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3,284 Public Reviews Given
3,323 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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476
Review of So Far Gone  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jenny! Nixie here with happy tidings. *Smile*

*CakeB* HAPPY Eleventh WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your name highlighted in the anniversary forum, and it's my pleasure to drop off a review to honor your accomplishments.

Overall Impression
You mentioned that your work was based on real-life experiences, and I related to this in a snap. What is that "Some Thing"? The same happens to me.

A few thoughts
I admired your pluck while reading this. Although the difficulties were discussed, I found some light moments when you stood firm and insisted on making way for your desires. Simply adding updates at the bottom of this piece illustrates dedication.

Doctors can make a mess of anything, and it seems you've been a beneficiary *Rolleyes* of medicines. One time, a doctor prescribed a medicine, and I gained 65! pounds. He should have taken me off those meds.

You stressed taking personal care of one's life, and that is so true. We're numbers in a world of other numbers. We have to decide what's best for ourselves before taking advice from someone else.

Lasting Impression
Another discovery on my part. Some things simply can't be changed. Accepting this truth and allowing oneself to dissuade guilt relieves tremendous burdens.

Even though one may feel judged, the truth is, everyone else is concerned with themselves more than us. We are stories written in someone else's mind. Who knows what they think of us?

It's much easier to continue exercising regularly, rather than stopping and then trying to start again. But life happens. Last year I broke my elbow, and I was laid up for six weeks. How weird that breaking your toe turned into something nastier. I've also had one thing lead to another that thwarts my regimen. Right now, I'm using a ballet work-out that's effectively sculpting my muscles. It's tremendously challenging. I have to push myself to keep on track. This time, the holidays interrupted.

I police my thoughts because what I think about is what happens to me. Ah, that's another discussion.

Happy Anniversary, Jenny! I enjoyed reading your work. It gave me an opportunity to vent some of my own thoughts. Connecting with someone is much more important than linking contests and showing word counts. Opening up and sharing life experiences takes a lot of courage. Your friendly manner was engaging. *Wink*



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477
477
Review of The Day is Here.  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spreading Peace in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Star**Menorah**Santahat**Ornament1r* Happy Holiday Member to Member RAID! *Ornament1r**Santahat**Menorah**Star*


Hi there. Nixie here. Your name was on our M2M list for this weekend's raid, so I stopped over here to leave a review.

No big mystery here why I chose to read and review this. Motivation to work out. I can think of a million excuses, but not one reason. Like you, I did the whole gym routine, and half the battle was getting myself dressed and driving over to the Y. But I was dedicated. Then life switched around, and, well, once you stop, it's harder to begin again.

I found the ideal workout by purchasing a portable ballet bar I can set up in my living room. I turn on the TV and let the routine play out, while I sweat it out. I've come to accept the body I have. Just because a person is thin, doesn't mean it's an attractive body.

My whole routine flew apart when I moved. Only recently have I coaxed myself back into caring.

Dreaming over dresses you can't wear is sort of negative motivation. Buy pretty clothes that fit now. And sometimes, we just are who we are. Forgiving oneself is freeing, and maybe the best motivation for getting anything done.

At any rate, you can tell by my review that I connected with this piece. I agree, it's not a good idea to share work-out or diet goals with others. That's more negative reinforcement. The desire has to come from within.

As a Vegan, my problem is not eating enough. I'm always hungry, but my diet is so restrictive. Well, that's my story in reaction to yours.

As far as the technical aspect, I'd suggest changing the font size to something smaller and correcting the paragraphing. Also, from here, it looks like you're added bold to the font, which is distracting.

Stick with what works for you, and as I suggested, forgive yourself. Ease up on the self-judgment. Work out, or don't. Just choose, and be okay with either option. I'm not saying that will help, but you never know. I accomplish quite a bit when I silence that nasty inner voice.

Wonderful cover art! The picture expresses disappointment.





** Image ID #1965196 Unavailable **


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478
478
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Spreading Peace in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Star**Menorah**Santahat**Ornament1r* Happy Holiday Member to Member RAID! *Ornament1r**Santahat**Menorah**Star*


Hi, Lady Elf. I half expected to see you at the raid, so I thought I'd drop by and leave a review.

Go ahead and break my heart with this poem. I rarely read poetry, but couldn't resist the brief description. I lost my dad (three years ago, this February), and the hole never fills back in. It's like a void in the universe. A wrong that cannot be made right. But he lived a long and full life. His death wasn't unexpected, but we thought he had longer.

You sure know how to string words together to create a melody and weave a mood. That first stanza snagged me. The other stanzas made me wish I had a dad like that, but I loved mine just the same. He was more stoic and distant, unable to demonstrate love, other than providing substantially for his family. And he was reliable. Dinner at 6, you could count on him to be there.

The rhyming scheme flows smoothly and evenly in an AA BB pattern. Right? I only know a bit about poetry forms, and that one comes to mind. The rhymes never felt forced, I only experienced the tug to read another.

The repetition brought the poem together and emphasized the loss. Am I really wiping tears from my eyes? Surely it's an eyelash stuck in there.

I'll add my five stars to all the others you so richly deserve.





