I like the idea of stringing together a group of acrostics, making a list. Would be cool if you could build a theme with a sentence, or something? Each stands alone with unique thoughts. The first one likes to rhyme, some others get deep and wordy.
What I like is your vocabulary strength. When I think of a word to use but am not 100% sure of its meaning, I check definition or synonyms to see if intrinsic is poetic enough or if boon best describes the mood of what I'm writing.
You can approach your thoughts like a painting. Each word is a brush stroke laid over another word. Do the colors compliment each other? Your painting will show your meaning. Using descriptive words helps color your meaning. I think of it like how dreams are trying to tell you something you must interpret from all the images and actions that occur in sleep.
I like 'silhouetted hands' because I can visualize this, but how do they cast shadows in darkness without light? It could be an expression, if you can make it work. Otherwise, add moonbeam or streetlight, as this will add mood or location.
That last acrostic sounds more like a story wanting to be told. A mysterious man has assisinated someone? Begs who, what, where, when and why? Could be about the mind of a person who does this. Is there inner conflict? Or do they kill without a second thought? What confliction/resolution could face a person like this in story? Morality is very important to storytelling because it is being lost on modern society.
I'm sure I could give more comment, if you want. I think if you experiment with acrostic, use motifs, themes, as much as you can. Challenge yourself as you would with a difficult puzzle and Google words and other acrostics to get ideas and inspire future writes. I think this is a very good start.
This haiku was inventive. Equating beach umbrellas to mushrooms. It's shorter in syllables than a normal haiku, but this is acceptable in th' sense haikus in Japanese before translated were fewer syllables. Could even drop the 'ing in feeding to shorten more.
Adding summer as a season holds with the nature theme. Nicely done.
Oh, wow! That's my first thought as I finished reading your poem "Creeping In" . After getting through the first stanza your depictions reeled me in.
First off, I think a retitle could draw your gem some attention. I liked the words "Absinthian Nightmares" because this is essentially what the poem is about. When your lines pare down to a word, drip like that candle wax, I could feel every word, ever thought from the wicked dream and memory replayed. Last two stanzas are brilliant in my estimation.
I struggled with the first stanza only because of word placement. I wasn't sure if the mermaids were monsters. I felt you didn't have to say floating and could find a better way to describe the depth of the water. Just overall setting or scene was fuzzy, though I get the disassociative nature of nightmarish dreams.
The trick to getting someone hooked I find is to grab them right away and not let them stop to wonder about what they are reading. I see you could easily work this out with your gift of describing connection to a melting candle.
The third stanza left me wanting to know more, though I get the feel of handprints on hips. Tight grip, but it really meant something. Can the boiling red heart do something other than be 'dropping?' Could describe better the relation of how they are talking to visualize or feel how your unconscious is reacting. I'm assuming something is said or actions intimated that extinguishes hope or happiness. Is it what they say, or is it peer judgment or is it the self that is struggling? Maybe 'they' could be more descriptive to capture. Are they the monsterous mermaids?? It just hit me.
Obviously, your dream, your poem. You know; you get what this is. What happened to inspire this is your reality. As a writer, you can explore further if you feel needed. You have something captivating here. I'm intrigued. Even the experience can be altered to become more fictional. You can stick with what's real or embellish, give it a life of its own. Who's to say you won't write 100 poems in your life about one drunken nightmare.
It's inspiring. Awful good, but don't go Poe on us. We need more writing like this.
I really enjoyed stumbling upon this little ditty. The poem sort took off and sailed professionally into that second stanza. The rhyme/meter and ease at which you articulate knowledge made this a very clever offering.
I especially enjoyed the final two lines. It's wise and comical, affable. One suggestion: remove 'the' before sand and just get right in it. I think it might add a little punch to that delivery.
Walking south is a good direction...warm in my thoughts. I enjoyed reading your poetry tonight and took time to linger over this piece. You write honestly and directly from the heart. Your poetry speaks directly what it needs to say, not wrapped up in hidden meaning. It's refreshing to see such forthrightness.
Your poem reminded me what it's like to be with someone new in that setting...romantic, hopeful. The poet could imply more with the repeated direction. That's why I feel it is suggesting good things for this couple. The act of saving her when she stumbles is a good moment to show a trust bond forming between the two. You did well to show intimacy forming.
I see you write and perform your own music. You must have recorded this? I bet if you add a link to the song from your website, readers could get a better feel for the rhythm of your words.
Torressa is a beautiful name and makes me think of someone Italian overseas. The more I reread, the more I can get a feel for the flow of these lyrics, though I may have a entirely different song in my head. Had you wanted to rhyme with the name? because then you could have something really Italian with something like 'it's you I wanna caressa.'
