I see nothing wrong with the form.
As for the content, I agree on most of what you are saying, on religious beliefs and the men behind them, for instance, although I do think that it is useful to think and speculate about life, its meaning, transcendence.
Of course, it is not useful in a pragmatic way, but it seems that there is such a need deep within our minds.
Anyway, I appreciate how you open this debate and stimulate the readers' own reflections.
I'm glad I read this beautiful piece, so simple, sincere and subtle at the same time.
I like the way you explore your memories and share them very tactfully with the reader.
I see nothing to improve, your style and writing are good. The only thing that would make the piece more readable is to space up the paragraphs, there are at least three different paragraphs in this item, in my opinion.
This is an item I was going to read to know more about a book, a religion, a different point of view.
I am not a religious person in the traditional meaning of the word, but I have an interest for spiritual subjects.
You requested a review for this piece saying:
"your comments on how to make it better would be appreciated. Give particular attention to the style and flow of my words."
I was surprised at first, then disappointed to see that your intention was not to share with other readers/writers, but to give your truth as the only possible truth.
"The necessity of substantiating ones claim or theory can hardly be overemphasized especially in this age of scientific explosion. This is the demand of the modern age irrespective of the claim being that of a scientific issue or a divine one."
You don't seem to be looking for honest reviews and tips for improving your style and language.
You just want to deliver your message, I would advise you to be at least honest about this.
I'm giving you 2.5 stars for your good grammar and syntax. Nothing for the rest.
First of all I have to say that this is a very successful attempt at portraying place, characters, atmosphere, relationships and event in so few words! Bravo!
Personally, I prefer the first version, it's quicker, the form fits the intent better:
"Walking" sounds more active than "among" to begin the second sentence. Also, I think that it is better how you focus entirely on Sarah in the end and her being proud.
This poem has a particular disillusioned feel that I quite like. Not because a poem has to be positive or negative, happy or sad, but because it sounds true, honest.
Too many reviewers forget this and judge: I often read things like
"This is too negative"
"It's well written BUT pessimstic"
Personally, I don't think that a reviewer should judge a writer's paradigm or feelings.
This being said, This piece of writing also has a very nice rhythm and flow that I enjoyed.
I'm not so sure about the title, though, although it sounds nihilistic, I think you could find something better, maybe in just one word.
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. I also had a dictator instead of a teacher, so there were plenty of great moments to enjoy 
.