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just your average... er... correction: just your normal... correction: me. |
| The original title of this was "The Oscilloscope"... but too many days passed without a single page view. And then I wanted "Fighting the Current (hey... my canoe's missing!!!)" but no matter what I did to the title, it was at least 10 characters too long -- so I eventually just cut it off. All the titles do have multiple meanings though. This is my journal, as you probably know. We'll just have to see what I can do with it... I might write what's going on in my life, but it will most likely write whatever I feel like at the moment. Kind of like what I use as titles... |
| Physics exam Monday. Thankfully, only physics. I have been incredibly tired all week. I didn't catch up on as much sleep last weekend as I should have, and then I couldn't make it up during the week. I had trouble keeping my eyes open at 5 o'clock last night. I'd been grumpy all week. So I went to bed an hour after dinner last night. At 7:30 I was in bed, asleep by eight, would have slept a solid twelve hours if my mom hadn't woken me up around 11 PM. From then, I was sleep until 8 AM. Woke up, slept another two hours. When I'm really tired when I fall asleep I tend to have more dreams. Or more that I can remember at least. I remember at least five or six distinct dreams. Or remember remembering them... They're fading. I should have written them down when I woke up. I thought of taking a walk to gear my mind up for physics, but then I stepped outside to get the mail (without a coat...or shoes for that matter) and realized it's colder than it looks. It's a beautiful day, but freezing. Finished the second to last book of The Seventh Tower by Garth Nix. It's a very good series... Hm, I'll have to review it for the newsletter... I haven't written anything for this month, (okay, aside from the intro, but I had to use plural first person and pretend we were all writing it, lol, so no credit). I have library books to go back. I lost the slip for when they're do. It may have been January 10 though... And I have to see if I can order Abhorsen... I've been waiting about two years for that book, maybe a little longer, lol. I guess this means I should re-read the book that comes before it... Exam Schedule: Monday - Physics Tuesday - Latin and History Wednesday - Trigonometry/Precalculus Thursday - English and Theology I like to be organized, but I have to be in the mood. And usually, when I go to put things away, I'm to tired to do a good job, so I end up with everything disorganized. But, then again, if anyone saw my Pop-Pop's basement and radio room, they'd swear he was the most disorganized person on the face of the earth. If you say to him you need something, chances are he has it and knows that it's the third tier down, behind the hanging drills, underneath half a dozen hammers and wedged in a crevice in the wall. If my room was clean, it would not prevent me from losing things. I set something down absent-mindedly and lose it. I don't know how many pens I've lost while doing homework...sitting on my bed. I'll set a pen down to read something and not be able to find my pen again. I find them when I put all my books and things away... usually. My mind wanders too much for my own good, and I tend to forget the present because of it... The weekend after exams I'll write that story. I'm stuck a little on the culture, and the style I'm writing it in could be better, but I can work those out as I go along. I should get started. I don't think I'm going to be struck by any sudden urge to study. |
| Brainstorming for the critique of one of my teachers. I really wish it was anonymous. She probably has done that before, and gotten very harsh criticism. She doesn't take criticism well. She's very insecure, which is probably why takes to her husband like she does. Admittedly, his credentials are very impressive, but it's almost as if she has nothing at all to her name. Now, I'm not sure which is worse: talking about yourself incessantly, or talking about another person incessantly. I can understand when she talks about her kids. They're something she can be proud of, she raised them and sort of directed them. But enough is enough. By the third impression of her childrens' impressions, it gets a little old. Government as a course is all well and good, but I can't help but find it boring. It's not hard, but it's tedious. There are only so many positions I can memorize and still be interested. I really don't care who the House's Minority Whip is. And now that I've added enough fuel to the fire and gotten most of my complaints out of the picture, time to write the real thing. A shame it's not anonymous. Although, with my writing style, it might not be too hard to tell who had written it... lol |
