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3,284 Public Reviews Given
3,323 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Breach. Nixie here. I found your story here:
"Invalid Item" 


*StarG*
Overall Impression
I think that's the fastest running plot I've ever read. The word choices kept the read tight, and it seemed like the chapter ended before it started. Nicely done.

*StarG*
Plot/Setting/Characters
Excellent opening scenes, using the ice and snow to create tension. Add in some neighborly advice, and wa-la!the reader is on edge.

*Checkg* Excellent foreshadowing, although I assumed the glove was worn for the weather. A sleight of hand, perhaps.

You moved your characters through the scenes by supplying them with props. Lots of items to hold or lose. Sense of hearing also engaged by crunching snow.

Strong verbs like yanking, twisting, thrashing, and cracked kept the pace running.

As the reader, I knew the man with the arrow was on Branston's side, but Branston had reason to be suspicious of all.

I have to say the loss of good horses devastated me. With my personality, I couldn't have killed them off. What a waste.

Just when it seems Branston is doomed, he's up and running again, finally claiming victory with death. But he's not to thrilled about the probable destiny awaiting him.

Click here
Suggestions ▼


*Starg*
Parting thoughts
Loads of history, innuendos, and remarks whet the reader's appetite for Chapter 2.

Great write!

** Image ID #2120237 Unavailable **

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Camaraderie Captain


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
452
452
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jeannie. Yup, it's me, Nixie. Your item came up while I was clicking the read and review option.



*Baretree3*
Overall Impression
This piece is impressive. The different topics you discuss have their own paragraphs. Each comment is explained and backed up with examples. The read, quite honestly, is flawless.


*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
No surprise our thoughts run along similar lines. What kind of world will my grandchildren's children have? Will earth still be sustainable? My grandsons are extremely aware of our planets plight. If they see a piece of trash on the ground, they'll say, "They're killing the earth!" A little less drama, please, but their mother has taught them well.

Educational. That's the term I should have chosen. Emotional and passionate.

We can't seem to stop ourselves from destroying our home. Humans are so weird. We're planet killers. Maybe our destiny is to destroy this planet. We're racing to get there.

And the fracking! Good grief, what are those idiots thinking? Just one more way to use and abuse because humans want more.

Interesting suspicion. We have an alternate method for transportation that the oil companies are keeping quiet about. We do have electric cars, but that also needs fossil fuel.

It's quite bizarre when you ponder it. Humans are not at all natural to the earth. We can't survive without protection from the elements. We kill trees. I have to stop because I'm gritting my teeth.

Oh, I think you want Nowadays, not Now days. I could be wrong, though.


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
Excellent work throughout, Jeannie. Your word choices are precise and unique. I like the larger font, as well.

I know this was a nominated article. It should have won a Quill.


Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Camaraderie Captain



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
453
453
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi azrael. Nixie here. I found your story by clicking the read and review option.


*Baretree3*
The Hook
A little work here would go a long way. A more compelling title would draw in more readers. The brief description is vague enough for a hint, but definitely made me curious.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
I had a hard time trying to read this, mostly due to misspellings, lack of paragraphing, sentences incorrectly punctuated, comma errors, and general confusion. This is not something I do, but in this instance, I have to write out what I took away from the plot to help both me and you.

Young elf girl comes across a recent battle scene. The next paragraph confused me. Is she from the Panar Forest? What does it mean that the path seemed north?

[But why would they be here?, she thought.]

Try this:

Why would they be here? she thought.

[She proceeded with caution as things went on]
What does this mean? What things went on? Can you describe what she's seeing?

[" Where do you think your going?" came a voice.]
New *Paragraph* required. Misspell.
"Where do you think you're going?" came a voice.

*Right* Remember to begin a new paragraph every time the dialogue or scene switches to another character. This will make it much easier to understand.

The humans took the red orb.

Gia and Dalec are the ones who stop for lunch where the humans camped before? They find dead humans and a dragon has the orb in his head. Paragraphing is desperately needed here for clarity. The dragon knows her name.

This was one of my favorite scenes. *Checkg*

[ A line of evil light ran down the middle of the wall ]
How can light be evil?

She wakes up in another world?

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I think you have a decent plot that needs work. The reader needs more information to fully embrace the story. I like Gia, and you have an opportunity to really show her off. The same for Dalec. I bet, in your mind, they have a wonderful relationship. But the reader wants to see it.

*Notebl* Using the read and review option lands reviewers all over the place. Chapter 1 was written in 2014 with no further sign of action. If you don't want to work on this story, why not set it to private, or label it as a draft? It's frustrating for a reviewer to put in 50 minutes or so, and then the author tells them they have no interest in editing. Just saying. *Wink*

Personal image. One 1/4 of the inner me.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Camaraderie Captain


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
454
454
Review of No Bad Deed  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Evan. Welcome to WdC!


