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Review Requests: OFF
3,287 Public Reviews Given
3,326 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review of Nemesis  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Steve. Nixie, here. I found your review request on this page "Please Review" 



Excellent opening that put me immediately on edge with the silent, darkened hallway as a setting. When I finished reading, I wondered where I could find more chapters, because this one left me with burning questions. I hope you write more soon!

I missed a few clues at the first read through. Why didn't I suspect something when she came to empty the Major's trashcan, but in the hallway a laundry cart was waiting?

When she reacted with mock surprise, my mind jumped to the possibility of a love affair. The next paragraph describing Stevens cemented my assumption. I got caught up in picturing the man; my mind didn't register "Dark Angel."

Even though the Major is somewhat stereotypical, I think you needed this man to be perfect for the story to work. Was I more distracted by his appearance, or did my mind get stuck thinking "oh, just one more hot guy with the perfect body and winning smile."

The plot unrolled easily, and I could 'see' the characters interacting. The expensive watch that was mentioned a few times turned out to be an object used when he slumped on his desk, not some extraneous detail. Everything in the story should further the plot, so I was happy to find the watch had significance.

Really, the suspicion revolves around the Major, as I'm sure you intended. He didn't want Fausta to empty his trash, or to spend any time in his office, which raised a red flag.

Fausta was so unassuming, the plot twist caught me totally off guard. I thought, 'where did that come from, and why?' The next few paragraphs answered some questions.

*Idea* Tightening the read:

Some of the paragraphs are wordy. Remember, fiction is immediate, so something doesn't begin, it's happening. And in this instance, you can lose the adverb, an added bonus.
Thick white smoke began to spew from the device instantly,
Thick white smoke spewed from the device.

Speaking of adverbs ...
She quickly stepped back
All the adverbs need to be replaced with stronger verbs. In the example above, quickly is used twice in the same sentence. So, think about what verb describes quickly stepped back. jumped/hopped/retreated/scooted are a few that come to mind.

In the second half of the sentence, you can simply delete quickly. Watch for any words ending in (ly) and ditch them. A thesaurus helps me.

The Major tried to wave
Be direct. The Major waved ..

She allowed herself her first real smile ...
See if you can restructure this sentence because it's a bit of a run-on and confusing.

It's obvious you took great care composing this chapter. What I pointed out is merely a question of practice, not a reflection on your writing skills. This chapter is outstanding, so keep on writing. If you don't want to fine tune this chapter, start another, remembering what I pointed out here. If it makes sense to you. *Wink*

Now, I'm off to preview this review and make necessary edits. *Checkg*


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527
527
Review of The Journey  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, D.L. Robinson. Nixie, here to celebrate your nine years of membership.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


My immediate, uninhibited response? Wow! And after a second of pondering: Fantastic write!

I was a little itchy when the first paragraph was presented in italics. Sometimes, authors forget to close them out, and the entire story is ruined for me. The realization hit after reading the story. The italics were essential to establish the mood, a sense of foreboding.

In my mind, the rooms aren't dank or musty. They're hardened walls of brick, unapproachable without a sledge hammer and a rush of determined adrenaline.

I digress. Back to the spookiness.

The reader is drawn in for a closer look at what the introduction hinted at. A solitary man on a contemplative journey. The unique verbs and sentences made this story stand out, despite the briefness required for the contest. Usually, I find myself wanting more from the author, which is frustrating for author and reader alike.

The experience is heightened by the first person POV and present tense. It makes the moment immediate, and I had feelings of misgivings. Not because I might round on a bear, but exactly for the same reasons as the narrator of this story. With the conscious mind stripped barren, the truth is naked.

*Idea*A torrent of ruminations [began to ravage] [cuts through it.]

I think you have some verb tense problems here. To stay in the present, [begins to ravage] would be correct.

The narrator wobbles into vague sensations before getting a grip on himself. What a sense of empowerment, when the driver buckles down for the adventure. I reveled in this moment. Victory over fear.

Just a side note. Unlikely as it is you will come back to this, I still feel compelled to encourage a stronger title and a brief description that hints at the plot. *Wink*


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528
528
Review of Hope in a Bottle  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sharon. Nixie, here. Congrats on 9 years of membership! Nice take on the title, and you found the perfect cover art for the story.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A cute story that didn't quite ring true for me, but overall, was an enjoyable read. And, what a delight to see work carefully presented. The lack of errors and the correct paragraphing reflected the author's dedication. *Checkg*

In the first paragraph, we're introduced to Faith. I like how her clumsiness gave the impression of a young child, but the reader doesn't learn specifically why until the next paragraph, where we see the dad. I would have a hard time forgiving him.

I've seen Down Syndrome children portrayed with more innocence and forgiveness than the average person. Perhaps that makes the story more legitimate. She hadn't seen him since she was five. That's my earliest memory.

It seemed to me that the doctor would be the father figure, and her real dad more of a notion in her mind, not a reality. Well, none of that is meant as a criticism. I'm really exploring my feelings while typing.

When Dr. Turner walked in, the turn in the plot shocked me. Maybe this was a love story, after all. He seemed interested in Beth, and her attraction to him was powerful. Yet, they only remained friends. I suppose that's closer to real life, but my romantic side wanted Beth and Jack to marry.