| [I wrote this earlier, but the computer crashed...] And I thought I had problems with strategy. Apparently, the people in my Precalc class can't strategize a game of tic-tac-toe. We were reviewing using a Hollywood Squares-type game. ::sigh:: Apparently my dog has another tick-borne disease called ehrliciosis (I probably buctchered that spelling). Results pending for auto-immune. Last night I went to sleep at 10:30. I wasn't done studying for physics, but I was slumping in the book, even after getting a shower. (Showers usually wake me up). I was tired to the point of being sick to my stomach. Found out the results of the audition. I was something like 5th from the bottom of the list of flutes who showed up... Knew it was a bad performance. Only one of the flutes from my school got in though. It doesn't surprise me that she got in. But everyone else from my school had scores (much) higher than mine. It's almost dinner. I'm not in the mood for ravioli. I have to write a critique of a teacher I'm not that fond of. She's nice, but ditzy, and way too obsessive about her husband. She hangs on his every whim and accomplishment. Yay! lol, no ravioli. My moom put them in water and they fell apart... lol, angel-hair pasta now. Funny how things work out... Exams next week. Fun. ~a_g_ More than an end to war, we want an end to the beginnings of all war. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt ~a_g_ More than an end to war, we want an end to the beginnings of all war. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt |
| I hate studying for physics... especially when all I want to do is sleep... I'm worried I'll end up crashing for over 24 hours this weekend with how tired I've been all week. Wasted another ten minutes doing nothing. Probably been twenty since I looked at the book. I should go. |
| Night shots work best when there is any sort of available light. I am procrastinating. I'm not ready to do homework just yet. Well, actually, the sooner I do it, the sooner I can goof off. Or not. I usually find extra school work to do... Or goof off while doing homework. Let's see... off the top of my head... Homework... - Trig - memorizing, problems, take-home quiz - History - homework worksheets - Physics - take-home test (if I can) - Theology - write up service hours papers But I have to get together some poems and pictures by Thursday. Listening to "Movin' Right Along" from one of the Muppet movies. "California here we come-- The pie in the sky land, Palm trees and warm sand. But sadly we just left Rhode Island. - We did what?! -- Forget it." And my favorite line from that song: "Hey, I've never seen the sun come up in the West...?" Got a 90 on a paper returned today. She told me to cite these things which were sort of COMMON SENSE. Grr... I do NOT like that teacher at all. Okay, wasted enough time. It is now 7:30 and I have yet to touch my homework. |
| I ended up writing last night. Not much, but I made more details on my already ten-or-more-page-long outline/detail repository. A heavy, wet snow came through this evening. I went out tonight and took pictures. I'm going to look through them now I think. It was still snowing, so I put the wide-angle lense on my camera (so the lens wouldn't move) and covered the camera in a tight plastic bag. It worked surprisingly well. Browsing through the pictures, my only complaint is that the plastic bag made a pale glow sometimes. And it's hard to take night shots because the shutter is open so long. Well, if nothing else, they look good as thumbnails, lol. Some of these look VERY good as thumbnails. A shame I don't have extremely still hands. Actually.. some of these were taken with a little tripod... Which means there was a reflection on the bag? Maybe? Likemindedness is scary. I've had deja vu twice in as many days. Once at the audition place (somewhere I know I have never been, with people I don't always see, talking about foods I don't often get...). Lights will be turned out on me soon. Good night. |
| Feeling much better. Family came home. I ranted to friends online. I want to write tonight. I have an outline I want to flesh. Oh crap... I forgot. Okay, so I have a civilization to recreate and THEN an outline to flesh. I've started braiding a little bit of hair at a time when I'm at the computer. I usually do it when I'm waiting for something, but I keep doing it in lulls of activity. If I ever end up with uneven dreadlock-braids.... A friend of mine sent me a painting of his in an e-mail. It's an interesting piece of work. Sort of surrealist. Not bad at all. Falling asleep right here. I'm going up to bed... or notebooks. Whichever. Both. |
