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Review Requests: OFF
3,284 Public Reviews Given
3,323 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review of A Moving Day  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mikey! I found your story using the read and review option.

Overall Impression
This was a fast read that made my mind twirl. The whole scenario from beginning to nearly the end seemed bizarre. What mother would tell her child to let an unknown man into her bedroom? I knew something more was happening, but the only way to find out was to gobble up the words.

Special Moments
The beginning. How different to begin a story from the outside in. It took a few sentences to follow the story line, but I liked the change from the ordinary.

Cute kid with good descriptors. From suspicious to thrilled.

The upset
Once again, I questioned the guy's motives. He's interested in a random child's diary? What a jerk. Maybe if he had a daughter the same age he'd be curious. But otherwise, it's just creepy. However, this unlikely scenario led to the twist. Sandra sure had her motives clear and the trap set long before he arrived. Kind of odd, all the way around, but kudos for innovation. *Wink*

Oops
Too many connections. *Laugh*
was the main bath, with a small connecting hallway connecting the master bedroom

Both question mark and period? I'd go with the period, not the exclamation mark. General rule of thumb: Exclamation marks are rarely seen and used for short one word answers. No! (Sorry if I'm telling you something you already learned. I noticed this was written two years ago.)

"C'mon in, mister. Come see my room!."
"C'mon in, mister. Come see my room."

And in the end?
Despite my reservations, the story makes sense if written for this specific contest. I'm in admiration of writers who don't hesitate to participate. The open ending worked well for the purpose of this piece.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. *Smile*

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427
427
Review of Second Honeymoon  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Trish! I found your story through the read and review option.

*Baretree3*
Overall Impression
Great story that held my interest all the way through to the twist in the conclusion. Ha! Poetic justice. You're about to read a bunch of questions, just remember how much I liked your story. *Bigsmile*

*Baretree3*
A closer look
At first, I was completely confused, all due to one tiny lapse of attention. In *Paragraph* 2 S4, it reads
She's been surprised...
The entire story felt off. Was this currently happening? Was she going back and remembering a time when she's been surprised? Realizing this was a typo and you meant '[She'd] been surprised' answered my question.

Speaking of [surprised] it's been used twice in the same paragraph. It's repetitive.

In *Paragraph* 4 it reads
'Carl was in the kitchen'
which confused me all over again. Stick to one verb tense. 'Carl had been in the kitchen.'

Passive verbs slow down the read. Past perfect tense adds up to a ton of [had beens]. Maybe writing this in present tense, rather than memory would enliven the story and lessen the wordiness. *Wink*

oops
he promised with a smile as he started to the dock.”
ending quotes misplaced.

It would be so nice to have him all to {{i}/i}herself
Did you mean: It would be so nice to have him all to {i}herself {{/i}


*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
Marie's predicament was easy to relate to. I've never lost a husband on a lake, but I do know what it's like to wait, uncertain, confused and fearful. All of these emotions were expertly displayed through her actions and inner dialogue. This one sentence made my heart speed up. In this place, I truly felt her fear. Now the realization that something could be really wrong set in

Another suggestion. It's best to stick with one POV. The story is being told through Marie's POV but switches here.
Detective Turner watched as the small boat quickly disappeared into the darkness
The reader should not be able to look through Turner's eyes. We only have Marie.

Some of what I read was repetitive, and easing up on the passive verbs, possibly turning this to present tense would pick up the pace.

*Baretree3*
Last question (I promise.)
So the dad more or less knew, but what boat tipped over Carl's? The Game Warden? That seems unlikely since the lights were so bright. Now maybe I'm missing something. I wondered if the dad was the tipper, but his boat was small. *Confused*


*Baretree3*
And in the end?
I felt as if I were in the story myself, watching it play out. Nicely done!

The unique setting and Marie's escalating fear made it impossible for me to stop reading. And, I only ask questions when the story grabs my interest. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review yours. *Smile*



Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

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428
428
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Mordee! I found your story using the read and review option. And I'm wondering why we've never crossed paths before.

Everything about this piece hurt. In a way-too-familiar way. The beginning was exactly as you wished. A sweet, poignant scene, all too visible to my 'interior' eyes. Not the exact circumstance or precise setting, but familiar in the way one knows when death is present.

My dad died in the hospital. Similar to the wife in this story, I'll never forget my mom kissing him and saying, I'm going to miss you so much, honey." It was pretty awful. Even knowing it was his time didn't comfort much.

Sorry I sidetracked over to my personal life. But I take it as a compliment if someone relates personally to something I wrote. That tells me the writing is authentic.

Excellent word choices. Fresh and descriptive, rather than worn out and expected. A video biography playing, is one example. So very nicely done. Now I'm a bit teary-eyed so that's all I can write.

