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Review of Nature Haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Treepine*Greetings pumpkin! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight*
Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.


*Sun*Oh I like the clear image of the sunset. I can imagine the bare tree etching the horizon sun. Your haiku has a nature theme with a kigo(seasonal word or image}, 3 lines and observes a moment of time in the present tense. It uses the 5-7-5 format and the contrast of two images. *Thumbsup* I can imagine a number of landscapes and that last line is so poetic and I can feel it call me to write a poem! My muse finds it appealing.

*Quill*Little glitches for me as I seek the elements of haiku:

*Sun* I notice you use capitals which is not usual in Haiku. *Wink* You did attempt to use phrases as opposed to sentences though the last line is a sentence. Usually the last or first line is just a fragment of a sentence, indicating the second image you saw. The verb can come in the second line.

*Sun*Haiku tries to show and use "less is more" idea with clear simple image and not repeating ideas. For example I know it is sunset from the first line and it is also shown in the second line.
I loved the specific image of line two yet I was expecting to see the image in line one.
Line one and two should connect somehow to make a phrase.

*Sun* In pondering on your expression I am reminded of something I learned in my study about how the potency can be lost when a poet HAS to use the 5-7-5 instead of capturing the essence of the original japanese with less syllables. This poem makes me wonder if this is the case.
eg. If I may play with your fine words: I might have written: an orange sun/on the horizon's edge/bare tree. It is simpler and I as reader know it is closing daylight, and can imagine the tree catching the light , or it's lingering shadow. Remember a haiku leaves it open for reader to see your observation and expand to his own perspective. I remember one of my first mentors saying it is inspiring the reader to take a journey--and it may go beyond or deeply from your vision.
This imagery has that potential power with a few tweaks! Thanks for letting me play as I learn from you and every haijin I read. It is an ongoing journey. *Star*

*Smile*Now you can still use the 5-7-5. It just needs to be tweaked a bit to get a flow. There are so many ways of haiku. *Wink*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your vision and understanding of haiku in this wonderful rendition. I Hope my somewhat wordy tips help in some small way on your haiku journey. I am inspired now to write of a sunset, but here in the woods in the snow, I cannot see the horizon. *Smile* Keep on haikuing!

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Fairy* Hi Robert! I am popping in with a review to celebrate you. Here is my perspective as a reader. *Smile*


I thought the idea in your tagline about terminating Santa was creative and it made me curious! *Smile* What a hoot!! The character you developed to do the deed was brilliant--a mix of some sci-fi movie androids. Her being was well shown in action and description which so fit what a robotic type of mind would be like. The logic, right down to actually not gifting the naughty list, was perfect! *Thumbsup* Mother Christmas's response was a beautiful contrast in the conflict and I like that she spoke her mind.

You did a wonderful job with the interactions between the UNESCO woman, Andrea and Santa. I was drawn right into the story and could not stop reading as it was so unique a plot. The language and tone of dialogue was effective and conversations moved the story along with a good pace. I kept wondering what Santa would do as they had an answer for everything. *Smile*

I burst out laughing at Santa's solution! Gotta love Rudolph's response: "What's in it for me?" LOL And Santa's response to where Andrea was is priceless! *Rolling* I like the movie references as well. Arnie, move over!

The descriptions of the characters were clear and the setting and atmosphere vivid. The whole political background added contrast to that of Santa's reign as love and kindness. *Thumbsup*
The polarity between two worlds of thought is distinct here and gives us pause to ponder about what the world is coming to. ( looking at our tech world)

The drama unfolded coherently and I was not distracted by any glaring glitches, though I am not a story writer myself so for more tech elements, I will let others comment. *Wink*

I thoroughly enjoyed the entertaining vision as original and unexpected! Santa rules! *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your sense of humour and craft! Write on!

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New Year Sinbad! I am here with a review to celebrate you as a member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! You rock!

*Heart* Oh this is so sweet and a wonderful message that we can bear in mind as we can all learn from each other a higher consciousness way of living in the world! I liked how you stayed with the positive aspects that these little ones are seeing as we need to focus on the "best" of us, even though they also can learn the not so nice things. *Wink*

*Heart*I felt the caring vibe flow through your tone and using the voice of the child lent reality and potency to the message.