** Image ID #1965196 Unavailable **


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479
479
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Spreading Peace in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Star**Menorah**Santahat**Ornament1r* Happy Holiday Member to Member RAID! *Ornament1r**Santahat**Menorah**Star*


Hi, WW! Thought I'd stop by here on this special M2M day and leave a review. Besides, I can't resist your Lou Ryan stories!

The read is one seamless plot that never creates distraction. It seems the story is over mere seconds after I started reading. That's one smooth-flowing plot!

The characters are easy to identify with, mainly due to mainstream media. Readers are familiar with this type of story, but nothing can stand in comparison to your story-telling abilities.

This is the first time (am I that inexperienced a reader?) that I've seen pop-notes used in a story. Other than Brooke's Masquerade Ball activity. I think Abyssinia deserves a refresh in this time period. I might even take it upon myself to use it. It does sound a bit like the cat breed Abyssinian, though.

Excellent scene-setting and easy-going characters keep the reader tied to the plot. When I read this story, it was like watching a TV episode play out in my head.

Lou is irresistible, in his actions, his words and deeds, and in his undisclosed warm opinion of Gloria. The detective has to have a girl around.

The plot expanded as the back story filed in, and created a new level of interest. How do you write so easily and naturally? Usually that talent comes from lots of practice and editing.

I wouldn't mind reading more Lou Ryan stories. You've got my vote for a winner, any time. Oh, excellent cover art to complete the picture in my head. *Checkg* Nice going, WW. Always a pleasure.


** Image ID #1965196 Unavailable **


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480
480
Review of Requiem  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Jack. Nixie, here, to help celebrate your 5th WdC Account Anniversary with a review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Baretree3*
Overall Impression
Hmm. Overall, the plot made sense. The hero struggles and wins. At the conclusion he has to choose as every hero in the media has to choose. Vengeance or Mercy? The same arguments apply. Vengeance only ends up causing more pain. Let the system work is the counter argument.

*Baretree3*
Thoughts
I didn't find anything spectacular here. The story was basically straightforward. I liked the fighting scene, at all times I could picture your characters battling the villain.

We have a close relationship between the hero and the mentor to identify with. Because the story has been told so many times, I wasn't able to make a connection to either character.

It's fairly textbook for the hero to lose everything he loves while serving the public.

Roberto is just another punk, without a back story to explain his wickedness. We only see one side of his personality. Of course we don't have much room in a short story to demonstrate character, but even the bad guys have a spot of something brighter inside them, or a dark motive that blots out anything positive. None of this was explored.

I was thinking, it would have been interesting if Roberto confessed he loved Cheryl, and killed her for loving anther man. It adds a new level of interest. But that's just me, dreaming.

A few spelling mistakes can easily be corrected. *Wink*

The biggest issue, however, is in the verb tense changes, often within the same sentence. Choose present or past and stick with it for a more cohesive read.

*Baretree3*
In closing
I can see this story expanding and developing as Meteor and Drake save more lives. *Checkg*

Please remember, I'm only one reader with an opinion. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your story. *Smile*



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481
481
Review of A Father's Hug  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Irish fire. nixie, here to help celebrate your 8th WdC Account Anniversary.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Candy4*
Overall Impression
A Father's Hug isn't a short story or a poem, so in this instance, the category 'other' was the best choice possible. The brief description tells the story.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
These few words scratch the surface of an underlying, possibly ominous, note. We have a young boy, not a favorite, and barely recognized, hanging tight to the periphery of love. Yet he receives none, and finds solace in books. A person has to wonder what kind of adult this child will become. Will the callous treatment carve him into a competitive and prosperous CEO, for example. Will he have deep emotional scars and wind up hurting everyone until no one wants to be with him.

I grew up in a family of five, and keenly experienced what it meant to not be the favorite. I wasn't ignored, more like my personality was displeasing. I had the vague sensation that my parents would feel no loss if I hadn't been born. The most difficult time was when it was just my little brother and me. He was the favorite, everything was my fault. But I grew up, and everything has changed. Yes, it wounded me emotionally, but life goes on. My mom is now kind, rather than unpredictable and sometimes vicious, my dad died three years ago. My sister died in 1983.

Returning to your poem, the moment with the placement of the phone book and the scramble to the chair was the most touching.

A bit of a cliche marred the perfection. Small and light, dark and tall, described the brothers. No harm, though.

*Candy4*
In closing
I'm delving into the emotional aspects that tugged at my subconscious, and all these words came out. My heart clenched up a bit, because I understand what it's like to grow up without parental approval. So few words caused such a cascade of emotions and reflections on my own life. You touched a reader, and I think that's the best part of writing. Don't stop.



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482
482
Review of A Daughter's Life  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Pro Scribe. Nixie, here, to help celebrate your 10th WdC Account Anniversary. It's looking awfully lonely here in your portfolio, with only one item to review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Candy4*
Overall Impression
The formatting of this poem drew my eye. Humans are attracted to symmetry, and all the lines are of similar length, nothing is hanging out there in space all by itself.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
The lines and stanzas follow the progression of a daughter's life. I've raised three kids, and I don't think I could capture the experience as succinctly as you have here.

