There are so many different experiences in life, so many different kinds of feelings. I think this is great.
Thinking there is only one way of being, feeling, thinking, loving is some sort of tyranny, in my humble opinion.
I think your item, written in a simple and straightforward way, proves that each and everyone of us has a different path to follow to discover who he or she really is.
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I am this week's guest judge.
A captivating poem with a vivid character description. I could easily imagine the person, the smile, the way she moves... which means that you did a great job describing this with the right words and creating a living picture.
I totally agree with the conclusions you draw. In a world where sensitivity is seen as a form of weakness, one feels encouraged to "act", as you say, searching for "strong" people's approval.
This comes from a deep misunderstanding of human nature: sensitivity is a great strength and those who look strong and whom many try to follow and please are probably much weaker than they seem. This is the way I see the content of your poem.
The form and flow are very pleasant and smoothe.
Some of my favorite lines:
"So she laughs and she smiles
even though inside she's lost
because no one likes weakness
and that is the cost."
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I am this week's guest judge.
Nice title, evocative, just as some lines in your poem. I like the reflection on life and death just by looking at a tree.
As the idea is good, I think it is really worth working on it, extending the metaphor and developing the content.
The word "tree" repeated too many times in the last lines of your work prevents the reader from really appreciating its potential philosophical contents.
These are just my personal suggestions, I hope they are helpful.
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I am this week's guest judge.
The idea behind this poem is very interesting. I like the kind of observation this kind of work implies.
There are some great lines: "And the air becomes so thick
That it wobbles before the eyes "
"But then the breeze comes -- bells chime
Skirts dance around pale legs, hearts race."
There is lovely, original imagery.
If you don't mind my opinion, I think that what is missing is a better link between an image and another. You see the pictures of the city in summer, but they need to become part of a whole story.
You also used the adjective "pale" five times. I can see the effect you try to achieve, but it could be done by using other words too, maybe.
Overall, a pleasant and original piece of writing.
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I am this week's guest judge.
This is a beautiful poem on a classical theme. As you might know by now, I am not a big fan of poetry in rhyme and meter, but I appreciate your writing skills.
There is a good progression of thoughts that holds the reader's attention from beginning to end. A very soft and romantic tone that will speak to many readers.
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I am this week's guest judge.
This is a great item for all those who have experienced pain, especially the kind of pain that seems to linger and nobody understands where it comes from. Chronic pain and doctors' helplessness or people's disbelief can even be worse than the pain itself.
But your strong approach, both in style and content, teach us a lot and your word are chosen to encourage and empower those who suffer. That is great!
I think there is a typo here: "to show you’re tormented self?"
that should be "your tormented self".
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I am this week's guest judge.
- Your poem takes us to an imaginary world of knights and romantic love, with imagery that you wanted to have a medieval feel:
"You abdicate and desert
The vineyard after it ripened,
The rose garden after it bloomed,
The dark hole you brightened."
This one is quite successful, actually.
I have to admit that this is not really my favorite kind of historical, romantic, nostalgic poem, but I can still appreciate your skills.
- I find it quite clever that you stopped repeating the opening line of each stanza after the fourth:
"Sovereign of my heart,"
And you used it again only as the very last line of your poem.
- The color red and centered format also look like a red rose or a reminder of "the scarlet locket" you mention.
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I am this week's guest judge.
You poem is... refreshing! More seriously, the words chosen "serene", "quiet", "while I was snug in bed", "kind", "loyal", all give a sense tranquillity and peace.
I discovered this short piece of fiction in your port. It's really full of surprises. Great writing, you depict the whole scene beginning with action, so that the reader is hooked until the end.
Another strong point in your piece is the way you blend the characters' thoughts, tangible reactions and dialogue.
Just a good example:
- "`And she-she left you ? For good ?' It was hard not to gloat, to keep her voice even, to keep the poisonous laughter in her throat from sneaking out."
Wonderful twist in the end, well done. I'll be back to read more.
A very gentle, yet passionate love poem. Nice layout and flow, a smoothe read.
Looking at the one you love, feeling, tinking. The second stanza is the most effective one, in my opinion, as it speaks more to the senses:
"silky touch",
"the perfume of your breath".
Although it is in the title, I don't know if repeating the adjective "special" three times in the last four lines is a good idea. But that's my point of view.
