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Review of Literacy  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A gift as part of your "Invalid Item Package from your Secret Santa (aka:megan rose) Enjoy! *Heart*

Hi Elicia! I am back with another review just for you!*Delight* I found this title and thought it was a unique one for a poem so here I am. I never thought of writing about literacy. I can tell from the expression that you do indeed have a love for it!

*Bookstack2*I really like the metaphor of a stream and a world to illustrate literacy. The free style flow fits your personal feeling and opinion of the topic and I like the fanciful ideal vibe. The verse about the different characters and how you invite them all in is cool! I like the alliteration in the action of verse 2 as I can really imagine that image of the writer. *Thumbsup*

*Bookstack3* In verse 3, I think that the word "your fantasy" should be "my fantasy" in keeping with the personal I voice. *Wink*
In verse 1, line two seems odd. You say "endless words" and then "never end". I don't think the last two words add anything and seem out of place to me. *Confused* Unless you are referring to the stream never ending. Then you need to add "that never ends" and that would make more sense.
In the last verse, I felt that the word "where" would suit better than "that creations". Maybe.

*Star*This poem was fun to ponder and I can relate to that sense of escapism into creativity that brings joy of expression! Thanks for sharing your vision and gift. *Heart*

eyestar
fairy elf helper at "Invalid Item
Sorry for the delay. Snail Mail at xmas time. *Wink*

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for entry "Come Away with me
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A gift as part of your "Invalid ItemDeep Tissue massage Package from Kit ! Enjoy! *Heart*

*Heart* Hi Purpleprincess! Back down memory lane and found this wonderfully romantic poem! It really fit the prompt too. The title is evocative and it calls to the imagination to dream about where one might go..physically or fancifully! *Laugh*

*Heart*Your use of rhyming couplets is effective and is fun to read. The rhyme is consistent though the rhythm is more a free flow. The words are well chosen for theme and the way they sound together in instances of assonance and consonance. I especially like lines 5 and 7 for this.

*Heart* The imagery is vivid and I can imagine the atmosphere and loving tone. It is almost magical. I like the idea of singing and dancing on the shore and can enter the vision quite readily with my own details. *Thumbsup*
I think you only need one banner as it makes the page long. *Wink*

*Heart*Thanks for sharing your romantic revery! Keep on dreaming and write as you go on into the new year adventures!

eyestar
fairy elf helper at "Invalid Item
Sorry for the delay. Snail Mail at xmas time. *Wink*

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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy Day Bubblegumjones! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star* I could not resist checking up on Dr. Seuss. I love his crazy and ingenious way with words. I see you did not mention "The LORAX" which is one of my favourite for its environmental message. *Wink*

*Burstgr*I enjoyed reading your article and it was interesting about POE as well though your intro seems to be more about him. *Confused* I liked the facts you chsoe to include and I had known he had written political cartoons....which unless we lived in the era, we might not have known. Glad you mentioned the one about Hilter. *Thumbsup* I like the story about the bet! *Laugh*

*Burstr* The article was well organized and easy to follow. The list of questions is extraordinary and one might wonder about them as some of the books are quite nonsensical and fun. Kids do enjoy them and they can have strange sense of the ridiculous as well. He made it an art form. *Star*

*Star*This page of revelations does make for great triva!! Thanks for sharing as I am sure many folks do not know the depth of this author!

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review of Him  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


Wow! You have really captured the life of this character through the eyes of the plant. Your use of personification is terrific and I could really feel what the plant was feeling about this man's life. The picture of a lonely somewhat depressive person is so clear from your vivid detailed descriptions. His caring and hope for the plant shows another layer of his being. The voice of the plant is consistent and potent. *Salute*

I could follow the story with ease and like how you describe the tv etc. with terms as the plant would not knwo what to call them. It makes the observing voice believeable. Your story evokes the reader to feel for the character and hope along with the plant. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your evocative and vivid, creative expression! Wonderful picture.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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Review of lists of names  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC purple rose! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Fairy*I was intrigued by the title of your piece and wow! This is quite an interesting list of names. I was curious as to why you made the list and it might be cool to add a little note about your intent or rationale! *Smile* Did you research them or save them as you came across them? Are you possibly going to use them in stories or as babies names? Inquiring minds want to know. *Laugh*

*Fairy* I've never heard of Bloo, Kais, Jex, Kin or Palm and can't imagine naming someone "Latin". I like Jex as a different name.*Smile* It is a really cool collection. Thanks for sharing.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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Review of My Life's Musings  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp**Holly1*Happy Holidays Jeannie! Thanks for celebrating "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group's 10th Anniversary with your participation in "Invalid Item! *Delight*


*Ornament1r*Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your personal memories. I was drawn right into the experiences of your life and can imagine the power and love it took to go through the ups and downs, especially with losses so early in life. I can't imagine losing a mom so young but my dad was ill for most of my growing up, so change and trauma, as you say can be part of all lives. I was very moved by your expression. It was really inspiring to witness how life unfolds and when folks keep choosing to find the light in it all. *Heart*

*Ornament1r*
I noticed a few typos:
"to ever scary movie", should have "every".
"theater's" should be plural "theatres".
"these sad time" I think meant "this sad time."

