Another good exercise,although I'm not very good at juding the form. I am not familiar at all with "lune form" poems.
If the stanzas are made of three lines each and work as a haiku, then there should be the right number of syllables. Maybe it's just the structure and not the number of syllables (5-7-5) that counts.
The title is "adversity", but to me, this sounds more like a poem of hope, about someone who wishes to overcome temporary difficulties and believes in the future of a relationship.
Stanza four sounds a little mysterious. The final stanza is very nice, short and shows "color coded sin" as an obstacle.
Overall, a good attempt.
This is my fourth review that is part of you order.
This is a very good poll! I enjoyed it.
It's really fun, but it's also very insightful.
I think that it really makes one reflect upon the best qualities that are essential to make a good president.
I am not surprised to see number one and two selected up to now (I want say who they are to keep it secret fo those who may still want to take the poll).
How different that would be from today's reality! We need a couple of those candidates, quickly!
This piece is written using the Fibonacci form and it's a good idea to include a link that explains the form for those who don't know.
Until now, this is my favorite item in your port and there are several reasons for this.
First of all, the short item somehow "forced" you to go straight to the point and it works well here.
The second reason is the prompt given to you, that is, to write something about "justice". It seems that you really had something very heartfelt tosay about the subject.
I would also add that it seems to have taken you to a less personal dimension, compared to other poems I have read until now, and I think that it's a good thing!
Hi Kiya,
this is the second of five poetry reviews you asked for.
This is another item from your port that I enjoyed reading.
The whole story makes sense, which was certainly not an easy task as each line had to begin with a letter of the alphabet.
A story of love gone wrong, of hurt and her finding freedom at the end.
Technically, this is well written, although I'm not sure I understand all the "bad" things that happened between them in detail.
There's just one thing that sound a little forced, in my opinion, and that's her taking off his ring on Christmas day. But of course, I understand the difficulty of finding something that begins with an "X" at that point in the story , so in a way, that was clever!
When I read this, I thought that this is the kind of simple writing exercise (simple in form) that is useful when one hasn't written for a long time or ha suffered from writer's block. It's also a good way to "break the ice" and communicate, tell more than what's in your bioblock to other members.
There are very few things we have in common, but I appreciate one aspect more than anything else: the honesty in this piece.
Interpreting your piece is more a question of feeling than a matter of understanding. I enjoy this kind of poetry. It is descriptive, with beautiful, sometimes strange imagery, but leaves plenty of room for personal interpretation.
Your work is quite unique, different from what I write, different from what I read. This is also a good reason for liking it.
This is an interesting poem. I like the way it blends
clear, concrete elements with more abstract thoughts and feelings.
I like the freedom in the flow of your poem and the more oblique way of conveying your emotions.
It's just an opinion, but maybe the last stanza could be improved. Especially this line:
"This enchanted dance begun assumes control"
that breaks the rhythm and doesn't sound very good or clear in content.
Nice work that I found in the Newsletter for Noticing Newbies.
Sherri, you made me cry with this one. Lately, I have been speaking to my mother, remembering my grandmother, her elegance, modesty and wonderful cooking. But most important of all, we miss her kindness.
I cannot imagine this link to be broken, although part of it stays forever. I see my daughter and know how much she loves me. It's like a circle that goes on forever.
I can totally understand the first feelings of disbelief followed by anger. It takes some time before one can accept. And you explained this very clearly and simply.
I saw this on the public review page and... I simply couldn't resist it!
Your item is a pleasure to read because you communicate the pleasure you feel. It's pleasure with a tiny little bit of guilt and lots of fun.
I love it, I think that many women will appreciate your wonderful description of handsom young men. And also love and share the freedom in the way you look at them.
Women do look at young men too and I think that what happened to you will probably happen to me too. Just a couple of years and I'm ready!
Suggestion: very sweet addiction, don't get rid of it!
Hi, Meg
I love this short poem. It's a great way of describing something without saying too much.
You succeede in explaining - with simple imagery and even a lighthearted approach - that having a secret is very important to you. That it's your right as much as it is every reader's right to keep things for oneself.
