This is a new and very interesting poll! I recommend it to anyone interested in writing (I suppose this means everyone on this site!).
I thing this is a very important concept, although I agree that it is not always easy to grasp.
In a way, I think I found my own voice, but that doesn't mean that I will stay where I am forever. It is important for me to question my writing, to feel that I can learn and grow.
I know a few wonderful authors on this site who have definitely found their voice.
The way you depict "fake love" is very original.
You ertainly found a voie and style to convey your message.
I like the form and words chosen for this piece. I also like the repetition of stanza two as part of stanza three, once you've given more details and made the whole picture clearer.
I have no particular suggestion and I'll read more of your work asap.
The idea behind this poem is so generous. I totally agree with th content ofthis piece and your message of love instead of hatred.
Beating and killing people just because they are different, gay, black, women, christian, pagan, short or thin... is always a crime, whatever the "reason".
Your poem expresses this clearly, although I feel it could be just a litle longer, that a few words could link the two stanzas.
The second stanza begins with:
"For humankind to love"
and ends with:
"Love must win."
It sounds pretty logical, but does it really tell us anything? There is something missing,something that you are trying to tell on how this should happen. What is love, how will it win? How can hatred be defeated?
In my humble opinion, your beginning is strong and promising, so you might want to improve the end and give us a more precise image of how you want the world to change.
These are my opinions, feel free to answer. Thank you for the thought-provoking read.
This is an interesting poem and the content will certainly speak to many.
There is a certain wisdom in it and the subject is of general interest.
My main concern here is the rhythm and flow of this poem that can certainly be improved, especially in the middle of your item. Improving punctuation can also help when reading out loud.
Also, don't forget to select the "genre", you might add "inspirational" or "philosophy" to gain exposure.
This is very nice, Lexi, and it's very visual too.
I like it, it's a piece that one can feel and understand very quickly and easily. It appeals direcly to the senses.
My favorite is the opening stanza, it is very striking imagery with a good choice of words.
I am not so sure about the use of italics for this piece, bu that's just a very personal opinion.
Hi, Lexi,
This is my third review of the TUWG series.
This is certainly one of my favorite pieces from your port. You chose a form - the triolet - and it's a good thing that you gave some clear explanations to the readers.
The lighter shade you chose also fits the lighter content, just as the form, with its repetitions gives it a circular, more rounded shape that is kind of sweeet.
What I mean is there is a real coherence in the different aspects of your poem and that makes it all the more enjoyable.
This item tells a story. It doesn't give many details from a narrative point of view, but it does explain the evolution of your feelings and the way the predator was slowly unmasked.
Your words are well chosen, your expression is effective, like in:
"luring his prey,
studying his subject
carefully and close
until he knew me
like an open book.
He spoke in poetry
with captivating charm.
He focused on my needs
to secure my trust in him."
These are acually my favorite lines because they do expose the predator. You spot and describe the typical behavior of this kind of manipulative personality.
In my opinion, your poem could also use some imagery. You speak more to the intellect than to the senses, but with some imagery, ou could achieve both.
This being said, the piece is well writen and interesting.
This is a good poem. I think you did a nice job writing this from the point of view of a little girl who invented a new game.
The mirror is an important object for a little girl and it's part of her identification process. The game is actually more than just a game, it becomes a tool that helps her grow up.
I like the fantasy of the twin or her gardian angel, a companion is often made up by a child.
Why not add "children's" as a genre, rather than "entertainment" or "other"?
You seem to enjoy trying different poetry forms. This one is written in "pi" format.
Again, good idea to add a description of the form for your readers.
This is a difficult subject that you chose. I don't know if it was part of the prompt; it seems to me that it's a subject you chose for a more personal reason.
The beginning is very strong and clear. I like the words in italics and what they mean and add to the poem.
I have the impression that this could have been kept further in the poem. The emotions, raw, subjective, slowly fade towards the end.
To me, it is a little confusing to suddenly introduce "they" as society in the piece. Their role is not so clear and the girl seems to disappear at that point.
As I said, interesting and daring subject, good use of form, good beginning, but slightly ambiguous and distracting towards the end.
This was my fifth review for your order.
I hope you keep writing more poetry, I'd love to see that poetry folder grow.
Another good exercise,although I'm not very good at juding the form. I am not familiar at all with "lune form" poems.
If the stanzas are made of three lines each and work as a haiku, then there should be the right number of syllables. Maybe it's just the structure and not the number of syllables (5-7-5) that counts.