In "High school life I got .." >>During High school>> might be more grammatical.
I think you are missing the word "I" in "Found other..."
This was a little wierd to read.."Another addition to our animals".... maybe something like "our farm", or re word it to : "We also have two new donkeys.." or something like that. *Wink*

*Ornament1r* I liked the episodes you chose to illustrate your theme. I never liked scarey movies so never read King, and I think I was the one who figured Santa was not real quite young, as the oldest of 6. I think I was 5 or so and had too many questions. LOL Your farm sounds like a fun place to be!

*Starstruck* Thanks for your inspirational memories, certainly treasures that put life in perspective and a testament to the human heart and spirit. *Heart*
*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp*Happy Holidays Queen Owl! Thanks for celebrating "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group's 10th Anniversary with your participation in "Invalid Item! *Delight*

*Ornament1r* Wow! What a memory! The idea that the kids could keep the secret for so long is amazing. I wondered why you all thought you would get a whipping when it was rather an accident.

*Ornament1r*The story was easy to follow and the dialogue was well done. I noticed a few tense glitches like in "Trying to be as much help as I can be", "can" should be "could". And in " It was knocked down" should be "had been". *Wink*

*Ornament1r*I liked the drama hook of the first line, though the fate of the dog is given away before you tell the details of the story. I wonder about leaving off after "bantay". then continue with "That dog loved to watch us..trip." Then add a note like, "That day, we were bored inside the house...etc." to connect it more effectively. Just a thought.

*Ornament1r* It is so cool that you thought to write about it now. I am sure lots of things in childhood never come to light. Thanks for sharing your memory. *Star*


*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
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Review of Christmas '83  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Merry Christmas Nomad! Thanks for celebrating "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group's 10th Anniversary with your participation in "Invalid Item! *Delight*


*Ornament1r*Wow! I so enjoyed this childhood story and entered into the vision with ease. I could feel the excitment of Christmas and felt sad at grandpa's passing. It is heartwarming that you have cherished the gift still and it is a memory that is wonderful to remember. Grandpa's are so special. *Heart*

*Ornament1r* The story was coherent and easy to follow with lots of active vocabulary and strong images. I had to smile at the map of Santa's route. Cute! The word "bene" needs to be "been" though. *Wink* The narrative I voice was consistent and tone was emotional and suited each incident.

*Starstruck* This was fun to read and very inspiring as the magic has continued in your life today! Thanks for sharing your vision and experience. *Heart*



*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
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Review of Life  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC and Merry Christmas! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Ornament1r*Wow! You ask some serious questions in this philosophical piece and It is a great awareness to know that negative thoughts can colour our world. The voice is clear in its depressive tone as the mind seeks to comprehend. I think we can relate to it.

I notice the need for an apostrophe in "what's" and a question mark after "come too?" The word "too" needs to be "to". *Wink*

I like how you end with the question about us being part of the problem... as I see our positive mind can also effect the world. We can be too easily drawn into the negative of the mainstream. That we can see the effect gives me hope that or awareness can uplift us to create or choose a different manner.

I enjoyed this expression as it gives something to ponder. I find that expressing the dark often empties us to then consider something lighter. Thanks for the wise reflection.*Star*

*Fairy*I keep trying to be the one who breaks molds and choose to be happy. Makes me wierd I guess, but I will risk it. *Laugh*

Peace of the season and keep writing on! *Delight*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel


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Review of My Secret Name  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Holly1* Peace of the Season Snow. I was flitting around on the Read and Review and guess who showed up? *Delight* Thanks for sharing this little poem about your name. I like the idea of it being your secret as if sacred to you. The image in the last line is profound and I can so relate to it as our souls are limitless! *Smile*

I wondered about the word "of" in the second verse. It puzzles me. It makes more sense with out it or with the word "as" but maybe I am missing something. *Confused* It was interesting that snow descends "through" to get to earth. The imagery and meaning of the name is evocative and deep!