*Heart* The free flow style suit the philosophical content and gave you freedom to expand the message where necessary. The lessons you chose to highlight are relevant and can apply to anyone wanting to be peace and kindness and contribution in the world. *Thumbsup*

I wondered if commas were needed after "looking" each time yet I liked the flow of the phrasings together. I wondered about the word "immediately". We know what it means, but as a child is speaking, would they use that word? maybe "right away I ". *Wink*
I would leave a bit of space after your last line before your added bit of wisdom, which gives us an extra encouragement! *Smile* The capital letters emphasize the core of the message as an addenda to the poem!

I was really drawn by this vocative title and it fits the poem well! Thanks for sharing your vision that gives us a reminder and food for thought! Keep sharing your light. *Candlep*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

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Review of Why Are We Here?  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloony*Welcome to WDC ColieJean *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you. *Bookopen*

*Delight* Congratulations on posting your first piece, Author! *Thumbsup*

*Fairy* Wow! You are amazing and this monologue is filled with a vibrancy and vulnerability that is precious! I could so identify with the I want to but why don't I at times!! How about fear of success and that you really are as Great a being as you know you are. *Wink*

*Fairy*I like how you share who you are while describing your struggle with writing. It was appealing to read and kept me interested til the end. You have had quite the journey. Your last line rocks! You have both amused and inspired me now!

*Fairy* The style fit the theme and the paragraphing was effective. I only noticed one typo:
"But why don't it?" "it" needs to be "I". *Wink* Oops and missing apostrophes in Paragraph 3:
"it's awesome" and "can't" wait.."

I would add some more genres instead of OTHER. Check out the list and see which three would best suit this personal anecdote. Good intro with insight into you.

*Fairy* This was delightful with humour even in the midst of the mystery! Keep on writing! I hope WDC will inspire your muse. There are many here who have health issues and like you can bring a positive light to it all! *Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review of Tough Skin  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Hiya Maryann! Yay! Good to see you do this Media Challenge! Thanks for the link to the video! I love how you managed to get some of the original words in your poem! *Salute*

*Music2* Your format is amazing too. I have not tried to a shape poem as I am sure it takes an effort to get the lines to fit the shape. Your word choice and the word flow is effective. I like the the way you begin and end on the same word and emphasize the "tough" skin we need. The comparison at the end to a "gator" is fun and vivid! *Thumbsup*

*Music1*I notice you use a comma in the first line and an exclamation at the end. I wondered why you did not stay with a consistent puncutation at natural places. It does work especially at the end. I am not familiar with the form thought and how it uses punctuation. I guess it would depend on the pausing or effect one wants to get. One place I did feel it was with "stars...In the dreams" as "stars" could be read with the 'dreams part". *Wink* It is a minor thing and actually the punctuation might mess with the format *Headbang* so scrap my pondering. *Laugh*

*Music2**Star* The theme of worry and "absorbing" the vibes is relevant and I could feel the desire to find that peace in in all. Way to go! *Thumbsup* The contrast to the happy dream and worry reality is awesome. I like a happy note at the end.

Keep on writing and thanks for sharing your vision.*Starstruck*


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Review of Out Of Place  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BurstY* Hail Angus! Double whammy for you as you are YELLOW and a POWERful crewmate in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. *Salute**Balloony**Cake*

I popped into your 2017 folder and found this paranormal dream. Wow! I like how you wrote with such detail and a strong tone of voice. I could almost hear him freaking out at what was happening!
I was hooked from the beginning as it made me curious and then with the idea that he had to write it down...in case...LOL It felt like it was a logical way to keep from going totally over the edge and that maybe logic would figure it out. *Thumbsup* You kept with that notion when you had him do a chronological list. Brilliant!

The weave was fun to read with a smooth flow in a journal like fashion. The speech and voice was realistic and believable. I was really engaged in his revery. It was a wonderful twist when he woke up. The ending made sense!

I enjoyed the creativity in the time and dimensionality theme that can make one question what is reality. *Smile* It was rather scarey to imagine disappearing and put me in mind of Harry Potter magics! *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your "weird" vision. *Delight* Keep on writing! *Starstruck*

Hope you had fun today!
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Happy New year JOY! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you as guess who popped up on random reads! *Delight*


*Delight* Oh wow! I am so happy this piece came up as I am always interested in learning more about poetry. This article is very enlightening about Metaphors and your experience with them.