Overall Impression
I enjoyed my time reading your story. The way the plot unfolded gave me welcoming, old-timey feeling.

Characters
Parker's character was believable and rounded-out. I experienced him as a real man, accepting his foibles along with his complacency, tinged with regret.

I would have liked knowing him before he messed up his life, though. The story flowed evenly as Parker discussed his life and his actions.

I found several places where some might object to the weakening of the sentences, but it worked for this story. For example, writers spurn adverbs, and I picked up on several as I read.

But here's the thing. The rules don't always apply. Because Parker is a resigned character, the adverbs fit perfectly. We're listening to him, and if the sentences are long and drawn out, I accepted them as part of the character.

In some instances, the rules do apply. And that is when a writer props up a weak verb with an adjective.
"Parker sat down heavily...
>what about Parker plopped or sunk as a stronger verb?

One thing I do suggest you correct is to begin a new paragraph every time the dialogue and/or action switches to a different character. Each one should have their own paragraph. Still, it almost works this way because the story reads like a stream of consciousness. All of Parker, everywhere, even when he's with someone else.

Okay, but once he meets up with the stranger, new paragraphs when the dialogue switches become essential.

A few thoughts
Remember, all punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks.
Generally, dialogue tags are simply he said/she said.
Some words are considered distancing. Separating the reader from the character, or the character isn't directly experiencing the moment. Case in point>
>Parker seemed only to notice...

[seem] is one of those distancing words. Try the more direct approach. Fiction is immediate.
Parker only noticed is more effective than sticking the seemed in there. Make sense?

Nice foreshadowing with the mention of three years. I'll admit, though, to feeling a bit let down when the mystery man turned out to be so ordinary. But the dialogue was outstanding! Very period and era oriented. The reader knows poor Parker is speaking to a creature of long-endurance. Immortal, to be precise, but that sounds so plebeian.

Lasting Impression
What a chilly, creepy conclusion. You remained true to your character, and the actual horror was never spelled out. Merely made clear through innuendos, forcing the responsibility over to the reader to complete whatever mental picture came to mind.

Really, only a few things to correct. Watch for adverbs propping up weak verbs. Use correct paragraphing.

I admired the way you wrote this, sort of circumspect and round-about. Others may object.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie,
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Camaraderie Captain


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
455
455
Review of Leaves  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Kerri! I found your item here:"Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" 

*LeafR*
Overall Impression
Leaves changing is one of my favorite themes. I think of their colors as a last hurrah before falling. I remember placing leaves in between layers of wax paper and ironing them for preservation. I've held leaves in my hand and marveled over the veins, so similar to humans. We're all connected, after all.

*StarR*
How I related
Why did I begin the review with my thoughts?
Just so I could tell you that your work inspired those distant memories.

In each stanza, you captured distinct aspects of the leaves, with no repetition. And your unique word choices painted both a mind image and an emotion. I compared your explorations against mine. Obviously, you're the poet, not me, but the sensation or the feeling ran across similar lines of thought. (Which means I'm not one to find such unusual choices for rhyming.)


*StarR*
Technicalities
I had to google "Interlocking Rubyait"
and that answered all my questions. At first read, I sort of lost the rhyming scheme. But after educating myself, wa-la.

What a challenge to compose something this intricate. Nicely done! And thanks for the opportunity to relive some of my own thoughts, as inspired by yours.

Reviewing your work was my pleasure.

** Image ID #2079057 Unavailable **


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456
456
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Funky. Nixie here. I found your story on our raid page and decided to take the plot for a whirl.

You have done a fine job creating this story. Before I started reading, I had absolutely no interest in Disney characters. But after reading the first paragraph, I knew this read was worth the time.

You know the characters so well and showed them accurately. So many little moments (Minnie and Mickey not married) combined to fashion a plot. It was so weird, to me, that I continued reading. In my head, "I'll only read the next paragraph" but the writing was so compelling my attention was locked on those words.

Clever, clever, playing Disney characters against Warner brothers characters. Interesting you chose Warner to be the bad guy. I'm guessing you're captivated by the Disney magic. And so I have to say it again. Not meant as an insult, it's a high five to your writing skills for snagging and holding me prisoner.

I bet you could take any character from anywhere and create a story. I was invested in each character, and anxious to discover the outcome.

Surprisingly, for a story this huge, I only found one or two minor slips. Nothing distracting.

A big, encompassing plot that flowed smoothly. The presence of Snow White and the dialogue in that scene made me laugh. Nicely done!





** Image ID #2116758 Unavailable **

Dr. Who Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Camaraderie Captain.

Image for Power Fan Fic Raid


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457
457
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Vine2**Burstp* BE OUR GUEST *Burstb**Vine1*
A
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
Review Raid
*Vine2**Burstp**Burstb**Vine1*


Who can resist a story about a Disney historian? I was hooked by the title. The brief description more or less said the same thing.