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429
429
Review of Go.  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Derek! I found your story using the read and review option. So I'm here welcoming you to WdC and dropping off a friendly review.

This somewhat 'stream of consciousness' worked for me. I liked how all the words ran together, as surely as those kind of thoughts do. And, sadly, I know exactly what you mean. It started when I was a kid. I'd look out my bedroom window to the woods outside, and just want to start walking and disappear forever.

Of course that's an abstract, the same as your words project. It's not a specific place where a person can go. It's that feeling inside you talked about. The answer is a sense that somewhere there can be something more, something that will shake up a person's life. Thing is, where we go, mentally or physically, we always take ourselves, an action of futility, as expressed in your last sentence.

I have to tell you how much you're portfolio picture mirrored this piece. I looked at it and thought 'that's exactly how he feels, and exactly what he's written about.'

"Thanks for sharing" is so lame and plebeian, but it does come from the heart. Keep on writing. You're not alone. *Smile*

~Nixie

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430
430
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Duke! I found your story using the read and review option.


I think you've really got something good going on here. The last few lines were brilliant, and unexpected. Some bumps along the way had me distracted, but I wanted to see what Bill was up against in his ordinary, hum-drum life.

I like how this started out. A scene from nature, with a clumsy human being not even aware that he was trampling something beautiful. That fits with his 'blame everyone else' motto. It seems Will sees only himself and how others fit in his world.

First and second paragraph, no problem. Excellent job transitioning the scene from the outdoors to the 'synthetic sounds'. That line grabbed my attention.

I can't really review anymore without pointing out the places that can be edited to make this less confusing.

Paragraph three, the 'good morning Bill." "My name is Will." had me scratching my head. Really, it's only one simple thing that will get this on the right track. All the dialogue runs together and is confusing.

The dialogue is running the story, so let's get that figured out. Basically, whenever a different character speaks, begin a new paragraph.

Remember to spell out numbers less than 100, depending on what set of rules you follow. [7 years- seven years] [30's-thirties]

A few more areas need some sprucing up, but I don't want to weigh you down.

The last lines were a sharp departure from the rest of the story and handed down a philosophical observation. That's why I chose to write this review. You turned the whole plot on its head. And now, of course, I'm singing that song.

Which reminds me. Your work needs a title! Some use words in the story to create a title. Others despise it. You could always go with African Rains or something more clever to grab the reader's interest. No title might signify a loss of dedication and belief in the author's own work.

Yikes! Is this sounding like a lecture? I'd rather welcome you to our wonderful writing website, and hope you find it as addicting as the long-term members. It won't take long, if you're interested.

Keep on writing!

Nixie *Bigsmile*

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431
431
Review of Lost  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jacky! I found your story using the read and review option.


I really liked the way the story started off in the middle of the action. I didn't have to read the details leading up to the climax because it was all spelled out as the plot unrolled. I wish it were perfection, but I had to back up and read it a few times to 'see' what was happening.

Expressive setting! A barn that might have been a haven proved unusable, plunging the character into another dubious situation. Once you're lost, you're lost. I couldn't miss the significance of the owl showing the way. They are very wise. But I didn't understand this sentence.

I heard the lonely screech of an owl, adding, embarrassingly, frightened.

One thing worth considering. Characters need names to help readers identify. I'd call this kid a Norman. He's not too bright.

*Questionp* How can you show his name?
At the end, turn what you've written about the parents into dialogue.

As they came in, they asked, "Hi, Norman. How are you?"

I would also suggest naming one parent, since I don't think both would speak the same words together. For example:
As they came in, Dad asked ...

What about a more interesting title? This is a big moment in a young man's life. Lost just doesn't seem adequate.

One last consideration and then I'll leave you alone. *Laugh*
"Rules" dictate nothing in fiction happens [suddenly]. It just happens.

Not a big deal, but it does catch my attention when I see that word. Some authors use [just then] but that sounds off to me. I'm awfully opinionated tonight. Good thing it's just one person's POV.


Fun read! Outstanding ending wrapped up the story. *Smile*

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432
432
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Candy4*
Overall Impression
Oh, Maryann, I think the only thing that surpasses this adorable story is the image at the bottom. She's definitely the epitome of your character.

Thoughts
So many things to chuckle over. Excellent take on switching up a fairy tale to be in sync with modern times.

I liked the antagonist's presence. She wasn't crazy mean, just the right amount of vanity and more vanity. lol

Excellent name choice (Fire Bright). It reminded me of Lornda's new alter ego, Shadow Flame. Fire Bright is simply sweet and innocent. Sometimes the antagonist plays on for too long, when I want a quick resolution. Seems GoT served you, and me, well for this purpose.