Each child was different, and the yawn between my daughters and my son could not be contained in words. My son, sorry for the cliche, is a force of nature. He always has a dark cloud over his head. After two tours in Iraq, I hardly know him anymore.

One daughter sort of matches up with the feelings expressed here. She's the middle child, and has always been by my side. Now we're raising her children together.

My first daughter is a wild pony, who bolted from home to independence when she was fifteen. She's a remarkable woman.

The one line that did extend beyond the others had no negative effect on me. In the television series Life, in the last episode, the main character states one plus one equals one. Which means love.


*Candy4*
In closing
I can't decide which line I like more. The one I mentioned, or the second line in the last stanza. Unique word choices punctuated the read, slowing the pace, but not interrupting the flow.

I'm no poet, but even a short story writer can appreciate such an expression of love. Ten years later, who is she now?



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483
Review of In Other Worlds  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fireexi. Nixie, here to help celebrate your 12th! WdC Account Anniversary.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Candy4*
Overall Impression
Where to begin? In Other Worlds (I like that title) was broken down in the manner of a story, and the second part being the author explaining to the reader why the above happened. I would choose one or the other.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
A black hole theory, huh? I thought nothing could come out of a black hole after being drawn in, due to the strength of gravity. I have heard of an opposing theory, a white hole. Whenever something from our universe vanishes in a black hole, it must be replaced by something from another galaxy. Hence, the white hole.

A scientific fact that dazzled me was the discovery of black holes in the ocean corresponding with black holes in space. Hmm. I think humans just don't get it.

Interesting usage of Cosmic Dimension Points and Recycled Universe. I was unable to find any reference for CDP that corresponded with the explanation. Ah, for the love of fiction, we play. I've yet to find one theory that resonates within me. We're playing around with mathematics and brain exercises, but we remain limited, trapped in our own minds. What if Einstein was wrong, and we're working with a faulty concept? That's just something I think about. I certainly don't have any answers, but that's okay. I accept my limitations, but continue to play in fictional stories.

When you switch to the "Hello Reader..." paragraph, a bit more paragraphing is needed. I don't understand why the author has to explain this to the reader, though. Why not let Dr. Carlin enlighten us? I probably missed your intention, so pardon me if I'm stepping on toes, or writer's fingers. *Laugh*

*Candy4*
In closing
I enjoyed exploring the scientific terms and theories, for which I thank you. I came across some odd websites, with the CDF leading me to some sort of group capable of ascension and re-creating.

I have to agree, however, that the ending was quite amusing, especially the last sentence, which seemed the most likely. And it made me smile.

Thanks for the read. My thoughts are yours to explore or ignore.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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484
Review of Saved By A Bug  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Connie! It's me, Nixie, here to celebrate your 8th! WdC Account Anniversary. *Bigsmile*

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Connie, what a hilarious story. Even though I read the brief description, and my eyes clocked the VW, my brain was already spinning with possibilities as to what kind of bug saved the day. I flipped back to the odd and nearly transparent green moth-butterfly-alien bug that alighted on my car's roof one evening and stayed while I carefully drove across the parking lot.

And, to make this even more personal, to me, I have locked my keys in the car with the engine running, while I had three little kids with me. I was in your story in spirit, for sure.

The scene was bright in my mind. I pictured the woman dumping her contents on the front of the car. In fact, the first person POV was so effective, I had to double-check and ensure this wasn't a true story.

I liked the way you described her edging around to the side to look through the windows. It was one short sentence that stuck in my mind. You showed it so succinctly. It would have taken me forever to move my character around. It's funny/interesting what another person finds of interest.

*BoothB*
Great job keeping me entertained. You had me wondering when I last saw an actual public phone booth, much less with a phone book attached. I saw an actual public mailbox in a strip mall. Have you noticed those disappeared?

What an inventive way for the woman to find a ride home. But her tribulations weren't over so fast. Smooth move to keep up the tension. *Checkg* I'd probably strip a stick shift and never get it moving. At least this character had some knowledge.

*Note* Try not to use [ing] words. Don't ask me why, but it's a sign of an inexperienced writer. Where did I read that, anyway? I thought it might be worth passing on.

So funny she never told her husband. I probably would have, but definitely not my kids.

I say, the key to writing an engaging story is to engage the reader through character identification. That's what happened here, Connie.

Cool write. I hope I'm back before your next anniversary!


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485
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lone Wolf. Nixie, here to help celebrate your Sixth account anniversary. You can't be alone today!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


The Hook
Excellent choice for title and brief description. *Checkg*

*Candy4*
Overall Impression
Yesterday, I was thinking about how music influences us. One time, I took a line from a song and worked into a story that inevitably failed. But still, it's an effective way to approach a story.

It took more than one or two reads to appreciate what you accomplished here. Some of the meaning fell into place after reading the conclusion.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
The one-sided conversation had me twisted around every which-way. I put some more thought in to it. Of course it's a one way communication. Only the person 'hearing' knows what's happening on the other end. Lots of times my sister comes to me, and not so much, my dad, which is weird. My sister died in 1983. My dad in 2013.

The only place where I remain lost is hanging around the 'tired' part of the dialogue. It didn't seem to make much sense after the sentence above it, nor did reading the dialogue beneath bring it into focus. Oh, well. No big deal.