Jack encouraged Beth to let Faith mature and explore the world in a small way. What a victory for all when Faith landed a job.

The emphasis stayed on Faith. Jack's focus remained on Faith, Beth's as well. I had a vague sense that the two were attracted to each other. So maybe it's on me that the story seemed unlikely. Just because I expected the plot to play out a certain way, does not diminish the author's intent.

And yet I continued to hope. I thought this sentence was a play on words. Faith never gave up hope.

Beth had a sense of foreboding that put an edge on the plot, but really, nothing came of it. She wasn't upset when the dad returned. The dad wasn't some scum bag. Beth and Jack were not in a relationship. That's what would have concerned me. If Beth and Jack were together, would the father's arrival upset the relationship?

*Question* If Beth and Jack were in a relationship, this didn't come through in the story.

The transition between scenes and times made sense, but possibly consider an asterisk to indicate the change.

If I have to give the father kudos, at least he sobered up and returned to Faith with a gift that demonstrated his love. He learned a bit about her, rather than showing up with some flowers and excuses. An interesting story to ponder left me frustrated. lol

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529
529
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Patrece. Considering all the times we interact with each other, I've never noticed the length of your membership. Congrats on 14! years. What an accomplishment.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *Cakeb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
The informative title and brief description made the content clear. Although the article is dated, your easy-going style held my interest. I felt as if we were sitting down for a chat, sharing a cup of coffee. (As you intended.)

*Baretree3*
A closer look
I remember the emphasis on keywords from a few years back when I wrote articles. One request was to use the word 'cheating wife' eleven times in a 750 word essay. Crazy, but I made it work.

There's a website (an off-shoot of Amazon) that pays a tiny bit to spin articles. (Some of the original work is wretched.) I worked it for a few years, but burned out. The requests have a time limit for completion, sometimes minutes! The site includes a tool that checks for authenticity, eliminating the horrors of plagiarism.

Even though the parts about keywords might no longer be relevant (or maybe they are), you offer some excellent writing tips. Authors have individual voices. This alone can capture an audience. Your reminder to stay true to oneself, even in a restricted environment, will always be relevant.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
Your honesty made me smile. It's true for me as well. Learning anything new means stumbling around in the dark and trying not to panic. I've convinced myself everyone else simply absorbs information, which sabotages my progress. I have to stay in my own mind, and accept the limitations without judgement. Once I relax, I learn.

*Idea* (The link you included is no longer available.)

Everything we write is a reflection of who we are. I appreciated the professional appearance of your article. You've taken care with paragraph placement, and chose a font style that appeals to me. The work is approachable. I've often clicked away from an item because it lacks that certain something that says, 'hey, I care about my work.'

Sorry I barely squeaked in a current anniversary review. In my book, the account anniversary lasts the entire month. I hope yours has been awesome.


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530
530
Review of Squirrel Hunting  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Leger. You're stuck with me, again. Although I'm no editor, reading is my favorite way to relax. I write these reviews aware the author will most likely not make any changes. Yet still I persist.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


*Type*
Overall Impression
First person POV and present tense is not so easy to pull off. But it does make the action immediate and increases the intimacy between reader and character. Well done!

*Type*
Setting/Characters
You gave me a solid sense of setting, and of the woman's mood. I have to say I resented her husband, right up until the end. Even the conclusion didn't put all my flames of fury and indignation.

What didn't work for me was the excessive wordiness and passive verbs in the opening paragraphs. Words like just and always are part of a person's dialogue, but in fiction, their appearance distances me.

I didn't like the husband at all. He sounded like a real jerk, and if I was married to him, I would never cooperate or comply. The fact that the wife was willing to hunt put a sharp edge on her boredom.

...and yucky description of the dead squirrel. That's on me, though. I'm a Vegan and have only myself to blame for reading a hunting story.

The plight of a pregnant woman is all to intimate in my mind. I'm glad those years have gone by.

*Delight*
Stand out moments
The baby kicking some sense into her caught my attention as the first bright spot.

I laughed at the picture you created of the narrator suiting up to go outside.

What really got me going was the scene where she rolled down the hill. *Laugh*

*Type*
Considerations
I miss the spacing found in your other stories. It's so much easier to read with paragraphing.

So picky.
I shed a layer of clothing and suck the belly in and finally succeed in getting the suit zipped up.
I won't copy/paste the suggestion. If you read this, I'm sure you'll pick up on it.

It looks like someone [dumped] a load of dirt out of a [dump truck]
Word repetition.

"We're going to sit right here,
missing closing quotes

throwing up all over the place." He shrugged.
he shrugged

*Type*
Lasting Impression
You succeeded in your mission. Both the title and the brief description pertained to the story, although I never put the two together like you did. Nice write!


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531
531
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Leger. Nixie, here.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


*Baretree3*
The Hook that snagged me.
I can't resist a story about tulips and moms. Throw a child into the plot, and I'm hooked. Why? Because of my sweet memory of my mom. I marveled when she planted tulip bulbs and explained how they would return in spring, year after year.