This is just a poem where the things that are left unsaid are just as important as the ones that are said.
Your poem has a very catchy title. I quite like the "experimental side" of your work.
The sensations and the way they are somehow linked to the various hues of yellow are very well expressed.
I don't always understand the use of punctuation in this poem. Personally, I feel the need for a longer pause at times, when I read it out loud. This means that a couple of periods would help the reader.
For instance, I'd suggest a period after the third line.
Also, I felt there was a certain rhythm in your poem and, for some reason it's lost towards the end. But maybe, that's what you wanted.
Your choice of vocabulary is really great and fits the experimental side that you chose to explore.
This is a poem with lovely and vivid imagery. I like the descriptions you made that, to me, sound/feel like internal landscapes.
I love these lines, for instance:
"Some secrets you think can't be told,
I can see the remains in every line on your face.
It shows in the way you hold your shoulders,"
The only thing that sometimes "bothered" me, but the word is too strong, is that there seems to be a certain rhythm that makes some lines sound disconnected from one another. In that case, it might be better to separate this into a few stanzas. Thi is particularly what I felt after the first two lines.
Of course, it's just my personal impression.
Overall, nice work, I hope to read more of your work.
At first, I thought that this wasn't "my kind of poem", too descriptive for me.
But then, little by little, I was fascinated by your beautiful choice of vocabulary.
Your poem is very concentrated and dense. Maybe it somehow needs to let the reader "breathe" a little more , but this is just a personal feeling I have and not a criticism.
I love the last two lines, they are very striking indeed.
I took a look at your port and saw that you are new, (welcome!) and only have a few items.
I picked up this one because the subject is interesting.
As you reviewed my poem "Invalid Item" , you can probably feel the that there is a slightly similar topic and questioning.
Your piece is very interesting, although I think that it's not just religions, there are also other kinds of speculations and beliefs on life after death that coul have been mentioned.
This was a very difficult item to read, I found the story and, particularly the fact that all the detils are given from the girl's point of view, very poignant.
I think that it is original and clever to have implied, with the use of the detail of the light under the door, the tragic event. It creates an incredible tension.
Many are the poems about abuse, all are moving and essential, some are also well crafted, just like yours.
Your poem of love gone wrong is quite personal and a good read.
Some of my favorite lines:
" I just didn't
want my fingertip to catch every tear
I'd cry."
In these lines, I am not sure of the use of "however":
"I didn't want you to call me honey,
however that is a lie."
do you mean "because it's a lie" or do you mean that in fact you do want to be called "honey". I think that re-writing this sentence would make it clearer.
I also noticed a typo:
"I ask who am I suppose to be?" should be "supposed".
The first stanzas are the best ones, with a nice rhythm and flow.
I am giving you a four-star rating to encourage you, I hope you'll write more poetry.
The feelings that motivate your poem are clearly expressed. The imagery of the puddle and reflection are interesting too.
Your poem could certainly be improved if there was some evolution in the imagery and the little story ou are telling the reader.
The beginning is god, but then the concept stays pretty much the same.
If I could suggest something,I would tell you to separate your writing into different stanzas, trying to move from one stanxa to the other and from one idea to another.
It gets somewhat repetitive at the end and for no particular reason.
You have some nice elements that many readers an relate to, so I'm sure you can turn this into a more striking poem.
Just one more thing: I think it would be better to use the item description to... describe the poem or at least give a little image or comment.
I hope to read more of your work and feel free to answer.
This is an interesting and original poll. It questions the reader on the meaning of a common noun, on the personal connotations the word may have for each of us.
I agree with the answer:
"A worshiper of nature and/or the God and the Goddess. (They do exist as members of a peaceful neo-pagan religion)"
Although I'm more comfortable with the following definition:
"For
many centuries, a witch was simply a woman who would not obey the rules concerning women in patriarcal societies. These were often learned, wise women who obtained knowledge from the observation of nature and the transmission of secrets from one generation to the other. This was mainly due to the fact that "official" knowledge was forbidden to women."
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.16 seconds at 2:52am on Jul 13, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