*Candy4*
In closing
I can only imagine the pressure of GoT. Your work here is spectacular and something you can always be proud of. Even after 16 years at WdC, you continue to wow people. The site would not be the same without you.

*Star* The hot sauce revived Fire Bright. *Laugh* *Thumbsup*

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433
433
Review of Year of the Horse  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn. Nixie, here. I found your poem through the read and review option. I don't think I've ever reviewed anything written by you before. And, I rarely review poetry. So I'm on shaky ground here.

I'm impressed by the way you demonstrated yourself in this poem. Your 'horse' persona worked beautifully to this end. The words are unusual, and the phrases take more than one read to appreciate. Everytime I read this, I feel as if I'm learning just a bit more about you.

A few days ago, I was thinking about expressing through the negative to create more impact. 'uncorralled' struck me as unique.

I smiled at the subtle joke in the last line--the words 'meanders forward decisively' creating opposites.

Wow, tough requirements for this challenge, and you conquered all. The words that had to be included flowed naturally. They were employed to your advantage, further demonstrating your creative flair and abilities.

I thought twice about 'warp speed' in conjunction with a horse. That's the only place where I hung around, unsure.

Very cool cover art. I wondered where it came from and then saw the notation at the conclusion. Your dad must be gifted with a different type of creativity.

Time to go before I trip over my tongue. The poem was a jewel discovered through a casual read and review.



Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Captain


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434
434
Review of Paralyzed  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Scott. Nixie, here.

*Baretree3*
I almost stopped reading this because I felt sick to my stomach, knowing what would happen. But I kept reading anyway, and when I read 'organized his lies' I was hooked. The sickening scene was set, and I was the one watching the train wreck with fascination.

I didn't need to picture him, physically. When the depraved are that low, they all look the same in a mug shot. The character was all movement, no soul within. A snake uncoiling in the sun.

And then down the alley. I was sinking lower, my reservations about continuing to read rising. The line 'forcing her legs apart' really did me in, and then bam! the twist.

How unusual to have place the twist in the same stanza. The woman moaning was totally nonsensical, until I read the next line.

I really liked all the stanzas, but stanza ten sounded off. I'm sitting here wondering if you even need it. For some reason, it feels as if someone else wrote stanza ten. I know that's not possible, but it helps explain what I experienced.

Now, I could have spared myself a lot of upset had I read the title and brief description. Honestly, I skipped past the title because it didn't grab my attention, and ignored the brief description. I know, it's an awful thing for me to do. But I read magazines from the middle to the front. Anyhow, once I read the brief description, everything made sense.

Well done dark poetry. I'm feeling kind of icky right now. The woman must have been waiting for him to make his move. Maybe she'd seen him lure other women. I don't think many women carry a blade with them. I was interested in finding out a bit about her. He's scum. She's a mystery.

Wow. You joined WdC only a few days ago! Welcome! I hope you enjoy it here. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions about the website. It's all explained in Writing 101, but sometimes it's easier to learn from another person. Me? I just click on stuff and see what happens.

Take care and keep writing!




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435
435
Review of EXCESS BAGGAGE  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Prophetess Tonya Brown. Nixie here. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  is raiding today!

This short work is a bit difficult to review. The reader doesn't get a chance to sense the 'real' you. The emotion is there, more or less. There's a bit of repetition that can be weeded out for a stronger impact. It's one thing to use similar words to emphasize a feeling, but, especially, in these brief lines the effect lessens the impact.

That's not to say the work isn't totally unrelatable. Most of us have probably asked ourselves the same question many times.

Your work deserves another look.

[I] is not capitalized when it should be.

I know all this baggage from life [have] [has]

Now [i don,t] know Now [I don't] know

time to drop [them] bags off. [those]

Otherwise, I appreciate the insight demonstrated in the last line. It indicates you take responsibility for what's happened in your life.

In a short work like this, an author can't afford to make mistakes. Time to do what we all dread. Edit. And keep writing!



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436
436
Review of Bullying  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Rae. Nixie, here.

While prowling through read and review, I was on the look-out for something light to make me laugh. So please consider it a compliment that I paused and read your work.

Toward the end, you mentioned the need to converse on topics both uncomfortable and fun. To be honest, I was very uncomfortable reading the reasons you were taunted and bullied. As a mom and grandmother, it's heartbreaking to learn this about someone. I found no fun in your article, (how truly sad) and it's great that you're working with your kids, balancing the two topics.

The work is conversiave and frank. No posturing here. I admire you for having the courage to write this in the hopes of sparing a child such intolerance.

A few errors here and there, easily picked up with another read. It's a little wordy. I think a bit of reorganization would help, concentrating only on what is tantamount. Paragraphs 7, 8, 9 and ten could be more concise, or more white space.