*Fairy*I like the simplicity of your explanation and how you use the example of the Christmas tree to illustrate your point. I appreciate you sharing your faux-pas with using them and the tips you have learned. I had totally forgotten the definition--it really does tell you alot!

*Quill* The article flows in a coherent manner and sticks to the topic exclusively. I like how you added the term "collusion", a term I had heard before as well. Nice to be reminded.
The example of Pinsky was marvelous. Wow. He said that whole line in a few words! Amazing.*Smile* Good choice. I appreciated Jane Yolen's story too and had to smile! You did a good job adding entertaining qualities to the article. *Thumbsup*

*Moon* The voice is humble and keeps the narrative active and personal in tone. It includes both author and reader. *Smile* The page is easy to read and follow and I was not thrown out by glaring glitches! I had a good time reading this.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge as a contribution to WDC. I learn from you. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Happy New Year Rhyssa I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Sun* Wow! This is a stunning vision of this specific day on the park. I so loved the first verse with its reference to astrology and the way you describe the setting and characters so vividly.

The free style suits the theme and it is effective how each verse flows seemlessly into each other as the scene unfolds. The only puzzlement for me was in the third verse, the last two lines. It seems to suggest the cholla is wearing shorts and a beard. *Confused*

I really liked the evocative ending with the reference to beach and ice cream. I can imagine her craving as it is a bit cool for cold treats. *Laugh* Lovely.

Thanks for sharing your gift and vision! It has a gentle charming vibe as the young expecting couple have an outing. Wonderful conception. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Happy New Year Caryly! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you as this cool poem popped up on the Random Reads! *Delight*


*Pumpkin* What an interesting title that made me curious enough to ponder and read on! The picture is spectacular and evocative too. I love it! *Bigsmile*

Your expression captures vividly the nightly magics with descriptive words and images. The weave is tight and the form well balanced in a quatrain with a summative couplet. The rhyme and rhythm worked well and the last two lines are a perfect finish. I like the evocative word "dubious".

The poem unfolds the tale coherently and I could enter into the vision with ease. I wanted to ask "raise" what at the end of the second verse but I can see the meaning. I just expected the verb to tie to something in the next verse but the first line there is a complete thought.

In line 4 I think the verb "breathe" needs to be the noun "breath" to make sense.

I enjoyed the idea of an adventure and indeed you took me on a mystical one. So cool! Thanks for the wonderful conception and crafting.*Salute*

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review of Sweet Revenge  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Hiya Elisa! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you as this popped up on the Random reads and I enjoy poetry! *Delight*


The title is perfect for the theme and I like the contrast of Sweet with the darker vibe of Revenge. The essence of the revenge is original and I did have to smile as I imagined the speaker's snarky grin thinking of the deception! *Thumbsup* Brilliant concept.

The poem looks free style yet it has an appealing triangle shape and it is cool how you have increasing and descreasing line lengths and have it flow coherently. The lines are balanced and meet in the middle with the longest line. Is there a name for the form. I can appreciate the effort it takes to get that right. *Salute*

I like the word "magic" and the contrast to "suffer". You do the light and dark chemistry well. I wondered if there was something more potent for "it feels good"? I do see it has to fit with your syllables though. *Wink*

I had fun reading this poem and entering into your vision. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New Year Jeannie and Thanks for all of your stellar contributions to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Salute*

*Fairy*I found this wonderful folder filled with your enchanting children's stories!
You have some evocative titles and themes and I recall that I have reviewed some like the delightful Kingdom of Ginland, a Jumping Hopping tale with Fernando the Frog and your cat on the Prowl! *Wink* You have an eclectic collection of themes and I like that many use animal characters to share a message. Children love animals. *Thumbsup*

*Fairy* The display is appealing as you have pretty and topical covers for each item listed. Your tag lines are effective to give enough of a hint about each story. I read your fabulous fairy story. Wow. I hope to be back to review!

*Fairy* Your intro to the folder is short and sweet telling what is in the folder. I like the little *Gingerbread* man! I wondered about centering it and adding colour to show some child vibe and light.

*Star* It is awesome this folder as a pretty ribbon to recognize your ability to write for children. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your gift!

