My Overall impression:
Great subject to write on.
I agree with you on your thoughts and feelings about time.
Thanks for the very positive read.
Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres to your poem, they help to get your item more exposure.
This title is used often/ maybe a more creative title to help draw your readers in.
suggestions from your poem;
Wasted Time
Limited Time
Time Versus Life
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Overall Impressions;
I enjoyed your poem.
Great title.
Your rating and genres are good.
I like that you include the prompt that you used to write this and the contest link.
my favorite line:
'The Angels screamed a song of judgement and loss'
(spelling - judgment)
Suggestions:
I think your poem might benefit with punctuation. Some poems do ok without punctuation but I think you could make this a more dramatic read if you put in some. It will break the read up a little and add some pauses..
As with your other poem, I think you need to check your tenses..you go back and forth from past to present.
I think it would be better to stick in one tense.
review # 3 Keep writing!
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OVERALL IMPRESSIONS;
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Your poem is intense and very vivid.
These two lines are really good:
'Is the best possible it believes, smiling happily as it feeds on the body,
chewing on juicy organs, and using tiny bones as mere toothpicks.'
SUGGESTIONS;
Tasting,licking its way through the dying body.
Space after the comma.
shivering in pleasure as the marrow dripped free into it demonic mouth
To stay with the other tenses you need to make dripped drips.
You need to check your tenses throughout...it switches back from past to present tense in a few places.
It spread slowly,violating the very soul of the body it was conquering.
Space after the comma.
review # 2
KEEP WRITING,
TAMMY
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating and title are good.
I think we have all felt like this before.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Instead of having this as Other in the static item you should put it as poetry.
You go back and forth from what your life felt like before and after this person was in it...but you skip around and the transition from one time to the other is confusing. Watch your tenses.
The repetition in here takes away from what you are expressing.
Some repetition works well, but I think this is too much.
The repetition along with no punctuation really makes this a fast run poem.
It feels like one big sentence that is repeating itself.
Maybe add some punctuation.
You could also break this up into stanzas and that would help a little.
I say lose some of the 'my world' that you have in here.
and my heart was in
a strange new beat
try
putting my heart in
a strange new beat
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Great poem.
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I love the colors' they enhance your poem/thoughts here.
Your poem has a steady pace and your rhymes work well.
Your words make one want to go out and play in the fall leaves.
'My favorite part:
A chilly, swirling breeze,
Wrapped snug with coat and scarf,
Sipping Grandma's hot apple cider,
Safe before the crackling hearth.'
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Very strong first para, it makes the reader want to know more.
Good descriptions throughout.
I like were you took this, I was not expecting this ending at all.
Your story takes a few twist..you lead into each one very well, while keeping the suspense.
Suggestions/Errors:
sweep the porch twice a year What if you asked the peony?
A ? after year.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I enjoyed your memories that you share with us.
I too had a baseball field in the neighborhood where I grew up.
It now holds an insurance business!
: (
Suggestions/Errors:
we could put things the lakes
I think you are missing a word here.
Check you spacing in para 6.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Overall Impressions:
Your title fits well and I like how you use this image to express yourself.
What a sad ending.
But I have felt like this before and you capture the hopelessness of it all very well with your words and the image that you leave your readers with.
Suggestions:
Add some genres to your poem.
I kept tripping over this read;
Carried to wherever I go to,
I have nothing to do.
maybe cut the second to in line 1..?
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Cool form, thanks for including the instructions for it.
It's one I haven't done before.
You do it well.
I like how you set this up with the doubt in the first stanza, the drawing in and then to the execution.
If one could see behind those smiles...
Great ending line!
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Wow, I really enjoyed your poem.
It's inspirational and holds a big message and reminder for us all.
I think you show this condemning and forgiveness all very well.
Your poem is full of emotions that you share and evoke in your readers
I like the ending and how you show her hearing the stones drop back to the ground.
Thanks for sharing.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
I like your title and the contradiction it is.
You show these contradictions well with the examples that you give.
Suggestions/Errors:
I think I would change the career genre and have relationship or emotional..they are more appropriate for your poem.
Your stanzas/wording seems awkward.
example
In stanza one it would read better and clearer if you had the last line as the first line. And maybe just cut the 4th line.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Great poem/tribute.
I am drinking mine now!
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Your rhymes are good and this flows/reads very well.
I like that this is so positive and has such a steady upbeat pace~~kind of like what the caffeine does for one!
my favorite lines:
'It’s steamy and fragrant
A joy to the nose
No morning’s complete
Without two cup o’ Joes.'
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Love the title.
Your rating and genres are good.
I loved reading about and getting to know your little boy.
He sounds adorable!
Your love and pride for your son comes through in every word you have written.
Very cute story about his dad, poor man will never live that one down!
Thanks for the read.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Thanks for sharing this.
Great perspective you capture from a patient's p.o.v about their time spent in a nursing home.
I think many patients really feel just like this.
I can't speak for all nurses but as a nurse who worked in Nursing Facilities for 10 plus years I think you capture the patients and the nurses well.
I tried that 'I'm not going to get close to any of them because they are mostly here to die attitude' but I couldn't. I couldn't NOT get close to my patients and I still remember my first 'favorite' patient!
Overall Impressions:
Congrats on the ribbon, it is well deserved.
This is a great read.
I usually don't read horror things.
I will watch horror movies every once in a while.
I really enjoyed your story.
It was a unique story-line, I liked both your main characters and it was intense in places.
What a night visitor! I guess if any ghost decided to visit me, it would be nice if he was like this one!! lol
Your story flows well and I wasn't left with any questions.
Thanks for the cool read!
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
You tell this in a very straightforward way and it's even dramatic in
a few areas.
Which is very effective in getting your point across.
Your message is clear.
You are right we do overlook things in this and in many lessons.
I like the way you have these 2 lines.
'No.
He died.'
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and good luck.
Great poem.
It made my eyes tear up.
I don't know any autistic children personally but my best-friend's daughter has cerebral palsy. And one of my patients has spina-bifida and this poem could fit them and their families' love.
And yes you capture this all very well.
From the not knowing what they know~ to the loving them.
Thanks for sharing your poem.
If it's ok I would like to send my friend a copy of this.
ttyl,
Tammy
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MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Keep writing. Always, Tammy