| I ate dinner. Feeling a little better. Although now I feel like I'll be getting heartburn any minute. Solitude always makes bad moods worse. Listening to Carol of the Bells. They played it on a stereo in church tonight. I have almost the same version downloaded. Reading articles on writing. Now it would help if I actually got down to business... |
| Been in a bad mood since this morning. I have been so tired since the car ride home, and I have no idea why. Like curl up and fall asleep tired. To bed early tonight I guess. Wonderful, just wonderful. The dog has fourth degree Lyme Disease (i.e. the worst type). Three months of medication and then another blood test. They're waiting for more results. There's the possibility that he has other things or even auto-immune disease. Praying about that and other things/people... Yes, I do pray. Granted, it's shaky and poorly directed, but it is some form of prayer... Something I've discovered. When I'm having an unusually good day, something proportionally bad always happens. ("Always" is to the best of my recollection, but I have nothing against that conclusion right now.) But on bad days: "when it rains, it pours". Have to go into school at 7 AM on Monday because of ride complications... So much for a leisurely first day back. And of course, the teachers will rip through the material to fit everything in for the mid-terms next week. I didn't accomplish 98% of what I wanted to this break. Not that that's unusual, but I'm having trouble with happy thoughts right now. It's probably not helping me to have the news on. It's all Iraq. And war. Getting salmon teriyaki for dinner. Watch something be wrong with it. Cynical? Pessimist? Who, me? This is one of those times when the fears begin to close in, bearing their teeth and snarling. There's fire in their eyes. Can't figure out how to starve them when there's so much fuel... Weak comfort: It can always get worse. I have to watch myself. Writing in my paper journal more often is causing me to mentally blur lines I'd prefer not to cross online. Phantom IM dings again. We're sending soldiers to the Persian Gulf. Bush is making last pleas for peace. Wars in the modern era start because both sides expect the other to back down before the fighting starts. The US can't back down, and Saddam has too much pride (perhaps [over?]confidence) release his grip. I keep getting chills tonight. I need the TV on for background noise. Otherwise I'd hear the noises the house makes, and I'd be even worse off. I keep having to erase paragraphs. I'm too open tonight. Bone chills. ::sigh:: I think I'm going to go write. Or not. It's dark upstairs. I don't fear the darkness. There are just a lot of lights to turn on, and I prefer not to be upstairs when home alone. My house has a lot of odd shadows though, because of its setup. Can't start any conversations with people tonight. When I need to, I can't... Not that I can usually strike up a sudden conversation, but I really really want to now. Family is home. Dinner. And then writing upstairs. |
| ::sigh:: I tried and I failed miserably. I messed up on parts of the piece I have never had a problem with. There were two judges with their backs turned. How the hell is that more intimidating to me than 200 people looking right at me?! That was probably the worst I have ever played. I blanked on one of the scales entirely and pretty much made it up as I went along. Maybe they had good things to say about my sight-reading?... That wasn't enough to save the audition though. My chromatic sucked. I wish I had known about the scales earlier... The first part of the audition was the piece (down the tubes...). The second part was sight-reading (eh, could have done better) and scales (awful). There were different judges for the two parts (and 45 minutes in between). The one judge said a too emphatic "Thank you" when I left... I think they were very annoyed with me (especially after hearing forty other flutes) and were probably wondering what the hell I was doing there. And sitting there waiting from 8 to 11 AM did nothing for me. The flutes were the last to go. Feeling slightly sick to my stomach. Oh well. If I didn't make it, I didn't make it. No big deal. I'm just really frustrated with myself right now. Good news though. We got pain killers and Lyme medication (blood tests haven't come back yet, so precautionary only right now) for my dog. I came home today and he bounded (well, stiffly-bounded, which is still better than not being able to walk) to the door. Just worried now that he'll over-do it. Again. Got two books on inter-library loan today. Been waiting to read them. |
