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One man's journey to find the way home |
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Created: August 15th, 2016 at 3:49pm
Modified: October 24th, 2023 at 1:13pm
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from.
After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit.
I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY?
Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation....
WELCOME!!
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No overtime or at least that is the very clear message. I will be dealing with dead time. I guess resurrection would be in order. I keep wanting to hasten 125 days and forget there may be something to prepare for in that time. Part of me long to suffer more in a caregiving job with the hope of healing. This could be Overkill. Another part of me wants to share what I am learning in some forum.
We will see what impulse wins out. |
April 14, 2020 at 10:22pm
April 14, 2020 at 10:22pm
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| What a terrible feeling. The wife says she is not taking a medicine anymore under protest without talking to her doctor just because she wants to. I just want to hide at work. She just boots me out the door in her own way. It was a day of coexisting which included frustration in dealings with staff who are taking care of my brother. Tomorrow I talk with him at 11. We will see. |
April 13, 2020 at 10:06pm
April 13, 2020 at 10:06pm
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| Easter has come and gone resurrection is at the forefront of testimony has resurrection happened or not. Get out of the way. God will forever raise up and justify the ones the world condemns. |
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| I am about to begin a new adventure. Ready or not here I come. I survived what seemed like the end of the world. I had a fight with my spouse and live to tell the tale. It was all about money and respect or my perception about it, leading me to surmise all manner of thoughts about self worth and value. God give me wisdom and strength as I enter a new year with my writing site. |
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| The top of my left foot is numb. God give me strength to go forward. I fear. God let me see love casts out fear. I think of my family in Massachusetts and kc. Let them know I love them even if I don't see them again. |
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| I am learning about a gush of joy that awaits expression. For whatever reason this time of angst brings out the best in me. I feel something good happening. I see myself as a lot more than caregiver, I am a care liver. I want to live in such ways that other want to live and share what they are learning about passion to give life. New birth can not be far away. It must have a lot to do with being born again! |
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| Trusting in resurrection bliss is no easy task. I am on the outside looking in of late. It is kind of being locked in the tomb waiting for God to let me out. The secret mystery is Christ in me the hope of glory and knowing that strength comes in weakness. I can only know what it is like to be lifted up by God if I know what it means to die to my own understanding. Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord and he shall lift you up. |
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| The mask will always be our faith and the mountain what gets in the way of seeing what is behind our faith. To get to a place is to acknowledge the need for God. Apart from this the mountain remains and a counterfeit to faith leads us to worship the mountain rather than the creator of it. |
March 31, 2020 at 11:02am
March 31, 2020 at 11:02am
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| 140 days till my birthday for whatever it is worth and close to 11,850 as the month closes. Hope means that while others want to work I work hopeful for whatever tomorrow will bring. It is about what tomorrow can bring not retirement or even the necessity of being with family. It is praying and anticipating that others know the same blessing I want now and every day. I am past the idea of treating everyday as my last, now every day is like an anticipation of birth we can share together. By the time this crisis ends we will come out of our homes as we came forth from our mothers womb, celebrating each and every human life as a gift of God |
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| I am dealing with alleegies, a little runny nose and cough. Seems like an awful time to experience anything like that with coronavirus anxiety. God be with me give me strength and wisdom in the days ahead. |
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