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New Year Jeannie and Thanks for all of your stellar contributions to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Salute*

*Fairy* I believe in eating well and it is hard to keep up with the GMO issue. How can we really know? I have friends who use heritage seeds to grow food and each year they save some seed back from the harvest for future years. Apparently they are getting harder and harder to find and get. *Sad* Your concerns are so relevant and the article something to ponder.

*Fairy*You ask some mportant questions and make some vital points. I would like to know what is behind Monsanto wanting control--- think what they could do with food to experiment on people to control them. Keeping people having to buy what is available. Not everyone will change their habits even to stand up for health.

*Fairy* Your voice and content is compelling. It was easy to follow your thinking coherently and you share some good information. Maybe you could add some links to sites concerning GMO and MONSANTO for people to research themselves too.

*Fairy* I notice you need a question mark in the question "Can you imagine....competition" in paragraph 5. Also I think you could streamline and have a better flow in the line by saying "and would have no competition." I would check the grammar and tenses in this line as I think something is off. *Wink*

*Fairy* I am glad you shared this article as I feel the issue needs to be brought into the light more and give people the inspiration to make choices for now and on behalf of the future. Our children are at risk. Congrats on your third place ribbon! *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New Year jellyfish and thanks for sharing your flair as an active crewmate at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. *Salute* I found this cute title and could not resist peeping in.

*Rabbit2*I so enjoy reading dialogue and it is wonderful you could write such an entertaining and vivid story using only dialogue! Fabulous. *Smile* I really could grasp the nature of the characters, their emotions as well as understand the story line.

*Rabbit2*The banter of the two was fun especially when the kid repeats words in amazement that the elf would talk to birds or name his rabbit. I smiled too as it is an unexpected ordinary name. I liked that I could relate that way with the character. Well done. I had to laugh when the elf is upset at being asked if he is an elf. You show his frustration well. The concept of an elfie is brilliant! *Rolling*

*Rabbit2* The conversation flowed at a good pace and I was not thrown out by any glitches. Punctuation was effective for meaningful and dramatic reading. I think you need a comma after "Oh" In Oh, this is so tiresome!" *Wink*

*Rabbit2*The setting and images were clear and your dialogue really fulfilled the purpose of revealing these elements. *Thumbsup* The ending was precious and evocative as you leave us hanging. We can all use our imagination and wonder. *Wink*

*Rabbit* Thanks so much for sharing your sense of fun, creative entertainment and skill. It was easy to enter into your vision! *Starstruck* Kids would love this!

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star* POWER on and have fun!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fairy*Hi Gabriella! I am popping in with a review as a thank you for being a member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Heart* Yay. I found one of your poetry folders and was drawn to this one as you mentioned Thomas Hardy as an inspiration. *Smile* Intriguing.

*Fairy*I can see why this has a lovely ribbon as it was delightful to read aloud and easy to enter into the vision. The title has a pleasing flow and evokes a wistful quality that fits the essence of the poem. Good choice.

*Fairy* The poem is well balanced in verses with consistent rhyme scheme and pleasing flow though I notice the syllables of each line are not even. The only lines that stuck out a bit were lines 1-2 in the last verse. The first one seemed short and abrupt compared to the lines in the other verses and the second one was long. The word "impossibly" was awkward and I was trying to find another suitable descriptive one here. *Wink* Overall, it is just a minor glitch. It still flows quite well and does not detract from meaning and emotional essence.

*Fairy* Your effective use of consonance, assonance and alliterative techniques added a wonderful soundscape. eg w, s. I liked the double ss words all together in verse one. The imagery was vivid and I could imagine the meeting and sense the mood at never meeting again. The personification of nature as missing the lovers is moving and well accomplished. I like the idea of all as oneness in vibration that occurred to me.

*Fairy*The voice is clear and the tenses well done. You really created a strong atmosphere with your words.

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your gift. I really had fun entering the dream.
Keep on shining! Write on!


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy day Power peep Samberine! Wow! This page is spectacular with a lot going on! I didn't know how you created your name: how inventive you are! *Smile*

*Heart*I love the little banner with the doorway. So fantastical and suits you. You have done a fabulous job highlighted you, your creations, as well as featuring favourite folks. *Heart* What a great idea to have your own little highlighting sections to give some recognition to other writers as you find and admire them. So generous and community building. Gifting little incentives is generous as well.