*Baretree3*
A closer look{/b}
The opening paragraph was a little vague because the characters were introduced using pronouns, not names, or designations. I know it doesn't matter much after 65 reviews and the passage of years, but you're stuck with me.

I don't think using names would have altered word count, but perhaps that was a consideration.

Mostly, I'm amazed that you conjured up so much emotion, and created a fleshed-out story in 310 words.

The child was so lifelike, I imagined myself holding him and trying not to laugh at his perfectly sensical conclusion. Add that to his solution, and you created a poignant and comical moment in time. Life captured on the page.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
And, duh. After I reviewed my review, it hit me that this was a true story. I didn't have any sense of this being fictionalized, which makes this even more remarkable. When does life ever present itself with such clarity?

And how often do we recognize those moments as life-changing?

Not using names makes sense because this was a true story. Still, I found that to be a drawback, and a source of confusion. But that's on me. One person's opinion. And here I am, reassuring you as if you were a newbie.




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532
532
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here, again.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


The Hook
The cool title was enough to encourage me to read, despite the lack of a brief description. In what context would secondhand make sense? I wondered at what you were weaving. A farmer and a dragon? I can't believe I kept reading. I'm not a dragon person.

*Baretree3*
A visionary or an idiot
Each scene was easily visualized. When Silas bought equipment from the small man, I recognized this as foreshadowing, but ever the optimist, who believes in the underdog, I crafted a different meaning.

While Silas waited his turn, I thought of my dad during WW2. The only way to force the Japanese from hiding in the caves was to use flame guns. As the opposition fled, the marines shot them down. I know this sickened my father because he never spoke about the war. Not one word until the late '90's.

I related in another fashion, silly and not grim, by remembering something from high school. Standing in line, waiting my turn to hurdle the 'horse' in gym class.

*Note* Side note: Dialect can swiftly become tedious and overdone, but the tiny's man's dialogue was short enough to create interest and establish character without the pitfalls.

In my mind, the story went this way. Once Silas was disarmed and no longer a threat, the poor dragon befriended him and shared his fortune with Silas. *Facepalm* I warned you. I've ever the optimist.

*Idea* Lapse of attention
But me made it through
he made it

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I liked the droll conclusion. I can't recall a time in my life when I felt like Silas, but it made perfect sense for this story, and it made me laugh.

1000 words on the mark? I wouldn't change one thing and sacrifice that precision. In and of itself, the exact word count is a victory. You seem to handle contest prompts with ease. This usually means you were careful and cared enough about your work to edit out any mistakes. *Checkg*


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533
533
Review of The Choice  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jeff. Nixie, here.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


From the Top
"The Choice" is somewhat of a generic title, but the brief description put a fine edge on a dull knife. And, I must agree, you put a question in my mind that I'd never before considered. What if eternal life doesn't mean restoration of health?

Overall Impression
A story of compassion and dedication between man and wife told with precision and unique talent.

Side note:
Sorry, but I couldn't help wanting to scream. "You dummies. The fabled 'Fountain of Youth' is in St. Augustine, FL." I've been there. It's merely a fountain.

*StarR*
Plot/Setting/Characters
I like the way you begin stories with dialogue. Not everyone is successful using this approach. The gamble might leave the reader groping in the dark, but constructed correctly, it makes a strong opening. You're careful to present facts to stabilize the dialogue, firmly locking in context.

Plot, setting, and characters in place by the third paragraph. Conflict swiftly established. Time to settle in and read.

Roger and Abigail, the perfect couple. Roger cannot face the world without Abigail, often a side-effect of brilliance. Although Abigail is terminal, I formed the impression that she would be okay on her own. My siblings and I used to speculate which parent would fare better without the other. The answer is my mom.

Roger's dedication rings true, as his research becomes fevered.

When we find what we think we want our expectations are nullified. The fountain represented the futility and irony of life.

*StarR*
Parting thoughts
Of course I'm leaving here thinking, what if Abigail dies before Roger finds another fountain? Excellent closing scene.

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534
534
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jace. Nixie, again. I did warn you.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Reader, pay attention
When I read the title and brief description, a slight hesitation stilled my hand. (Oh good grief. Now I'm thinking as a colonial would.) I was concerned the story might be ugly or abusive. But no. Jace provides the reader with another historical fictionalized plot.

Time and place
Adroitly presented in the beginning, as words written in a journal.

POV
Written in third person, the character has a name. And all the names reflected the time period. Well-chosen for the plot.

Character development
As Joshua drives the plot forward, his frustration finally leads to action, (foreshadowed by his reaction to the bullies). Joshua is influenced by both parents. Right from the beginning, I'm rebelling against the father, even though I understand his motivations. Joshua's mom provided him with the much-needed counter-balance.

We need thinkers like Joshua in society, right now. Complacency has to end. Awareness must blossom.

I lost track of which generation we're dubbing the current one. X, Y, Z? Anyhow, I see this generation as making a difference.

*Idea* Considerations
I see you have a favorite word. lol
He saw the need
was a man who saw
and what he saw bothered him greatly.
The Massachusetts colony saw
He saw his inability

The formal wording is correctly presented for the era. Stiff and 'wordy', for lack of a better description. In this one sentence, I think you can be more direct.
a measure [that always tended to] calm her son.
Suggestion: a measure that calmed her son.