When I saw the small font, my heart sunk. The text is difficult to read, but luckily, the story is written with sufficient dialogue to 'loosen up' the page. And good dialogue it is. Short, clipped exchanges work to keep the tempo of the plot thundering. Something to consider. Use action rather than excessive exclamation marks to demonstrate emotions. The multiple use of punctuation distracted me.

That said, the plot unfolds. It was a good idea to create 'chapters' because reading everything on one page is too much.

It seems the main goal was to demonstrate the magic of Disney, but first we have to watch Hunter find his way and land his dream job. I didn't find any of it burdensome or unnecessary. (except the punctuation) The scene where the 1943 Academy happens was a joy to read and imagine. Magic created with a flair. Nicely done.

The little twist at the end, Hunter being the magic made me smile.

Blips
Rachel's name is mentioned without forewarning.

Hunter [ ]a couple friends who were a little more in the ---
missing word [had] [knew]?

Overall, a great read. Some day, maybe you'll return and see this review. *Smile*


** Image ID #2116758 Unavailable **


Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Camaraderie Captain

Image for Power Fan Fic Raid



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458
458
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Vine2**Burstp* BE OUR GUEST *Burstb**Vine1*
A
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
Review Raid
*Vine2**Burstp**Burstb**Vine1*


Hi PureSciFi I found your story on our raid page. I'm only drawn to the 10th doctor, but all the episodes explore issues and make us ponder the deeper message.

Rose and the Doctor are always on the run, and in this story, the TARDIS has let them down. From the beginning, we have an opening conflict, and the reader is tossed into the action. Clara is the companion in this 'episode.'

The Master is a frightening opponent, and your attempt to show his diabolic nature heightened the action and made me want to read more. In my mind, I can see his sneer and white-blonde hair, and it's easy for me to associate.

Things happen fast on the TARDIS, which is why I suggest using more contractions.

Excellent surprise. another TARDIS on the Master's ship. Now to the confusion. I'm not sure who used which sonic screwdriver on whom, although I've read it several times.

Writing fanfic is tricky. It's hard to capture television on paper. The 'spirit' of the story is there. Although I associate the doctor with Rose, I remember Clara and all the others, too.

Since you provided a word count, I'm guessing you were limited. The draw of the show is what's hidden beneath the action. You made an attempt to do this, but what nefarious deed was in play was left unmentioned. Only the Master's stealing of funds and killing planets. I hope the Doctor can go back and fix it all.

Who were the humans on the ship?

The large font made this an easy read, much appreciated.

*Boothb* A few oops.

I thought the Tardis was the fast ship > fastest

“When isn’t it.” > Question mark, not period

old fashion pistol >old-fashioned

“Is the Tracker still there,” asked the Man? > Misplaced question mark

“Stealing isn’t there way > their way

“If it’s not one of them then who is it.” >Question mark, not period

“It was very cleaver of you > clever

You could only have done that when we were where here briefly.” >>
Not sure what happened here, which was unfortunate because it seemed to be a pivotal moment that would explain all.

Good for you, taking on a fanfic story of this caliber. It's more than what I might put together. *Thumbsup*




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459
459
Review of Dear Me - 2017  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi JACE


Thank you for entering
 
SURVEY
Dear Me: Official WDC Contest  (E)
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes!
#597313 by Writing.Com Support


It looks like you could use another Official Judge review for your Dear me letter. *Smile*

Well, this is my lucky day to have come across your letter. I ask myself exactly the same question. Will I stay active over the years? And I wonder if purple cases write anymore, or are they strung up with administrative duties?

I liked the concept of zombie vs. pirate. It's amazing to me that I have so many similar thoughts. Last year, I participated in some heavy-duty projects, but I think I only wrote one story. That's not going to happen this year. One is already posted, the other is a WIP.

Wait! I'm supposed to be reviewing your work. I liked the set-up of you asking yourself questions and answering with words in italics. You are straight on with the first paragraph. When I see your case or Jeff's, it makes me smile.

WdC has so much to offer, it's difficult to find the middle line. Sometimes I spend entire days here, but don't contribute much. The social aspect is definitely a pull. I set up a forum for the Power group just so we could chat.

You gave yourself specific tasks, links included for easy reference. Technically, I'm a Talent Pond member, but have never done anything with it. Really, I spend so much time working with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  I don't have room for any other group. It's important for me to do good work. And I have to focus on one. Even writing messes up reviewing for me. I don't know the answer. Right now, I'm trying to write, but I'm needed here.

Your thoughts are unique, creative, and fun to read. How many adjectives did I use? lol

Newbies? I come and go with reviewing them. But, in my few years here, maybe I've stopped by the Noticing forum once or twice. And when I get there, the party is over.

The upbeat tone combined with the hard-line advice works well. You're all serious, and then you pop up with a cartoon. *Laugh*

You ended the letter with a specific goal. Did you actually accomplish it? You can plead the fifth.



Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Captain


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
460
460
Review of The Plumber Geek  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ben. Nixie, here, with a review from The "Queen of Comedy Challenge" 


Overall Impression
I chose to read this poem, despite the mention of the specific form. I can't comment on the form, because I'm no poet. But before I read the technical description, I was already enjoying the internal rhyming. When I do that it's by mistake, so it was fun to see the words in action.

Thoughts/Feelings
And what a tale you had to tell. I thought the woman would have a spell. Or the geek might slip and get a peek of her, oh never mind.

Usually, geeks are associated with computer technicians or mad scientists creating androids in their basement. A plumber, technically is a craftsman. Please forgive me for taking this literally. It's my mind you see, the reason set me upon this task to review comedy. (Internal rhyme, correct?) Anyhow, geek worked perfectly for this story/poem.

Friday the 13th came as a total surprise, and I had a big uh-oh looming in my mind. Then she compared her bank accounts with an Arab sheik, and that really had me laughing. I was supposed to laugh, right? No wonder Lornda sent me over here.

Lasting Impression
All was well as I reached the end, certain the woman the geek would tend to any other matters.(that was really bad because I tried) But he remained the geek. That was a ton of words to put together. I have a renewed appreciation of comedic poems.


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
461
461
Review of Yoda Remembers  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Will. Nixie, here. This review comes to you as part of The "Queen of Comedy Challenge" 

Just have to say--
Good grief! I gave up trying to find a comedy item that had less reviews than the others. When I skimmed this one, and saw the picture at the end, I knew you had hooked me. Who can resist Star Wars, anyway?

As the plot unfolds
This was the most unusual story I have ever read. Wow, Yoda's mom teaching Yoda. She sounded more like a mean person than a Jedi Master. My favorite part was the mind-control that made him wear the bag. Or maybe he was too freaked out to disagree.

The story easily transitioned to the second scene, and images of Jabba rose in my mind. Surely, he could not be Yoda's father. Just the thought of the mom and Jabba. Too disturbing.

And just in case I didn't create the mental movie, you twirled your words around and drew me an unforgettable scene. Did I mention disturbing?

Excellent job with the dialogue, by the way. Did anyone ever figure out why the speech pattern was so messed up?

Lasting Impression
I was either smiling or smirking all the way through this piece. Part of Lornda's challenge is to encourage people like me to review comedy. I don't see much comedy in life, so thanks for the bit you loaned me while I read.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
462
462
Review of Blood Money  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lady Elf! Nixie, here.

Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Love your Pet/Animal Awareness Raid

Overall Impression
I'm no poet, but the lines flowed easily without awkward rhymes while you told the hideous saga of events. I would probably choke on the words before I could write anything as coherent as your work.

The overall presentation of the piece appealed to my sense of symmetry. No lines were strung out, longer than the others.

Was there a particular reason to use red for the word [blood]? Was it for a contest? Otherwise, the red was too much for me, given the disturbing topic. Maybe I'm too sensitive.

My only other thought, which can't be done, would be placing the multi-colored Man's best friend at the conclusion, since it's such a prominent line.

Thoughts/Feelings
This was not an easy piece to read, but the topic is something people should be aware of. And how I wish this atrocity wasn't true. And it's not just puppy mills. People should not adopt animals from pet stores because they are not screened. One woman had a very successful adoption program, but for both my daughter and myself, the experience was disastrous. Mine was deathly ill. My daughter's was cleared as friendly to cats, but it tore hers to pieces.

In Florida, we had a few "Puppy Stores" and I made the mistake of buying one. He was a definite candidate for a puppy mill, although I didn't understand at the time. We nursed it back to health, only to have it lunge at a child's neck. Luckily, stopping short.

We still have Greyhound races in several areas across the state. People have tired unsuccessfully to shut them down, but I guess the money is more important, as your poem so brutally and elegantly states.

I've heard of places like this, but never knew the complete description of what they looked like. It set me back quite a bit, mulling this over, which was the honorable intention. The poem needed the vicious words.

*Idea*In the red-lettered beginning, I think you want a period after [bitch] not a comma.

Lasting Impression
Yours was the exact type of article I was hoping to see for this raid. Thanks for spreading this community message. It's a sad statement for humanity, but not surprising, considering the other horrible ways money is made.

Thanks for the opportunity to review your work. *Smile*

** Image ID #2112705 Unavailable **


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463
463
Review of Saving Maximus  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sewcrazy. Nixie, here.

Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
Love your Pet/Animal Awareness Raid.


*Type*
Overall Impression
Who can resist an animal hero story? I enjoyed reading about Belle and how the family interacts with her. One of my daughter's cats favors one of my grandsons, always sleeping with him at night. I was remembering that as I thought about Nathan. At least Bellee gives him room to sleep! My daughter's cat takes over the pillow and my grandson has to move Panda around just to get a small square to plant his face.