Also, the collar bone breaking is a little confusing. You might want to leave that out of the second paragraph so it's not repetitious when the revealing moment arrives. I'm fairly certain a kid would be expelled for hurting someone else that severely.

Even though the teacher's plan to help you make friends (during lunch) didn't work, at least someone noticed and made an effort.

I think the amount of bullying is decreasing, as schools administrators are more aware than before. That's opinion, based on signs I've seen at schools and workplaces. Yes, bullying at work is yet another concern.

Most important is communication. I was lucky that all three of my children came to me with their joys and sorrows during their younger years. Middle school, as you mentioned, can be the worst as children come into their own.

Sometimes I read backwards, and here I am commenting on what should have appeared in the beginning. It's weird, I know. The title leaves no doubt as to subject, and the brief description lets the reader know this is a serious work, not to be taken lightly.

Welcome to WdC! And thanks for sticking out a welcoming hand by trying to change the world child by child. Keep writing!

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437
437
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Delight* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
*Star* *Sun* welcomes you to WdC by raiding your port! *Star* *Sun*


Hi Mabel. Nixie here.

I absolutely love your honesty here, honesty that many can relate to. As a matter of fact, it's a cold Saturday morning, and I'm at my desk wearing flannels. lol

Beating up on oneself is a pitfall. I do it all the time. Then I remember just how insignificant my life is. Yes, we're made of star stuff, but we're of little consequence to the universe. No doubt our actions change events, but thinking about my little person helps keep things in perspective. My motto is not for everyone.

And may I just add, this lighthearted piece is hilarious. *Laugh* The little asides made me smile. The commentary wasn't overly long, which was a good thing. Expanding this further would have detracted from the magic.

Good on you for all the parts that you love about yourself. I could use a bit of that 'plays well with others' in my life.

We can only be ourselves, and that's enough (or it should be).

Keep on writing!

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438
438
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
*Star* *Sun* welcomes you to WdC by raiding your port! *Star* *Sun*


Hi Morgan. Nixie here.

Wow, you tackled a monster-sized topic and brought out the most salient points. The internet is a vast tool that keeps expanding, and caution should always be exercised when researching, or just plain looking up information on how to brush your teeth. lol It's easy to be misled.

I think now the internet is at a place where society can handle the consequences and the scope. I do worry, however, that this will become unmanageable. Already, people, even while dining out with each other, spend their time playing on cell phones, rather than making conversation. Some people allow cell calls to interrupt important undertakings.

*Notep* One suggestion, which is another sad commentary on culture. Readers look for lots of 'white space' and large font size so they won't be slowed down. To avoid this pitfall, consider increasing font size and using more paragraphing.

*QuestionP* I was wondering about the reference to WW2 and how use of the internet would have stopped the war. The only reference I can think of was that Japan surrendered before we nuked them. But that's just something I remember hearing, and not necessarily factual.

Our president is placing us in grave danger and making Americans look stupid. I know some still support him, so I'll say no more.

I enjoyed reading your article. Of course more could be said, but at this length, you're likely to gain more readers. *Checkg* Keep on writing!

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439
439
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dradak_Steelmaw Nixie, here.
Welcome to WdC!


*Type*
Overall Impression
I enjoyed reading this light children's story.
The scenario made me feel nostalgic for long-gone friends, and the simplicity of childhood.


*Type*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Excellent job introducing your protagonist and setting. The added delights that 'showed' how good the cheese tasted put the reader right next to Milo. The crispness dunked in ketchup *Sick* further enhanced the intimacy you were building.

Milo seems like a nice kid who loves his nana, but feels lonely. We see his vulnerability when he worries about the other boy liking him.
Nana, so knowledgeable, makes the perfect remark. You won't know unless you try. And that was all Milo needed to hear. Maybe we all need to remember that. *Checkg*

The coincidence of the two grandmothers meeting and liking each other added another layer of an easy-flowing simplistic plot, which should be a breeze for a young reader.

One suggestion would be to create a little more conflict, so the story isn't all rainbows and unicorns. *Laugh* The two boys and the grandmother's had no problem getting on. A little confrontation would spice up the story. The pink boots on a boy might have caused some form of rejection on Thomas's part.

Do boys still play cowboys and Indians?

*Type*
Considerations
Remember to begin a new paragraph each time the dialogue shifts between characters.

Since the story is told from Milo's POV, the last paragraph is out of sync. Milo can't know his grandmother is watching unless he sees her.

