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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| I find myself in a delicate place. I could believe that I could make it past the current trial. When I say to not give up it is a sentence that I offer up to myself that I do not sell myself short, which does not mean that I like my current job any less. It will take a while to let myself be caught up in the ether of writing bliss, since I decided for whatever reason that my current situation is the only thing that matters even if it is the last thing I do. I have potential to share a journey if I can hang on long enough. That does not mean my life is more attractive that the life of someone else. It only means that I take those with me that have filled my life with what amounts to a second chance, which means if I am anyone I refuse to give up on me. |
| Looking at broken shards of glass in a mirror of tomorrow. How will I know that the mirror of my life of my life reflects who and what God would want me to be. I could honestly see the potential for woundedness. It is reflected in the shards which form a prism of multicolored light. |
| Every story has a beginning and an end. At the moment the human population lies captive to the carona virus, a little dog holds on to life as graciously as is possible. He has given so many moments of love and laughter. Let's take a walk or more like it a frenetic run up and over the furniture encircling rapture. Now he moans and breathes in and out wondering what happened to the next chapter. When Mom was alive I wrote over and over about Buddy the wonder dog. It gave her hope and cause to laugh in the midst of dealing with Lou Gehrig's disease. In some sense I think Mom is here wiping away tears. Buddy served a purpose to share live and truly make others want to live, looking forward to the next day more wonderful than the one before. It was a chance meeting of rescue that bright us together and will bring us together again. |
| I am trusting God to be with me. Now it is 5 months and counting. God give me wisdom and strength in days ahead |
| I fear for my brother and family. Will I survive my next work gauntlet? I really do not know where my life will go next. I look at options. I made it to 7 months before the craziness. What will it look like when the smoke clears? |
| I enjoyed work yesterday, to see my potential as to who I could be. I was glad to know I had money in my 401 k. I liked surviving with one other guy and then the manager shows up and I wonder what is real about my own becoming. Embrace who I am rather than who I can be, the first step. |
| I look forward and I am not sure where the journey leads. I have a sermon or two in me and I feel concern for others including my wife and then there are invitations to travel and meet people. I can only trust God's leading. What's next? |
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