*Type*
As the plot unrolls
You gave me a strong sense of what it's like to live with Belle. All the little daily rituals add up to one adorable story. So cute, she hears the bus stop and wakes up to play with the kids.

I got a kick out of reading about her sleeping habits during the day. You're an observant and compassionate person.

*Delight*
Stand out moments
Okay, I'll be honest. When the puppy was found still in the birth sac, and while the heroic moments played out, chills chased up and down my arms.

*Type*
Considerations
Sometimes when I'm reviewing, I unintentionally switch tenses. This happened a few times in Belle and Maximus's story.


A few typos here and there, but in this sentence, the misspell kind of fit in with the theme.
so they would get [ruff] with him sometimes.
[rough]

*Type*
Lasting Impression
We choose the 'runt of the litter' for one of our first cats. He lived for 17 years, and weighed nearly the same. Since then, no other cat has been able to replace Dancer. I bet you'll feel the same way about Maximus.

(So precious, he can ride in your purse.) *Heart*

** Image ID #2112705 Unavailable **


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464
464
Review of Shot in the Face  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lesley. Nixie, here.

*Type*
Overall Impression
I have to admit the title shocked me. It made me vaguely uneasy, and maybe a bit frightened to read it. The brief description created sympathy, and from there I chose to read it.


*Type*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Coming from your personal experience, the story brought me right into your life, and even though the topic was upsetting, your voice was friendly and inviting.

I enjoyed 'hearing' about how the various branches of law enforcement worked, and the light moments elicited a few smiles from me.

With the way you write, I felt like I was standing right next to you, watching all the events.

Dialogue was sprinkled throughout, adding personality to the narrative, and therefore preventing the dreaded telling.

I wanted to cry for Buckshot. Same as you, animal neglect infuriates me. That little pony/mule was lucky to have been found by you. Every single mark you found on that little guy, the bites, to the final insult of buckshot, sent a shriek of anger through me.

*Delight*
Stand out moments
What struck me the most was the interaction between Athena and the pony/mule.

*Type*
Considerations
I wanted to say, “What did I do now?”
Since you're not actually saying the words, italics are needed here. Quotations indicate actual speech. I noticed this a few times, something easily corrected.

She responded by hopping --
Horses hop? I was thinking 'bunnies hop.'

I heard a rustling to my left [after about thirty minutes]
The introductory phrase comes first. [After about...I heard]

After preforming
oops. typo. performing

*Type*
Lasting Impression
Your kindness and compassion, along with your knowledge, will keep this story forefront in my mind. You told a horrifying story, yet it wasn't too horribly difficult to read because of your personality.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. *Smile*

** Image ID #2111173 Unavailable **


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465
465
Review of Tower for Two  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Markus. Nixie, here. I found your narrative through 'read and review' in the left hand column.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*Baretree3*
The Hook
The title drew me in, and what writer isn't curious about what another writer thinks? I have to say you're bravely blatant and derisive concerning your personality. I think you could be a little kinder to yourself. With a turn of words, you could show the negative as the positive. What's wrong with cloud-gazing? Who cares about what other kids played. Why hold yourself in comparison to anyone? And no way would I write 'social deviance' in association with your personality.

Many of us have experienced life in the same way. What's different is perspective. I chose not to 'share my tower' with anyone. I've tried, and I always choose poorly. I'm better off alone.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
You might consider breaking this up into one or two paragraphs, to prevent the overall appearance, a block of text. At least one new paragraph beginning with "Through my social..."
And perhaps a third at "This brings me to ..."

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
What are these empty achievements all about? What you described in the sentences above did not sound empty to me. I think those pursuits are something to be proud of.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
One other possibility occurs. Maybe a whole bunch of readers would like to be your friend, if you'd allow them. However, self-deprecation at this level is depressing, not charming. Nothing is wrong with being a loner, unless, of course, you're lonely.

Living requires self-acceptance, even if we don't like what we've become. We have to allow ourselves to be who we are, and be okay with that. Okay, lecture over. *Laugh*

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. You prompted some thoughts in me, which is an accomplishment right there.

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile* Hi, catdok. Nixie, here. I found your poem while surfing the "read and review" option.

*Snow4* Overall Impression
You caught me in your story-weaver's net because the contrast between a parasol and winter was so unlikely, I sat here for several moments before beginning the review.

I rarely stop and read poetry, so that's a double high-five for you.

*Snow4* A few thoughts
Since I don't write poetry, I'm unaware if repeating the last line in each stanza has a specific 'type'. The placement of the line was very effective in deepening the overall reading experience.

The presentation showed similar line length giving the poem a more or less balanced feeling. I also prefer poetry with no punctuation, as you have written yours. That allows me to take the work at my own pace, pausing when it feels right to me.

With only two tangible items, a parasol and winter, you formed four unique stanzas. Each carried the theme, but nothing felt repetitive.