*Candy4*
In closing
I bet this story would be a winning entry for a dialogue only contest. It's an unusual choice, and I wonder how difficult it was to make it all work.

Totally not fair to mention something nit-picky for an anniversary review, but the [even if it kills me] didn't work for me. The point was made by then. It felt like overkill. I'm not sure if that was an intentional pun, or not.

Anyway, Happy Anniversary. Thanks for the compelling read. *Smile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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486
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Stormy Lady!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Cake*
Sixteen Years?
Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!

*Candy4*
Overall Impression
It won't be easy for me to separate this story with the life of one of my daughter's. Right now, she's a single mom of two, and she's falling apart. She can barely handle taking care of her sons. The guilt and shame she experiences cripple her.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
You have captured the essence of hopelessness. Except the mom in this story is a fighter. Rather than explain this to the reader, you vividly showed the reader what it means. My favorite action was capturing the spider.

She's doing her very best, feeling it's not enough for her children. Her kids will get through it, but, unfortunately, not without scars.

I grew up with a mom who was emotionally damaged. When I became a mom, I let my kids down because illness often stole my time with them. Now I see my daughter struggling. At first I thought genetics, but the issues have different origins. The same effect, though.

*Candy4*
In closing
The mom in the story is breaking my heart, and as you read, I'm drifting into my own past and gazing at the present. Neither picture is rosy. 'Another wasted day' sums up the feelings. All I want to do is reach into the story, hold the mom, and say 'You're doing your best. It won't always be this way.' With chronic pain, though, that might not be true.

Congratulations again. What an accomplishment to celebrate. *Bigsmile*

** Image ID #2078273 Unavailable **


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487
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Nathan. Nixie, here. I found your story on the Newbies page.




Not the most professional response after reading a story, but wow! What a complete pleasure to read something with no errors, and 'listen' to a writer who has a good voice.

Right from the beginning, the reader is cued in on the tongue-in-cheek mood. It's impossible not to laugh while reading this. Google Infinity. *Laugh*

So, this Nathan guy really was writing a report, or article, (for the purposes of this story). In this way, all aspects could be explored, as he could cite specific patient conditions and responses. This worked to bring the story right into the reader's home. Included were 'actual' patient experiences and 'quotes from doctors'. An MBA (MakeBetterAssociations) Priceless.

One side-effect not addressed was the probability of increasing obesity. Unless Infinity has a way to stimulate muscles to mimic physical exercise.

People often speculate about how increased virtual activity will change lives. Some say the less menial tasks people have to take on will increase creativity since mankind can turn their minds to loftier notions. I disagree. But it was an interesting point to make. Lower crime rates. But why? Because humans are not interacting with each other? Because they can immerse themselves in virtual violence?

I don't mean to destroy the levity here, or the ironic conclusion.

My one suggestion would be to increase font size for easier reading.
Oh, I couldn't guess what L1-LY stood for, and it's frustrating because it seems as if I should be able to figure that out.

I wish there was a bio to read. I'd be interested in learning a bit about the author.

Excellent reading experience, and thanks for the *Laugh*


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488
488
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Henry. Nixie, here. I found your story by searching the Newbie page.

Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


The hook
I could have chosen from many stories, but the curious nature of the title made me want to investigate. Did you mean 'the day man won again'?

Overall Impression
I completely agree with the point made in this story. Life is about waiting, and waiting is futile. What does life mean if all we do is wait for something that may or may not happen. Okay, you didn't exactly say that, but I extrapolated a bit.

A few thoughts
I never understood hunting and killing an animal. The man seemed both satisfied and conflicted. He enjoyed nature, but not the waiting. When the ultimate moment arrived, he felt sorrow, and an understanding of what must be done. The human mind is conflicted and complicated.

I've often witnessed communication between humans and animals. Cardinals seem to be my sign that everything will be okay. When I'm in turmoil, a cardinal always appears, one time even flapping his wings to stay directly in front of my window.

I've also seen an animal recognizing imminent death.

*Idea* Okay, so a few problems here. Remember to capitalize the proper pronoun [I]. Remember to capitalize the first letter in every sentence.

The story would be more effective if written in an active vs. passive voice. Fiction is immediate. Avoid using any form of the verb [to be]. Practice word economy. Ascertain that every word in the story is necessary. For example, is it important to the reader to know this happened on a Saturday? The less said, the better. Let the reader experience the action.

Lasting Impression
You captured the essence of a conflicted man. Removing the unnecessary words will bring the story into focus. In the conclusion, the man must show an act of mercy by killing an animal. In my mind, that means [Man won again.] Not "Man has won again". Am I misconstruing something?

You have a wonderful story to work with, should you decide to practice active vs. passive writing. The scenes are clearly shown, the man's emotions can be identified with. Or, leave this story and write another. The point being, Keep Writing!

Please remember I am only one person with an opinion.



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489
489
Review of The Dance  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Brycen! Nixie, here. I found your story listed on the Newbie page.

Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
I'm not sure I understood the metaphorical part of the story. Something is metaphorical when you use it to stand for or symbolize another thing. Everything in this plot felt real. The fire, the city burning, the fantasy dance.