How does the title fit in? Is this part of a larger work, because Thomas and Milo are not having a grand adventure with magic, as indicated in the brief description. *Confused*

*Type*
Lasting Impression
The story created a 'homey' down-to-earth mood. How refreshing to find two boys playing in rain boots, rather than glued to a tablet playing games. Great imagery throughout. I laughed, thinking of the boys trying to lasso one another.

Keep on writing!

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440
440
Review of Lights In The Sky  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Formless. Nixie, here with a friendly review.


Overall Impression
Very clever! The droll, dry wit had me smirking, and the general sense of chaos and confusion had me puzzled. Your particular writing style is one I enjoy, but don't see very often. I know you wanted comments to help improvement. The thing is, because of the confusion, I assume you know where you're going with us, while I can't begin to guess. Which is a good thing.

I've read this five times, trying to think up some comments, but every time I come to the same conclusion. The author has control. The reader is along for the ride. It's a zany ride that makes more sense with continuous reads. I'm not sure which part makes me laugh the most. The Vanishing Desert is definitely a favorite.

I'm not crazy about onomatopoeia in writing, so the 'fwip' and 'thwump' didn't appeal to me. But in the context of the story, it's in tune with the overall theme.

Since this is a W.I.P. the story will tighten as more of the plot is revealed. I have no image in my head after reading this line.

incredibly deadly scientific apparatus

Maybe not being specific is part of the charm, but when did he get in there?

Way out on a limb here, trying not to show ignorance, but the paragraph beginning with "When the sun first disappeared..." seems to contradict itself, or it's a double negative. *Confused*

What I'm left with is the thought that sometimes the author can be too clever, and it shouldn't take this many reads to score some sense. It sounds brilliant, which is the reason why I can't rate this lower to indicate my experience.

And, I do love The Dread Fish. *Laugh* *ThumbsUpL*


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441
441
Review of The Brick Stories  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Buggle. Nixie, here to drop off a friendly review. *Smile*

*Baretree3*
The Hook
When I saw the title, I jumped at the opportunity to see where the story was going. I happen to have a certain fondness for bricks and stones. lol I liked your brief description because it clued me in as to what was happening here. Otherwise, I might have been confused.

It's clearly obvious you are having fun writing this! When I'm writing for enjoyment or fun, my best work simply slips from mind to virtual paper.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
This story struck me as lighthearted and easygoing. The tone was somewhat playful, although Snaps was thoroughly invested in securing his dream. You provided back story and a setting that kept me interested. Not knowing much about Snaps, I drew my own conclusions, and decided he was somewhat of an underdog, with a limited or no chance at becoming a Digger. I always take the side of the underdog, and my anticipation of the announcement matched his.

I liked the way the answer from the council was drawn out. It increased the tension, and struck me as authentic. These kind of announcements are always involved. And, I was surprised to see how much Snap had to master. With each pronouncement, my hope expanded, only to be crushed by the final evaluation. And quick as that, I was pulled from disappointment. Snaps didn't need high marks in that category. *ThumbsUpL*

Adding paragraphs would make for an easier read. Right now, it presents as a solid block of text. It's a sad statement for a society so rushed readers look for stories with lots of white space. Too much, though, and the story loses coherence.

Oh, what a brilliant and humorous name. Bricklia. *Laugh*

*Questionp*I didn't understand the meaning of the word [molded] in this sentence.

Snaps had known Bricklia since right after he was molded.

*Idea*as he lowered his head in a bow. He looked at the High Councill
First, Council is spelled with one l, at least in the states that's true. Also, If Snaps lowers his head, he needs to look up to see the High Council. You'd only have to add the word [up] and the sentence would make sense.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
*Facepalm* Lego fig made no sense to me until this moment. *Laugh* That changes everything.

I bet I had as much fun reading this as you had writing it. Of course there's room for improvement, but all that takes is practice. And you already have the bricks in place upon which to build. Sorry, I simply couldn't resist putting bricks in that sentence. *Laugh* I wonder what exactly "The Pile" is?

Keep on writing!

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Camaraderie Captain



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi AME. Nixie, here to drop off a friendly review.

Dynamite title! I felt as if it was written for someone like me. That's reader identification at its best.

As far as the brief description goes, all you need do is entice the reader. What is the overall theme? Is the focus on the last paragraph? Does the conflict revolve around the couple, or simply her relocation? Did she move to get away from someone but can't stop thinking about that person? Maybe one of the questions will spark your imagination.

*StarG*
Overall Impression
I immediately identified with your character. Only a few times have I lived where the night sky is clear. I saw so many stars it seemed as if the dark was obliterated. My sense of wonder was the whole story. Fulfillment for an empty space inside me.

*StarG*
Plot/Setting/Characters
Your character had a similar experience, but with a slight twist. Maybe a summation of her feelings would bring closure and illumination. For example, "but I know he's gone forever."
I'm not saying that's a conclusion because this is your story. I provided a quick resolution without knowing your character.