Lasting Impression
Joshua's character is solidly constructed. The story never flags, despite the formality. It's a bit of a history lesson, but that only added to the charm, and created authenticity.

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535
535
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jace! Nixie, again. At Kind Hearts, this is Purple Appreciation Month. We have a limited amount of purple cases, so you might see more reviews from me.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


In the beginning
Although not a fan of prompts, sometimes, by definition, they juice my writing. I rarely take on prompts that require specific words because it's difficult to blend them in. Not so with your work!

The thought foremost in my brain. Clever. Very clever.

Call to attention
Once again, the first person POV drew me in. What an opening statement! Character and conflict established.

As the plot unrolled
Even though the narrator is thinking, the declarations came from your mind. An excellent introduction on past observations led the plot forward.

I'm not sure why you switched font size in the same paragraph. Maybe begin another one when the story switches to action.

POV considerations
For me, names create character identification. In first person POV, the character sometimes is nameless, unless he's addressing himself. Otherwise, you might have provided a name in the few lines of dialogue.

The definition of 'xeric' was neatly incorporated into the story, so the reader could continue without interruption. (I wanted to look up the definition, anyway.) Labeling this term as archaic, gave the reader a heads-up as to time. *Checkg*

Lasting impression
More social observations in this piece, and I agree with the commentary. We're killing our home.

You do realize the song 'Tiptoe through the Tulips" is now stuck in my head. *Laugh*

Excellent job with metaphors all the way through.

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536
536
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jace. Nixie, here.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Overall Impression
This month at Kind Hearts is Purple Appreciation month, and I was happy to find a story with no reviews. I like giving attention to something overlooked.

The title made me leery. False smiles are as dangerous as teens who answer with "Yes, M'am." Their manners are so sweet, a person might see this kid as kind and considerate. Someone to be trusted. I'm here to agree with your smile statement and to add a word of caution about politeness.

Hook: The benign first sentences alarmed me. A man squeezing a ball belies his underlying thoughts. I liked the emphasis on your desk. Now the story has turned personal. I had to know more.

Characters/setting/plot

Character
The narrator speaks in first person, which serves the story well. We can listen to him think and see how ordinary he feels when he doesn't even stand up for his diploma. On a smaller scale, this reminded me of a high school incident, involving a solo I preformed in Chorale. Every soloist was called to the front and stood before the audience to receive accolades. Everyone except me.

For this reason, I bonded with the character.

Setting
The narrator has landed his dream career, albeit under suspicious circumstances, in a research lab. I don't blame him for not listening to the screaming voice in his head.

As the plot unfolds
Our future lies in science. The narrator takes us step by step through the process of discovery. Although scientific, it was easy to follow his actions. If such a thing is possible, I don't know, but it worked for the story.

Conflict
Animal testing is a disturbing topic. At least your character had compunction, even though he continued. He's such an engaging character, I followed every thought, wondering where this discovery would take him. Smart man, not to reveal what he created.

The plot halted for a moment, bringing the reader back to the benign introduction, the squeezing ball. Was this a metaphor for his discovery?

Lasting Impression
It took me a few seconds to understand the significance of his actions. At first, it seemed a let down. After all the gathering tension, he goes to the bank? Then the Ah-ha moment lit my brain. He's not Mr. Be Mindful of Implications. He exploited his discovery, serving the money god.

Yesterday, I was thinking about complacency in those who know what's 'right'." It is easier to be led by idiots than take action.

Great story, with subtle commentary on human ethics and motivations. Nicely done!

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537
537
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Joy. Nixie, again. I couldn't resist reading another post. We seem to be on the same page.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Overall Impression
Good for you, being familiar with Lisa Cron's book! I'm not. With that said, her words might have rung with authenticity if she'd softened the hard-wired part. I know writing is dramatic, and maybe she was referring to a writer's mind in a clever way. What makes more sense to me is that I'm always writing stories in my head, or worst of all, narrating my life. Or my life "as it should have been." *Laugh*

I wouldn't call that hard-wiring, at all. Do you think she was just trying to be clever?

Thoughts/Feelings
I definitely agree with how our emotions and past experiences determine the way we interpret the world. The man wearing his safari hat was a great example to illustrate your point.

As to assimilating new data? I probably block out 75% of the world. I might see a person, but they don't register in my mind. I never think people notice me, but my brother is incredulous when I say that. He claims I turn heads all the time. Thanks, brother. *Laugh*

Lasting Impression
Every brain is unique, and mine is uniquely damaged. I take in information up to a point, and then my mind simply shuts down. I won't recall a movie from the night before. I can watch a movie or TV series repeatedly, and notice something different every time. But I digress.

Assimilating info on a need to know basis makes sense. But there's nothing normal about my brain. It turns on and off at its leisure. I try to take advantage of the times when its turned on. Too bad my mind isn't hard-wired for creative story writing. I'd probably be a lot more productive.