I guess one could say a person becomes lost in love. A city ignites (first love) the forest burns, (deep into the relationship) and then extinguishes that emotion. (Love rarely lasts, and often causes pain.)

A few thoughts
This story would be much easier to read if there was more paragraphing and spacing. Right now, it's presented as a block of text, which can be off-putting to some.

Nothing active occurs throughout the plot. The amount of unnecessary words weigh heavily, slowing the read, and distancing the reader.

Also, I wondered how the couple could flee into a 'dreary' forest if it was already on fire.

I think if you keep this as a YA romance/fantasy, you're on safe ground. It's the reference of metaphorical that confused me.

Lasting Impression
Because the entire story is passively written, I can't think of a way to show the difference between active and passive writing. A quick fix would be to search for all forms of the verb [to be] which would lead you straight into creativity.

One only improves by writing, editing, and writing more. Reviewing helps a writer see what does and doesn't work. It's the same for everyone. So keep writing!

Please remember, I'm only one person with an opinion. *Wink*



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490
490
Review of Scifi Book  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Gion. Nixie, here. I found your story by searching the newbie page.




Overall Impression
The words seeped into my mind, as I tried to understand the meaning. The story is beautifully written, albeit a bit confusing.

A few thoughts
The prose is exceptional, my favorite (paraphrased)
headaches sink in ...long fingers...learning how to breathe.

With the clue from the brief description, I had a general idea of what was happening. The pronoun 'you' indicates this is second person POV, and the reader is the one experiencing the birthing. 'Feeding on itself' projected the impression of a culmination of events. Only one result could arise from that. Birth. Now the 'you' is conscious and capable of thinking beyond sensation.

This brings the reader into the final section where we see Gion in action. If anyone had doubts about the setting, the third sun made it crystal clear.

A few thoughts about that final section. The word [very] is considered a non-word. 'temperature hit[very] cold marks'

I think you can avoid that sentence completely since the water freezing over shows more than tells the falling temperature.

*Note* Generally, fiction is immediate. A few examples

Rather than [Then the headaches would sink in]
Alternately > active vs. passive. [The headaches sink in.]

[began to]
Alternately> Darkness loosely expanded over the planet.

However, since the occurrence is slowly expanding, the passivity keeps the pace unhurried but steady. I'm only pointing out the difference between active and passive. The decision is yours. Maybe something to remember when you write another story.

Oops.
firey > fiery
in tact > intact

Lasting Impression
The story is unusual, but I enjoyed expanding my mind to indulge in the prose. Maybe the prose was too obscure, but it was also part of the charm.

Welcome to WdC, and keep on writing!



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491
491
Review of Harry the Hamster  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Robert. I came across your story by using the 'read and review' option. It seems strange for me to write a review because the story is for Sally. I feel like an intruder. *Laugh*


*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*



*Baretree3*
The Hook
I meant what I said in the beginning. I did hesitate to review this, but the writing was too good to pass by.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
The entire plot flowed so easily, I was surprised when I reached the ending. Usually, I have a feeling that lets me know the story is wrapping up. But I was so in love with the hamster and Sally's mission, I lost track.

To contradict myself totally, I almost stopped reading when the plot turned to the topic of animal testing. But I read one more paragraph, and just kept going.

Now, I suppose reading about a witch and a hamster as characters should feel odd to me. But they were both just about as human as they could be. I had a lot of gerbils in my life, and some of them were pretty smart, but not like Harry.

I liked how you showed the hamster's hesitation and distrust for a human. But Sally's a special lady, and Harry succumbed to her charms.

Some tension juiced up the plot a bit, with Harry triggering the alarm. And then later the rat appeared, and I laughed out loud.
"Run, you dirty rat!"

You know, I often think about humans killing the planet. It makes no sense to pollute and abuse the place that maintains life. So, I had the same thought as Sally. People who can stop what's happening are accelerating the destruction because they have another place to go. They just want piles of money to take with them. Oops. I guess that sounds too much like a conspiracy theory. *Blush*

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
A totally surprising read and a rollicking caper delighted me. Hamsters saving the world. Everything is A-okay.



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492
492
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi LETY. Nixie, here.

*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I found your story through 'read and review'. The title interested me because sometimes, like the character portrayed here, a person you'll never see again gets stuck in your head.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
This character sounds so sad and forlorn. The heart wants what the heart wants. At least he understands that just because he wants the woman to be one way, she can only be who she is. Not everyone realizes that. You can't get 100 watts from a 40 watt bulb. Although this sounded more like friends vs. lovers.

I liked the various ways you showed us the woman. Although there was so much repetition of thought/thinking, every notation of her presence was unique. No repetition there. I was able to form a clear picture in my mind. *Checkg*

So they are in different time zones. This stipulation complimented the idea that she would never be part of his life. Physical distance and differing emotions combined ensured his loneliness. I thought it was a nice touch. How futile, thinking of someone when they're not only unaware, but actually asleep. I guess he could pretend she would dream of him.

You might want to consider making at least one paragraph to break up the text. On the other hand, it kind of works as a stream of consciousness. Reviewer's remark. Author's choice.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
In the conclusion, he reluctantly decides at some point he'll completely banish her from this thoughts. Me? I know my memory will only ever be a memory, but I wouldn't want to lose that.