| "A terrible thought can have a terribly long career." - "Terrible Thought," Poe (the singer, not the writer)... How true that is... Right now, my dog has one good leg. He can hardly limp. Took him to the emergency vetrinary hospital at 10 o'clock last night. The road was unmarked, so we got lost and spent an extra 15 minutes looking for the place. The entire ride my dog was whimpering. We didn't leave there until midnight. The vet said it might be Lyme disease, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, arthritis, some sort of bacteria, or something else. Wonderful. We're taking him to his vet today. Slept over a friend's house the night before last. We watched movies that night. We were going to make a Blair Witch/When Animals Attack-type movie about tinsel, but we were too lazy. Yesterday, we ended up spending most of the day working on a completely unplanned movie... sort of a James Bond take-off. Discovered I'm good at masking location with movies as well as still pictures. All the sounds worked perfectly. (Okay, so we have to do some sound editing, but only in the clip before the teaser. That's what digital cameras and computers are for. But the rest worked beautifully.) The lighting, too, was surprisingly good in some of the scenes. I was shocked. We only had three people (and a get-away driver) working on it so we all acted some. Remind me not to chase after a car in the cold and wet again... especially if it's in the wrong gear and I beat it... and especially if there's no way I can work a coat into the scene... And a random clip of, "OH CRAP!" "This isn't bad for a low budget movie." "What are you talking about? We're a NO budget movie!" "It looks like you were walking downstairs sideways! Get your butt in the corner. Stop laughing, just do it. No, not like that! Get your butt in the corner. It's just a reference point. I'll tell you where to go from there." My directing skills in action. lol, it actually ended up looking not bad, once she figured out what I was telling her to do. If a "dead body" can look not bad... especially with such a hideous costume combination. Hint: lime green sparkling feather boas match NOTHING. lol, that was one of the best scenes though. "She's dead." "Oh." [pauses, cracks up. We had come up with no line for the character.] "We can't use real wine! Even if we pour it back, your mom will most likely be seeing this tape!" "And a lone feather falls to the floor." "I'll use the bongos to keep the door open." And another piece of advice. Make sure your get-away car is on... Okay, I have to practice. Now. Auditions are tomorrow and I still don't have the scales entirely down. Maybe there will be a foot of snow?... Yeah, right. We called today, they want it to go on unless dire circumstances arise. |
| Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot And days o' lang syne? Chorus: For auld lang syne, my Dear For auld lang syne We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet For auld lang syne ... I found the entire lyrics to that song, but I didn't post them here. Nobody sings past those two verses anyway. lol, Very few seem to know even those lyrics. Well, I want to finish my paper journal by the year's end. I only have ten or so pages left to fill. I like starting journals on the first day of the year. I have a lot to write anyway. Write you next year! (That is so weird to say...) |
| I just practiced for an hour straight. My right wrist is hurting. I'm typing all of this with my left hand. Maybe I shouldn't have stopped. I don't know if I'll be able to restart. With any luck, maybe a few painkillers, I'll be able to write in my journal tonight. I didn't write about my daytrip yesterday, there or here. We went and had lunch with my great uncle. I haven't seen him since I was younger, when I couldn't understand him at all. His accent is very thick. Yesterday, I would have been able to understand almost all of what he said if there hadn't been a jazz band playing nearby. It was nice to see him though. Quoting lyrics in foreign languages gets the most interesting reactions. Especially when it's not a commonly heard language... Languages are such weird things. They're like entities unto themselves. Societies are the same way. They both have minds of their own. I could write a lot on that. Oh yeah, I just realized I haven't yet eaten dinner. Not that I'm really hungry. I snacked a lot this afternoon. Okay, I am now typing with both hands. The pain has subsided. As has my desire to go back to practicing. I hold the idea that if I force myself to practice too much it will cease to be of any interest to me, and then there is no point in doing it. Scales are so boring... How often are the highest notes needed anyway? The C is constantly sharp on everyone's flute (who doesn't have a certain key... which is still most instruments, mainly because NOBODY PLAYS THAT HIGH). I really don't like going between the high notes I just learned. I can't stand their tones for too long. I should have left all of my spelling mistakes from earlier in the entry. It would have been completely unreadable. I have such a hard time typing with just one hand. I've been compiling a list recently of my favorite words. Among them right now: delve, fiery, cathedral, attic, twilit (not twilight). Put pizza in the stove. It's done. I'm going to go eat a belated dinner. |