The expressions and sentiment in your lyrics are straightforward. Her name gives me visualization, but if there were just a few things to describe what she wore, hair, perfume. The whole where is she now or what happened makes me wonder about the pining. But, maybe it doesn't matter. It is a fun, carefree song because, oh well, it's in the past...I think.
Way to bury hope alive while seemingly giving it a chance for life. The imagery is stark and effective, the feeling of having that small fluttering feeling encased deep within nothing. It could be nightmarish to live through that feeling and come out alive. Unnerving feeling of a life ever altered while still sustainable. Interesting read.
You have some excellent imagery and symbolism at work in your poem! I was very pleased to discover this as I wanted to repay you with my thanks for taking time to recently give attention to my writing.
I initially had a humorous reaction because of my relation to your main character. It reminded me of the TV show Monk when the main character would frequently say, "it's me, isn't it?" I was pleased with how much I related to your words.
The opening lines are vibrant in the elements that give your subject such rich depiction. Black in shade like invisible and voice of the voiceless having no voice spoke to me. I also like how stained by the color black felt. This crow still persists despite how it is viewed. I, however, stop drawing the comparison to myself when it does its bidding for the devil. Being hated for being selfish I accept.
Though, I can relate how one can be viewed as evil or be labeled as such through misunderstanding. It's hard to shake that image once you've been stained by perception based on color or assignment.
This is very strong in imagery, a good companion to Poe's raven...which symbolizes darkness within. Thanks for stopping by to read and give me feedback. This was a pleasure,
This is an insightful, philosophical musing. Much of what I write is cloaked in hidden meaning where you openly attest, like I once did. I have lost the touch for crafting rhyme like yours. I run away from it now. Keep it flowing, don't lose that rhythm because it will gift you many more precious thoughts and feelings in need of expression like this. You will grow as a writer.
Happiness is a great goal, but fleeting. I think of times I'm happiest and try to recreate moments with whatever vice, like coffee and a little quiet while looking out the window. Or, when I have trouble falling asleep, I make up a little story or remember things I'm fond of.
I enjoyed this. I see you are new at this website. Lots to take advantage of and give you inspiration as you look around. Flattered that you discovered and took time out for me and my words. I hope we will continue to cross paths and rub elbows as we write and share here.
I'm reminded how important the gift of ourselves is to our children. Sometimes, handing down a special tradition, like this song, something unique and crafted just for us.
Your poem is sweet, whistful, nostalgic. The introduction gives perspective before embarking on the poem. I could visualize my own setting without description. As a reader, we can craft our own depiction of what this poem means to the reader.
I think a poem about passing on this tradition or about taking care of the grandmother after she cared for you could also be explored, if you find yourself wanting to craft more words...future odes. And wouldn't it be sweet if one day, out of the blue, she had started singing you the song while you were caring for her? That would really make us want to be a little kid again. (I got scolded once by my normally non-communicative mother in a nursing home once, making me smile) And isn't that what we all wish? To be little again. They sheltered us from the worries of the world, gave us a place where we were safe to dream?
This poem reminds me of how we want someone to stay fresh in our memory. There are so many ways to rekindle sweet thoughts, best captured by the feel of that warm sand between toes. That's what cinched it for me.
The poem takes us on a journey of sensory reflection. Very effective in describing the feelings when connected with nature and memories of another on the beach. This takes it beyond smelling a shirt hanging in a closet or viewing something we cross in the house daily. This is a beautiful place where winds can whisper words, carry unheard voices to capture our nostalgic tryst with someone we can no longer see, feel, touch in the present.
This is spiritual in nature. Anyone who wants to revisit another could imagine a shared experience, even without the other there. It brings a smile, it brings comfort, and it celebrates a beautiful person who is still inside of us, who still inspires with memory.
Artfully crafted and sweetly unfolded, I connected with your poem on great levels of appreciation. I hope I have such a positive influence on another when I can no longer be with them.
A lot of thoughts come to ,mnd when I read this poem, but cohesively the rhoughts lack unity. I'm most intrigued by the second stanza, in particular the lines about the actor needing to dial in pain. There is so much I wonder about that goes in to making film, making it believable. There are actors in our daily lives who would deceive us for personal gain. But, what is their game? Without knowing their angle, we must trust their words until true intent is revealed. I think you tapped into something here...but what?
And what aftermath are we to conclude? Me thinks you are ahead of all of us. The poet has the true vision, knows the true course. And, what are we to make of these liars in our world today. So corrupt.
You have a lot on your plate as an excellent poet and multiple contest organizer and judge and who knows what else. (Getting stuck with this sand bag as a writing partner ) Either crazy or greatly gifted at multi-tasking, you are an influence on fellow writers providing a forum and an outlet to showcase writing skills.