This guy seems unable to separate her and still hold on to memories. Interesting character who is brutally honest. *Checkg*




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493
493
Review of People are dumb  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Sunny Day. What a positive-sounding user name. I could use some sunshine right about now.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
You have a few items in your portfolio. Awesome. Nice to see you getting some work done. *Laugh*

A few thoughts
About this piece. I think many readers can sympathize with your situation, but it might be presented in another fashion, perhaps as a blog entry. Your emotions are running hot, and the usage of sentences fully capitalized is disconcerting. It distracts from the situation at hand. You have marked this as comedy. With a bit of work, this story, well, non-fiction work would be hilarious.

I can imagine what the person looked or smelled like. What kind of items they purchased and then decided no. Being a Vegan, people often ask me about the food I buy. Trust me, I don't change my mind, although yesterday I did put aside some pickles that looked more appetizing on the shelf. The grocery clerk agreed.

Grocery clerks have to be polite and not loose their patience. I wondered about the check-out person for the customer in front of you.

And in the end...
I think you get my drift on how this could be expanded into something great. The best writing comes from experiences. I respect your right to rant, which is why I suggested a blog entry.

So, welcome to WdC! Through reviewing, you'll pick up some writing skills and ideas. Enjoy the journey. I couldn't have written anything without the help of some marvelous and generous members.


Feeling wild and crazy, but contained.
Sr. Captain at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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494
494
Review of The Sorcerer  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Starmic. Nixie, here. I found your work by clicking on the 'read and review' option.

Overall Impression
Hmm. Fascinating, disturbing, and confusing. But in a good way. The reader never learns who Wormaw is talking to, or why he wants to make him or her go away. But I felt deeply for the woman in the box. I cared more about her than the sorcerer.

Thoughts/Feelings
I didn't expect Wormaw to have a box with a woman in it. The emotions stirred in my mind, a mixture of intrigue and compassion. A short description seemed to make her more lovable and pitiable at the same time. And, it made me despise Warmaw even more.

People, or wizards who do things because they can are selfish and cruel. Maybe wizards transcend humans and have different morals. I don't know. I don't read much fantasy, so I'n a casual reader, lacking knowledge in the world of magic.

The reader never learns about the other character in the story, only that he/she/it had the power to save the woman, but did not. So who's the real bad guy here?

It would be easier to read this in a larger font. *Wink*

*Gears* A few tweaks -- missing commas
“Hi there[] Leah.
Please [] Wormaw
You wouldn’t last a minute out there [] hon

Lasting Impression
She's pushy this year? Good grief, how long has he had her? Does he feed her?

All those questions take the back seat after reading the last paragraph. Wormaw rushes from the bar. I wondered why. This sounds like a story with more to reveal, but it works as a story that generates curiosity. Nicely done. *Checkg*

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495
495
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi badwriter. Nixie, here. I found your story by clicking 'read and review'. You won't like me berating you, but, seriously, you should take more pride in your work. Show confidence. Of course you're not a bad writer. Or do you need members to reassure you?

*Right* Show your professionalism my correctly capitalizing the title. *Wink*

The Meaning of Beauty

*Crown*
I liked the message in your story. *Checkg*
Seeing with one's eyes can be a handicap. We process all our environment and people around us as perceived through sight. And so much goes unnoticed.

*Crown* Characters
Princess
I must agree, this was a particularly ugly princess. The reader, however, is reassured her appearance was compensated by her kindness, which was often repeated.

Younger brother/Prince to be
His back story encouraged a degree of sympathy in the reader. What clenched my heart was his brothers making him wear a wooden crown. More than anything, that was a stand-out moment for me.

Of course he betrayed the princess, but then thrown in the dungeon.
When the prince shared the princess's doomed fate, even though he couldn't see her, I wondered why her alligator-like skin didn't disgust him. That's a touch perception. And aren't pustules leaky?

*Crown*
It seems in the time of royals, people had established religion, and did not entertain the concept of gods who rescued them. Just asking.

*Gears* Tweaks
As we review, our writing improves. We see what dose and doesn't work.

We are reminded not to use passive verbs.

Avoid the repetition of [was]. (I used it quite a bit in this review.) Without employing that word, we are prompted to be more creative. Example of the top of my head:

Behind those eyes was a pure soul.
Behind those eyes a pure soul shimmered.

Click here:
Suggestions ▼

I think it would be advantageous to your story to write a more concise conclusion.

*Idea* A possible edit to give you an idea:
Happy walking alongside of each other, the princess stroked ...continue the rest of that paragraph.

End with:
They walked [ambled] [strolled] farther further into the fog.

That last line was charming and hopeful. But where did the fog come from? Or should I just pretend?

Please remember, I'm offering only one person's opinion.

Overall, I found this to be a light piece. It sounded as if you had fun writing it.

Tucked in the words, a valuable message.

Keep writing! *Checkg*


Gorgeous Peacocks

Nixie.
Sr. Captain at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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496
496
Review of PINK?!?  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Angus. Nixie, here.
Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
Color Raid Review!