Thanks for another 'cup of coffee' chat. *Smile*

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538
538
for entry "Hooked on Books" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Joy! Nixie, here.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Overall Impression
In following a monthly review challenge for purple cases (this month) I knew exactly where to start. I see your blog entries posted every day on the Newsfeed. I don't always stop to read them, but I admire your tenacity and ability to keep a blog timely.

Thoughts/Feelings
Prompts can definitely inspire, but sometimes it inhibits the writer. I've never noticed this in your entries. Your replies are a definite reflection of you. The words never feel forced or contrived. Merely straightforward and friendly. And informative!

Wow. You read a lot of books. I'm not one for the library, and I can only afford to buy just so many books for my Kindle. It seems as if all the current novels run around 350 pages or so. I miss those thousand page novels with tiny font. What's for sale now sometimes seems a waste of money. Not all the writing is that great.

I totally agree with your assessment of novels written in earlier years. While I enjoyed them at the time, the passive writing seems dull. Recently I was chatting with my mom, who is in her eighties. She loves all the narrative and exposition, and does not enjoy dialogue.

Nothing stays the same, and I think the latest trend in novels is in pace with today's society. No one has time to read (make sure you have a lot of white space, they advise), and when they read it's done in spurts. Everyone talks so fast. Today, I had to ask the doctor to slow down because I simply wasn't comprehending. Part of that is due to my brain, but seriously, can't the world just slow down?

You're one smart lady, keeping your reading diet varied, in genre, medium, and era. E-readers are wonderful because I don't have as many stacked books around the place. Still, nothing is the same as holding a paperback. I have to stop, I'm sounding too old!

I've never tried listening to a book being read. I've listened to snippets, and the noise makes me nervous. I rarely like the reader's voice. Gosh, such a picky person.

Lasting Impression
Good grief, I babbled. Talking about books is always of interest to me. I wish you had included some links to the books on Amazon. I checked out Kaleidoscope Hearts but it wasn't of interest to me. One of my all time favorites was Winds of War by Herman Wouk. I read it in high school and managed to snag the paperback at the library's used book store. Wouk seemed the master of driving one part of the story to its climax, and then leaving me hanging when he returned to the parallel theme. I tried to read it again, no luck.

Thanks for the read, Joy. I feel as if I've had a chat with you, while sipping a cup of coffee. *Smile*

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539
539
for entry "Brothers Everlasting" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Shamrock* Hi, Joey! Nixie, here. I am happy to review you as a winning ticket holder in the Over the Rainbow Raffle!

Outstanding title for this entry.*Shamrock*

*Yinyang*

I read this with sadness weighing down my soul. To lose your friend, who was indeed a gift, is a hammer-blow. No matter how we view death, unexpected or not, the mind struggles to make sense of it all.

The second paragraph detailed precise moments in your shared life. In my experience, writing down these memories will serve you well later because memories fade. Already, memories of my dad are slipping.

*Yinyang*
Showing the reader how you appeared, reading the news to learn of his death, emphasized the pain of a lapsing friendship when we lose touch with others. Nothing worse than remorse to carry on with.

It seems the writing gave you some relief, and maybe a bit of acceptance. No one really knows what happens after death, although many have specific beliefs.

Stanza four, leading into five created the most impact, for me. While the other stanzas looked back, the eerie, yet comforting phrases about the apparition immersed me in the moment.

*Yinyang*
The picture you included gives the reader a fuller experience. You showed us what was, and what never will be again.

I'll venture a guess that this passage came straight from your mind and passed through your fingers. Sharing grief helps abate the pain, at least that's what people say.

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540
540
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, NoMonster. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
the title of the story reminded me of the book (and movie)"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." The brief description was an excellent example of misdirection!

Interesting concept to build a story on. After reading the ending comments, I panicked and did a bit of research. I have a hard time tracking characters from scene to scene, but it's probably due to lack of concentration. But two characters with a similar build and hair color have me squinting.

Thoughts
The story was told from a distance, rather than a singular POV, and this made it difficult to relate to the mom's plight. She was a smart woman, though, and found a way to take care of her son. At least he recognized his mother's smell.

The part about other people recognizing him as belonging to them was almost funny. Especially family members calling him different names. Wow, that's a wild plot with lots of imagination.

The reader doesn't learn about Johnny's reaction to all this, other than he was never upset when taken from place to place. Which, why would he? Poor kid.

Just a thought: Playing up the mom's reaction would make her a more believable character. Someone I could readily identify with.

Parting thoughts
Clever conclusion with the star tattoo. *Checkg*

Little known facts were creatively used to write a story. Although I felt apart from the action, I enjoyed the read. After I finished freaking out. Nice write!

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541
541
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Chuckster. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
Oh, good grief, you had me laughing. I was thinking of my mom. She lives in a community for older people and tells the most hysterical stories. But, I do not want to get old.

Thoughts
With the opening focused on seeing Krissy, I thought you had an outstanding plot right there. But the story shifted and became something else entirely.

Excellent characters in this story. The dialogue was priceless, witty and ridiculous, (in a good way). I think large lasagna was the most outrageous commentary.

You had some rather complex scenes to describe (the placement of the table comes to mind), but at all times, the action was clear in my mind. I didn't need to know who had blue hair or wore pajamas, and I'm happy you skipped describing particular appearances. In my mind, it would have detracted from the story. I rather enjoyed picturing them as I pleased.