*Star* The angel of the icy squall gave me more pause than any of the other lines. Again, the contrast appealed to me. An angel in the midst of winter ice.

I don't think you have to capitalize winter, but perhaps it's appropriate for this poem. Winter is as much a character as the girl, or the parasol.

Um ... I associate 'nature's call' with the need to find a bathroom, so I had to re-read that stanza to overcome my initial thought. However, I understand you're referring to the majesty of nature.

*Questionb* Her still I see ...
This line sounded off, with still in the beginning of the phrase. Just an observation.


*Snow4* Lasting Impression
The poem concludes with the narrator having aged as the stanzas ran. I have to agree. It seems the older people get the more likely they are to recall small details that make them happy. That's a broad, blanketing observation. I'm not saying it's true for everyone, but it felt quite tangible as I read. Winter makes me think of being older, probably because I'm hunched up, braced against the frigid air.


*Snow4* Nicely done!




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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ken. I was browsing through read and review and stumbled across this piece. Are you sure it was written for the Halloween contest? Because I did that one, and it definitely wasn't about Christmas. But I did do a Christmas one, and I remember this prompt, so maybe you just mixed up the link, silly.

Overall Impression
A short story from you is a surprise. I think of you as a poet. I rarely read poetry because I'm a non-poet and don't want to insult anyone when it's obvious they're working on a specific form.

The plot unfolds
No doubt from the first sentence who the characters are, and who is in charge here. After that, reading was like going down a hill in a one horse open sleigh. Wait, that's Thanksgiving, right? *Headbang*

The play on words was excellent, with Merry sleighing Santa with her words. Very clever.

The surfer dude was immediately recognizable through your description. You really captured the mood, and the lingo. I thought Kris would be the one confused by the slang, but maybe he's more worldly than Merry. Nice take on the names, by the way.

I think this is the first time I've come across a sentence that begins with an adverb that 'tells the reader how to feel' before the dialogue and it actually worked. Sometimes those (ly) words do the trick.

Lasting Impression
Everyone needs time to relax and laugh. It's a wonderful moment when I come across a piece where I can sense the author's lightheartedness and easy manner. The story left me feeling, well, uplifted. lol Do you have to have so much fun when you write? Now go fix that link.

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Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Intuey. I was browsing through read and review and stopped on your item. Now I know the secret as to how the Cup members stay united. Just kidding.

Hmm. This is my first time reading an alphabet poem. I might have written one in grade school, so this challenge would be an excellent way to loosen up and relax. Except, are you really saying goodbye to the others? Because that throws out my entire perception. *Headbang*

I can imagine how challenging this was, even though it looks effortless. It couldn't have been easy to come up with an original line for every letter. Some of the phrases rhymed, but it wasn't consistent. I saw no need for a rhyming scheme, anyway. The beauty is in the words.

As a whole community, anyone could read this and relate to the experience. Even non-cup members. WdC is a unique place that brings individuals together through common interests. Sometimes it's sharing blogs, or contests where we read each other's entries.

Your work is also pertinent every day because we have a lot of comings and goings. At times, we're tight with certain individuals, and then we may drift apart, only to find ourselves back together on a different project. Totally unaware the other(s) were participating.

The two lines that struck me *Lightning2* were "Taking the prompt..." and Xeroxing ..." The first made my heart pound a bit. We often tell each other to write beyond what we fear. The xeroxing line was just plain clever. It's not so easy to find words beginning with x's.

I wonder if I should have the feeling of intruding? Of peering at something not intended for me? Then I slap myself upside the head. We're all here, and all our work is for public consumption. Unless it's group-related. Maybe that's why it felt like peeping? What you're describing is a close-knit group of people who stayed in touch throughout a challenge. Am I contradicting myself? How about, it works for everything? Great work, here. *Smile*






Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie, Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Wendopolis. Nixie, here with an early celebratory review. Fourteen years at the end of January? Impressive.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *Cakeb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I was trawling the anniversary pages and clicked on your name. Why did I choose this story? The title is kind of interesting, but the brief description doesn't offer up any clues. But once I read the first sentence, I was hooked. *Checkg*

*Baretree3*
A closer look
What a delightful character! The loose 'chain of thought' format worked wonders for showing this woman's character. So quickly did I catch on, I could pretty much guess what her next thought would be. And the way she repeated everything? Hysterical.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
I don't know any watching-type neighbors, but I have one who is really mean, and probably thinks horrible things about me. I send her loving thoughts, which I'm fairly certain she kicks in the butt and converts the positive to negative.

I'm simply happy to have found this story because of its unique style and plot. I feel as if I've just watched a crime show tv series, only better than anything on television. I knew she wouldn't go in to that house.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I enjoyed walking alongside this character, privy to all her idiosyncrasies and snide, but quickly made kind, comments. Of course she doesn't judge anyone. *Laugh*

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi RatDog. For me, anniversaries run all month, so I'm here a bit, well, way early to celebrate yours.