*Ball* Overall Impression
You already know I avoid your horror stories because, well, they're in the horror genre. But this one was on the list, so I came to check it out. Considering the title Pink I thought, how horrible can this be? And the brief description sounded possibly non-ominous.

*Star* Wow, you really got me with this one!

*Ball* Setting/Characters
That first paragraph alerted the reader right from the beginning. No extra wording, just a straight-forward attention-grabbing few sentences.

Excellent job establishing the setting and introducing your characters.

The large paragraph showed me exactly what was happening, and how the guys really felt about each other. It sounded exactly like I imagine guy thoughts would be. With the scene set and the characters on line, the technique reminded me of a Stephen King remark. Something like, introduce the characters and then send in the monsters.

This worked extremely well as the guys played off one another through sharp and pointed dialogue, all the while upping reader apprehension. The swearing at various points was so natural it just went with the flow.

*Right* An added bonus for me. A larger font and more spacing without the presentation looking all scattered. *Checkg*


*Alieng* Wrapping it up
We need a pink alien for this story. *Laugh*

I'd say the title of this set the reader up for some kind of humor at the conclusion. 'Phew,' I thought when I laughed at the description of the aliens. 'I'm on safe territory. Angus told a horror story without grossing me out. Wait. That can't be right.'

Good grief, that was disgusting. *Laugh* Excellent work!


Colorful Flowers


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497
497
Review of The Offer  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Blake. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


Overall Impression
Huh. Totally unexpected plot.

I don't recall reading many stories that started in one place, dipped into the past, and then returned to the present. The effect, on me, was a bit odd. Maybe finding anther way to show the reader is back in the present might help.

The year was now 1974 and the Remy Johnson that was introduced in the first paragraph reemerges.
How would the story-teller know which paragraph introduced Remy? I'm not explaining myself very well.

An interesting and painstakingly documented back story had me wondering what was in store for the fallen Remy. Each moment in his life that took him further away from who had been justified his current state of mind.

At all times, I was aware of Remy's state of mind, and I could visualize his actions. Excellent demonstration of how to move a character around in a plot line. *Checkg*

A few thoughts
After Remy was revealed, we finally met the next character. Starcose had quite the inflated ego. He reinvented himself with visions of grandeur. You caught me by surprise when I learned how he came by such on unusual name. Good thinking!

The man’s body was coated in all black
I had to read this sentence twice. It sounded like his body was painted black.

Great build-up of tension as Remy approached the hotel and discovered the man. Interesting, he knew the man would have a black mustache. Since the brief description said Remy would be meeting himself, I thought Starcose would be an 'older' Remy, someone who had learned about life and was there to set Remy to rights. Not so.

Remy found himself in a situation of supposed life or death. I'd learned so much about him, I was sort of expecting a rehash of his life, and what lessons he'd learned that determined his fate. He had been beaten down by life, so it seems he might have jumped at the opportunity. That's what I expected. You got me there. This was a new lesson for Remy. He wouldn't accept an offer bolstered only by one man's arrogance. Maybe he'd been rubbed too raw and didn't trust anyone.

*Idea*Gold emblazoned tapestries straddled
Because tapestries are fabric and soft, I hesitated over the verb [straddled]. It sounds like a 'hard' word one might associate with horses. *Laugh* While trying to think of an alternate verb, I don't have the same picture in my head as you. Were the tapestries inside or outside?

Maybe Exceedingly deep,,
Oops. An extra comma


Lasting Impression
The conclusion left me wanting, as if the author didn't know how to conclude the story. With all that build-up, I wanted to know who the man was, and exactly what he was up to. Of course, the story is about Remy, but I expected a twist or revelation.

So, there's my opinion. And that's all it is. One reader's thoughts. I think you have a lot going for you, in the writing world. As you read and review, you might be interested in writing stories with more dialogue and action, rather than a character study.

Far be it from me to discourage anyone, so keep on writing! As far as the basic technical issues go, you certainly have nothing to worry about there. I found no spelling or grammar issues. *Bigsmile*

Overall impression. A solid write. *Checkg*

I really wanted Remy to succeed. *Sad*

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498
498
Review of Know Thine Enemy  
for entry "Chapter 8" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Stefan.

From the top
I'm just blazing through these chapters, ignoring all my emails popping up. I hope they're not from you asking me to stop reviewing until you've edited more. Really, the quality is okay to great. I'm just a bit anxious for something drastic to happen. I'm ready for some oomph. Maybe someone is almost sucked into the void. Just kidding, but you understand my point, I'm sure.

Overall Impression
Although I think this could be less wordy, I enjoyed seeing another side of Scott, and meeting the Chief. Scott's easy going manner and confidence are demonstrated when he's defeated by Chief, but not disturbed. He'd have to be a real jerk if he reacted with anger. No one would be loyal to that kind of guy.

This interaction was a welcomed side plot.

Thoughts/Feelings
I'm taking a wild guess here. This story has been posted on another website and transferred here. Since there has been no editing, what I'm reading could very well be your first draft. That would be one reason why it's so wordy.

*Questionb* Not to be snarky, but...

The captain enjoys Forza? as in x-box?
You have water in space? Suggest you capitalize the word, as it's impossible. Water. Or sonic shower. Or Synth water. I'm sure you'll think of something.