Thanks for sharing an insight into you! *Starstruck**Snow5*

eyestar
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Review of Never Forgive You  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Alex and Merry Christmas! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


I found this title on the Read and Review page and the title had a strong vibe. The first paragraph of your piece read like a poem or lyric as I heard the rhyme and flow. The second part has more off rhyme words.

I wondered if putting in on the page in a poetic format would make it clear to readers that it is meant as a song or poem.

eg. Perhaps in verses like this:
"I'll never forgive you, after all you have done
You've treated me so wrong, you're clearly not the one." etc.

It has a strong message of how the writer feels and his hope some day to follow the Lord's advice. The voice has a reality to it. The comparison to a "comedy show" is vivid! *Thumbsup* Wow!

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your powerful expression! Keep on letting it flow! *Quill*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar


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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Holly1* Merry Christmas Tinker! I'm just popping in to say I enjoyed your entry in the Daily Poem Contest! Brilliant to use a Tanka to tell the Christmas story in a nut shell! *Thumbsup* It was an interesting choice. Using the future tense in the middle and end of the piece is evocative too. How "long ago" "a king will be born" is something to ponder.

The use of consonance with the "w" "g" and "sh" as well as the assonance of Long "a" and "o" creates a pleasing soundscape to read aloud too. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your vision! *Starstruck*

eyestar
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Review of A Gift In 2017  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Happy Day sonali! Thanks for celebrating "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group's 10th Anniversary with your participation in "Invalid Item! *Delight*

*Ornament1r* Wow! This is a precious experience with a profound outcome. It is so inspiring how life is so generous and how one choice can create connections we could not imagine! *Heart* I fell happy for you as I know what you mean about baggage!! LOL

*Ornament1r* The story is biographical and straightforward in its factual detail and was easy to follow and see how the connections occurred. I was a bit confused by some uses of commas but I am not a pro.

*Ornament1r* I noticed one typo in "donated blood or her". I think the "or" should be "for" or "to". *Wink* I think you need to add the words "to say" in this line: "keeping count, that two". It was an awkward line to read. eg. Pinged...... count, to say that.."

*Starstruck* Thanks so much for sharing this personal and uplifting experience. It adds so much light to the world vibe! *Heart*

*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
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Review of Sampson  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Leafr*Hello Abby Gayle! Welcome to the Power crew! I am here with a review to celebrate you in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Raid! *Delight*


*Delight* What an interesting idea for a poem! I was drawn to the title which is speaks directly to the theme.

*Leafbr* Your short two verse expression encapsules the story of Sampson concisely and it was fun to read with its use of rhyme and repeated letter sounds like "s", "f", "d" etc. I like the simplicity of two word lines and vivid verbs like "pruned" and "riddled" add vibrancy and add to the strength of tone and abrupt sound. Good for you for using a synomym for "hair" in the last verse. I can so imagine the long curly hair and the imagery of being pruned. Well conceived vision.

I wondered if "room" was a big enough image for the use of his strength. *Wink* Yet I like the "r" to match with the r word in verse one as part of the soundscape.

*Starstruck* Thanks for sharing this fascinating picture of this hero.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Delight* Hail Girl with a Heartbeat! *Heart* Here I am with a review to celebrate you in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Raid! *Pumpkin*

I was drawn to the vivid image in your title as it also sounds mysterious. *Thumbsup* You really used the prompt words in a descriptive and coherent invention too. Having us enter the woods with the couple, I could imagine the elements of surprise that are heightened in the woods at night. Wonderfully vivid. *Smile* Using the present tense at the end has the reader join in.

*Burstr* I wondered about your use of punctuation especially where you use periods where a comma would be more effective in connecting the flow of lines. eg. Line one naturally leads to the second...eg. "As we walked.....we were not.." Same with line three which follows from line 2. You could use the word. Commas make more sense in flow of the read.
In line 4, I think the last phrase repeats the idea in the first.
Perhaps it could be tightened, "We stopped at the cry of the Frost Owl, or "We stopped, becoming aware...." as you link the next line with the description of the cry.*Wink* If you read to the end you will find other lines that naturally flow together and seem stopped by period pauses.

In short, try to use natural punctuation for flow here. The scene of the walk is coherent and seems to lead us to the present time in the end.

Another place to perhaps tighten up the writing is in lines 8-10. You use a lot of gerunds (ing) and I think active verbs would be more potent. eg. "the way out, the leaves crunched..feet." Then " We know the Frost....as his cry echoes..."

"echo's" should be a verb form. *Wink* The last line is evocative yet it seems to refer to the "cry" in the previous word as opposed to the Owl. I assume that the couple does not see it again.