HAPPY WDC 16th! ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *Cakeb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
From trawling the anniversary page, I chose your name because I've never noticed it before. I don't know when you were last on, so that could explain it. I wonder if you'll ever see this review?

After that, how did I choose this story? I can't resist opening boxes, and this little item looked like something wonderful to read. Excellent brief description because it's a hint, but also a clever question. It drew me in. *Checkg*

*Baretree3*
Character/Setting
From the first sentence, I'm aware that this narrator will be a real 'character' in both senses of the word. A strong story character, and a character in the sense that he's kind of a wiseguy. Not my thing in real life, but the flippant attitude was catchy.

He couldn't even get the Pandora part right. *Laugh* With the unrealistic and idiotic thought about DVD's being in the box, the reader knows the situation was only going down from there.

You didn't drag out the plot, just dove in and let the narrator do all the talking. The horrors worsened as he continued, but my smile came faster. The 'blood' part was disgusting, though.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
After all the antics and apologies, our character continues in a wiseguy voice, but he's spot-on. If the population was decreased, our planet might have a chance at survival.

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Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Arakun. Ten years of membership? Now that's something to be proud of. My review is celebrating your anniversary month, if not the exact date.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *Cakeb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I was browsing the 'anniversary page' and recognized your user name from a while ago. And, of course, from your contest. I chose this story because, and this sounds ludicrous, the title rhymed. I had a feeling the story would be light and breezy, and this plot did not disappoint.

Lovely cover art! Brief and intriguing description.

The prompt words never seemed forced, and the story was as much comedy as educational. I didn't research to check for accuracy, but this certainly sounded convincing. "The prairie the most endangered ecosystem..." Okay, then I did investigate, and the statement is indeed true. The category of 'environment' should have been a major clue, but I dove headlong into the plot, and then mulled over what I'd read.

*Baretree3*
A closer look/Characters/Setting
Who can resist two old(er) women sitting on a porch, watching their husbands toil. Both men came from different backgrounds, but enjoyed the same hobby, or so it seemed, until the conclusion.

Katie and Harry are a lovely couple. I was delighted by the image of him twirling his wife around. When Katie said she was about to ask Harry what xeric meant, I thought, yeah, me too! Dang, he never answered, so I had more research to do. Either I'm incredibly uneducated, or you're extremely well read on this topic.

The baby's birth interrupted the plot in a pleasant way. The reader is becalmed and amused listening to the conversation when the couple jumps into action. The one paragraph describing their experience with the newborn was sufficient enough to bring the reader back to the main plot with a satisfaction of expectation. Too much interruption might have disrupted the flow, but not so in this case.

*Baretree3*
Voice/mood
Without insult, I'd say this story was told in a down-home, honest-to-goodness lighthearted manner, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Your voice is friendly and inviting.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
It's so weird what stories bring to mind. Martha was fretting over Fred wrestling farm equipment from the truck. Three years ago, my dad passed, and I remember my mom being so upset with him when he wanted to garden in the Florida sun.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I imagine Harry's shocked look will remain in my mind for the rest of the day. Despite the disaster, I couldn't help smiling.

An awesome write!

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Review of Phone rings...  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Adrian. Nixie, here, dropping by to celebrate your NINTH Account Anniversary. What an accomplishment.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Overall Impression
The writers who intrigue me are the ones who can get inside a person's head and weave a tale that I can bond with. I don't have a mom like the character in this story, but the awfulness of the situation reaches me on a deeper level. The level that some authors, like you, illuminate what lies underneath (the inner motivation) captivates me.

The plot unrolls
Right from the beginning, the reader knows this is a dysfunctional family. Is there such a thing as a functional family? I doubt it.

During the conversation, the exchanges are awkward. Both parties are fulfilling a duty they dislike, but are still caring enough to exchange brief communications. Although the relationship is strained and unpleasant for both, I was still happy that at least they were trying to maintain contact. Even though neither party actually cares about the other, it's better to stay current in case of unexpected tragedy. How awful if communication is completely tossed away, and then a parent, or the adult son/daughter perishes. How would someone live with the guilt?

Probing
The reason for the dispirited exchanges wasn't revealed until the conclusion. Everything fell into place, and I was furious with the parents. It sort of threw out my hopefulness that at least some contact was preferable to none. The parents called only for the purpose of berating their son/daughter. I find no redemption there.

The narrator finally ferrets out the truth, the cause of the indifference. But in the next paragraph, the concept is turned on its head. Differing lifestyles isn't an inherited trait. Its not the indifference that alienates. The parents are disparaging of the son/daughter's actions. Maybe I'm overthinking.

I do think hippie is an outdated word, for sure. lol

You have a way with words that generates a unique story. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work.