*Star*This is so inspiring and creatively appealing. I never think of doing something like this to mainstream my port even. I like the idea. You may have started something...er....oh where is the time? *Facepalm*

*Fire* I really enjoyed the high vibration of this page and admire your pride in yourself and for others. It shows your confidence, creativity and accomplishment. *Thumbsup* I love the colour too! *Wink* And Yay! I found Tinkerbell and I adore the idea of a fairy flash page! *Fairy* I am a *Fairy* kin too, flittering around Power and WDC! Good to meet other *Fairy* folk. *Wink*

*Starstruck* Thanks for being you and all you do to make WDC shine brighter! *Salute*


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New Year percy! *Balloonp*

This is an interesting item to show up on the Random Reads as I have no idea of story writing techniques. It is neat to see the questions to consider in exploring character and synopsis of story. I like the noting of strengths and weaknesses in the discussion.

I notice a typo "let to his exile" should be "led" maybe in.

I see this is an older piece but it was cool for me to look at. *Smile* I wonder if should take off the rating section as this is an assignment as opposed to a piece of writing.*Wink*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review of Remember Me  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New year Fhionnuisce! *Gingerbread*

*Heart*What a wonderful and touching little note to send to your children before you ever leave them.

The three short verses are pleasant to read aloud in flow and rhyme with a gentle tone that is reassuring with a loving message of hope. The repetition of "remember" is emphatic and fitting. I like how first and last verse repeat the same plea.

I enjoyed the simplicity and heart-felt vibe of this poem! The girls would be happy to receive it. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New year Weirdone!*Balloonp*


Whoah! This is an amazing tale you lead me on. The use of the angel symbol as dark is a wonderful notion as the people would be unsuspecting at first and yet somehow buy into her suggestions. I like how the deeds get worse as the story goes on. The last seduction I suppose would be the greatest for angel in disguise.

The writing was well done and I wanted to read on. The time of year and setting is a nice contrast to the darkness that will occur. Good job with the polarity.

The dialogue is natural and purposeful to tell the story and reveal character. You really did a good job with the angel's vibe and appeal. Descriptions were vivid especially at the end.

*Star*This is an interesting and original tale. Well done. I like that while it is horror in essence, you let our imaginations activate rather than show the specifics. *Smile*

The ending is evocative and elicits an "aha! *Thumbsup* Creepy story.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*
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Review of Sirocco  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New year Fyn! *Balloong*


Guess who popped up on the random reads? Yippee! I enjoy your poetic gift.
The title is amazing and so suits the theme and atmosphere of the poem. It is appealing on the page in the unique way it flows.

It seems a free and original form and the symbolic imagery is deep and effective. The images are vivid with the mix of nature items and human ideas. eg. "dust storm of arguments". I liked the sections where you repeat "Once" and then "Now" in an effective contrast. Ending with a hopeful image is an inspiring summation. *Smile*

I can really relate to the emotional theme under the natural world images. The lines are pleasant to read with the effective soundscape and word choice that create clear pictures.

I felt pulled along in the wind of this expression and saw the determination to find the oasis at the end, no matter what. *Star* Lovely writing.

Thanks for sharing your craft and vision. Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New year Ducttape Knight! *Balloong*

I like how you create a mystery here as to why Mr. O'Neill really wants the set. It feels like there is more than just for the museum. You show his insistence effectively especially with the offer of more money. The strange event at the end with the burning cards seems to bear this out. Good job.

The story was easy to follow and the dialogue was purposeful, helping show character and tell the story of the silver set. Interesting notions about them.

Your use of the first person narrator is really well done and consistent to the end. I have heard this can be difficult to do. *Smile* You really get inside the man's head. His contained annoyance is well shown as well.

This feels like a good beginning for a longer story. Lots of questions arise which would inspire a reader to want more. *Starstruck* For a Cramp entry this is a good read!

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
A birthday gift

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Fairy*Happy New year Huntersmoon! Guess what showed up on the random reads today? Yahooo!! *Delight*

*Fairy*I always like to read your poems and here is one I have not reviewed yet. The title gives the essence of the theme and promises to have drama and humor. I was not disappointed.

