I just read this poem and wondered what inspired you to write it. As you call it "fictional", I had the impression that you were inspired by a real story, or a mix of stories.
It's a sentimental poem, but it's also very realistic. It's a subject that always makes me think, I can't help it.
The "small am I" at the beginning of each stanza really gives me the idea of someone who is so helpless.
Hello,
I took your poll. It is quite intriguing and I was drawn to the subject.
I am not sure I understand why there has to be any link between the increase in population and the question "why do the souls come from?"
Do you think it's a question of... numbers?
Are you impliying you believe in reincarnation? Then,I wonder why you don't say so. It's my opinion,but I thinkitwouldmakeyour introduction clearer.
When I read the option:
"I do not know the answer but would like to know one myself",
I am not sure I understand why you begin by saying "the" answer and then "one" answer. It' either one or the other, don't you think?
Anyway, thankyou for making meand other readers think.
This is an interesting item; written with razor-sharp words and concision.
It seems that,as an author, you decided to focus on hypocrisy, crime and keeping up appearances. Although,in some of the examples given, such as:
"A schoolboy’s so popular
Classmates say he lacks allure.
He thanks them by going far.
The reward is massacre."
there is hardly anything to hide!
Your style, as I described, fits the grim reality you portray.
The title and subject of this piece are what I found incredibly intriguing.
I discovered a short poem,with an original rhythm and flow that is not afraid of being different. And I like that.
The descriptions are great, but this is not the usual nice and descriptive poem about nature, which is not really my favorite kind of poetry.
You have succeeded in blending the descriptive parts with some abstraction and interesting point of view.
Forgive me for using a whole stanza, but I like your vision and the particular progression of thought in these lines:
*red*But lethal are the consequences of her
Necessity,
Forgotten is flight, the sting is all her
Enemy knows before oblivion
I have no particular suggestion,escept that I felt this item could be extended or be linked to another item that would complete it... from the point of view of a prey?
The people and situations you portray are so universal. That is the strength of your poem. Giving just the right amount of details.
Some parts made me think of the solitude in Hopper's paintings. There is beauty in your depiction, together with the inevitable sadness of the simple betrayals of daily life.
I think you did a great job, also in the way you naturally brought about the title prompt used as a metaphor of this character's life.
I have no suggestion, this piece is simply wondeful, there is no detail to add, it would make it sound like a descriptive item, but lose its poetic touch.
This is great. I also read other items from this folder of short, original wrightings, all perspicuous and clear.
The second time I read this particular poem, I could really feel the depth in
"but unsung song
and
silent pain"
which I find very truthful and appealing when speaking about a poet's approach of the world.
I'm not sure, but it could be because this notion is very familiar to me and present when I write.
The beginning and realation to linear time is interesting too.
I'm really glad that I had the opportuning of discovering your work thanks to the tuwg store.
I was visiting your port and read this short poem.
I like it: it's simple and effective. It's like two sides of a mirror, both in shape and in content.
The ending is very appropriate too.
I am not sure about the repetition of the word "things" (four times in your poem), but it's just a matter of choice and maybe you thought it was stronger this way.
This is a short and poignant attempt to describe the feeling emptiness of emptiness after losing someone.
I also like it for the athmosphere created and with:
"So let lights burn out,
And let children cry"
leaving it to the reader's imagination to complete the picture.
Nice end that fits well.
As you are new here, I can only encourage you to write more.
This is my... fourth review, as requested... I think! Well, I'll check that later.
I was completely fascinated by this poem, its original structure and way of provoking images with different layers.
I was so intrigued by the way you delivered your thoughts that I had to read it once again before I noticed it was an acrostic poem, with each stanza beginning with the same letter.
Your first stanza really makes for a wonderful introduction. Here it is, I'm sure this will attract more readers to this item:
"A photograph of the Berlin Wall
at the end of an alley way
alerts one to the dead end
all war leads to"
I noticed one word that was misspelled:
"ancesters" that should be "ancestors".
I picked up another item from your port and truly enjoyed reading it.
Your writing is dense, evocative and simply beautiful.
I can feel the two characters in this story with the same intensity: both the haunting presence of the church and that of the man who changed through the years.
I like the way you showed, instead of telling, how the young boy, whose education left no room to emotions and art, had finally turned into someone who accepted them in his life.
Just one suggestion: I don't know what you think, but "so" is used many times in the second part of your story. How about changing or suppressing one or two?
Thank you for the intriguing read and hope you write more!
I needed to read something lighter (I thought: "not another poem on depresion tonight,please...")and I picked up this item from the limerick folder in you port.
I had fun reading the two portraits. And you know what? I would have recognized the two unfortunately non-fictional characters even if you hadn't written their names!
Now, I can't deny that you make an interesting point. You also give the reader an example of a particular sense of humour, you call it british, but I find it trash and not all british humour is trash,is it?
I agree about the Britney-and-alike part, but I'm not sure I've seen many brilliant goths in disguise. After all, they are like two sides of the same coin, products of the same industry and simply follow todays stereotypes.
Whether one agrees with you or not, your item is quite edifying.
The descriptions and actions are well detailed in this item, it makes easy to "see" this moving picture vividly painted.
Although not a poem in a traditional way - but the definition cannot be restrictive, in my opinion - I can feel the poetic touch within the frame of a typical situation of daily life.
It's very realistic and cute at the same time. It is funny too.
Why not add a few genres here? "Family" could be one genre to select here. And why not "children's" as it couldbe read to a child. I am sure many could relate to this .
I picked up this item because of its title and item description. I like the idea of a cyclical process, and aspect of our lives that we tend to forget about in our hectic world.
When I read this item, I could really appreciate the work behind it. You did an amazing job with the details of flowers, scents, hues, using words and sounds with great skill.
I have to admit that,when I read this out loud,I find it difficult. Not because of the meaning, but because of the difficult words and compounds. It's fascinating, but makes for a difficult read and a complex structure.
This being said, there is no reason why a poem should have an easy pattern and smooth flow.
There is a certain complexity in this poem, the imagery quickly traveling fromone point to another.
Some are striking and easy to grasp:
"Honesty was the towel that dried up the stream of our love"
Others are a little too intricate in my opinionand couldbe more effective:
"I could have drowned in rose-scented waters
flowing beneath the mid-afternoon sun
laced with the bittersweet poison of deceit"
I don't know what this might convey to the reader.
The poem is nicely written and the last lines are fabulous. I am sure many readers will see the truth in them.
Spacing up the item would probably make it more pleasant to read.
Very... sweet indeed! Nice use of color that fits the content. Instead of making it descriptive,which was another possible option, I think, you gave this acrostic poem a very dynamic form.
The last line with "eat me" is a little incoherent because you used the quotation marks only once, that's all I could find.
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Well, I'll check that later.