However aimless and aloof some of us may seem, our thriving muses pen so others realize we too breath life with our heart lungs, husk essence on mead and lighted screens, so others know our true beauty. There I go, getting all poet-y again.
Hopefully, you've learned now something about me, as I am learning from you. Community is good. Isolation, well, drives a mad heart to pen an opus of revelations. I hold you, as many others, dear in my heart for accepting me.
This was a sad haiku. The first two lines bespeak of a fire, the last, a resulting tragedy. has a shock effect for a reader.
I have been reconsidering the haiku form recently when I came upon your offering. This followed the 5-7-5 three line syllable formation. your visuals from flickering flames and flying ash are very good. The brief final verse quietly delivers in short the sad news about the family that perishes.
Where to begin with a poem such as this written for the Josh Groban prompt in 48 hours as a spiritual piece.
The most important thing is its enthusiasm. It's a poem fully influenced by the message of the Groban song. Despite some glaring issues like rhyming the same words? Dawn with dawn and God with God. J morn? Destiny? Going for a unique vernacular maybe? Wasn't sure how to interpret as a reader.
But, with just a short time to come up with something, it can be difficult. But, it's a poem full of anticipation of the return...J = Jesus. It has its moments.
This poem sounds like the start of something new and sparkling, full of hope and return on everlasting promises...as "dreams and visions await."
Definitely reminded of a vow spoken on one's wedding day. It's full of anticipation with "happy endeavors" with "lofty heights." The word choices are superfluous and give a hazy sense of this blissful happy moment of adulation captured in prose.
It seems effortless as candy that is savored by a sweet tooth. And the whole plan is tied to God's promises. There is so much security in knowing the union is a sacred blessing.
A brief description of this poem couldn't possibly exist, and ten years later still does not for a cryptic piece that speaks of covert actions in the face of conformity.
There is definitely a desire to tell something in code with this poem. Makes me think this of someone living in a dystopian world and has been colluding with others to break rules and apparently get a kick out of getting away with it.
There is a tone in this rebel poem that suggests repression. Teenager? Not with complex, evasive language like this that teases a mind to wonder. I could only say I relate to this on a fictional level.
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I have found so few poems remaining from this dear poet who was just beginning to realize potential during an exploration of words and divine feelings of enlightenment. It's unfortunate when someone with this ability to harness their muse never got the chance to fully realize their calling.
There are four poems in this place that stand alone as the favorite signature pieces of the writer that was emerging on a horizon of hope. With your beauties, you took pride in their innocent beauty. You showed your vulnerability as a lover and writer. You asked why you should feel shame as you spun stories, fantasy.
I could see a brief glimmer, an inkling that you would grasp it. That you would rise ethereal and breath through your crafted words, now just images of characters trapped on Manila pages of light. It was a pleasure to discover and comment, though too brief was our time together.
May you have found your peace, having moved on from our world,
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It is a many splendored thing would seem an odd way to describe love. We get a gist of what the poet is teasing here, however. We as readers are left to fill in the thoughts, the fantasies we might imagine.
The poem as it stands I s inarguable. We've all been told by thought police how to behave, to conform, to curb our urges, desires. This poem speaks to those who have will, have desire, want to explore ideas, feelings. Do we struggle because of the restraints? Would we explore further, if we hadn't been told no, slapped on our snouts by our masters rolled up paper?
Perhaps, others do not understand poets, emotional people. But, why restrain them from thought? Why coerce us all to behave as lemmings without eyes? It's an unfortunate truth that the world stubbornly tells us to stay in our lane with their rules, the political correctness, guilt and shame. Greatness knows no bounds.
I wish I could have told you, "Explore, dear poet! Feel free to express yourself." I'll be here on the sideline with conformity until I'm healed...unable to get in that game where I play.
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In your poem, "In The Long Ago," there is pondering how love came to be. I can see this poem is inspired by its wistful title line. When a poet's eyes have been opened to potential of exploring these inspired words, it's like a research writer trying to support a topic sentence.
I think the exploration was a good process, but felt you overlooked clues that could have surfaced and the summation was lacking because it was difficult to follow that title line. But, there were definitely some poetic devices at work in this free verse, flow of consciousness piece.
The use of platinum handcuffs to describe the strength of this relationship seemed unique. And I believe all of the searching should lead to the conclusion that maybe their fated meeting was just random, but romantically, we all feel destined when it lasts.
It's good work with a typo that did not distract this reader.
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Dear lost friend, you and I romanticized in a similar fashion. It's sad to have discovered you late. This is the type of poem that dreams alone, but begs the reader rest here with me and my visions. I could willingly escape to that place.