The title is "adversity", but to me, this sounds more like a poem of hope, about someone who wishes to overcome temporary difficulties and believes in the future of a relationship.
Stanza four sounds a little mysterious. The final stanza is very nice, short and shows "color coded sin" as an obstacle.
Overall, a good attempt.
This is my fourth review that is part of you order.
This is a very good poll! I enjoyed it.
It's really fun, but it's also very insightful.
I think that it really makes one reflect upon the best qualities that are essential to make a good president.
I am not surprised to see number one and two selected up to now (I want say who they are to keep it secret fo those who may still want to take the poll).
How different that would be from today's reality! We need a couple of those candidates, quickly!
This piece is written using the Fibonacci form and it's a good idea to include a link that explains the form for those who don't know.
Until now, this is my favorite item in your port and there are several reasons for this.
First of all, the short item somehow "forced" you to go straight to the point and it works well here.
The second reason is the prompt given to you, that is, to write something about "justice". It seems that you really had something very heartfelt tosay about the subject.
I would also add that it seems to have taken you to a less personal dimension, compared to other poems I have read until now, and I think that it's a good thing!
Hi Kiya,
this is the second of five poetry reviews you asked for.
This is another item from your port that I enjoyed reading.
The whole story makes sense, which was certainly not an easy task as each line had to begin with a letter of the alphabet.
A story of love gone wrong, of hurt and her finding freedom at the end.
Technically, this is well written, although I'm not sure I understand all the "bad" things that happened between them in detail.
There's just one thing that sound a little forced, in my opinion, and that's her taking off his ring on Christmas day. But of course, I understand the difficulty of finding something that begins with an "X" at that point in the story , so in a way, that was clever!
When I read this, I thought that this is the kind of simple writing exercise (simple in form) that is useful when one hasn't written for a long time or ha suffered from writer's block. It's also a good way to "break the ice" and communicate, tell more than what's in your bioblock to other members.
There are very few things we have in common, but I appreciate one aspect more than anything else: the honesty in this piece.
Interpreting your piece is more a question of feeling than a matter of understanding. I enjoy this kind of poetry. It is descriptive, with beautiful, sometimes strange imagery, but leaves plenty of room for personal interpretation.
Your work is quite unique, different from what I write, different from what I read. This is also a good reason for liking it.
This is an interesting poem. I like the way it blends
clear, concrete elements with more abstract thoughts and feelings.
I like the freedom in the flow of your poem and the more oblique way of conveying your emotions.
It's just an opinion, but maybe the last stanza could be improved. Especially this line:
"This enchanted dance begun assumes control"
that breaks the rhythm and doesn't sound very good or clear in content.
Nice work that I found in the Newsletter for Noticing Newbies.
Sherri, you made me cry with this one. Lately, I have been speaking to my mother, remembering my grandmother, her elegance, modesty and wonderful cooking. But most important of all, we miss her kindness.
I cannot imagine this link to be broken, although part of it stays forever. I see my daughter and know how much she loves me. It's like a circle that goes on forever.
I can totally understand the first feelings of disbelief followed by anger. It takes some time before one can accept. And you explained this very clearly and simply.
I saw this on the public review page and... I simply couldn't resist it!
Your item is a pleasure to read because you communicate the pleasure you feel. It's pleasure with a tiny little bit of guilt and lots of fun.
I love it, I think that many women will appreciate your wonderful description of handsom young men. And also love and share the freedom in the way you look at them.
Women do look at young men too and I think that what happened to you will probably happen to me too. Just a couple of years and I'm ready!
Suggestion: very sweet addiction, don't get rid of it!
Hi, Meg
I love this short poem. It's a great way of describing something without saying too much.
You succeede in explaining - with simple imagery and even a lighthearted approach - that having a secret is very important to you. That it's your right as much as it is every reader's right to keep things for oneself.
This is just a poem where the things that are left unsaid are just as important as the ones that are said.
Your poem has a very catchy title. I quite like the "experimental side" of your work.
The sensations and the way they are somehow linked to the various hues of yellow are very well expressed.
I don't always understand the use of punctuation in this poem. Personally, I feel the need for a longer pause at times, when I read it out loud. This means that a couple of periods would help the reader.
For instance, I'd suggest a period after the third line.
Also, I felt there was a certain rhythm in your poem and, for some reason it's lost towards the end. But maybe, that's what you wanted.
Your choice of vocabulary is really great and fits the experimental side that you chose to explore.
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