*Thumbsup*An effective experience to share in this free style poetic form. With a bit of tweaking it can be even more potent. Thanks for sharing and entering Stormy's contest. It is a challenge to create using prompt words. *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your vision and your craft. *Star* Light on the path as you write on!

An eyestar point of view just for you. *Smile*
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Review of The Soup  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Ghost* Hail W.D.Wilcox! *Pumpkin*

*Jackolantern*I enjoyed being drawn into this short episode. The atmosphere and main character is well set and I could imagine the man slurping the soup. I liked the way you describe his skin. The waitress reaction and limp at the beginning made me curious and the twisted ending was evocative and explained a lot. EWWWWW! That it was in his soup was unpleasant and made me wonder if he knew it was there and certainly had me thinking he was responsible for the waitress's issue. Wow!

*Leafr*I think it should be "waitress, who" instead of "that gave him..." in paragraph 3. I am not sure you needed to say "ignoring her" as you indicate in the previous line that he is pretending not to see.., unless it is for emphasis.

*Leafr*I wondered if "wearing his hair" should be "wore" to stay in the past tense.

*Ghost**Sick*The last line was a surprising ending and gave me pause to think about the character "now". *Wink* Good show!

Keep on writing on! *Pumpkin*

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Review of Exposure  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Anja Starke! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Delight*I was drawn to the evocative title word and it made me curious. I like the whole idea of using writing to express what may be harder to say aloud. I really enjoyed reading your free flow and the tone of voice as I read aloud.

It was effective the way you lead the reader with your philosophy and then suddenly reveal the truth in the second last line. Brilliant! I felt the jibe there. *Thumbsup* The varying line lengths and your use of periods was effective for the dramatic flow.
Use of poetic tools like consonance and assonance in your word choice added to a wonderful soundscape. *Star* The point of view is vivid and sounded like wisdom from experience. The determined energy is also strong.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. The style suited the content and emotion. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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Review of CELEBRATING ME  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Keggie! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Cool*The title and theme appealed to me as positive and inspirational. We need to praise and be be proud of our gifts more often! In your short three line poem you share how it feels to be celebrating you! The words "joyful" and being filled with glee give a sense of that jubiliant feeling. They have similar meaning and yet repeating the idea gives emphasis.

Using the word today keeps it in the present moment too, which is all we have really and if each moment we carry this joy, it can lead to the next creation. *Smile*

I think you need a comma after "happy".

I was wondering if there were any achievements in particular you were celebrating, though I think just celebrating our own BEING is what it is about, no matter what we DO. *Laugh*

Thanks for the cheery reminder! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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Review of Feathers  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Balloony*Hiya Ken! *Delight* I am happy to review this in honour of Breast Cancer month! *Awarenessp* I was drawn to the image in the title as it was appealing and evocative. *Heart*

*Heartp* What a lovely and eloquent expression about your experience with your wife. I appreciated the metaphors of feathers and water in contrast. The imagery of the first verse is potent as is the action of "pulling life plumage". Wow! Very sad to contemplate.

I stopped to ponder on "life plumage" wondering if it should be 'life's" but I think it works the way it is as well.*Wink*

Your use of periods is effective and adds a dramatic effect. The use of a free style poem suits the emotional content and theme. *Smile*

*Thumbsup* The comparison of her darkness and you playing the lighter tone is brilliant and a tribute to not only the suffering one but to the care giver---both being strong in their own way. You weave the light and dark effectively with chosen words and images. The last line echos a deep truth.... the helplessness is under it all, yet the holding of a positive vision falls is so vital in spite of the eventual outcome. Wow! I also feel the not wanting to know what is coming as well, to keep strength up until one has to deal with grief. I honour your gift in being able to write this. *Heartp*

Thanks for sharing such a personal expression. *Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC seacarpenter! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Delight*The title and theme made me curious so I chose to check this out when I saw it on the Read a Newbie page! Adding an acronym for Autism as an example was a neat idea too. You do not give the source for it. Do you know where it came from? If so, good to add it. *Wink*

The acronym is like a short acrostic poem written downwards on the page. Cool. *Cool*

I have known some kids with Aspergers and your ideas seem to fit. I like your added line about the serious. LOL They do come across that way at times. *Smile* I wonder if there would be an actual quality beginning with A instead of Always. But I see you are patterning your piece on the sample above. *Smile*

Very thoughtful and evocative as I believe defining is difficult. *Star* Thanks for sharing your vision. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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Review of GEOMETRIC  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Duke Raoul! I am happy back to check out another of your cool poems! *Delight*


The title and theme are unique and appealing and again you do an effective job on mixing acrostic with nonet form. Fitting the concepts into the tight structure I imagine takes time and thought! *Salute*

*Laugh* I love this and could visualize the student bored and causing mischeif. In fact paper airplane making is quite common in classrooms! LOL Good choice of theme, setting and action. I can imagine the drama. The mood of the student and response to the test page is potent and well shown! *Thumbsup*

Combining the idea of geometry with airplanes and trajectories is brilliant too. Your vocabulary is well chosen for the math theme. The last three lines are my favourite. The last word is dramatic and you leave us wondering if it hit the target or someone else. LOL

The forms were both intact and you used some repeated first letter sounds and alliteration that added to the flow and soundscape for reading aloud. *Smile*The minimal use of punctuation was effective.