We dabble in the spiritual belief in fantasy. Such words emotionally driven to pump out deep feelings of reflections -- sends poet to paper to scrawl words like emotional blood, permanent, forever displayed here as our dear departed writer.
That first verse of free verse can put a reader in a trance. We are willed to realize anything we want in that tender spot in our mind, only openly shared by you. There is no room for rejection. We are welcomed, unafraid put ourselves out there for consumption, for affirmation.
This sings sweetly to me, summizes that we are still alone, despite the open invitation, to remain with what our minds fancy. We can create alone, hoping that another might stumble upon us. And one did! You cannot visualize any longer our love or deep satisfaction in how your striking words are amplified in this poem, I feel the longing, one waiting for the indifferent world to look her way.
I struggle to fully appreciate the words of the departed, white case or not, knowing they are no longer with us to continue their message. We have an appetite to know how it worked out. Would there be a happy ending we can savor, let echo in our souls, since we have not the strength to realize our own satisfactory stories end.
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*Star* WDC Angel Army *Star* is celebrating our dear departed Writing.Com friends with a White Case Memorial for the month of October.
This is a sad but interesting poem that ends on a happier note. Each couplet intoned the title and really dug into this theme where as human, the writer, finds a connection on earth is not that easy. The poet in the end discovers one true attendant in his life with faith.
The lines from a prompt were given deeper meaning than just cliche words on the face of it. We're all off our leash in life. We find little support or love for what we do, what happens to us. We feel alone without, at least, a spiritual connection. This poem finds comfort in knowing we will be received in the afterlife, if we trust and obey the one who made life possible.
Simple, rhyming couplets that do what they intend: tell a story of loneliness and faith. Moving to see one's steadfast connection in faith.
WDC Angel Army is celebrating our dear departed Writing.Com friends with a White Case Memorial for the month of October.
This is a sad but interesting poem that ends on a happier note. Each couplet intoned the title and really dug into this theme where as human, the writer, finds a connection on earth is not that easy. The poet in the end discovers one true attendant in his life with faith.
The lines from a prompt were given deeper meaning than just cliche words on the face of it. We're all off our leash in life. We find little support or love for what we do, what happens to us. We feel alone without, at least, a spiritual connection. This poem finds comfort in knowing we will be received in the afterlife, if we trust and obey the one who made life possible.
Simple, rhyming couplets that do what they intend: tell a story of loneliness and faith. Moving to see one's steadfast connection in faith.
WDC Angel Army is celebrating our dear departed Writing.Com friends with a White Case Memorial for the month of October.
"According To You" is a beautifully titled poem of such empty pining for another who has not seen the poet as a viable love interest. This is the type of poem that fits perfect in a poet's wheelhouse. We are all emotionally driven to pump out such deep feelings of reflections -- sends us to paper to scrawl our words like emotional blood, permanent ink forever displayed here for a dear departed writer.
You cannot visualize any longer our love or deep satisfaction in how your striking words are amplified by your departure from our community. In this poem, I feel those eyes of the longing one waiting for the indifferent other to look her way. But, when his eyes do make their way around, they don't visualize the efforts to attract.
Some would say, this is a tender trap. We put ourselves out there for consumption, for affirmation. We try even harder to get the indifferent to react, as if this would really be an achievement. Leaves us to ask, what would you do once love is returned? Time for reflection if it was worth the trouble. Better to have loved and lost...or better to not have loved? Maybe, the latter.
He was an idiot for not noticing, after all. Other fish in the sea. Try a spot where you can throw 'em back, I say.
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Dear lost friend, you and I romanticized in a similar fashion. It's sad to have discovered you late. This is the type of poem that dreams alone, but begs the reader rest here with me and my visions. I could willingly escape to that place.
We dabble in the spiritual belief in fantasy. Such words emotionally driven to pump out deep feelings of reflections -- sends poet to paper to scrawl words like emotional blood, permanent, forever displayed here as our dear departed writer.
That first verse of free verse can put a reader in a trance. We are willed to realize anything we want in that tender spot in our mind, only openly shared by you. There is no room for rejection. We are welcomed, unafraid put ourselves out there for consumption, for affirmation.
This sings sweetly to me, summizes that we are still alone, despite the open invitation, to remain with what our minds fancy. We can create alone, hoping that another might stumble upon us. And one did! You cannot visualize any longer our love or deep satisfaction in how your striking words are amplified in this poem, I feel the longing, one waiting for the indifferent world to look her way.
I struggle to fully appreciate the words of the departed, white case or not, knowing they are no longer with us to continue their message. We have an appetite to know how it worked out. Would there be a happy ending we can savor, let echo in our souls, since we have not the strength to realize our own satisfactory stories end.
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