And steak for dinner? No way. I don't think they have cows to slaughter for food.

We are [pleased] you could join us," Shay said. "You will be [pleased] to know
Word repetition

"He has made me feel welcome aboard his ship," Matvei added.The next sentence contains Scott's internal thinking, and requires a new paragraph, separate from Matvei's.
Watch out for this in other places.

Same comma errors as expected. I mess the placement up all the time. *Headbang*

Lasting Impression
I enjoyed learning something more than what the reader has been exposed to, in regards to what the heck is up with Matvei, and what is her real story?

** Image ID #2031341 Unavailable **

Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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499
499
Review of Know Thine Enemy  
for entry "Chapter 7" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
On I go...


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I've been hoping for a little playing between Shay and Scott, and the first sentence led me in.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
Um, you have the paragraph beginning with This ship has superior officers and crew... in there twice. I see the correction. In one, she's looking forward to him returning to the bridge, whereas the other was corrected to read she was looking forward to dining with him. Just a little glitch to clear up. It happens easily, when working with chapters.


Excellent exchange between Scott and Shay. A bit snarky to create a feeling of levity. I especially liked what Scott did not. The quirk of Shay's mouth. It's almost cute when she asks if she can speak freely, although by now the reader already knows these two are close.

And, we got some bridge action! Yes! I'm assuming you know Alcubierre drive doesn't work. It's a theory with approximately one percent chance of success.
I like stories to be accurate, but if no one checks up on the facts, it sounds cool.

*Idea* eat at Captain's Mess
Suggest [dine] as an alternative to [eat]

he [has] ordered her to conduct for two
I think you wanted [had] because everything else is in past tense. *Checkg*

Because the acronym ESF stands for so many varying things, suggest you explain it at least once, as pertains to this story.

He made his way up to the bridge to begin his duty watch.
*Idea* Can you punch this up a bit? Fiction is immediate, so beginning something doesn't happen. It just is. Is he rushing to the bridge, anxious to take command of his ship? (You don't need my help here, I know.)

*Idea* In what seemed less than the required time,
An odd observation. Why did it seem like less? Does the reader even need this?

*Baretree3*
A closed chapter-lasting impression
Scott has my sympathies. He has to continue his ruse with the Russian for three months? I hardly think that will play out.

Oh, I put this request at the bottom, this time. Less spacing, please?

If you do a word search, I remember a sentence with the word answer in it twice, but now can't find it. At least I think it was answer.

*Right* I sincerely hope you realize I openly speak (write) my mind when I'm reviewing a piece that appeals to me. Everything is fine the way you've written it. I'm just offering tweaks for your consideration.

I'm rating this a four because, as I expressed earlier, I like authenticity in stories.

Politics next? Bleck.


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500
500
Review of Know Thine Enemy  
for entry "Chapter 6" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey Stefan. Apparently I can't resist reading more. Please remember, I'm only offering suggestions.


Overall Impression
Another fleeting and widely-spaced chapter has me feeling frustrated. I want more information. lol

Thoughts/Feelings
The BIG question:
"The entire incident is confusing. Why was the Anatoly there to begin with?"
This is Scott talking, correct? The next paragraph, if I'm not reading it incorrectly, seems to be Matvei talking, explaining the likely course of action her ship would take. Then, in the same paragraph, Scott's internal thoughts.
Careful. So far I've sounding almost competent. Better fix that.
But he hasn't been talking at all. So I've read it four times with the same impression. I'll read it again before continuing. Maybe those internal thoughts belong in his paragraph above Matvei's reply?

Scott has some experience with relationships. I wonder who? I don't have the feeling that he was romantically involved with Shay, but then I'm not the one writing the story. Hmm.

How old are these characters? Has their aging slowed due to space travel? I'd like a bit of hint as to what Scott looks like. We know the Russian chick is ridiculously hot. Scott mentioned in the beginning Shay was attractive. I'm sure you can think of many ways to show appearances. Is Matvei taller than Scott? That would give her a real advantage over him.

As far as Matvei goes? I liked seeing her less composed. Up to now, she's seemed dumbly seductive and insistent. Here, we see her as a woman concerned for her crew. Then sentence with her 'blurting' effectively demonstrated this. Nicely done!

Now I've got a woman I know is trying to manipulate me.
*Idea* Suggest less words. Something like:
Now I'm stuck with a manipulative woman.

"That is kind of you
I think the last paragraph could be more concise.
Suggest something like: "How kind, but I left the bridge crew to clean up without me," Scott said..."

Oops
...Captain Matvei until tomorrow, but courtesy demands we tell [them] personally what happened."
tell her

To make sure they did not follow us." Scott said. []Bring us..
Missing opening quotations.

but you know him better than I.[]
Missing closing quotes

the door opened [reveling] Captain Matvei
revealing

Lasting Impression
I'm not convinced I've heard the truth in this chapter. My every intention is to stop reviewing, yet on I go. It's like a compulsion. As I mentioned, I read the entire story a few days ago. My mind seems determined to review all the chapters, even knowing you didn't finish the book. Maybe these reviews will spur you on.

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