The first paragraph contains a run-on sentence. Would breaking it up be more effective in capturing readers? I can't decide. One part of me likes the continuous flow, showing how everything blends together to form one impression. The other part of me wonders if the sentence would be stronger with punctuation. I'll leave that up to you.

..sky full of stars with a sense of satisfying so fulfilling
Do you think [satisfaction] is the better word choice?

Watch out for repetitive words as an overabundance lacks power. [dreamt of going far, far away] [far, far away from home]


her first one in a long, long time.
Can you think of a stronger word to illustrate time passing? I don't know. I've heard this repetition before; it seems quite common. Or does it demonstrate a lack of imagination? Again, your choice.


*Starg*
Parting thoughts
I enjoyed the time spent pondering your story.The unnamed character plucked a chord of familiarity within me.
You have the 'bones' of a story that could be fleshed out. So, you have to keep on writing! *Smile*

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Review of Self- Doubt  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi birdie! Nixie, here. Thanks for filling out your bio. It helped me to understand your work and avoid platitudes about overcoming your negative thoughts. As stated, these are the things you believe, and beliefs cannot be challenged.

Thoughts/Feelings
I'll admit to connecting with this poem in a few ways. I'm not quite so down on myself, and it actually helps me to accept I'm only a speck of dust. It doesn't mean I'm worthless (although the thought crosses my mind) it's a reminder not to take life so seriously.

Whatever a soul is, I've never found an answer. I guess it's meant to embody that which cannot be expressed. An attempt to label something not tangible. Or maybe a way to acknowledge a person's ego, or sense of purpose. It's one of those words that I question. The same goes for universe. For me, life is random.

Do we even have a name? I've wondered the same. I'd prefer being labeled as a musical note, as whimsical as that sounds.

Lasting Impression
I admire your ability to let your words simply pour out on to the page. You make no excuses for what you've written. This isn't a plea for help. The work is honest, genuine, and true, for you. Of course, nothing ever stays the same. It's impossible. Sometimes, we capture moods in our words, and the theme may sound dark. I accepted your words in the way they were offered.

Just the other day, I acknowledged, not for the first time, that every decision I've made has brought me to this point in my life. I do not feel shame, though. Only resignation. I find no value in fantasizing about life if I had chosen differently. Okay, sometimes I entertain those thoughts.

The two lines that captured me the most were the first two in stanza three. I liked playing with the idea of what a seasonal change might mean. As a reader, I can indulge in my own interpretations, and maybe those words were metaphoric for mood swings. The beauty for you, as the author, is learning what others took away after reading your work.

My last comment. Your brief description showed a self-awareness that your feelings are not healthy. That means you are questioning your beliefs, yes?

I'm happy to have found this piece, and for the time I spent contemplating the words. *Smile*

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Captain


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Review of Lullaby Women  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi n. gwynn. Nixie, here. Welcome to WdC!


*Baretree3*
The Hook
From the brief Russian experiences in my life, I've considered the people somber and silent. The Russian Orthodox church where I lived at one time was beautiful, imposing, and utterly overwhelming inside. Dark and intense. My kids were always thrilled when I found a book with a Russian theme. But I've never heard of the one in your story.

Wow, excellent write.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
The story crackled with life and authenticity. From the beginning, the reader was aware of the dangers, supposedly imaginary. As readers of fiction, we know what's coming from the dark. So there I was, standing next to your character, screaming at him not to venture farther into the forest. One thing to consider here is the excessive use of the word [cold]. a few synonyms icy, frigid ...

As far as setting, everything was crystal clear in my mind.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
Of course your story was much more than fear or suspicion. You showed the reader Misha's family. The small details, like how Misha might spend the night at Vasily's added depth to the plot. The quick summation of what most likely took place worked effectively to move the plot forward. *Checkg*

I loved the grandmother, so steeped in Russian beliefs, she sounded like a grandmother I would love. The horsehair in the pocket was something I'd never heard or before. She was so precious in that scene, dedicated to keeping her grandson safe. And although he mostly laughed off her superstitions, I could still feel his love for her.

Excellent and unique word choices peppered the plot. Paraphrasing, the 'world not puncturing the assertion' struck me as the most memorable and original.

I was only 17
I was only seventeen.
Spell out numbers less than twenty, or one hundred, depending on which rules you adhere to.

*Baretree3*
A closed book equals a lasting impression
Ah! You got me with your plot twist! I can't say anymore without giving it away. And I had to adjust my prior emotions to align with this twist. Well done!

Keep on writing!