However, I'd like to know what Charles looked like. As he took his careful steps toward the door, I was both laughing and holding my breath. If one of those elderly people got an arm around him, he'd be captured for hours.

I noticed a few small glitches along the way, but nothing that detracted from the story. Except for this one.
Mrs. Osgood, had deemed herself the table coordinator.
This is a comma splice. A lapse of attention, that's all.

It's all good.
You definitely have the skills to write. I found unique descriptions and appreciated the usage of vivid verbs that brought sentences to life. You do know you have to write the story of Charles meeting Krissy, right? *Laugh*

Because I think account anniversaries last all month, I don't consider this a late review. Technically, yes. While I hope you enjoyed the exact day, I also hope this will be an ongoing amazing month for you.


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542
542
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Beth. Nixie, here. I'm on the halfway point to your actual anniversary day, so you might want to save the review for something to read when the actual day comes. *Laugh*

Overall Impression
This past February, who knew this page would become an extension of me? I've never participated before, but you made the challenge sound so enticing, there was no point in resisting.

Now I'm challenged to review the forum, not yammer on about the amazing journey of soundtracking. (It was awesome.)

Thoughts
Even though this was the third round for many, the page still clearly defines the rules for first-timers. You're faithful to your word. Rules are rules, and without them, you'd have total mayhem.

I'll admit to a bit of trepidation when reading the line in huge red font, punctuated with a smirk. But the "After all" tempered the mood and got me thinking about the power of music. I wanted to discover part of me by paying attention to what moved me. I didn't expect to learn so much from the other participants. (I was slightly threatened by the warning to keep track of others' posts.) It seemed like a lot of work, but I found a few who really spoke to me and I focused on those.

It's weird to remember when I first joined and didn't understand what is so obvious now. How to link an item. I learned through forums like yours. If a person did not understand linking, they'd get it after reading this. Excellent explanation through demonstration.

In closing

Right from the beginning, I grasped how much you cared about the results, not just the rules, but by what we would discover about ourselves. I didn't expect you to read all the entries.
Wow. Oops. Back to chatting about the activity, not the forum. The only thing I didn't understand was the meaning of the teams. Reading through the latest forum posts, I've been enlightened.

Something else very special, and not just you. This challenge was about the participants, not a competition among other members. Because of this, I was able to relax and enjoy the experience. Really, I wanted the merit badge and the ribbon. *Laugh*

I noticed Gaby gave you the music award. Dang, I wish I'd thought of it first, because you are more than deserving. Enjoy your anniversary!

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543
Review of The Awakening  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Matthew. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
Although I'm at odds as to how the story was told, I liked the suspense of not knowing, and the narrator spoke in a smart-alack way that seemed entirely justified. That Commodore seriously messed up the narrator's life, but early in the story, he fled, taking the Commodore's daughter. Hah! That felt good.

Thoughts
You excel at creating characters, which is what keeps me linked in. Although Marcie struck out with Robert, escaping her father, she found her own career that sometimes worked with Robert's, but she was independent enough to run alone. Oh, I like strong women. Nice job portraying her.

Along with Robert, I did kind of laugh at her moment of drama. I thought the dad had him for sure. And does it make me a bad person if I also agree with Robert about abandoning the dad? I probably couldn't do it. My guilt would eat me up.

People are much too curious. Why can't we leave rune-marked doors alone? Up until the door opened, the story was about two young adults living life on the edge, defying the father. Enough drama right there.

How true, same as in life, an event happens that makes everything else inconsequential. Kind of like learning your sister has leukemia. Nothing matters anymore.

So my hedging about how the story was written--the tenses change too many times. And the actual time in between scenes was abrupt. Robert's talking about smuggling, and in the next paragraph, he's telling the reader where he is. If the way you wrote it works for you, then ignore me. I'm here to celebrate, not suggest.

Quickly, you could add paragraphing for an easier read. Always begin a new paragraph when a different character acts of speaks. And the punctuation needs correcting.

In closing
I'm not sure how successful the genre of Steampunk is. I don't come across too many of them, but they are fun to read.

Keep writing your remarkable characters. They are your treasures. *Thumbsup*


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544
544
Review of Mosaic  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Stephan. Nixie, here.

*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
I found your work here. "Noticing Newbies Newsletter (February 24, 2016)" 

An interesting write that left me with more questions than answers. Is there more to the story?

Thoughts/Feelings
Excellent job dragging me into the mind of Gzelt. His emotions played out emphatically. Rage, misery, unfairness, guilt, and acceptance, to name a few.

I'm guessing you know what's behind this story, but the reader? What is the circle? Was there an experiment gone wrong. What exactly happened to Selan? And if everyone who knew about the incident had to die, shouldn't the queen and everyone else who were aware of the project suffer the same fate? Usually the rulers make sure they have plausible deniability.

I liked the way you showed the various reactions of the other members. Each was believable and authentic. If I was sitting there, knowing my fate from the outset, I would be resigned. Still, according to modern media (lol) no one is ever subjected to the agreement, or they manage to sneak away.

Many of the sentences took me by surprise. One example, the desk breaking under the weight of one letter struck me as unique.