*Laugh* I burst out laughing at the hair cutting misadventure and yep it sounds like a good excuse! You really captured the idea of him being in the "dog house" so to speak very vividly. I loved the "arrows" from her eyes.

*Fairy* The form chosen was well written and the repeated line was brilliant. It really gives the idea of being "bad" as in go stand in the corner or staying out of harm's way. *Thumbsup* It was fun to read with its true rhyme scheme and flow. Excellent job at having the twolines of each verse ending in the same rhyme. I really liked
"In shame, I'm clad"!

*Quill* I did notice one line with 9 syllables instead of 8 and I can appreciate how tough it is to get these quatrains right given the theme. Verse 5 line 2. *Wink* Sometimes, flexibility is good and it did not throw me off the flow when I read it out loud. That "but" adds emphasis to the stop.

You used the prompt words in a creative way and it is amazing how you fit them together in a coherent story. They are not words that one would think could go together. *Star*

Thanks for sharing your craft and your gift of entertaining me. I had fun. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Needles  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Balloonp*Happy New year Katwoman! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


Oh wow! The theme and imagery your poem is really sad and the tone reflects the downcast spirit. The downward spiral is well composed and the ending sums up the dark theme. Unexpected! Whew. *Thumbsup*

I enjoyed the free style rhythm of this poem and it was pleasant to read loud for its flow and effecive enjambments. The vivid images were not too happy to think aobut but described well along with the poet's reactions. The mind is already filled with negative images and now the "toxins" enhance it. The surprise at the end strikes a chord. Reality hits in more than one dimension!

Your word choice enhanced the poem to create a vibe. I liked the idea of "chronicle", "atrocity", "virulent" and the tone of helplessness to explain of change the fate of those innocents is clear.

Thanks for sharing this vision so potently. *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of The Room  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC mramp! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


This story is quite fascinating and original. It hooked me from the start as it made me curious as the character to figure out where he was and why! *Thumbsup* It made me think of an asyllum or padded cell and someone with voices.

The conversation adds to the mystery especially as he could not speak and I kept wondering if the voice was in his head. The twist at the end is brilliant and so imaginative. I had to smile at the last line as they do not believe he would have thoughts etc and yet in his silent mode he does. So I wonder if he was actually was somehow real.

The setting was well described and the emotional tone of the character vivid. Pacing was good and the puntuation and dialogue served the story and drama.

Thanks for sharing your vision and creativity! *Starstruck* I had fun reading this.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Viji! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Delight*Wow! This is a really unique expression and explanation of Hope. It is like a myth and I like the goddess as the character to discover the power of this Hope. You set up the potential rivalry well and her observations were clear from your detailed descriptions.
I like how she went to study history too. Cool! The ending is transforming for her and gives us pause to consider ourselves and our relationship to hope and faith.

The story was coherent and the paragraphing make sense. Your first paragraph drew me in with its cool idea of this goddess reading at WDC! *Smile* I didn't think you needed to say the line about "let's not get into it..." That part threw me out of the story.

Also it is not clear who the goddess is. In the second paragraph you mention a woman calling on her. *Confused*

You kept me interested in reading to see who this goddess was and what would happen. You chose some really fine instances of hope in the world. *Thumbsup* I wonder how she figured out she too was hope. And we still don't know who she is. *Wink* And... maybe she too is in all of us!

Thanks for sharing your beautiful and original vision. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Hi Keaton! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you as this poem popped up on Random Reads! *Delight*


Wow! Your title is evocative in its imagery and indeed your poem is true to its tag line challenge. Your poem flows in many trickling avenues. I recognize something about creatures in the ocean, the food chain, stormy skies and seas, a hippopotamus maybe, drowning imagery, perhaps a ship wreck. I thought of how we are destroying nature and what retribution it might be.
Or a metaphor for humanity having to atone for their unawareness. *Smile*

I could be wrong. The poem is free flow and rambling though one feels an underlying coherence to be pondered. It seems quite spiritual and how guilty at the end see the most horrendous fate. Interesting old fashioned image of drowning by rock! *Smile*

In this line: "Knowing that it time " should "it" be "in"?
I think the reader would benefit from punctuation this time. As you say it is jam packed! *Star* Amazing. That title is potent.

Thanks for sharing your unique vision!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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