Personal image. One 1/4 of the inner me.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Camaraderie Captain


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Review of Autumn Requiem  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ken. I found your poem through the read and review option. I have to be brutally honest. Sometimes I really don't like you. *Laugh* You have such an extraordinary talent, my ugly envy lurks, and I don't like feeling that way.

I'm not saying this as an empty compliment. I truly hope your beautiful work is published somewhere. I think you recognize your genius and accept it with humility. Is your talent natural born, or something you've fostered? What influenced you? Sorry, this isn't an interview, I'm merely fascinated by the way you express yourself. Where do your words come from?

Labeling this poem as sad or poignant is totally inadequate to express the emotions evoked here. I can't single out a particular line as a favorite because each line relies on the other as the words follow each other in perfect rhythm. The experience of reading is sort of like holding your breath, frightened by the possible direction of the poem, and at the same time not wanting to disrupt the acute awareness of change.

The poem builds in momentum, I know what's coming. And even though I just stated that no line can be singled out, I will contradict myself a bit and say the last five lines felt like gut punches, defeat inevitable. You've left me mourning for Summer, which is bizarre because I won't feel happy until the temperatures drop. I despise summer. lol




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Review of Distorted  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi AJ. Nixie, here. I came across your work via the read and review option.

*Type*
The Hook
I liked the title of the work, the brief description, not so much because it derailed my hopes. I wanted to see distorted demonstrated in a unique way, and ultimately, that was the purpose of what you wrote. What I'm saying is, I found what I was looking for. *Smile* And if you were deliberately misleading your readers, it worked.

*Heartp*
Emotions evoked
Distorted, disjointed, those are familiar feeling for me, and I liked the way you demonstrated your experience. You nailed those 'middle of the night' occurrences, although that chaos hits me if I try to fall asleep. I've learned to be nearly unconscious before I close my eyes. You captured an intangible in your words.

*Type*
Considerations
A few missteps in the last paragraph were unfortunate as they distracted me. I felt this would be your strongest statement, but it was somewhat deflated. Can I express myself without sounding critical? I'm asking because this is a personal write for you, and I rarely offer comments. What am I talking about?

In the first sentence, there was no space between 'cafe' and 'near'.
This was a critical junction needed to secure the setting. It's merely a lapse of attention, requiring only a moment to correct.

I liked the run-on feeling of the sentences as they expressed the way society rolls. From what I read up to this point I think you have more creativity to reveal in this section. One quick suggestion would be to eliminate using the word 'smile' twice. I would save it for the last sentence.

In keeping with the verb tense,
I think [they]lost all interest in everything. Should be [they've].

*Type*
Lasting Impression
Overall, your work is poignant and the feelings genuine.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. I noticed you joined only a few days ago. I hope you find your way here, as so many have. *Smile* Keep on writing!

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Review of Way Back When  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lisa. Nixie, here with a review. But first,

*Bigsmile* WELCOME TO WdC *Bigsmile*


Overall Impression
At first glance, the poem presents as a block of words. Breaking this into stanzas would help and that is important because the message and sentiment is personal and compassionate. Nothing should distract from the its awesomeness.

The cover art itself was enough to knock me back emotionally. I lingered there, but couldn't bear to look too closely. The joy shining in your faces contradicted by the negative outcome pained me.

Thoughts/Feelings
I have to begin my review by remarking on the ending. Why? Because this poem brought me into the past and actually made my heart hurt. As I read, I assumed this was a long-lost friend. I think if the reason you lost your friend appeared at the beginning, I would have focused on cancer, not your beautiful memories. The words are original and unique, elegantly expressed without undo fanfare.

What I mentioned in the beginning about formatting? In addition to separating the stanzas, think about letting "Way back when" be a stand alone line, differentiating the stanzas. This would separate the words and make each line stand out more, making it easier to identify with the individual lines. Oh, I'm making a mess of expressing myself. I want other readers to fully appreciate the words.

I'm not a poet so I won't remark on pacing or rhyming schemes.

With the mention of 45's the time period was evident. *Checkg*

*QuestionB* What's a bubblegum chain?

*Star* I rated this a four because of the formatting. Or lack thereof. Remember, I'm only one reader with an opinion. In the end, the work belongs to you, and only you knows what's best.

Lasting Impression
So much of what you wrote echoed my own feelings and remembrances. I appreciate the opportunity to indulge in some of my own nostalgia. Keep on writing!


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Captain


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448
448
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Craig. Welcome to WdC. *Bigsmile* Your story captivated me. Excellent, excellent write that needs some tweaking.


*Baretree3*
The Hook
Who doesn't fear the dentist? Every reader can connect to the subject. The title and brief description made it impossible for me not to read and review. Also, writing for the Cramp is challenging, and I wanted to see how a story with limitations played out.

