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One man's journey to find the way home |
I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
Feeling a lot of stress. I hope to get thru another day. Life is not getting any easier. |
I am closer. I am looking at less than 40 days. Who would of thought I would get that close. And yes so tired. I can use reason to put myself within 10 days. God be with me I feel tired. The trauma weighs me down. I am definitely not going about this the easy way. I am already way beyond what I would have made in a year I took it easy. |
I got a day off, so I can now look for glasses and get license info. figured out and rest. Maybe look at possibilities to get me to the airport. |
I am on the third leg of three overnights. I am tired. I will face figuring out when to leave. It has been a sleepy day. I slept from 8a till 2pm and at least three hours after that. I needed it. I am glad I can sleep. I wonder what today will be like. God give me strength. |
I would like much to know what independence means. I feel screwed around to decipher the code. It seems no matter what you do it can never be perfect enough. The component of forgiveness is lacking and therein lies the problem. People think they have found it or at least of the opinion they can locate it. Unfortunately not all person's can have the same vision. Maybe the greater truth is without a vision the people perish. Yet who says your vision is the only one that matters. |
I am feeling crazy to keep on my feet to survive the next two hours. God grant me strength. Hopefully I will good heading home. God be with me. |
My love for you knew no bounds Amidst confusion, a hope for loves embrace Tomorrow could not come soon enough For us to recall the joy of being whole Both of us like to run the race Once again you made it the finish line first Yet you know how I refuse to give up I will fight to be with you against all odds Our brotherhood means that much |
Grief wells up like a balloon ready to pop. I am asleep and awake at the same time waiting for the nightmare to end. I set before myself a goal and trust I can get there with God's help and even if I do not God will catch me in the end. I can only hope and pray for this to be true. |