| I meant to practice more than I did. I got a call from a friend whom I ended up meeting at the library. So I got distracted stayed there for over two hours. But the winter newsletter now has three pages (a big jump on none, which is what we had at 1 PM today). I'm determined to get this one out in the right season. (Which means: no more Halloween issues in December.) I also meant to clean my room today. The practicing is more pressing. I'm going to go do that now. Completely off topic: if nothing else, this journal has helped me learn to title things, lol. |
| On the travel thing again, just for a few sentences though. I get inspired when I read stories about people who set out to see the world with no real plan in mind. They know where they're going to start, but after that, they let the winds take them. That's what I think I'd have to do if I ever set out to visit the places I've listed. I hate itineraries. Off that topic now before you all get sick of my talking about it. Inspiration doesn't usually lead to action for me. I wish it did. I finished reading a book I got my brother for Christmas and I was inspired to go out and do the things on my to-do lists. I don't think I got one thing done. I'm not sure I even started anything. I finished reading an inspiring book about writing and creativity. And I didn't lift a pen. I meant to draw, but things got in the way. I mean to practice, but I get distracted. I mean to get together with friends more, but I forget. I mean to read more, but other things come first. I mean to write, but I have trouble during the day and no time at night. But I have been writing in my real journal a lot very recently. I mean to catch up on SAT work, but schoolwork takes that time usually. Besides the fact that the I've found several grammar mistakes in the program... Thankfully in the math section. I mean to learn other languages, but they are far down on the list. They're in that extremely dusty area I never seem to get to. I'm making an awful lot of excuses for myself, aren't I? I have to get out and do. I need a month off, lol, but I'll take what I can get. So I'd better seize it while I have it. Carpe diem et noctem. (Ha! A use for Latin!) |
| I've always had this desire to travel. I've never been farther from home than an 11 hour drive. I've always wanted to see the world, all the places off the beaten path (and occasionally traversing it). Sure I want to see the British Isles and Paris and Rome. But I'd still love to see other places. I want to see other Italian cities and their countryside, other European cities--Prague, Berlin, Budapest; Spain, Russia, Greece, the Netherlands. There are places slipping my memory. I have no desire to see Scandinavia, I know that for sure. But outside of Europe... In the Near and Middle East -- Turkey, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Iran. Sort of a--correction--A very, very volatile area, especially now. Asia has always facinated me as well--the Great Wall of China and those spire-like mountains which I never remember the name of, the terra-cotta army (is that even open to the public?) in China, Angkor Wat in Cambodia, Japan, India, Sri Lanka, Tibet, Nepal, Mongolia. The South Pacific, eh, there are a couple places: Borneo, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea, New Zeland. Australia is unto itself. There is a lot of variety in that country. Outside of the Outback, at least. But I would like to see Uluru. Antarctica I can stand to see pictures of. Too desolate for my liking (and somehow Mongolia isn't... Maybe because it has an actual population, and maybe because my toes wouldn't freeze and turn black the second I stepped foot there). On to Africa. Egypt, first and foremost. I was nearly obsessed with it when I was a little kid. (I was weird, still am. Get over it.) Outside of Egypt, Morocco, Madagascar, wherever the Serengeti is, the Azores, maybe the Congo. Ah, South America: Peru (the Inca sites in particular), the Nazca Plain (I always forget whether that's in Peru or Chile), Brazil (the Rainforest, Belem, Rio de Janiero), Tierra del Fuego, the Pampas, and Galapagos. Central America (keep in mind I'd love to study the Maya or the Aztec): Mexico (Mexico City, Baja, all over the Yucatan), Guatamala, Honduras, Costa Rica. Last, but not least, the US and Canada. Finally some places I might actually get to eventually. The redwood forests in California, cranberry bogs at harvest, Arizona and New Mexico, the Grand Canyon, Monument Valley, the Rockies, the Appalachain