*Baretree3*
In the beginning
Hmm. I'm thinking you may be new the community, but you're not a 'newbie' writer. The first line and following paragraph introduced your character and the conflict. I'm already invested in David's predicament and worried for him. Well done! The story was perplexing, but easy to follow and enjoy.

*Baretree3*
Making sense of my comments
When I review, I write down my thoughts as they occur to me. Sometimes that makes the review a bit jumpy. Mostly, I'm 'talking to the author' as I write.

*Baretree3*
The plot thickens
The first paragraph made it clear that this event was happening in some futuristic society or world. David's confusion played out well. He's hearing some crazy words that make no sense to him or the reader. Great job showing and not telling.

The tension escalated while David continued to resist. He's a normal guy, and I didn't want him comprised in any way. I wanted him to escape, but knew no such possibility existed.

His own wife was his target? No way would David believe this or cooperate in any way. And then the demonstration of power, showing him he had absolutely no control over his life, horrified him. I would freak out. What a bizarre situation. I like the way your mind works. *Wink*

*Baretree3*
What interrupted the flow?

Click here ▼


*Baretree3*
Mechanics
Plot wise, this is a solid five star. But the errors dragged it down. I should be rating it as average, but I like the concept too much. *Wink*

*Star* Mechanics can be learned. Story writing skills like yours are instinctual.

A few reminders >

*Idea* Avoid using punctuation to show emotion. Several sentences have both exclamation points and question marks. You don't need them. A period is the standard and suffices.

*Idea*Practice word economy.

*Idea* Be direct, not distancing. For example, [his mouth is not getting dry.] It is dry.

Avoid adverbs

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I used a drop note for my suggestions. They might be over-whelming, but I couldn't resist pointing out a few easy edits to (hopefully) help you. Suggestions dominating the review give the wrong impression. I wanted nothing to deter the next reader.

You don't need to edit this story, unless you want to. Simply learn from it and write another. We all learn by reading and reviewing.

You penned a fantastic story, especially considering the time and word constraints. Keep on writing because you have the magical touch.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. *Bigsmile*

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Camaraderie Captain



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449
449
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Carr* You are being reviewed in the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Party RAID! *Carr*


I found your story by clicking on the read and review option.

Ken, this is my first impression. Marooned? *Facepalm* Here is my second and lasting impression. *Laugh*

"Is [than] an owl?" should be [that]. In my mind the image was of an owl sitting on top of his mail. Maybe if picking up the magazine was first, and then he sees the owl . . . different writers. Different styles.

Three years later, I'm sure you learned to show emotions, not used adverbs. (excitedly) Besides, you used the verb rip, which in and of itself is strong and shows excitement. But there's always an exception. This adverb [inexorably] gave a feeling of levity.

Blah, blah, made me laugh, laugh.

Okay, so you now know not to begin sentences with [ing] words, right? Just checking.

William took a canoe into the waters of the Bermuda Triangle? Lucky for him he survived. But without him, how could you deliver the 'killer' last line.

Ken, I've never seen you afraid to take on a challenge. You consistently write, which is admirable. As to your notes, I think I belong in the first part. *Bigsmile*


** Image ID #2111179 Unavailable **


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450
450
Review of Legacy  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff. Nix here, reviewing your story as part of "a very Wodehouse challenge" 

*You were one of the donors for "Invalid Item" 


*Baretree3*
The Hook
After 30 reviews for Legacy, it feels odd to be reviewing this story edited last in 2014. What can I say? I enjoyed the story, so you're stuck with another review.

The brief description was a definite draw, and with Carl Sagan on board, I'm hooked.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
In the first paragraph, the son seemed like a contemporary kid, making snide, and probably unjustified, comments about his father. Never disparage a dad!

After that, the reader was immersed into a world of formality and duty, the son ever resentful. The story itself was solemn, steeped in tradition while basting in current times. The read was calm, slightly dry, but never boring. Deeper into the story, after witnessing the death of friends, and surviving battles, the son loses the attitude. The magnitude of reality settles in.

And oh such a sad reason to continue having sons.

As the book was the main focus, the reader had no need for technical descriptions of battles or instruments of death. Thank goodness!

Interesting rite of passage. The son perceiving his father in one way before he leaves, and totally reversing his perspective when he realizes the value of the book. And right down to the smirk, passing the book to his son.

Inner realm, Outer Realm. Those generic descriptions seem to work just about everywhere.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=a lasting impression
Summing it up? (tongue in cheek) The pen is mightier than the sword.

I imagined holding that book and reading the pages. What a treasure. Personal accounts fascinate, especially ones from diaries. And that's the feeling I'm left with. A desire to get my hands on that book.

Excellent write.


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