This was fun and ribbon-worthy! Thanks for sharing your gift! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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Review of AUTOPSIED  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Duke Raoul! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Cool*I was lured by the unique topic indicated by your cool title. What an amazing idea to mix an acrostic with a nonet. I appreciate the thought that went into this! *Salute*

*Star*Brilliant composition! I loved how you weave the theme of writing and use alliteration to good effect! It was great to read aloud and consider your notions. My favourite letter lines are O, S, A and d! The O line made me laugh. Marvelous sound effect and vivid image!

Both acrostic and nonet formats are effectively woven and reveal the potent tone and message! I had so much fun with this. Thanks for the inspiration. Now I want to try this mix! LOL Unique interpretation of autopsied. Genius! *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your inventive creation! It rocks! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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Review of Apocalypse  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Balloonp**Delight*Ahoy Bob! Here I am with a review for you as part of your win in "WDC Rides- Wonder Deluxe Carnival Rides! *Smile*

The title and the earth theme appealed to me and your vision is very vivid and sad. The notion in line seven about how exploiting is a drug is thought provoking and rings true for some people in this world. Wow! Well conceived and contrasted with the "gasping" rainforest. This image was a powerful choice to support your message.

Beginning the poem with a generic "some" people and their theories of how earth will be destroyed
was effective too and to then point a finger at our own actions in contrast to things outside our control gave it potency.

Your use of repeating sound and rhyme created a pleasing soundscape. I liked the 's', 'oi', "d", and "th" sounds which tie the lines together as well as the rhythm was rather free style. LInes 3-4, and 6-7 are my favorite to read aloud for flow.

I did ponder on the last line, "we've dug". The image is evocative and saying we have already dug them, not are digging...makes the apocolypse a real certainty. Wow!

Amazing to hear your rendition on the youtube link. Not often we get to hear how the author reads it is his head. Wonderful! Good for you! *Salute*

Thanks for telling it like it is with this strong point of view. *Starstruck* Well said!

*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
gifted sig from Lornda
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Sol Invictus  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp*Ahoy! Welcome to WDC The Don! *Delight*

I could not resist the latin title and theme! It suits the nature genre and you could maybe add mythology to the categories as well as your references to the Sun gods give it that flavour. I found the poem appealing to read. *Thumbsup*

I enjoyed the language that set an atmosphere and the sonnet forms raises the praise for the sun with its high tone. *Thumbsup* The voice is consistent in its appeal to the Sun and the images are vivid. "internal dances" and "vagabond tribes" are evocative. *Cool*

The format has the appropriate rhyme scheme though I see you used a few off rhymes. Some of your interesting vocabulary are hard to rhyme directly. I noticed the line lengths and rhythm were not even and appreciate the challenge it is to create sonnets. *Wink* I liked the couplet with its latin term and old word for day. It fits the notion of an ancient type of blessing.

I noticed you have have a typo with "In" being repeated twice in verse 2. I wondered if a natural punctuation might add to the potency of the read..giving reader pauses to reflect on the the clear images. Also should "fires promise" show possession. eg. Fire's.? *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. This reflects a wonderful tribute to the sun remniscnet of the ancient times. Well done!

*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
gifted sig from Lornda
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
625
625
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Ahoy fellow traveller Neva!


*Fairy* Yay! I so enjoyed the Egyptian flavour of this poem right from the title and how you wove in the gods and animals is effective. I laughed at the end.

Your quatrains were well composed with rhyme scheme and the tale was easy to follow. I was struck by a few punctuation spots where I thought periods might serve better:
eg.after "goddess", "food", "kephri" "everywhere" and "Selket" as the lines after them feel like full thoughts on their own.

In the forth verse, I think "there was" needs to be "there were dung beetles".

I liked how you bring the ancient gods into the modern day. *Thumbsup*
The link to the gods is handy for those who may not get the references. *Smile*

Thanks for entering this week's round with your brilliant vision. I had fun imagining the scene. *Star*

*Star*Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
gifted sig from Lornda
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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