My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
Your storyline is creative and the twist is unexpected.
Your story flows well.
I wasn't left with any questions.
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Suggestions/Errors:
I think your story lacks emotion.
It's dry and to the point.
But we are talking about murder...a jealous, hidden murder that is revealed
Maybe you could set this up a bit more.
Add some feeling to this.
Maybe show her losing her control a little...even when the cops come she acts indignant..
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
I love music.
Your love for it comes across very strong through these words.
Your title, rating and genres are good.
You capture music well with your words/thoughts and feelings.
You use some unique comparisons to get your point across.
In places I could hear the music and in places the music is tangible.
Very creative poem you have here.
Thanks for sharing.
All music lovers will appreciate this.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your thoughts/feelings on anxiety are right on.
I think we have all felt anxiety over something.
So many will identify with your thoughts here and remember something that evoked these same feelings in them.
Your title, rating and genres are good.
I like your last stanza the best, it really sums your thoughts all up.
These two lines really give the reader a feel of how this makes you feel:
'with jolting turns, haphazard bumps;
a catastrophe without hope.'
Thanks for sharing.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
I love butterflies!!
I like how you are using butterflies to describe life and it's uncertainties.
I like your last two lines the best.
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Suggestions/Errors:
I think I would work on the overall flow of this.
Your comma usage really makes this a choppy read.
Always read your poetry aloud after finishing it and check the flow and read of it.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Aging does tend to make one think.
I like the comparisons that you make to games/puzzles on your thoughts on life.
Your poem flows well and your rhymes work good together.
Great ending.
Thanks for the positive and inspirational read.
My favorite lines:
'For I remember smiling at the world, before I tried to save it,
Remember the fork in the road, long before I tried to pave it
I recall the wasted efforts and decisions made in haste,
Recall the times life served me that melancholy taste'
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Overall Impressions:
The review you requested.
Thanks for sending me the link to this story.
I enjoyed it and learning a little bit more about you!
Your story flows well and I wasn't left with any questions.
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Your words remind us what is important in life!
hugs
Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
I like the title and the contrast that it shows.
Your rating and genres are appropriate.
I like that you show this woman and her problems on a walk...while showing bits and pieces of her life.
I really like your ending stanza the best.
Suggestions/Errors:
Your wording is a little awkward at times.
ex;
Ask myself, how can possibly such moment exist,
try
Asking myself, how can such a moment exist,
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Your poem is so romantic and tragic.
You capture their life and love well with these words
I could feel this man's pain and sadness.
Your imagery is good, I could see this elderly man standing at her grave site.
My favorite part:
Off weathered cheeks fall silent tears,
As he watches over his precious wife.
Her love and laughter his greatest wealth,
She’s the special chapter in his story of life.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your rating title, and genres are all appropriate.
Your story reads well.
I did not notice any typos or grammar errors.
Suggestions/Errors:
I understand this is fantasy but it is really unbelievable.
There are a few thing I think you could do...one set this up a little more. Not just have one day you are on the island...??
Another would maybe show yourself waking up at the end as if you were dreaming.
I could see this more as a fantasy/dream.
Or why not let him pick/ why sit there and die?? If he chose one, then the fantasy could advance anyway!
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS Your rating, title and genres are good.
Your emotions come through very strong in this.
I felt the bitterness and weariness of one who has been hurt before.
I think many who have been hurt by another will easily identify with these words.
I like this stanza the best:
'Grace is a uniform
you wear only too well,
but on the hypocrisy of that
I'm too tired to dwell'
Very polite way to say that!
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS Very cool title.
Your stanza one is strong and should make the reader want to read more.
I like the contrast of the colors of that stanza.
The white vs the red blood (that your words show the reader)!
SUGGESTIONS Add some genres to your item, they help it get exposure.
sarcasm swells swooning hearts for sickening
songs of sadistic singers
I stumbled over this a little..it's a little like a tongue twister.
You kind of have this in the ending of the other stanzas but this one I feel was a little much!
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS
I enjoyed your poem.
Your words are sad to begin with but the ending is inspirational.
Since I live a thousand miles from my family, (what's left) this really touched me.
It made me think of past Thanksgiving..gravey and all!
My family has dwindled down much like your poem indicates.
Thanks for sharing such honest and inspirational writing with us.
My favorite lines and a great reminder!
Yet blessings abound that we need to recognize
and not question God on the 'hows' or the 'whys'.
(This just makes me more determined to instill traditions in my 2 kids.)
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and good luck.
I like the ending.
Your last two stanzas are really strong.
You keep the last two lines simply but they are very effective at capturing the picture you leave your readers with.
suggestions:
You might add a brief author's note at the bottom of this.
I wasn't familiar with a few of your words and had to look some of them up.
(koeksister, naartjies)
Keep writing, Tammy
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Your rating, title and genres are good.