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One man's journey to find the way home |
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Created: August 15th, 2016 at 3:49pm
Modified: October 24th, 2023 at 1:13pm
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from.
After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit.
I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY?
Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation....
WELCOME!!
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| Maybe this is the best I can do, enter the battle to discover who the enemy is and how to overcome. I am still deciding I can fight and that gives me hope against the trials and tribulations ahead. With God's help I pray to find that I am not my own worst enemy. |
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| It has been an easy weekend. I had no doubled and that seems to be the order of the day going forward. Be happy with 14 an hour. I can see 120 over 1000. It is closer to what I hope for. I need to get at least 180 over this to get close to one thousand. My next check definitely. The second should be okay. Beyond that who knows. I am getting closer to 100 days heading to double digits. First I need to get thru today. With God's help it can be done even if it is not easy. I should have an outside chance of getting to 14 thousand barring a surprise. |
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| God give the boost to finish. Your time is the only time that matters |
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Grace is one of those words that will not go away. More and more I realize the need for Grace. I am way past tired. I need a boost. I need to know it will all be worth it. It hurts to see a man who must gieldewhereve up being a man and a woman who care too much to let things get out of hand.
Fully staffed should portend great things. Instead it offers up resignation that I can do better elsewhere. God give me strength and wisdom going forward. Who am I anyway? |
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| What goes on in my brain? I am beginning to wonder if it can be shut off. I still have 4 month to weather before I have victory. The only thing I know for sure is that God will see me thru it. I need only trust. |
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| Been a long night of feeling in a stumbling mood. I slept quite a bit so that is not the worst of it. It just feels like forever going one day after the next. I could use a rest. I survived a sleepy vacation. I just was frustrated that it did not go anywhere. I pray God reaches to pull me out of a ditch because of stumbling never quite sure where or what to, at knowing God can raise me up in time. |
April 24, 2020 at 11:34am
April 24, 2020 at 11:34am
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| I cannot get away from it rules are forever increasing and irritating me. In a world without rules I might thrive. I pray that I learn from my mistakes and never forget that I can never truly know what is fair unless I measure fairly as if ingredients in a recipe needing to be followed so I have something suitable to eat. |
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| Vacation is painful. I had trouble playing on line games and caved into stress. It was no fun listening to my wife in the background. My goals this week are to get tithe to church, figure out app for car and get a handle on how to play games with my kids on computer. We will see. I pray for rest and to be blest. |
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| I pray God spares me to see another day. I continue to fight. Lord do you have more work for me to do. I am at least puzzled. I would like to know my life matters or maybe at least celebrate Providence that says I am fi Ally done. God give me a sign a Gideon's fleece if you will. Let me know in your own words that today is the beginning of something wonderful. All I have to do is enter. |
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| I continue to go about the business of trying to survive. I enjoyed talking to family. One more day and I will look forward to vacation. |
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