Trail, New Orleans, the Florida Keys, the Everglades, White Sands, Yellowstone, Yosemite, the Badlands, Vermont, Hawaii, Alaska. And Canada... Vancouver, the Bay of Fundy... um... There's not much I want to see there. Maybe Nunuvat (however that is spelled). There you have it. A sort of drawn out list of my places to see to someday. Of course, I wouldn't just go to those places. I'd have to write about everything, down to describing the dirt. I'd also have to take pictures. Lots. These desires may have been what sparked a desire I had a long time ago to be a journalist for National Geographic. It would really help if I could speak any language besides English. Well, any living language at least--Latin does nothing in the modern world, lol. I want to learn other languages--hence my feeble attempts at Russian and Spanish, among others--but you can only get so far without a teacher (and without even tapes in some cases)... Not that I have reached that point. Yet. It would also really help if I had more than an hour's training in self-defense. Maybe I should take up some sort of martial art. I've never been fond of yelling while exercising though. Jiujitsu, Kung-fu, Karate... I have no idea about the differences. A shame I lack the linguistics, the funds, the age, health, any available safety, a passport (probably the easiest thing to get on this list), etc. Oh well, I can dream. North America is within some sort of reach though... But I would have to get a full license first, wouldn't I? |
| Lunch went all right. My brothers acted up enough. We were the only people in the resturaunt though, so they didn't get in as much trouble with my parents. My grandparents had a nice day I think. We went over their house later and looked at wedding pictures. Saw LOTR 2 tonight. Gimli was a little ridiculous at points, but the movie overall was good. There was a man in front of us who basically commentated. Thankfully, he didn't open his mouth as much as he could have. I think the woman in front of me slept through the movie, judging by the way she sat. I was really prolific last night in my paper journal. Maybe that's because I haven't written much in a long while. I wrote something like ten pages. Granted, the pages aren't very large, but that's still a lot. I wrote ten pages after writing most of an online journal entry (one I have yet to finish and post). That entry needs to be finished tonight. I need to practice. Auditions are a week away... But first I'll finish that entry. |
| "Remember that no man is a failure who has friends." Just finished watching my first whole Christmas movie of the season---It's a Wonderful Life. Clarence is my favorite character: "My wife gave me this shirt on my last birthday. I passed away in it." The funniest character. I wanted to watch the Muppet version of A Christmas Carol, but the other movie is my mom's favorite and she never gets to watch what she wants. My grandparents' 50th anniversary is sometime this week. We're taking them out for lunch tomorrow. They're not party people and even protested (for a little while at least) being taken out for lunch, but I think they're happy we're doing something for it. I think I need a good night's sleep. Crap, just remembered I have to wake up early tomorrow... At least I can fall back to sleep a little later. |
| I'm really tired right now. Not feeling too well. My Christmas was pretty good. It went by too quickly though. Favorite gifts: a polarfleece blanket of my own, telephoto and wide-angle lenses for my camera, and a new watch (one that is not corroding and the clasp of it doesn't open of its own accord). I got books and clothes from various people too. Chills are coming back (they come and go). I really hope I'm not getting sick. I'm not used to this watch yet. It feels so close on my wrist. Spent most of the day with a friend I don't usually see. I had fun. We spent a good hour giving extremely melodramatic readings of college letters I've gotten. And of course we had the brilliant idea to walk the dog in the snow and ice. We were only going to walk him to the library, but when we go there: "You cold?" "Nope, are you?" "No." So we ended up walking through a third of the town (which really isn't that hard). I'm going to watch It's a Wonderful Life tonight. After Christmas itself, I'll watch a Christmas movie all the way through. Hey, the Christmas season lasts till the Epiphany on January 5 or 6... |
| Merry Christmas (Eve)! Another short entry. My brothers are antsy. It's almost time to open gifts from family members... It's funny seeing my family wearing paper hats. I assure you, they are completely sober. Colored paper crowns came in the Christmas popper things. I'm going to look for a Christmas movie to watch. |
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