Interesting poem, heartfelt. Its short lines convey bits of feelings and messages that are simple and need to be heard.
- The idea of no owning the one you are secretly in love with is very strong.
And repeated. "own you", "don't belong to me"
These are good repetitions.
- I also understand that you're saying that what counts for you is to see her happy, with or without you. So "happiness" is another important word.
Although I understand its repetition, I think that it loses its effect when you use it six times in the last three stanzas. I wish you could give another word, one that also explains your itdea of "happy".
Overall, it's a good effort to get your message across.
I came across this insightful piece of writing, an original philosophical tale.
Your message comes across and the piece speaks through metaphors that are easy to understand.
If you don't mind my comments, I think that there are a few inconsitencies here and there.
This sentence is ambigiguous:
"There was nothing both times,
but if you had gone,
you would gotten both"
do you mean
-there was nothing in the package?
-there was nothing in the mailbox?
-there was no reaction to the news?
I'm sure this part could be made clearer.
I also think that all the line breaks are not necessary in a piece of prose like this one, but that's up to you.
The end is excellent, I like the simple revelation that consists of one word.
I am visiting your port, reading some of your poetry. This one has a good title, intriguing. The reader wants to know what kind of battles you are describing.
Actually, you don't say much about them and the curios reader, like myself is left to wonder. This is more of a general reflection to take stock of life's ups and downs that have made you what you are today - as you repeat at the end of each stanza.
I like this as a whole. It sounds mature and, although it is a personal item, anyone can relate to it.
If I had something to suggest, I would say:
- Add something more personal and precise. Something that makes this a poem about you. It can be done by using a few words in the poem that are sligtly more defined than "bad", "easy" or "liked". It would make this lovely poem more striking.
- This is just a minor complaint. As you have this closing line of each stanza that comes as a leitmotif, I think that using the word "today" once more, to open the final stanza, could be avoided.
These are just my suggestions, I hope you don't mind them.
I have enjoyed reading this poem about life and growth.
This is a good poem for its short content and the way it is constructed.
I think that the form could be easily improved.
- I would begin by getting rid of repetitions "my memory", "the memory", "my memories". A little too much in such a short piece.
- the other thing I would avoid when re-editing, is the use of "but". It is also used three times and it doesn't allow you to experiment with a diiferent structure that would convey the same ideas, but could put things in a different order.
It is a simple poem, but the focus on the importance of memory and faith is made clear.
I hope you don't mind my comments; feel free if you have any questions.
I read some of your poetry tonight and the quiet feeling in this one somehow soothed me. Although there is sadness and death in a cemetery, there is also beauty and calm.
This is very descriptive in the beginning. You then deliver a message to the reader. I'm always surprised when I see your long sentences that form a whole stanza. Personally, I would cut some of them, also for the sake of your readers... I would lose my breath to read out stanza six! LoL.
But it might be a simple question of adequate training. Hmm...
Anyway, this is a nice poem and a good way to share your reflection on this subject.
This item was waiting to be rated in your port, so I decided to r&r it.
I really appreciate the work of Rita Dove and was curious to see how you handled the subject.
The beginning is very striking. Your description, in just a few words, of what your mother's kitchen looked like, is incredibly vivid. I like the comparison with a "1950's doctor's office" (I think you wrote "doctors").
The great imagery is there throughout the poem, always with great precision.
I thought that the last four lines were not as strong as the rest of the poem, something feels slightly forced there, but it's just my impression.
I was wandering through your port, and decided to spend some time there. Just wanted to discover your poetry and read some of the numerous items in your folders.
There are so many that I liked. The way your thoughts flow freely and mix with images, speaking to both the reader's mind and senses is really wonderful.
Some of your poems are more abstract, oblique. This one is more straightforward, carried by the commitment behind your words.
In this poem, just as in the other works that I've read, I have enjoyed following the progression from one thought to another.
It's a great idea to share this true story with us. It's something I had never heard of and you did make it sound very funny. The solutions you found show that you are... a creative person.
Thank you for the pleasant read and good luck in the contest.
Axilea
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is left to wonder. This is more of a general reflection to take stock of life's ups and downs that have made you what you are today - as you repeat at the end of each stanza.