Gzelt was the only one who stood before the queen and her mask. He seemed to be the one most aware of etiquette and how to address the queen. I found his speech convincing, and even though I already liked him, my esteem for him rose.

The Judges were present as well (save one)
Hmm. Who is this judge? Someone who might cause trouble? Someone who ran?

Members of MOSAIC could choose between "exile in the Labyrinth, or death by infusion." The first, although not explained, can be imagined. How did the word infusion relate to their death? Was the word used creatively as in 'drinking a lethal potion'?

Oops
and their was no way
there

*Idea*
Paragraphing would greatly improve the reading experience. And it might make understanding this work easier.

Lasting Impression
The conclusion seemed at odds with me. The world was on the brink of imminent destruction, yes? This could not be stopped by anyone? How did the MOSAIC team sacrificing their lives make any difference? As I said, many questions.

Still, s strong and evocative write that kept me focused throughout. If only I had the answers. Maybe you have something further to write? You have the skills.

*Thumbsup* Outstanding character names. Keep writing!

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545
545
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Cecelia! Nixie, here.


*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
After a few sentences, a feeling of doom captured me. The journey seemed so odd, I wondered where Mandy and the narrator were leading the children.

Thoughts/Feelings
The prose served the plot well. It's necessary to bring the reader all the way into the story, and poetic descriptions help form the scene. Sometimes, prose becomes purple, overdone, but I didn't feel that way as I read this.

I kept wondering what was wrong with the narrator. Most find beauty in nature, a setting you created to showcase the awesomeness. Yet, the narrator sees only in grey. The contrast was startling. What made her and Mandy so glum and unresponsive to the children?

So this story is a dream prompting a story. Dreams are open to interpretation, and even the dreamer might be confused, unable to process the happenings.

The way to the save haven is accessible only by trudging through shallow water, and it's here the narrator begins to unravel, thoughts spiraling ever downward.

My mind running wild
With a bit of work, you can mold this into a fictional story, filling in the blanks. Mandy and the narrator (you) would make fascinating characters, and my mind churns, thinking of the implications of leading the children. Something awful must have occurred. An attack of some sort? Escaping from war? How would they know about the wooden shack? The story would need more characters and a setting.

With the basic material already sketched by your dream, you have a tremendous boost up the ladder to a fictitious story, if that is of interest to you. Or maybe you've accomplished what you intended. Either way, I enjoyed the read.

A few areas would benefit from tweaking. Less is more in fiction. That's where I would start, anyway. Cut back any extraneous words. Use an active voice rather than passive verbs.

Lasting Impression
I apologize for manipulating your dream. Whatever comes of this is yours. I got caught up in setting and action. My mind was filling in the blanks.

And when I remember (you) died in the conclusion, my mind backs up, reconsidering my words. Fascinating dream. Look how much you prompted my imagination. *Thumbsup* *Star*


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546
546
Review of Rocks for Mama  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi, Nikola. Nixie, here.



Overall Impression
Your story made me smile, gave me chills, plucked a chord of sorrow, and had me laughing. That's quite an emotional response from one story! An added bonus, your writing style is lovely and clear.

A few thoughts
Don't ask me why, because it's totally incongruent with the story, but I pictured this happening in downtown Savannah. And, I pictured The Painted Lady houses in San Francisco as the home where the sisters and mom lived. Completely incongruous.

I miss my older sister every day, so I enjoyed reading about the older one watching out for Emily. Both little girls were lovable, but my heart belongs to Emily because I have a rock collection. Hundreds of them placed all around my villa. My grandchildren love playing with them, but I won't allow them to take any home. And when I was moving from NYS to Florida, a man stopped by (three times) wanting to buy some of them. For me, the story rang true.

Kelsey had to assume the role of the more serious, stable girl. She simply could not entertain the idea that Emily's rocks were special. Obviously, Luke was special, but hey, I'm going with the mood here. And he was charmed by Emily, same as me.

So cute when Em told the guy he needed a haircut, and then the next day be concerned that she had done something wrong.

Lasting Impression
I can't help but think, even in today's society, that somewhere, somehow, there are still random acts of kindness on such a grand scale.

I broke out laughing when I read Emily's last sentence. What a fantastic demonstration of a child's thinking. It makes me want to cuddle this character you created. Thanks for the read! No ratings are allowed for this story, so I'll have to show you.
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*



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547
547
Review of It comes in waves  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Roz. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
The first stanza grabbed my attention. Your work is an excellent portrayal of depression. Whenever I hear or read that word I want to stomp out its existence, to choke the powerful life from its clutches. Depression is a monster that can be subdued, but rarely defeated.

A few thoughts
And the worse part about being repressed but present was vividly expressed here. I despise the way it unexpectedly takes over when life is running smoothly, for once. Right in the middle of enjoyment, depression butts in. You found a simple, yet eloquent way to show the reader how horrible this illness can be. One day I'm fine, the next, I don't want to read, or watch television, or write. I don't want to move.

Lasting Impression
Because I'm not a happy person, at least depression can't take that away from me. I'm not miserable and lost, just realistic. After being smacked around by this disease, I've learned to not be expectant. In a way, I'm holding my breath every day, waiting to see if the monster appears. Still, there are many days when the threat is far from my mind.