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473
473
Review of Rain  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Cpt! Nixie here, dropping by to deliver an anniversary review!


*CakeB* HAPPY NINTH! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Overall Impression
Reading your bio prepared me for the story I would be reading. The title and brief description revealed nothing. The tale deserves a strong title.

Third sentence in, the reader learns of the setting, which immediately set me on edge. Considering the dangers of the Amazon, carelessness didn't work for me. Unfamiliarity for sure. But who would be careless in such a situation? That's just me, trying to identify with the characters.

What seemed unlikely, and what kept me wondering, was the mention of the young girl directing the characters' actions. In my mind, the travelers were on a guided tour. I wanted to read more, so the mystery kept me engaged.

A few thoughts
“Just follow the river!”
A dialogue tag is needed here. Or, if the comment was hearsay, perhaps italics since no one actually 'said' it.

first 30 [thirty] minutes
The rules fluctuate, but, generally, write out numbers less than 100.

We had started ... There were three of us.
Suggest: The three of us started ...
Less words, more succinct. In fiction, less is more.

had gotten
I think the entire story can be written in simple past tense. And, [found help] sounds much better than [had gotten].

had hurt her leg quite badly,
Since you're building tension and conflict, why not let the reader know exactly how the girl was hurt?

Lasting Impression
Interesting, how keeping the adventurers' identities a mystery worked as shock value in the conclusion.

*Star* Writing a 300 word story must be challenging. It's great that you snatched the opportunity. I liked the unique setting, and the perils of trying to survive in the Amazon.


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474
474
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mara. Nixie here.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Exclaimr* Wow! What a story to discover on your 10th anniversary day. You held me captive throughout, as I joined the mom in her grief and experienced her guilt and self-loathing.

A slight disappointment because the brief description tells the reader exactly what's happening, before the story even begins. So it's only a matter of getting the details. Maybe the plot can be hinted at, but not divulged. Just a thought.

As the plot unfolds
Excellent word choices to describe how the mom feels. The beauty in the words emphasizes the tragedy she's reliving.

It was a bit risky to put so many words in italics, as that can be distracting, and I was distracted. But not enough to stop reading, and I really can't think of any other way to show the past. Not much point in changing anything now. One thought, for what it's worth. The past in italics (maybe) can be broken up by interspersing it with present moments. For example, she hears the neighbors, and then dips back into the past.

A few thoughts
My one question. In the first paragraph, she's been crying/mourning for 96 hours, yet it seems as if it's the first day, what with the neighbors around, and the mention of the emergency call.

Something else to consider. Watch out for those [ing] words and try to reword the sentences. You won "Short Shots" with this plot, so maybe it's something to consider in the future.

Lasting Impression
I wrote a story about a mom who lost a boy to an accident, but it wasn't her fault. If I was the mom in this story, I would never, ever forgive myself. She'll probably end up divorcing her husband and be miserable for the rest of her life. Sheesh. What a fate I penned for her. I'm happy you ended the story, sparing the reader the trip into the future.

I threw a few ideas out there simply because I liked your story and got caught up in the events. *Wink*

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. *Smile*



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475
475
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Charlie! I found your name highlighted in the Anniversary forum and swung by to drop off a review to celebrate!

*CakeB* HAPPY third WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Overall Impression
Charlie, I'm familiar with your blogs, and I like the way you think, if that makes sense. We all have our individual styles. What I receive from you is surprising and fresh.

A few thoughts
You have the ability to get inside peoples' minds. So instead of this story being about an odd gift, albeit a unique present, the reader is immersed in the alienation of a sibling. The age difference was the first uh-oh and foreshadowed the running plot line.

Excellent usage of dialogue. I would have laughed if the situation wasn't so dire. Sentence after sentence shows the reader how Leah is ignored.

Your sentence structures are varied, keeping the reader engaged. *Checkg*

The other characters are fleshed out and authentic. They interrupt each other, and the topic flits back and forth, not always logistical. Never does this cause puzzlement. It's as if I was sitting in the same room. In fact, I've been surrounded by family members who play the continuous dialogue game that never varies. I just sat and listened, mostly unnoticed. Actually, I was grateful to be ignored.

I always find the goodness in people. However, I can't think of one thing that makes the parents, or the sisters, redeemable in my thoughts. They have one another, unaware of their exclusion of Leah.

Partway through the story, Leah mentions how she'd rather be with her boyfriend. After I finished reading, all I wanted was for her to get out of there.

*Thought*
Her parents [had begin] taking expensive trips [began]
Mom [had gotten] a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle that she would [pore] over [received] [pour]

I realize you're not likely to return to this story. It served its purpose. One thing to remember. Action comes before dialogue.

Lasting Impression
Memorable characters, a strong plot, and outstanding writing made this story stand out, in my mind. I don't live with expectations, but maybe I have a few when I read your work. You don't disappoint, Charlie. Nicely done.



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