I liked the repetition of each stanza beginning with the same phrase. The first stanza is the only one where a comma appeared. For uniformity, you might want to delete that curly-cue mark.

In simple words that anyone can relate to you've captured the demon and showed it to everyone. Like the girl in that dated movie starring David Bowie that I can't remember the name of, I want to stand up and shout. "You have no power over me."



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548
548
Review of One Seven  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ryan. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


Overall Impression
Excellent title and brief description. Both were succinct and expressive, the same as the story.

A few thoughts
The first few sentences or paragraph is the author's chance to snag the reader and entice her to continue. For me, I was confounded by the sheer amount of words and description.

Everything in a story is there to further the plot. A [very nice looking hotel] is too generic. Are you trying to show the reader that the sniper is holed up in an exclusive area, a place unlikely for an assassination? The sentence beginning with 'he stares steadily' goes on much too long. Also, how can a stare be anything except steady? Beware the use of adverbs. *Wink*

Here's an example of using less words. Your first sentence distilled down to bring focus to the scene. Just a suggestion.
Adam, perched in his shaded loft, squints at the sun.

*Idea*
“You said one two four seven, Devin?” [H]e asks his spotter.
“You said one two four seven, Devin?” he asks his spotter.

Each character has a separate paragraph.
“That’s him.” Devin insists. Adam finally lines..."
Begin a new paragraph with [Adam finally lines...]

Action comes before dialogue
“Yeah, that’s definitely him. Let’s rock.” Adam confirms, a little surprised at how much the target actually looks like the photograph.
Adam, a little surprised at how much the target resembles the photo, replies, "Yeah, that's definitely him."

Do snipers say "Let's rock?" I think 'Light 'em up" is more commonly heard. Or simply, "Target acquired."

My military jargon is rusty, but if the target is identified as Alpha, why is Tango taken out? Also, I think a sniper's comments would be more harsh than the final sentence.

Lasting Impression
Overall, a tight little drama that could benefit from a few tweaks, or added realism. And less words in the beginning. *Laugh* Okay, I'm done suggesting. I only go on and on when I like what I've read. Keep on writing.



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549
549
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, Intuey! Nixie, here. Celebrating 13 years of membership with you by composing a review.

Overall Impression
Fun write! This story drew my attention because I entered the same contest. I like reading how others handled the prompts. I must say, this story impressed me.

Thoughts
As I began reading, it was nearly impossible not to catch the girls' exuberance, so I gave up and went with it. What struck me was the description of the room, with all the Christmas decorations and presents. Several vivid verbs reacted with the words. I felt myself sprinting alongside the girls as they skipped down the hill.

Oh, and the elves? Too funny.

Since Jesse was surprised by the strength in Sarah's grip, it made sense that Sarah had some fast talking to do if she wanted Jesse to play along. Great imagery, there.

Two (ing) words so close together in the beginning was slightly distracting. But you quickly pulled out of that trap.

spitting up from underneath [or] shoes,
our shoes

In closing
After all the excitement, the closing slowed everything down, while the counselor (er, head elf) explained how the rest of the day would play out.

When we had big Christmas celebrations, our rule was one person at a time unwrapping a gift, rather than tearing into all the gifts. That way, everyone felt appreciated. Buyers and un-wrappers alike.

I liked the bit of history you included at the conclusion. *Checkg*

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550
550
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dwolfy. Nixie, here.


*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
This second chapter came up on random reviewing, so I headed back to your portfolio to read chapter one. The pacing was fast, and I felt as if I knew Mike quite well, even after such a short scene.

The intensity of the scene, and the final line encouraged me to keep reading. Mike knew something was off, and I liked the way you showed that.

Thoughts/Feelings
So, I don't know why, but I thought Mike was leaving the building to see Pat. Possibly because the 'smells' didn't match. In Chapter one, Mike smells wet concrete, but this chapter opens with steam pipes groaning. It could just be me, but maybe another mention of this being the same building would help.

Mike was in quite the mood to rip that phone cord out of the wall! Awesome demonstration of character. After easing the door shut, indicating calmness, the move was bold and violent, something I'd already expected to see from him, due to the first chapter. Bang. From easing the door to ripping a cord. I don't think I'd want to get in his way.

Pat is more of a side character, so far. He's there for Mike to play off of. He also seems to share my opinion of Mike. Get out of his way.

*Idea* A few oops.

“What are you gonna do[] Mike?”'
“You don't wanna know []Pat.”
Missing commas

halfway to the Hospital
Since hospital isn't a proper noun, there's no need to capitalize it. If it's Grey's Hospital, then yes. It has a specific name.

he took up a pencil to doddle
doodle?

Lasting Impression
I really liked Mike until the last paragraph. His violence fits in with his character, I hope he doesn't do something stupid. He seems to know who would hurt Velda. Is there a romantic attachment anywhere? Considering the title, I think Mark is planning something not so healthy for whomever hurt Velda.

Killer last paragraph, and even more vivid last sentence. I liked how you tied up the story by ending with an impression of the hospital. Well done!

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